


The Establishment: Gerard Butler/Jonny Lee Miller (2003)

by Lanna Michaels (lannamichaels), valuna, zillah975



Series: Establishment - Ger/JL [2]
Category: The Establishment (Roleplaying Game)
Genre: BDSM, Kink, Role-Playing Game, The Establishment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-11-18
Updated: 2003-12-25
Packaged: 2018-01-14 11:57:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 53
Words: 87,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1265638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lannamichaels/pseuds/Lanna%20Michaels, https://archiveofourown.org/users/valuna/pseuds/valuna, https://archiveofourown.org/users/zillah975/pseuds/zillah975





	1. Introduction

In 2003, I followed Luna into joining the Establishment RPG on Journalfen. She was writing Jonny Lee Miller and I started writing Gerard Butler, his co-star on Dracula 2000. Together, we wrote the Gerard Butler/Jonny Lee Miller storyline until 2008. The storyline included a lot of other characters and other writers.

Luna died on March 5th, 2010. Since then, I've been wanting to upload Ger/JL to AO3, and have done bits and pieces towards organizing it, but never did it. (It helped that I'd previously had an inking towards archiving and had done organizing while it was still going on.) Journalfen has been very wonky lately and that was the incentive I needed to actually start to do this.

I haven't edited the logs between JF and here. This is the storyline as best as I can reconstruct it.

-Lanna

* * *

Player/pup list (in progress):

Character Journal  |  Character Name  |  Author Username   
---|---|---  
alexis  |  Alexis Denisof  |  aq   
alexkingston  |  Alex Kingston  |  thalassatx   
angel  |  Angelina Jolie   
angelina  |  Angelina Jolie   
ashton  |  Ashton Kutcher   
billy_boyd  |  Billy Boyd  |  MSilverstar   
billy_crudup  |  Billy Crudup  |  jennandanica   
c_a_moss  |  Carrie-Anne Moss  |  telesilla   
christian_bale  |  Christian Bale  |  dragonkal   
cillian_murphy  |  Cillian Murphy  |  steelbutterfly   
eliaskoteas_dfw  |  Elias Koteas  |  Doreene   
eric_bana  |  Eric Bana  |  jennandanica   
est_marton  |  Marton Csokas  |  ktnb   
estbrandon  |  Brandon Flowers  |  dly7609   
ethan_hawke  |  Ethan Hawke  |  helens78   
ewan_mcgregor  |  Ewan McGregor  |  kyuuketsukirui   
fillion  |  Nathan Fillion  |  helens78   
gerard  |  Gerard Butler  |  lannamichaels   
guy_pearce  |  Guy Pearce   
harry_sinclair  |  Harry Sinclair  |  lunasv   
james_marsters  |  James Marsters  |  aq   
jason_isaacs  |  Jason Isaacs  |  darkrose   
jonathan_r_m  |  Jonathan Rhys-Meyers  |  padawanhilary   
jonnyleemiller  |  Jonny Lee Miller  |  lunasv   
judel  |  Jude Law  |  texta   
karl_urban  |  Karl Urban  |  jennandanica   
liam  |  Liam Neeson  |  telesilla   
lutz  |  Mark Lutz  |  zillah975   
mattdamon  |  Matt Damon  |  lannamichaels   
mcconaughey  |  Matthew McConaughey   
natalie_portman  |  Natalie Portman  |  yueni   
orlandobloom  |  Orlando Bloom  |  deleerium   
peterwing  |  Peter Wingfield  |  lunasv   
pierce_b  |  Pierce Brosnan  |  helens78   
purefoy  |  James Purefoy  |  fiercy   
rpgstipe  |  Michael Stipe   
sean_bean  |  Sean Bean  |  helens78   
sexysadie  |  Sadie Frost  |  texta   
shadow_tom  |  Tom Hardy  |  padawanhilary   
stephend  |  Stephen Dorff   
stownsend  |  Stuart Townsend  |  hystericalblond   
viggo_m  |  Viggo Mortensen  |  dragonkal 


	2. jonnyleemiller: OOC: Pertinent facts

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[03](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/03/)-[13](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/03/13/) 16:24:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=15608&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=15608) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=15608) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=15608&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_****OOC: Pertinent facts****_  
Caveat: Needs to be updated.

[For player/pup reference when dealing with Jonny Lee. This file will be continually updated and links added to pertinent tidbits.]

Here's what your pups would most likely know about Jonny Lee, just from general talk and what you can gather on the Net and in the trades:  
  
 **Jonny Lee Miller**  
 **Birth:** Kingston, Surrey, England, on November 15, 1972.  
 **Nicknames:** Teak, but only Gerard calls him that. Ewan and Jude tend to call him Jonny rather than Jonny Lee. And on occasion he'll answer to Lee.  
 **Family:** Son of actor-turned-TV producer Alan Miller and grandson of Bernard Lee (hence the extra middle name), who was the only M who mattered in the James Bond films.  
He was married to Angelina Jolie, officially from 1996 to 1999 but it really only lasted about a year before it started disintegrating.  
Has been longtime friends with Jude Law and Ewan McGregor, since they were in their late teens.  
 **Height:** 5'10ish.  
 **Hair:** Naturally a light blondish-brown. Dyed blond on the tips now and cut short, very punkish.  
 **Eyes:** Hazel. Wear glasses/contacts, but mostly [these glasses](http://www.eyeglasses-direct.com/cdimages_lg/AUSTJKPi.jpg).  
 **Markings:** Left ear pierced in two places; wearing simple studs right now. Has numerous tattoos, including rat at his right elbow, snake on left inner forearm, the word Kingston on right upper inner arm, black-inked Scorpio zodiac mark at the left side of his waist, handcuffs on back right shoulder blade and fangs on inner left thigh.  
 **Current situation:** Living in London's Primrose Hill neighborhood with his lover and Master, Gerard Butler.  
 **Non-sexual hobbies:** Running, video games, listening to music, has done sky-diving and bike riding. </b>  
 **Career:** Jonny Lee made his first TV appearance at 11 and left his Kingston-upon-Thames school at 17 to pursue his acting career. After the inevitable spells of unemployment and temporary jobs (porter at the Hard Rock Cafe, usher at the Theatre Royal, Drury Lane), he turned up in several episodes of _EastEnders_ and had his first significant film role in the 1995 cyber thriller _Hackers_ , followed immediately by _Trainspotting_. Last film was _Mindhunters_ , in which he took over a role from Gerard Butler; that's due out this summer.

  
**General character:** The most noticeable thing about Jonny Lee is his shyness. It's terminal. And it creates an "effin' adorable" quality that he really doesn't work at. He has a slight inferiority complex in that he doesn't think himself very smart, or at least book smart, and he can come across as quite naive. Once he's comfortable with a person, he will open up and talk. He is polite to a fault, which lends itself well to his naturally submissive nature.

**Jonny Lee and sex:** If it hurts, it's good. Jonny Lee's a late bloomer where kink's concerned, and he's eager to try new things, everything.  
His first sexual experiences were het to the max, always a bird on arm even when he wasn't sure why they were there.  
He sucked off his first guy at the age of 17 while working at Hard Rock Cafe in London and found that not only did he like it, but he had quite the talent for it. Still liked the girls though and went both ways for a long time. First guy he fucked was Ewan McGregor during filming of _Trainspotting_ when he was about 23. Much preferred being fucked to fucking, and never took to the topping side of things, 'cept with Ewan and later when ordered to.  
In 1996, he fell under the spell of Angelina Jolie and married her. The wedding featured the groom in black leather and the bride with her husband-to-be's name written in blood on her white shirt. If the boy didn't know what kink was then, he found out quickly, along with picking up on Angie's intense interest in knives.

**Jonny Lee and Gerard Butler** : They met while filming _Dracula_ in the summer of 1999, Jonny Lee fresh off the divorce and more bi-curious than ever. After a bit of dancing around each other, they connected and began a "he's my boyfriend" relationship that wasn't well-publicized, even among their friends. It fell apart in late 2002, when Gerard got frustrated with Jonny Lee's obsession for video games and lack of "being a boyfriend" and walked out. Two weeks later, he suggested Jonny Lee for the role in _Mindhunters_ that he was giving up to do _Timeline_. In November 2003, Gerard came back and they made up, moved in together in Jonny Lee's house.  
The relationship is serious d/s and heavy kink, and while neither of them wants to take it to the extreme level of master-slave, Jonny Lee leans more in that direction, opting to call Gerard Master and adopt a formal speech.  


**Any friends-locked entry will be visible to the following pups, unless otherwise noted:** [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/profile)[**lutz**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/) , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[**sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/) , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/profile)[**stownsend**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/) , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ethan_hawke/profile)[**ethan_hawke**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ethan_hawke/) , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/judel/profile)[**judel**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/judel/) , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lin_fiorentino/profile)[**lin_fiorentino**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lin_fiorentino/) , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/profile)[**ewan_mcgregor**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/) , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/james_marsters/profile)[**james_marsters**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/james_marsters/) , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/billy_crudup/profile)[**billy_crudup**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/billy_crudup/) , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/c_a_moss/profile)[**c_a_moss**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/c_a_moss/) , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/angelina/profile)[**angelina**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/angelina/) , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jason_isaacs/profile)[**jason_isaacs**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jason_isaacs/) , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/liam/profile)[**liam**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/liam/)

**And a few things the RL Jonny Lee's said that are reflected the game version:**  
  
"I've had a problem with nude scenes. Afraid the whole idea of large quantities of people seeing you naked really. Disturbing. I had to do one for _Complicity_. I was shit scared, man, terrified."

"To say that people deserve it because they're famous is just absolutely ridiculous. Being photographed outside a nightclub doesn't bother me. But when people buy pictures from photographers who are outside your house all day, which really messes up your kids, it's kind of sad, really, and pointless."

And Jonny Lee Miller is a revelation. He's so timid that he bolts after just half an hour. ("You're lucky he turned up at all," says Sadie Frost. "He hates photographs.") He's shy, but likes talking and will willingly discuss his own weaknesses, in contrast to the others, who present a united "take us or leave us" front. "Sometimes you can have a great part and be crap in it," he says, like a small boy.

"The person I read about isn't me. I'm supposed to be some sort of party animal, but that couldn't be further from the truth."  


  


* * *

  


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	3. gerard: OOC: Gerard Bio

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[04](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/04/)-[08](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/04/08/) 09:21:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=28474&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=28474) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=28474) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=28474&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_****OOC: Gerard Bio****_  
[For player/pup reference when dealing with Gerard. This file will be continually updated and links added to pertinent tidbits. Much love to [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lunasv/profile)[**lunasv**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lunasv/) for the idea.]

**Name:** Gerard James Butler  
 **Nicknames:** Gerry, Pire (Jonny Lee only)  
 **Birth:** November 13th, 1969 in Glasgow, Scotland, though he was raised primarily in Paisley, Scotland. He lived in Canada when he was a toddler, but does not remember any of it.  
 **Family:** His father left them when Gerard was young and Gerard didn't see him again until he was sixteen. Gerry has a mother, a stepfather, an older sister, and an older brother.  
 **Height:** 6'2"  
 **Hair:** Dark brown that approaches black.  
 **Eyes:** Conflicting reports. Green/gray/blue.  
 **Markings:** None. In game, he has a cross-shaped dagger tattooed onto his right shoulder and the letters "JLM" on the small of his back.  
 **Currently:** Single. In game, he lives with his lover, [Jonny Lee Miller](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller).  
 **Non-sexual hobbies:** Reading. Football. Has a rock band.  
 **Tidbits:** Does not drink alcohol. Enjoys being in sex scenes.  
 **Career:** Gerry studied to become a lawyer and actually was one for two years before deciding that he was horrible at it and so he stopped and became an actor. Has been in several movies, but hasn't had his "break out" role yet, though some say that occurred with his role in _Lara Croft 2_ with Jonny Lee's ex, Angelina Jolie. Gerry appears in the new screen version of _The Phantom of the Opera_ , scheduled for release December/Christmas 2004.

**General character:** Gerry is extremely blunt. He is polite to a fault and sees no reason not to call everyone by their title. Gerry believes that it never hurts you to call someone 'sir' who doesn't deserve it, and if it makes their lives better, then what's the harm? Gerry's a nice guy, though a bit of a worrier and a brooder. He's also very possessive, but he does his best not to let it show because he thinks it will scare people away. He's pretty gay and pretty dominant, but he's been known to break the latter for a few choice people. Generally, he's rather chivalrous towards ladies, and thinks it would be pretty keen to watch one fuck his boy.

**Game Bio:** Gerry was introduced to kink during his teenage years when he rented the wrong porno. It was femdom het and Gerry spent many hours imaging himself in the role of the woman. In college he found his way into many nightclubs and bars that catered to that sort of thing. His good friend for a long time, a punk by the name of Conner, was also getting into the kink at the same time. Conner's a submissive and he and Gerry dated for a year. After fucking around for a while, they entered into a barely-contracted d/s relationship, with Gerry as master and Conner as boy. The relationship lasted for two years before Gerry realized that he couldn't give Conner what Conner needed. The two parted on good terms.

Conner and Gerry were working for the same solicitor and the knife kept turning every time he saw him, so Gerry quit and started waiting tables and doing other sorts of dead-end jobs that struggling actors gravitate towards. He got a few roles in stage productions, most notably the character of Renton in _Trainspotting_. On his way home for a visit, he planned in a trip to Edinburgh. At the train station in Glasgow, he ran into Conner and Conner's new master. Gerry was so affected by this that he hit the first kinked bar he knew about in Edinburgh and took a guy back to his rented flat. Gerry had had one drink too many and the boy was high. Gerry gave him twenty lashes and then ran out.

He stopped drinking, cleaned up his act, and got his first television role. He stayed well away from the kinky side of things until one day he ran into [Peter Wingfield](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing). Peter brought Gerry home and taught him the joys of submission. He also introduced him to the Establishment. After two weeks, Gerry left Peter.

In the summer of 1999, Gerry met Jonny Lee Miller on the set of _Dracula 2000_. They hit it off immediately and boinked like bunnies throughout the shoot. After it was over, however, trouble started up. Gerry was unhappy with the way Jonny Lee was always so immersed in video games and was never the "proper" sort of boyfriend. Fed up, he walked out. He called up Jonny Lee a few weeks later to tell him that he had recommended him for the role in _Mindhunters_ , and they had no further contact until Gerry broke the silence in November 2003.

Since November, Gerry and Jonny Lee's relationship has grown more formal and much kinkier. Gerry's nervous about taking Jonny Lee too far and he's doing his best to make sure he keeps Jonny Lee this time around.

**The Nicknames:**

Dracula = Vampire = 'Pire  
Simon = Antiques Dealer = Antique = Tique = Teak

[See Alley Sex](http://www.journalfen.net/talkread.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=21329)

**Friends-Locked** entries are viewable only to: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexis/profile)[**alexis**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexis/) , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/billy_crudup/profile)[**billy_crudup**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/billy_crudup/) , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/christian_bale/profile)[**christian_bale**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/christian_bale/) , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/profile)[**eliaskoteas_dfw**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/) , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/profile)[**est_marton**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/) , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/profile)[**harry_sinclair**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/) , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/profile)[**karl_urban**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/) , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/profile)[**lutz**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/) , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/profile)[**peterwing**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/) , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/profile)[**stownsend**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/).

Useful Links:

\- [Backstory Fics](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memories.bml?user=gerard&keyword=Backstory&filter=all) (Gerry/JL)

\- [Entries dealing with Conner](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memories.bml?user=gerard&keyword=Conner&filter=all)

\- [Any and all to do with Peter](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memories.bml?user=gerard&keyword=Peter&filter=all)

\- [Jonny Lee's bio](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/15608.html)

\- [Alternate Universe: The Road Not Taken](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memories.bml?user=gerard&keyword=AU&filter=all)

\- [GerardButler.net](http://www.gerardbutler.net)  


  


* * *

  


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	4. Introduction

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2003](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/11/)-[18](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/11/18/) 18:19:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=386&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=386) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=386) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=386&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**E-mail to[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)**_[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
To: jlm@establishment.rpg  
From: gerard@establishment.rpg  
Subject: Coming into London from over the border...

Flight gets into Heathrow around seven. What do you say to picking me up at the airport and taking me somewhere where dirty talk can occur? Want to hear all the details of your latest exploits up close and personal.

Missed you, Teak.

~Ger

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/386.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

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	5. gerard: Ger and Jonny Lee - Tuesday Night

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2003](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/11/)-[18](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/11/18/) 23:33:00   
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> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=1007&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=1007) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=1007) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=1007&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Ger and Jonny Lee - Tuesday Night** _

Gerard gets off the plane, duffel bag slung over one shoulder. It was a long flight and he's glad it's over. While there's much to be said for flying first class, being cooped up in a seat for hours is still confinement. He pulls his claim ticket out of his back pocket and heads to Baggage Claim.

Jonny Lee's trying to look casual and nondescript in sunglasses, his hair a bit longer than it should be. Nice thing about not being famous, well like the rest of the Brit Pack, is that he can pass for everyday nobody when he wants to. And right now he wants to, 'cause it'd be awfully hard to explain why Jonny Lee Miller's trying not to dance in the middle of Heathrow's baggage claim. He's scouring the crowd for Gerard. Not hard to spot, 6-foot-2, brown hair and gorgeous. Jonny Lee taps his foot again. _Fucking don't need a hard-on here and now._

Gerard maneuvers his way off the escalator, careful not to jostle the crowds too much. He's had a good track record with not being recognized and doesn't want to ruin it now. He's dressed in black jeans and a black polo shirt, black leather belt. He heard somewhere that people try to avoid those that look like escapees from a funeral home.

Baggage claim isn't quite where he remembers it, and so it takes some tweaking from the signs before he sees the familiar carousels. _Now the eternal question. Did Jonny Lee get the message in time?_

Jonny Lee climbs on one of the locked-down chairs, teetering on one foot, catches a glimpse of a familiar frame. And all in black. He nearly falls, the bulk of a solid Englishman breaking his downward movement. He catches himself, lands both feet on the floor and looks up. "Sorry, sir," he says hurriedly. "Just looking for me boyfriend." _Shite. Did I just say boyfriend. God._ And before the stranger can respond, he's off, through the crowd toward the carousel he saw Gerard heading for.

The preliminary suitcases are just coming down the slide when Gerard spots some blurred movement out of the corner of his eye. He turns, lets the duffel fall off his shoulder, and watches as Jonny Lee bumps and pushes his way through the crowd.

"Hi, Pire." Simple greeting. Maybe too familiar. Or not nearly enough. But it's what spills out of Jonny Lee's mouth as he slides to a stop at Gerard's feet. "Got luggage? Or is that it?" He motions to the duffel bag.

Gerard wraps one arm around Jonny Lee into a hesitant hug. Time's passed. Teak's more famous now. "Two other duffels. Such a pity. I've only two arms."

"And you can't hug me all the way to the car." Jonny Lee doesn't actively pull out of the hug, but doesn't press into it. They're in public; there has to be just a modicum of common sense. "I'll get 'em. They off yet?"

Gerard pulls back quickly. "Didn't see. So you'll help carry? Good. Means I don't have to leave your present behind."

Jonny Lee's smile widens. "You got me a pressie?" He can't control the surprise in his voice. _I thought we weren't talking._ He looks around for the bags, grabbing what Gerard points out coming off the carousel.

"Well, not so much that sort of present. I just saw it and thought of you." Gerard picks up his carry-on and rummages through one of the outer pockets. He pulls out a poorly wrapped oblong package.

The smile erupts into laughter as Jonny Lee sees the object. Its shape leads his imagination off on adult toy store tangents. "I'm supposed to open it here?" He adjust the duffels, one on either shoulder; they're not heavy, but then again he remembers Gerard understands how to pack for efficiency.

"Yeah." Gerard hands it over. "It's nothing kinky, or anything like that. Wasn't even all that expensive. But it reminded me of everything you liked and stuff you've told me and -," Gerard decides to shut up while he can. "Just, here."

Jonny Lee takes the gift and starts unwrapping it, noticing very casually how the crowd is starting to thin out, a few moments' break before the next planeload swarms the area. "We ought to get going, while we can walk."

"Right." But he delays a little while longer, just to see Jonny Lee's eyes as he sees it. It wasn't anything big, just a little something in a side shop. But it was the first thing in Prague that reminded him of Teak.

Jonny Lee continues unwrapping the gift, very cautiously, and laughs when he finishes, taking the [pen knife](http://www.yestereve.com/establishment/penknife.jpg) out of the box. "Cool. Is it what I think? A real pen knife." The smile he unleashes on Gerard is nearly infectious. "I can write _and_ cut?"

Gerard can't help but return the grin. "Yeah. Maybe we could test it out later?"

"Really?" Jonny Lee stuffs the gift in his coat pocket. "C'mon, then, let's get you home."

Gerard follows Jonny Lee out to his car, taking the opportunity to study Jonny Lee's ass in detail.

Jonny Lee tosses the bags in the back seat, unpockets his gift and tucks it in-between the front seats. "Trust me to drive?" he asks, leaning over the top of the car. "I think I still know the way." The implication's there, left unsaid; it's been a long time since Jonny Lee's been to Gerard's place.

"Drive all you want," Gerard replies easily. "When you get lost, feel free to ask for directions."

"Guys don't ask for directions." Jonny Lee settles into the car, starts the engine and pulls out of the lot.

Gerard gets in, gives him a pointed look as he buckles his seatbelt. "But boys do."

"Yes, sir." Jonny Lee doesn't need a road map to understand the underlying tone. He starts asking for directions, before any turn, every half mile, as they head back into town.

Hearing Jonny Lee ask, in that tone, with those words, do more than enough to get Gerard interested. "Stop asking. Start talking."

"About what?" _How I missed you? How I'm feeling like shit these days 'cause no one's around? How I want things now that I didn't want then?_ "How was Prague?" He decides that's a starting point, even if it is a question.

"Cold. Serene. Ancient. How're the caterpillars in your lawn?" At Jonny Lee's look, Gerard shrugs. "Just making conversation."

"They're fine." He shrugs, laughs. "Some of 'em might start spinning soon."

"Hmm. Have you discussed this with them? After all, they're tenants."

"Thought I'd wait and see what they turn out to be. Monarchs I'll negotiate with." They've come to an intersection that looks familiar. Jonny Lee pauses. "Did I take a wrong turn? You don't live this close to my place."

Gerard had hoped it'd take Jonny Lee a little longer to realize where they were going. But the fact that it's taken this long says a little more about how much time he's spent in the neighborhood. "Would this be a good time to ask if I could sleep over? I lease it out and contract isn't over for a few weeks."

"You actually want to stay with me?" Jonny Lee blurts out the question before he can process, rephrase it.

"I do."

"Sure. Not a problem." Jonny Lee makes the turn; he's just a few blocks from his house now. "I'll have to clean out the guest room," he says, as if it's a natural progression in the conversation. He's not making any assumptions. "Looks like a computer store blew up in there."

"You don't need to," Gerard says without thinking, then stops. "I'll help."

Jonny Lee's shoulders drop, almost imperceptible. It's not the answer he was wanting. The one he was expecting, though. "Cool." In a few minutes, he's pulling into his drive. "We'll have to order in if you want dinner. Not much in the kitchen right now." He shuts off the car. "Wasn't expecting a house guest."

There's no car in the driveway and there aren't any lights on in the house. "It occurs to me that I don't know your living arrangements."

"It's just me, the stereo, computer and, oh yeah, Jude sent me a new Eye Toy for my birthday. Wicked cool."

So no roommate. No live-in lover. Gerard'd figured that Jonny Lee would have told him if there was one, but it's always better to err on the side of caution in this sort of thing. "Eye Toy? Don't think I've ever heard of them."

"Oh, it's this new gaming system. Takes everything to the next limit." Jonny Lee rambles on for a few minutes as he's grabbing the bags from the back seat and heading to the house. Looks back, realizes Gerard's just sort of staring at him. He stops talking. "And you don't really care, do you?"

"Wha-no, I care." _How am I supposed to explain the way he looks when he's all excited about something, when he's in his own little world?_ "Got sick of my Playstation?"

"Well, no, it's still hooked up. Was playing the other day." Jonny Lee stops, doesn't add the "while making an obscene phone call with Steph," but substitutes a smile. "You know me and games."

"You forget to eat."

"And sleep."

"Don't I know it."

"I didn't keep you up _that_ many nights, Pire." Jonny Lee's up the stairs and unlocking the front door. "Ms. Croft and I played very quietly while you slept." He pushes the door open. "Want me to get the other bag? Or you got it?"

"Twice a week is 'not that many nights'," Gerard grumbles under his breath. "You don't need a game system to play with her, anyway."

"Huh?" Jonny Lee only half-hears what Gerard is saying. "You still talking to me?"

Gerard rolls his eyes, checks his watch. Only an hour back and already they're into the same old thing. "Yeah. But never mind."

Once inside, Jonny Lee drops the bags on the floor where the hallway leads off to the bedrooms. "You want anything. Dinner? Like I said, we'll have to order." He's turning as Gerard comes in the door. "Drink, though? There is alcohol in the house."

Gerard drops his carry-on on top of his checked bags and stretches out his shoulder. "You on your knees would be nice," he muses. "Is that on the menu?"

"Would you like it to be?" The instinct is to say "sir, yes, sir" and drop to his knees, but Jonny Lee's not sure everything's the same as it was before. "If you want."

"Order Chinese, then come back and kneel for me." While Teak's busy on the phone, Gerard can do some much needed cleaning up. He needs a shower.

"Yes, sir." Jonny Lee heads to the kitchen, retrieves the take-away menu from his favorite delivery place, yellow and marked with their usuals, and puts in the order. He can't help but grin sloppily the whole time. Maybe things are looking up.

Gerard strips in Jonny Lee's bedroom. While there are two baths, he doubts Jonny Lee keeps the other one stocked. He intends to use up all the hot water and then some. Muscles are tight like hell.

"Dinner's on the way. Should be here in 45 minutes or so." Jonny Lee's talking as he walks back into the living room. Looks up, realizes Gerard's not there. He listens, hears the water running and smiles. Damned easy to fall back into familiar places. "Kneeling, he said. Didn't specify where. Or how." He walks to the stereo, cues up a CD from the carousel and starts it playing, lightly bouncing to the irreverent beat. After a few minutes, he settles in the middle of the floor on his knees. Nothing formal, just down there.

Gerard relaxes at the hot spray works its way into his muscles, beating against his back. Jonny Lee's soap's in the soap dish and Gerard hums absently as he suds himself up and washes off. _Christ, I needed this._

Jonny Lee finds himself singing along with the tracks. Mindless alternative Brit band. His mind's racing through varied thoughts, a pinball rushing to get down the track to the flippers. "What's he want? Stop second-guessing yourself. You. Yeah, like that's true. Had me. Didn't keep me." _And you didn't give him any reason._ Jonny Lee frowns, wants the voice in his head to shut up. Studies the floor instead.

Gerard shampoos his hair, doing his best to metaphorically rinse out of the dirt of the road. He's beginning to let jet lag catch up to him and his mind tells him that the sleep he got on the plane wasn't good enough. Hopefully Teak isn't in one of his moods. "Where do you keep the towels?" He calls out, hoping his voice will carry over the water and through the walls.

"There's a stack behind the screen," Jonny Lee shouts back. _Am I supposed to run in there and dry him off._ Thought ricochets, brain to groin, causing Jonny Lee to shift his weight. He opts to stay on his knees, much more comfortable waiting.

Gerard reaches out blindly, hand connects with a lumpy pile. Pulls one out at random, uses it to dry off his hair. "Bathrobe?"

Jonny Lee sighs. _So much for not moving._ "Shite, it's in the bedroom. Want me to get it?"

"Or just bring me my grey sweats from my bag." _No chance in hell I'm going around his house naked._

"Sure thing." Jonny Lee drops to hands and knees and crawls over to where he'd dropped the bags, more because it's easier than standing up at the moment than anything else. Grabbing the sweats, he stands and walks to the bathroom. "Here you go," he says, pushing open the door. The sight's all too nice. Something he hasn't seen in a while. Gerard, hair still dripping, grey-green eyes staring at him. "Um, dinner's on the way. Half hour, give or take." His eyes are following the edge of the towel down, and he absently licks his lip.

Gerard notices the path of Jonny Lee's eyes, grins. "See something you like?"

There's no reason to lie. "Yeah. A lot."

"See something you _want_?" No need to fight fair.

_Ask and you shall receive. Isn't that how it goes._ Jonny Lee nods slowly. "Yes." Smiles. "Sir."

"Very well." He takes the sweat pants from Jonny Lee and puts them on. "On your knees. Now!"

"Yes, sir!" You'd never see Jonny Lee drop so fast.

"I heard you went out last night."

"Yes, sir. I did. You were still in Prague and you hadn't called."

"I was avoidably detained. Barmaid and all. Who'd you do?"

"Just some guy. Who was tall, with grey eyes."

"Gotta name, boy, or am I going to have to beat it out of you?"

"I didn't ask a name. Sir. He was somebody Steph found." Jonny Lee lowers his voice. "Resembled you."

Voice softens. "Did you miss me?"

"Yes, sir." Jonny Lee's nearly whispering. "Your boy missed you a great deal."

"Did you wank for me?"

"Yes, sir. Every day, just like you said."

Hands deep in pocket, he starts massaging his cock. "Details."

Jonny Lee swallows, licks his lips, wants to be the one touching that cock. "I'd start in the jeans you like. The ripped ones that are stained with your cum and my blood. And the black t-shirt, the one I was wearing the first time you fucked me. " Jonny Lee is kneeling up, hands locked on each other behind his back. "I'd make myself hard before I took them off, rubbing slowly over the denim, thinking about you and how you liked to touch me when others looked away, how you'd make me hard before each shot, make me wait."

Gerard's fingers are playing over his cock through the thin cloth of his pocket. The pants are so thin he could feel the heat in his hand. "I'm a fucking cocktease. Told you that first time we met."

"And I love you for it. " Jonny Lee looks up, smiles. "When I'm hard, I'll pull my shirt up, tease my nipples like you do. Rub them, pebble them till I'm aching. Then I take the clamps, that pair of rubber-tipped clips you bought, and I put them on. It's always a sharp pain at first, sudden no matter how many times I do it."

Gerard takes note of that. "Do you tug at them?"

"Yes." Jonny Lee smiles, like a child who's discovered the secret to getting the cookie jar down off the shelf without anyone knowing. "Chain's long enough I can hold it in my teeth. And if I jerk my head just so." He tilts his head back. "It's almost like having your hands on me."

Gerard closes the space between them with a few slightly-limping steps and crouches down. He feels for Jonny Lee's nipples through his long-sleeve tee and pinches. "Almost like _this_?"

"That's better," Jonny Lee rasps out, a gasp from the unexpected touch. "And then," he tries to focus on his words, knowing Gerard expects him to continue, "I press down on the denim again, palm pushing along the zipper. I'm rock hard by this time. It's agonizing to get even think about getting it down." Real life is mimicking his story. Gerard's twisting pinches shoot straight to his cock, stiffening it almost immediately.

"And how," _twist_ , "long does it usually take you to come?"

"Depends, sir. Sometimes I force myself to hold it." Jonny Lee licks his lips. "I know you like that. But if I don't, it's quick." He can feel it building, where his thighs are tightening to hold himself up, in the shooting sparks from nipple to sac.

Gerard wonders how long it would take him to make Jonny Lee come just by tweaking his nipples. "Force yourself."

"Yes, sir." Jonny Lee cringes at the command. He's so hard already. He closes his eyes, focuses on his breathing, tries to tamp down the stirring, the desire. And, fuck it all to hell, doesn't help to actually have Gerard here, in the room, doing that. Helluva lot easier when he was half a continent away. He bites at his lower lip as Gerard's fingers torture his nipples.

Gerard squeezes them tighter. "You want to know what I thought about when _I_ wanked?"

Jonny Lee's body shudder-convulses from the touch. He grimaces, not wanting to answer, knowing that if he hears the answer, it'll ricochet from his ears to his cock and set off a chain reaction. "What?" he asks against all rational thought, very little of which he's having at the moment. "Please tell me, sir."

"Well," Gerard shifts, wishing he had a hand on his cock, stroking it, while he attended to Jonny Lee's nipples. Then remembers. "Jonny Lee, touch my cock."

He unlocks his hands and reaches one around, tentatively touching the cotton sweats, palming Gerard's hardness through the fabric. He brings his other hand around and hooks his fingers on the waistband, raises his eyes, waiting for approval to continue. Gerard hadn't been specific in the command, and Jonny Lee's not wanting to assume.

"With your hand," Gerard clarifies with a smirk. He tweaks Jonny Lee's nipples a little more. "Bare hand."

Jonny Lee pulls the waistband out with both hands, pushing it down Gerard's hips. He's trying not to be too eager, although he hasn't had this more months than he wants to count. It's just as good as he remembers, too, long and full and, he touches a fingertip to flesh near the base, yes, responsive. He wraps his hand over and under Gerard's cock, and stills himself. Gerard had said touch. Only touch.

Gerard has to still himself from jumping into Jonny Lee's hand. Nice and warm. Friendly, too. "A recurring fantasy. Starring you. Spread-eagled face down on the bed. War paint all over your back, down into your ass."

Jonny Lee adds his other hand, cupping cock and balls together. He wants to do more, can feel his tongue slipping in and out between his teeth, running over intensely dry lips, all in anticipation. "Was I," he starts, "tied down?" Eyes look down at the question, almost as if he shouldn't've asked it.

"Who's telling the story, me or you?" Stern. Don't let him know how much he's getting to you. _I should have listened and gotten laid sometime in the last three months._

"Sorry, Pire. Tell me more." He looks up, hands on his once-lover's cock, eyes flickering with the unspoken questions, wants. "Please, sir."

Gerard reaches out to brace an arm against the wall. _He looks amazing on his knees. And if he calls me 'sir' one more time, I might just come._ "No, you weren't tied down. You lay perfectly still. Incense in small bowls and black candles. Black sheets. Virgin sacrifice to the foreign god." Lips curl into a sinister smile. "Me."

Jonny Lee's fighting an uphill battle of wills. He wants to move his hands, stroke along the length of the cock in his hands, take it in his mouth and greedily suck it down till it chokes him. "May I do more than touch, sir?" He's working into the headspace; not a formal place, just something they played at between takes.

"Yes." Bites off before it can become a hiss. "Swallow me down, Teak."

It's a command Teak has no trouble with. He guides Gerard's cock into his mouth, tongue sliding along the underside, pressing up. He swallows, relaxes his throat and sucks down the cock as far as it'll go, feeling its tip tease at the back of his throat. Sheer bliss, he thinks, better than anyone else.

Gerard's eyes close of their own will, but he forces them open when he belatedly remembers that the one he'd imagine is on his knees in front of him. Gerard's fingers find purchase in Teak's hair and he forces his head forward.

Completely in Teak's head, not Jonny Lee's, that place where only one person takes him, he sinks, letting himself be pulled forward. He slips his hands up and clutches at Gerard's hips, bracing himself, forcing his knees not to give, not to move, to take every last inch crashing over his gag reflex.

Teak hollows his cheeks, sucks even harder at the cock consuming his mouth, throat, feeling like it's slipping down into his lungs. Air coming in short gasps through his nose, brain focusing on remembering how to breathe that way, how to take Pire all the way, just like he wants.

Swallowing is easy. There's no alternative as Gerard comes fast and hard down his throat. He's digging his fingers into the flesh beneath them, nearly positive he's leaving half-moon indentations. He doesn't pull back until he's sure he's gotten every drop, and even then, he licks Gerard's cock clean. After that, when his mind is spiraling down, he realizes just how hard he is and how much he wants to deal with it.

Gerard slumps back against the wall. "Christ, boy..."

Kneeling back, all he can do is cock his head and smile. "Missed you, Pire" he breathes out.

"Brilliant way to show it." He's still catching his breath when he hears the muted chime of the doorbell. "Best you get it. Don't wipe your mouth off."

He starts to move, winces at the stiffness in his knees and thighs and, oh yeah, a major hardness in his cock. "Bloody hell," he mutters as he pulls himself up on the counter.

Gerard grins. "Yeah, in a few minutes you're probably going to doubt missing me all that much."

"Never," he says as he staggers out of the bathroom, bracing every so often against the hall wall on his way to the front door. He makes quick work of taking care of the delivery, giving the guy an extra big tip. "Where you wanna eat?" he shouts after he pushes the door shut.

"Off your back," Gerard mutters, shakes his head. _Getting ahead of yourself, Butler._ "Kitchen sounds lovely."

Jonny Lee heads to the kitchen with the bags, deposits them on the counter and starts unloading, box after box, nearly a seven-course meal laid out when he finishes.

Gerard pauses on his way down to pull out a white undershirt from his half-open bag. With that and the thin sweats, he looks properly disreputable. "Did you get me white rice?"

"White rice. Fried rice. Lo mein. Everything you could want." Jonny Lee grabs some bowls from a cabinet and chopsticks from a drawer.

Gerard stands in the doorway for a moment, savoring the sight of Teak being domestic. "You're still hard," he comments conversationally.

Jonny Lee shifts from foot to foot. "Yeah. You didn't say I could come." He goes on opening boxes, talking just as casually, in spite of the ache in his cock. "You want some of the egg foo yung?"

"No."

"Cool." He piles food on his plate, picks up a clean plate. "Tell me what you want and I'll dish it up."

Gerard isn't too particularly sophisticated. Give him something generic and he's happy. "Sesame chicken. Buffalo wings."

Jonny Lee fixes the order, slides the plate over to the other side of the bar. "There you go." He's still lightly bouncing, shifting weight every so often. He picks up his plate and spears a piece of the egg foo yung.

Gerard picks up his chopsticks and starts picking at the rice. "You never did tell me who taught you to suck like that."

"Nobody," Jonny Lee says casually, almost defiantly. "Ewan said I was a natural. Took to it right well." He stuffs vegetables and rice into his mouth, bounces his foot at the way "suck" comes off Gerard's lips.

"You'll have to tell me that one sometime. Maybe over..." Gerard lets himself trail off. "I want to fuck you."

Chopsticks stop in mid-air, rice falling off them back onto the plate. Jonny Lee just stares, his mouth open. He hadn't been sure he'd ever hear those words again.

Despite having just gotten sucked off, Gerard isn't too sure at the reception to his remark. "Is this going to be a problem?"

"Uh. No. Not at all." Jonny Lee puts the plate down, drops the chopsticks onto the counter and runs his hand through his hair, spiking it way more than it needs. "I wasn't going to assume you," pause, takes a deep breath, "that you wanted me like that, wanted me back. We ..." he stops, not sure how to phrase what happened between them.

Gerard frowns. "Jonny Lee, I want you back in any way you'll have me. I would have thought that was obvious. I e-mailed you, asked you for a favor. Came onto you in public. Teak, I want you."

"I know you did. I was psyched to hear from you. Hadn't in months. Was worried that ... " He stops, decides that maybe explanations might not be the best way to go. "I want you, too. Bad." Jonny Lee comes around the kitchen island, sidles up to Gerard. "I want to be back in your bed, Pire, " he says, slow wicked smile building, "being torn apart from the inside out."

Gerard pulls Jonny Lee onto his lap. "I want you there. I want to tear you apart."

"Then do it. Please. Right now." Jonny Lee's curling into the embrace. "Hurt me. Like you used to." He kisses the cotton over Gerard's nipple. "And more."

Gerard's breath catches in his throat. "How much more?"

"The things you talked about in New Orleans, how you could take me somewhere else, the difference between Jonny Lee and Teak." He traces his finger down Gerard's bare arm. "I want to go there, Pire. I want to be yours."

"And when," _Christ, everything I'd dared to dream of._ , "when did you reach this conclusion."

"I've been thinking about it. Joined this," pauses, "uh, group." Another pause. "And then I did this thing, this scene, the other night. Well, two, actually. I felt like I'd never felt before." His lips are parched, and licking them only makes them drier. "But it wasn't with you. That's all I could think of."

Gerard has a funny feeling about this group. He makes a mental note to check the member rolls if he's accepted back in. "What did you do with them?"

"Bruises and bites. I let Steph beat me with his belt." Jonny Lee's full on Gerard's lap now, pulling his legs up off the floor. "I really liked the pain."

Gerard wraps his arms around him and holds tight. "You've always liked biting. You just like it more now?"

"Yeah. Liked cutting, too, but Steph wouldn't do that. He was never into it." Jonny Lee's voice takes on a melodic quality, not childlike but definitely like he's somewhere else. "Would you bite me, Pire? Cut me? Make me yours?"

There's only one answer to that. There's only ever _been_ one answer to that. "Yes."

  


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	6. gerard: Greetings from London

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2003](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/11/)-[19](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/11/19/) 19:48:00   
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_**Greetings from London**_  
  
[public]

Back from Prague and the lag's mostly off. I plan on doing some sightseeing before shooting picks back up in studio next week.

I know this journaling system hooks into _somewhere_ , but in case it doesn't, I'm staying at Jonny Lee's and you can reach me there until I get my mobile reacclimated to the UK. If any of you are sights I should see, I'm free as a bird until next Wednesday. Let's set something up.

  


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	7. gerard: Let it go, Butler

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
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**Current mood:** |  indecisive  
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**Current music:** |  Techno Phantom Theme  
  
_**Let it go, Butler**_  
[Private]  
  
  
 _If you love something, let it go._  
  
I think that's how it goes. If it comes back to you, it was yours to begin with. And if it doesn't, it was never yours and you were just fooling yourself the entire time.  
  
I let him go. I came back to him. Wonder of wonders, he still wants me.  
  
  
  
Back when we first got started, I made a list. Things I was never going to tell Jonny Lee. Usually stupid things like, "I wanked last night to Trainspotting". Except that one was more that I knew he'd make a joke about me fancying Ewan and while he's a perfectly handsome man, he isn't...  
  
You're avoiding the issue, Butler.  
  
But how am I supposed to tell him that once, in Prague, in a hotel with paper-thin walls that we were staying at because of some disaster or another, I called out "TEAK!" so loud that for the next week, I couldn't do anything without having half the cast and crew snickering over my obscene fascination with wood.  
  
  
I bought him the knife because it reminded me of him, not of his cutting fascination, but because of that cross from Dracula. The one with the blade that shoots out of it. I was looking through novelty shops, looking for a cross that could double as a weapon. Something to remind me of him. But I saw the pen, recalled that the pen was mighter than the sword, and got it for him. I didn't know if I'd ever give it to him, but until I did, it was a reason to see him.  
  
  
Butler, you need to learn how to let go.  
  
  
He took me back. He wanted me back in his life. Mind you, this is after I pretty much ordered him to get his tight ass over to the airport and pick me up. Which he did, and then bought dinner. Sucked me off. I didn't let him come for a good long time.  
  
  
And he wants it like that, _Pire_. He likes it that way. You _know_ that. So get your head out of your ass and go talk to him.  
  


  


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	8. gerard: Safewords, Limits, and Forever

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
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_**Safewords, Limits, and Forever** _  
[players, not pups. Takes place November 20th, right after Ger and JL got back together.]

Gerard plops down on the couch next to Jonny Lee. Looks sideways downward. "Am I going to have to pry that from your cold dead fingers, or can we talk?"

"They're mutually exclusive?" Jonny Lee answers, not turning his head from the TV screen. He's concentrating on moving hired assassins through the museum.

"I plan on distracting you most thoroughly from," Gerard checks the box. "No, this can't be right. Doesn't look like Homer Simpson."

"Huh?" Jonny Lee missteps his assassin and he's taken down in a hailstorm of automatic rifle fire. "Shit. Fuck it." He throws the game controller down, slams himself back into the couch and, after a moment, looks over at Gerard, who's merely staring at him. "What'd you wanna talk about?"

"Um. Was that a game you could save?" Talking to Jonny Lee after he's been brutally massacred isn't always a good idea.

"Nah, not worth it. I play it different every time I go at it."

"What level did you get up to?"

"Uh, four." Jonny Lee tilts his head back into the cushions. "You really interested? Or just making conversation?"

"I'm interested. If I was just making conversation, I'd ask about rodentia."

"Next time, I'll let you play. It's got a two-person mode."

"You'll kick my ass."

"Maybe." Jonny Lee stretches out his legs. "You're better than you think."

Innuendo. "What game is it?"

"Spy Hunter. It's one of my old ones."

"Don't think I've ever played it. Use 'A' to jump?"

"Yeah." Jonny Lee picks up the discarded controller, fumbles it around his hands. He's puzzled. "You really want to play?"

"Later, ok?"

"Sure." He leans over, puts the controller on the table. "So, wanna do something else?"

"I think we need to talk." See, that wasn't so hard to say.

"Yeah. Guess so." The smile only partially covers his nervousness as Jonny Lee pulls his legs up onto the couch, crossing them.

Gerard places his hand on top of Jonny Lee's and smiles at him nervously. "We need to talk about us."

"What about us?" Jonny Lee sucks in a breath, holds it. He wants to have the conversation. Really. It's another step forward. And that's a good thing. _Isn't it?_

"Everything. I call you boy and I mean it and you call me sir and I assume you mean it. But what do we mean _by it_? How permanent do you want this to be? How serious?"

"How permanent? Forever's nice. But that's not realistic, is it? And serious. I don't know what that means." The words are falling out of Jonny Lee's mouth as quickly as the breath he rushed out with them. "I like it when you call me boy, but do I want to be your slave? I don't think so. And calling you sir. Well, that gives me a major hard-on. And I like that feeling."

"I don't want you to be my slave. I don't think I'd know what to do with a slave, honestly. I'll take forever if that's what you're offering, but you're right, it's not realistic." Gerard runs a hand through his hair. "What I expect to get out of our relationship, besides for sex and companionship...I like dominating you. I like the way you look when you kneel for me. I'm not looking to be somewhere in my life in a few years down the line, but I hope that wherever I am, you're there with me."

Jonny Lee's quiet for a moment. Too quiet, even for himself. "Never had anybody want me for that long." He slowly unfolds his legs and pulls himself up, tucking them under him, sits back on his heels. "I like kneeling for you. It's weird, but it feels natural." The words are tumbling out still, just a bit slower now. "I like having you tell me what to do, make some sense out of my life."

_We talked about it. Can we fuck now?_ Gerard bites his lip from actually saying it out loud. "Your safeword still the same?" he asks quietly.

"Yeah, the one just for you. Cacophony."

"And we've never really done that much with punishment. Pain. I...I'd want to do that to you."

"That's cool. I've discovered I like being spanked. You'd still do the other, though."

"Yeah. Couldn't give up the way you taste for anything."

Jonny Lee smiles. "Do we have to do anything formal? Or do we just start?"

"I think we've already started."

"Yes, sir."

"Is there anything special you want out from this?"

"Special? I don't know what I want. Don't know what there is to want." Jonny Lee looks down, around, everywhere but directly at Gerard. "I haven't done a lot of this."

"I have."

"Yeah. Guessed that from the way you talked on set. Figured there was more than you were doing with me."

Jonny Lee's last has Gerard feeling oddly defensive. "I didn't think you wanted it."

"Hell, you were only like the third guy I'd fucked." Jonny Lee wants to pull the words back before they're out of his mouth. "First guy I'd been really serious about."

"Like I said. I didn't think you wanted it. Or were ready to hear about it."

Jonny Lee straightens, kneels up, puts his hands behind his back. "I'm ready now, Pire. Tell me about it."

Gerard considers before he answers, weighing all his possible replies. He's never been able to think clearly when Jonny Lee's kneeling for him. It's a kink, it's a fetish, and it's pulling all his blood south. "Submission. Pain. Finding out how much you can give someone else - _do_ for someone else."

"What do you want to do first? Do I always call you sir? What are the rules?" Jonny Lee's eager, wants to learn.

"You call me sir when you want to be polite. If you want duties, we'll talk. Rules are you listen to me. You do what I say, unless it contradicts something we've agreed you don't do."

"That's limits, right? Things I won't do." He laughs, a short, small chuckle. "Can't think of many. Do you have a list you want to look at?"

"Um. Yes. The Establishment keeps several on file. Some of which you'd probably never've thought of."

"I went through that when I filled out the papers with James. Didn't understand half of it," he says sheepishly, "but wasn't gonna admit that to him."

"That's fine." Gerard breathes a little easier knowing that Jonny Lee already has one filled out. "We can go over it together, discuss things."

"Want me to stay on my knees while we do it?"

"I want you in my arms," Gerard says before he can stop himself. Idiot. Too much, too fast. "Or next to me on the couch," he finishes lamely. "Why don't you get your copy?"

Jonny Lee's beaming, even though Gerard backed off on the initial offer. "Yes, sir," he says, getting up and going to the desk, rummaging through two stacks of papers before he finds the envelope he's looking for. "Got it." He crawls up on the couch upon returning, sitting as close to Gerard as he can without actually being in his lap, and pulls his feet up on the couch under him. "A lot of these," he says, pulling the sheets out of the envelope, "I just put random numbers on 'cause I don't think I really expected to be taking anyone up on any of it."

Gerard takes the papers from him gently and glances quickly over them. "You should have just left them blank, then." Jonny Lee didn't fill out the give side at all, so Gerard concentrates on take. He's going to do his best to memorize it. "Let's start with the first page." He lays it between them, resting on their thighs. "Anything you just made up on it?"

"Could we just start from the top and do it over?" Jonny Lee doesn't really want to admit he wasn't paying much attention to the whole process the first time, doesn't want to sound stupid or naive either.

Gerard isn't quite sure what to make of that, but it's not an unreasonable request. "Sure."

Jonny Lee leans into Gerard's shoulder, looks at the list. The first few are easy answers. "I think the As I did okay on. Abrasion's cool. And the plugs."

"Age play does something for you?" That would actually be wonderful. On of Gerard's favorite fantasies included a sullen teenage Teak. "And binders?"

"Never tried 'em." He looks at the list again. "I put a 3, I think."

"Yeah. Want to change that?" Gerard picks up a pencil from the coffee table and holds it poised over the papers.

"Leave it a 3, sounds interesting. But mark it never done. See, told ya I wasn't paying attention."

Gerard makes the appropriate changes. "Anything else?"

"Most important are the hard limits, right?" Jonny Lee runs his finger down the list. "Got just a few of those."

Gerard follows Jonny Lee's finger as it descends. One catches his eye. "Cages?"

"Yeah," Jonny Lee shifts, "don't like 'em."

Gerard frowns, but does his damnest not to let it turn into disapproval. Teak's allowed his own limits, he reminds himself sternly. "On the short term or just long?"

"Remember on set, when we got into that conversation about sleeping in coffins?" He pauses, not really waiting for or expecting an answer. "It's that, the small spaces. Being confined."

"And what if the cage was barred? What if you could see out, could force your entire arm out?" He does remember the conversation, remembers the look of sheer revulsion on Jonny Lee's face as he visualized having to sleep in a box that small.

Jonny Lee thinks. "No. It's the size. The smallness. Like a big cell would be different."

"Are you claustrophobic?"

"Just a little," Jonny Lee responds softly, rocking his head against Gerard's arm. "Not bad, but I don't willingly put myself in small, confined places."

"What if I was there with you? What if I was there to reassure you that everything all right?"

"Don't know." He pauses for a long time, almost hesitates to put out the words. "Can we leave it no? For now?"

_Shit. You fucking wanker, Butler._ "Of course," he replies quickly. "We can leave it as a no forever. Some limits shouldn't be tested." Fucking. Wanker.

Jonny Lee hears the words, the ones telling it's okay, but he senses the emotions, the slight shift in Gerard's body, the ones that make him feel somewhat less than a few minutes earlier. He wants to apologize, but doesn't. Instead he points to the next item on the list. Caning. Hasn't done, but is willing. "Some things I have a real high interest in."

Gerard wants to apologize for pushing him, but maybe it's better just to move on. "I've never caned anybody." But if Jonny Lee's really that interested, Gerard could probably find someone who's experienced and willing to beat Jonny Lee. Gerard doesn't know if he could bear to watch, but if Teak wants it, Teak will get it.

Still a bit uncomfortable with the reaction, not knowing exactly how to respond, Jonny Lee just pushes himself more into Gerard's body. Much more and they might meld. He peers over the page. "Actually, I think I must like the letter C," he runs his finger down through the list. "Lots of 4s and 5s there."

Gerard pushes himself slightly into Jonny Lee, trying to touch him as much as he can all at once. "And you haven't done a lot of it." Gerard takes special notice that Jonny Lee gets turned on by the thought of collars. He's not willing yet to ask if that's just for temporary collars or permanent collars, but considering that amount of tattoos Jonny Lee already has, Gerard would place good money that a removable collar wouldn't hurt too much. Except for the fact that he remembers some issues Jonny Lee had with being called a pup. "Chauffeuring...I don't think I'll ever do that to you. I'd want you in the back so you can blow me during the ride."

"I like that." Jonny Lee wraps one arm around Gerard's waist, securing a better hold on his lover. "Want me to practice now?" he asks with a wry smile.

Christ yes. "Not right now. We should," Gerard swallows hard, moving backwards a little, trapping Jonny Lee's arm against the couch. "We should finish this."

"Yes, sir," Jonny Lee murmurs against the shirt cushioning his face. "What else on there doesn't look right?"

Gerard gives the rest of it a cursory look, then does a double take. "You've gotten a tattoo on command?"

"Sort of." Jonny Lee moves his hand, shifts enough to point to the snake on his inner forearm. "More of a lost bet, officially. But I didn't really want it."

Gerard's fingers trace the intricate design. "Then why did you get it?"

"'Cause it made someone happy for me to do it." Jonny Lee doesn't elaborate, just leaves it with the simple sentence.

And just because it made somebody happy, Jonny Lee will wear the mark for the rest of his life. Gerard feels somewhat awed by the idea. "That sounds like a good reason."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Always."

"What do you want to do to me?" Jonny Lee looks up, smiles. "Of the things I said I was willing to try."

"Well," Gerard says slowly, thinking over all his options. "First I'd make you walk around naked all day, just to get you in the mood. Then I'd have you shave and get dinner set up on the table while I'm busy being lazy. Then, when you least expect it, I'll kidnap you, tie you to a chair, swinging light bulb and all that, and start telling you what a horrible slave you are. How you aren't worth my time. All the while, I'll be dolling you up like a kinky Christmas tree, with nipple weights instead of strands, and chastity instead of tinsel. I'll put a bit in your mouth and have you gnaw on it while I recount just what you've done wrong. Then I'd let you out and allow you serve me, provided that you'll beg enough. Sound good?"

Jonny Lee's listening, gets lost somewhere around the kinky Christmas tree part, isn't sure how much Gerard's being honest about and how much he's yanking his chain and decides it doesn't really matter 'cause he's just about to the point of letting Gerard do what he damned well pleases. "Sounds exhausting," he says when his brain collects enough energy to process language.

"Oh, I don't know. I think it sounds like something to do on a rainy Saturday afternoon." Gerard's hand slips away to start massaging Jonny Lee's cock. "Did it sound like something you might want to try?"

Action. Reaction. There's a law there somewhere, and Jonny Lee's sure Gerard knows about it, being so smart, but it's doesn't really matter as long as one follows the other. And it does. Jonny Lee moves, repositions, straddles his lover. "Maybe," he says, trying to place the one piece of the puzzle that didn't sound good, but not being able to focus for the gentle touch on his cock. "But it might take more than one afternoon. Might take days. Longer."

"Mm. Keep you tied up for days? No. Keep you in _role_ for days?" Gerard's fingers found their idle way back to Jonny Lee's cock and began stroking it once more. "It has merit."

"So, does this mean you're going to be here awhile?" Jonny Lee arches at the renewed contact, smiles at the thought of being tied up. "Like move in permanently so you do all these things?"

"Um." Suddenly, Gerard can't quite remember how to speak English.

"I'm a bit rusty," Jonny Lee does his best Sean Connery, a good bit short of Gerard's accent. "Is that Scottish for yes or no?"

"Christ." Gerard leans forward, crushes Jonny Lee to his chest. "It's a yes. It's a yes."

"Great," Jonny Lee rasps, the air forced out of his lungs by Gerard's enthusiasm.

Gerard nibbles around Jonny Lee's ear and releases him reluctantly. "Mind if I invade your domestic tranquility?"

Jonny Lee cocks his head in response. "No. Fine. G'head." Words still throaty as he's sucking air back in. He's dancing inside that Gerard said yes. Permanent. Like in forever. Maybe.

  


  


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	9. lutz: Questing

| !Mark Lutz ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/profile)[ **lutz**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/) ) wrote,  
@ [2003](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/2003/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/2003/11/)-[20](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/2003/11/20/) 18:22:00   
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_**Questing**_  
[locked to Establishment members]

Hi all! Mark Lutz here, with a request for thoughts and a request for... assistance, let's call it. They're behind the cut because they're about what could reasonably be considered edge-play, and I know a lot of folks are uncomfortable with that.

Question first. Been thinking about knife-play, and cutting. It's on my mind 'cause it had occasion to come up in a scene not so long ago, and before that, the last time I cut someone in a scene that hadn't started out with that as a goal was a couple of years ago. Around that same time, I also figured out that I'm fine with cutting people if they want it, and I'm fine with - well, more than fine - with being threatened with a knife, but the actual cutting part? Cutting _me?_ I didn't care for that so much. No big trauma, I just didn't like it.

Now, back then I wasn't the thoughty, introspective guy I am now (*cough*), so I didn't really think about it. But now, I'm wondering. When I've done cuttings for people who said, "Hey, I want you to do a cutting scene with me," it was all pretty much laid out - we talked it all through, no improvising, so I was real clear on how to give my partner what he or she wanted. But now I find myself thinking I'd like to have a better idea what the cuttee may be looking for, may be getting out of it, in case this improv thing starts cropping up more often.

So, if you like being cut, can you tell me what it is you get out of it? what you go into it looking for? how you feel during? after? anything like that? I know there'll be different answers - maybe as many as people who respond (if anyone does), but I'm not looking for anything definitive - just for some things to think about. Ideally, of course, any partner I have who wants to be cut, I'll know well enough to have a good idea, but since experience indicates that won't always be the case, I thought I'd ask around here, see what folks have to say.

And for the record, all required safety precautions have been followed, and will be followed. Not interested in anyone winding up needing hospitalization from something I do.

Now the request.

So here I am, two years after the last time I got scared witless in a mind-fuck scene, and I think it's way past time for another. I know it might seem kind of a challenge, the idea of "terrorizing" a guy like me - I mean, I'm not exactly small, and I'm not exactly defenseless. Hence, the mind-fuck. I don't get scared in a fair fight - I get scared when I can't fight back. For whatever reason. I'm open to suggestions as to how to arrange that - two years ago, it was a knife and a gun (prop gun, no firing pin) and a friend who plays the psycho pretty damned well, but there are all kinds of ways, I'm sure, from restraints to multiple tops to elaborately backstoried roleplay.

But I'm not sure who to go to around here for a good mind-fuck - it sure isn't everyone's cup of tea. So, if there are any tops or dom(me)s in the L.A. area who think they might be interested in doing a mind-fuck for a bisexual sadomasochist switch who's looking to be terrorized, get in touch and we can talk, see if we're on the same page, see if the brains and libidos are compatible. Drop me a comment here, email, or call - I'm in the directory.

And regardless, thanks for reading, and for giving me your time! I appreciate it a lot.

  


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[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2003-11-21 02:12 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/3801.html?thread=11993&format=light#t11993))   
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Hello, Mr. Lutz. I was randomly pulling up names on the journaling system and your journal came up. I hope you don't mind my sticking some pounds into this.  
  
  
I've been cutting for a while now and I enjoy both doing it and having it done to me. I don't think I "get" anything out of it. I don't do it to put my submissive into headspace and I only make minor, shallow cuts. I'm not out to hurt. Think of paper cuts. They sharpen the senses, make you feel so much more keenly what's happening. I enjoy licking up the blood if my submissive doesn't mind my doing it, but if the cut bleeds more than just a little, I've done something wrong.  
  
  
I've never cut as a submissive, only as a dominant or in casual play. I've _been_ cut as a submissive and in casual play, but very rarely as a dominant. I enjoy writing letters, making designs, but only superficial wounds. I once wrote "slut" on my submissive's thigh and he never knew becuase I bandaged it once I finished cleaning and by the time he took the bandage off the next night, the lines had disappeared. I've never cut with the intent that it should last.  
  
  
When I'm cut, I'm looking for sensation. I'm not a masochist. I don't generally like pain. But there's a sharpeness to being cut that isn't there with being flogged. It centers all the sensation on that one prick, that one slice. It brings my universe down to a single point. It's almost Zen-like, in its own little way. And then there's the warm, rough tongue licking along the pain, bringing me back to Earth. It's...catharthis.  
  
  
As to how to arrange, my favorite is to have the one I'm cutting on his back on the bed (I don't do scenes where they'd be enough blood that you'd need a slip cover or anything like that) with his hands chained to the wall and legs spread, preferably tied open. A spreader bar is ideal for this. I sit cross-legged between his legs with everything I'm going to need for clean-up next to be: bandages, anti-septics, etc. Then I begin. I stop when he tells me to stop, or there's nothing more I can do. I've never done it to scare somebody, though I've done things in the middle of the scene to scare him. But I've only done that when I know what he'll do. When you have a blade that close to a man's genitals, trust plays a very important part in the proceedings.  
  
  
  
Not in LA, sadly. But if you're even in London, look me up. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/3801.html?replyto=11993&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/3801.html?thread=11993&format=light#t11993))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/profile)[**lutz**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/)  
2003-11-21 08:07 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/3801.html?thread=12249&format=light#t12249))   
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_I hope you don't mind my sticking some pounds into this._  
  
Nah, not a bit! And 'scuse me while I bite my tongue against making any remarks about sticking things into things.  
  
*cough* Sorry, sorry man. Can't help it. It's how I was raised. *g*  
  
 _there's a sharpeness to being cut that isn't there with being flogged. It centers all the sensation on that one prick, that one slice. It brings my universe down to a single point. It's almost Zen-like, in its own little way. And then there's the warm, rough tongue licking along the pain, bringing me back to Earth. It's...catharthis._  
  
Wow. Wow, okay. See, now I'm getting curious. Now I'm thinking this could be better than I thought. I was sort of... surprised the one time I was cut. Wasn't really concentrating, or, well, I was, but not on the feeling, just on the fact that he was doing it. And concentrating might be the wrong word. Maybe more like, "trying like hell to keep still because oh my god the fucker is actually _cutting_ me."  
  
I didn't mind, don't get me wrong. Wasn't a scene gone wrong, I could have slow-worded or safeworded, he gave me plenty of opportunities.  
  
But the Zen-like, and the focus? That sounds good.  
  
Really fucking good. God, I need to get back to the Zen-like. Fast.  
  
Heh. Yeah, that'll do it. *shakes head*  
  
Okay, but all that's neither here nor there.  
  
London, huh? My brother's in London. I could do with a visit. Gimmee a bit to see if I can sort my schedule out, and you might be hearing from me, if you're serious.  
  
You serious? It's okay if you say no. *g* 

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|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2003-11-22 12:15 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/3801.html?thread=12761&format=light#t12761))   
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_Now I'm thinking this could be better than I thought. I was sort of... surprised the one time I was cut. Wasn't really concentrating, or, well, I was, but not on the feeling, just on the fact that he was doing it_  
  
I think there's a marked difference from what you experienced and what I prefer. When I cut, or when I'm cut, it's the only thing going on. No fucking, no foreplay, just me, my partner, and the blade. I've never meant it to be a surprise. Hence all the preparation. I find cutting to be almost a religious experience and it deserves the proper respect.  
  
I think the focus comes from the anticipation of the first cut and then the concentration, reminding myself (since I'm not a pain addict) that I _like_ the pain (the little stab of fear does wonder for the adrenaline levels), and then there's that first tiny cold touch. It's the entire world in that moment and in that moment, nothing else matters. I wouldn't recommend it exactly as a relaxation technique, but I wouldn't blow off an offer to cut me no matter what my mood.  
  
  
I will be in LA for the Timeline premiere. Working out plane tickets right now. Jonny Lee Miller will be coming with me. I don't know if the two of you have met...? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/3801.html?replyto=12761&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/3801.html?thread=12249&format=light#t12249))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/3801.html?thread=12761&format=light#t12761))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/profile)[**lutz**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/)  
2003-11-22 01:06 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/3801.html?thread=13017&format=light#t13017))   
---|---  
_I will be in LA for the Timeline premiere. Working out plane tickets right now. Jonny Lee Miller will be coming with me. I don't know if the two of you have met...?_  
  
No, we haven't, but if he remembers Johnny Whittaker from _Dracula 2000_ , John had some good things to say about him - I worked with John on _Interstate 60_ last year.  
  
So you're coming to LA, huh? Hey, keep me up to date on your travel plans - I'd love to take you two out for dinner if you're in town long enough. Just tell me you're carnivores - I know the best little steak joint, you'll love it. Quiet place, private booths, fantastic wine list.  
  
And yeah, it sounds like what you do with cutting is a lot like what I do when I'm cutting someone else, but I've never had it done to me. It sounds like it'd be very different from my experience of being cut - you've given me something to think about. If I've not finished thinking about it when you get here, maybe we can talk about it over dinner? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/3801.html?replyto=13017&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/3801.html?thread=12761&format=light#t12761))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/profile)[**harry_sinclair**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/)  
2003-11-23 10:01 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/3801.html?thread=14041&format=light#t14041))   
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[private to gerard butler through est magic]  
  
Mr. Butler, we do not know each other, and I hold no claim over our mutual acquaintance, but I am quite intrigued by someone expressing such a public interest in Mark. I would welcome the opportunity to meet with you while you're in LA. My number's in the directory; call me. Perhaps together we can satisfy Mark's rather enthusiastic curiosity. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/3801.html?replyto=14041&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/3801.html?thread=12761&format=light#t12761))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/3801.html?thread=14041&format=light#t14041))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2003-11-23 10:07 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/3801.html?thread=14297&format=light#t14297))   
---|---  
[likewise private]  
  
You tempt me, Mr. Sinclair. Do your interests match mine? If so, yes, perhaps satisfaction can occur, for all of us. I will be taking you up on your offer to phone you. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/3801.html?replyto=14297&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/3801.html?thread=14041&format=light#t14041))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[**sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/)  
2003-11-22 10:26 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/3801.html?thread=13273&format=light#t13273))   
---|---  
Greetings, Mark. We haven't met, and I can't quite remember how I happened on your journal, but bloodplay's been a particular kink of mine for quite some time now. I stopped doing it after a particularly bad scene, but thought I might copy and paste some thoughts I had on it when my lover asked me about my interest in it some time ago. Cut-and-pasted segments in red.  
  
 _What inspires the interest in bloodplay?_  
Pain. Beauty. Focus. It is all three of these things, when done well.  
  
 _What does it give you?_  
A quiet rush; the pain is good, the knowledge of what's happening is better, the look of blood welling up on my skin is exquisite, though I've also been cut in ways I don't get to watch as they happen, and found that enjoyable.  
  
 _How deeply do you like to be cut?_  
Certainly not deep enough to scar or cause any serious danger. Mostly I've been cut just deep enough to have blood come up, sometimes not even that deeply--more scratching than cutting--and I have asked for cuts that were probably not a good idea, and which in retrospect I'm glad I didn't receive.  
  
 _Is the arousal from the knifeplay, from the wounds, from the sight of blood, from the power?_  
Yes. When bottoming, it's the pain and the blood and knowing how far I'm going with submission and masochism, and in ideal situations, the focus my partner has had on me. When topping, it's very much about the sight of blood on skin--it has a beautiful aesthetic quality, particularly if done as a sort of art. And in that case, too, it's about the focus on my partner, the sensation that the world has completely gone still around us. I'm also a fairly extreme masochist, and edge play done right can produce magnificent reactions that I've never been able to get any other way.  
  
 _Is it a game played in the middle of other games -- dominance, torture roleplay, interrogation -- or best done on its own?_  
I've done both with it. The bad scene that caused me to put a halt to bloodplay overall was during roleplay, and I would not want to repeat that experience.  
  
 _Does it make your erection harder?_  
Yes, usually, although in situations where trust is not complete, it's rather the opposite--the focus on the cuts is so extreme that I tend to forget about my arousal.  
  
I'm sorry I'm not more coherent at the moment and my thoughts are not more original; it's been a very long week. If you have other ruminations you'd like to make or ponder or share, feel free to contact me. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/3801.html?replyto=13273&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/3801.html?thread=13273&format=light#t13273))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/profile)[**lutz**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/)  
2003-11-22 05:13 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/3801.html?thread=13529&format=light#t13529))   
---|---  
_I'm sorry I'm not more coherent at the moment and my thoughts are not more original;_  
  
Hey, they're new to me, right? *g* And hey, I really appreciate your sharing 'em with me, seriously. I'm starting to think I need to rethink my thought that I don't like getting cut.  
  
Heh. How's that for not coherent?  
  
Seriously, between you and Gerard, it's really sounding like a very different thing than I got when Kevin cut me that time. He and I never talked much about it - I just said "nah, don't do that again," and he didn't. Thinking back on it, I wonder if we should've talked - I think he'd have liked to do it again, but hey, past is past, right?  
  
So yeah, sorry for your long week, and thanks very much for taking the time to respond here. If you're in the LA area, you wanna let me buy you a pint? Couple of good games on this weekend too, if you're a football fan. Heh. We can talk stats, quarterbacks, and what kind of blade is best for that shallow cut you're looking for. *g* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/3801.html?replyto=13529&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/3801.html?thread=13273&format=light#t13273))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/profile)[**harry_sinclair**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/)  
2003-11-23 09:58 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/3801.html?thread=13785&format=light#t13785))   
---|---  
You will never cease to amaze me, my new friend. To ask such questions in public forum, to open discussion ... I have missed such things.  
  
Cutting. Edgeplay. One in the same, yet not. The latter implies something that never quite comes to fruition. It is the teasing, the testing, the breaking down of wills. The former, however, bears your soul, splits it open and leaves it draining onto the floor. I have done both, and on either side of the blade. And, while the actual drawing of blood is rather cathartic, it is not always the most satisfying moment.  
  
A courier will arrive this afternoon bearing a gift.  
I trust you will not consider it presumptuous of me. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/3801.html?replyto=13785&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/3801.html?thread=13785&format=light#t13785))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/profile)[**lutz**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/)  
2003-11-23 10:51 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/3801.html?thread=14553&format=light#t14553))   
---|---  
_And, while the actual drawing of blood is rather cathartic, it is not always the most satisfying moment._  
  
So, what would you say is the most satisfying moment?  
  
It's an interesting distinction between cutting and edgeplay. I think edgeplay can get those reactions, can break down the will without a blade even being involved, but stipulating to the distinction, what would you say creates that distinction? or can you articulate it? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/3801.html?replyto=14553&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/3801.html?thread=13785&format=light#t13785))  
  
|  **[locked to Harry]**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/profile)[ **lutz**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/)  
2003-11-23 11:07 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/3801.html?thread=14809&format=light#t14809))   
---|---  
[locked to Harry]  
  
Been trying to sort through what I'm thinking and feeling here and finally decided fuck it. I want this from you. I don't even know what it is, to be honest, or what'll happen to me if I get it, or what'll happen - if anything - to you, but I want this, if you want to give it to me, or find it with me. Which is a witless thing for me to say since I can't even tell you what it is, but you're fucking killing me here - figuratively speaking - and I want this.  
  
And I'm betting that presumption is a good look on you. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/3801.html?replyto=14809&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/3801.html?thread=13785&format=light#t13785))  
  
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****

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	10. gerard: Delivery for jonnyleemiller

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2003](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/11/)-[21](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/11/21/) 09:36:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=1038&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=1038) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=1038) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=1038&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Delivery for[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)** _

[Delivered to JLM's London residence in a large white box]

[Note on plain white stationary inside a thick white envelope]

Jonny Lee,

Happy belated.

I know it's passé to give someone clothes for their birthday, but I think you'll like these.

I've an ulterior motive (don't I always?), but you're going to have to decide whether you want to or not. If you want to indulge a persistent biting fantasy, there's another envelope at the bottom of the box. And if you don't, feel free to stick it in the range. I have been assured by a very well-coiffed clerk that this paper is highly flammable.

-Gerry

  
[A smaller thick white envelope, with the word "Jonathan" written on it in flowing caligraphy]

A single folded piece of heavy paper:

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/1038.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2003-11-22 04:34 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/1038.html?thread=270&format=light#t270))   
---|---  
[note left scrawled on bathroom mirror in red permanent marker]  
Love the clothes. Love you.  
  
  
[and in very precise letters beneath]  
I am already yours. Come and claim me.  
\-- Jonathan  


([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/1038.html?replyto=270&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/1038.html?thread=270&format=light#t270))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2003-11-23 02:07 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/1038.html?thread=526&format=light#t526))   
---|---  
[Left taped to the playstation controller]  
One hour after dusk. Be alone.  
-Dracula 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/1038.html?replyto=526&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/1038.html?thread=270&format=light#t270))  
  
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	11. gerard: The Party at Michael and James'

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2003](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/11/)-[21](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/11/21/) 21:25:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=2728&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=2728) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=2728) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=2728&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**The Party at Michael and James'** _

[edited with just the Jonny Lee/Gerard bits because, honestly, reading through group chats give the mun a headache. The complete chat [can](http://www.journalfen.net/users/rpgstipe/30765.html) [be](http://www.journalfen.net/users/rpgstipe/31032.html) [found](http://www.journalfen.net/users/rpgstipe/31395.html) [here](http://www.journalfen.net/users/rpgstipe/31633.html).]

**Michael:** *plumps up a pillow on the sofa, then leans back to relax, then gets up again and replumps the same pillow* *he is wearing a pair of faded old black jeans, ripped within an inch of its life, with a tight cropped t-shirt, the words ' Bush sucks' scrawled on it in handwritten letters*

**Gerard:** *walks in the open door with Jonny Lee.* *is wearing a peasant shirt with a lace up collar that's only half done up, and tight black jeans*

**Michael:** *turns around, barely restraining himself from jumping* Jonny! Hello, stranger! *grabs him up in a hug*

**Jonny Lee:** *returns the hug* Michael, man. How's it been?

**Michael:** *laughing with slight embarrassment, pulls back a bit and faces Gerard while answering* It's been good, really good. Hi, I'm Michael - welcome, come on in!

**Jonny Lee:** *notices confused look on Michael's face* You two don't know each other. *looks one to the other* No, you wouldn't. Silly me. Michael, this is Gerard Butler. Gerard, Michael Stipe, James' other.

**Gerard:** *sticks out hand* Pleased to meet you.

**Michael:** *shakes his hand, then gives him a playful hug* Great to meet you, Gerard. *to both of them* James would be here to greet you, too, but he's on the phone to New York again on business

**Gerard:** *quietly to JL* Would it be awkward to mention that I'm a huge fan?

**Michael:** *quietly to Gerard* No, I loved him in Trainspotting, too *grins, laughing* Thanks, that's nice of you to say

**Jonny Lee:** *Jonny Lee's wearing a pair of faded blue jeans with a button-up black shirt, tails out and the bottom buttons undone* See, told ya you'd fit in with this crazy group.

**Gerard:** *rolls his eyes* Wonderful. More incorrigible types. I swear, there's some sort of magnet.

**Michael:** *ushers them in* I'm sorry there's not an orgy to welcome you - I guess this is a busy weekend for folks - want something to drink?

**Gerard:** Jack Daniels, if you have.

**Jonny Lee:** *mock pout to Gerard* Does that mean you don't like my incorrigibility, Pire? *to Michael* Guinness.

**Gerard:** I adore your incorrigibility. Not that I concede that that's a word.

**Michael:** one JD and a Guinness, coming up! *goes to the bar and pours drinks*

**Michael:** *comes back around with their drinks* So Jonny, what have you been doing with yourself?

**Jonny Lee:** Not much. Passed up a job. Spend a lot of time seeing folks off at airports.

**Gerard:** *clears throat* And picking them up.

**Jonny Lee:** *laughs* Yeah, that too. Amazing what you can pick up at the baggage carrousel these days.

**Michael:** Oop, sorry! *gets up* Hold that thought a sec! *goes to the doorway* You goofs! *to Rufus and Stephen* It's open!

**Gerard:** Lethal weapons?

**Jonny Lee:** *takes a long drink of beer* Lethal what?

**Gerard:** Weapons. The sort of thing you're not supposed to bring on international flights. *looks innocent*

**Jonny Lee:** *sputters into beer* Oh, I get it. *rolls eyes* Don't quit your day job, Butler.

**Gerard:** Wasn't planning on it. *steals JL's beer, takes a swallow, hands it back*

**Michael:** *poses* But you like me that way! *pulls them further in* okay, introduction time - Jonny, Gerard, this is Rufus and Stephen. Stephen, Rufus, this is Jonny and Gerard *collapses in chair* I'm exhausted now, the chores of the host are too much

**Gerard:** Stephen, I've heard a lot about you.

**Jonny Lee:** *smiles* Uh, hi, Steph.

**Stephen:** *smirks* I've met JL, Michael. Jonny Lee, this is my lover, Rufus. *blinks, that's the first time he has called Rufus that, glances over and squeezes Rufus' hand*

**Stephen:** Nice to meet you Gerard *adds, offering a handshake with his free one*

**Gerard:** *shakes hand* Don't worry, all of it was good.

**Jonny Lee:** Rufus, nice to finally meet ya. *bounces over to hug Stephen* My gods, Steph, he is a cutey.

**Rufus:** Jonny... good to meet you. At last. *Beams at Stephen's introduction.* Gerard. *Shakes hands*

**Michael:** *looks up at Jonny, leering* all four of you boys are beyond delectable - I think I'm becoming a chicken queen

**Jonny Lee:** *mock offense* Excuse me, sir, but that belongs to someone.

**Stephen:** *hugs Jonny Lee, smacks him lightly on the ass* Hey Stipe, where's my drink?

**Stephen:** Got any decent beer? *chimes in and gives JL an innocent look* Don't know what you're talking about.

**Monica:** *steps into the main room, wearing a dark red, knee length dress that clings nicely where it should, and flows loosely around her knees* *pulling Mellie behind her, not letting her hide in the shadows* Hello, boys.

**Gerard:** *eyes boggle* *would whistle, but thinks he would get smacked*

**Melanie:** *waves at everyone, biting her bottom lip* *she's wearing a white chiffon over silk dress with embroidery at the neck and hem* *and a silver-link collar with a pretty diamond-studded bell on it, as well as a loop for a leash*

**Gerard:** *leans over, pulls JL over by the arm* If I go into a catatonic swoon, I want you to pour gin down my throat until I gag.

**Jonny Lee:** *curls into Gerard's body* Can't I just pour myself down your throat?

**Gerard:** You want me to wake up with your cock down my throat? Wouldn't that just send me back down into no-return?

**Jonny Lee:** *smiles, blushes* Little early in the party for that. Wait till they break out the tiny umbrellas.

**Gerard:** It's been a while since I've been to one of these. If there really _are_ umbrellas, Teak, you'll be getting very well aquainted with them, I assure you.

**Michael:** This is Stephen, and Jonny Lee - Gerard, and Rufus.

**Jonny Lee:** *to the girls* Hi. Monica? Melanie? Michael? Hope I remember who's who at the end of the night.

**Michael:** *turns to Melanie, smiling* You can just call me Michael - Mr. Michael sounds really - 50's Selma

**Gerard:** *growls to JL* You better. *to the ladies* Ms. Bellucci, Ms. Lynski. Pleasure.

**Jonny Lee:** *to Michael* I kinda like it. Mr. Michael. Makes you sound much more authoritative.

**Michael:** *shoots Jonny Lee a look* don't make me have to come over there and hurt you - I have Paul Anka!

**Jonny Lee:** *waves hands in the air* Oh, no, it's the dreaded Paul Anka curse.

**Stephen:** *mock gasps* Dear God, not Paul Anka *to Rufus* I don't think I eat sushi *kisses Monica's hand with grace*

**Melanie:** *she looks up at Gerard and smiles, eyes bright with the remembered compliment* Wonderful to meet you

**Gerard:** *blushes and stammers*

**Stephen:** *Double takes, Gerard's blushing?*

**Jonny Lee:** *to Stephen and Rufus with a quizzical, comical look* You don't eat sushi? Really, boys, you should it. *wraps arm around Gerard, rather protectively*

**Rufus:** *to Stephen* I'm sure they'll serve you something made of red meat. *to Jonny Lee* I do, he's the philistine. *pokes Stephen*

**Stephen:** *mock pouts, rubs his chest* Can I help it if I like red meat? I'm a growing boy and all that. *kisses Rufus*

**Gerard:** *whispers to JL* I'm a little star-struck. Don't worry, I'll get over it. Want me to make the necessary red meat joke?

**Monica:** You and my husband, with the meat obsessions. *tsks playfully*

**Jonny Lee:** *whispers back* It'd probably go over their heads. *smirks*

**Stephen:** *purrs at the nip from Rufus, tips a questioning look to Monica for permission as he reaches out to take Melanie's hand*

**Jonny Lee:** *laughs* So now we're into scratch and sniff. Party's turning randy early.

**Gerard:** From the man who's always randy.

**Michael:** *camping* Who's Randy?

**Gerard:** Quaid? *corrects himself* No, that's Dennis.

**Michael:** No, you're right - they're brothers. Dennis is the cute one, though

**Jonny Lee:** Damn straight.

**Gerard:** Both of them? Pity.

**Michael:** *turns to Jonny* How do you know Dennis is straight, hmm?

**Jonny Lee:** *smiles. delivers with a laugh* Uh, it was written on the bathroom wall. Right next to 'for a good time call Stipe.'

**Gerard:** Let me guess. The number was 867-5309?

**Michael:** Nooo! that's not nice! *grabs his head* Now I have that stupid song in my head!

**Gerard:** *takes a bow*

**Michael:** *mock glares at Gerard* I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to banish you

**Gerard:** Really? Great. Haven't been banished in ages.

**Michael:** *holds up hand* Except in my neck of the woods, there's a banishment ritual, you see

**Gerard:** *grins* Does it include getting fucked?

**Michael:** *smiles madly* Cool, you have the same tradition!

**Gerard:** Not quite. My ritual includes biting. *shrugs* Not everything stands the test of time.

**Jonny Lee:** *to Stephen* What's wrong with fucking ritual?

**Stephen:** *to Jonny Lee* did I say there was?

**Michael:** *eyes go wide* Really? Gerard, me too!

**Gerard:** Amazing. So, do I bite you, or do you bite me?

**Michael:** Yes! *jumps up in delight*

**Jonny Lee:** *thinks, then drinks the rest of his beer.* Uh, no, you didn't. My bad. Okay, let's see the fucking ritual.

**Gerard:** Both? *pretends to think about it* At once?

**Michael:** *to Jonny Lee* With the biting - don't forget the biting. *to Gerard* Absolutely, yeah!

**Monica:** Mmm, they are, rather. *to the crowd* Do these rituals involve lots of pissing in the woods and bonfires and running about like painted visigoths?

**Michael:** *turns to Monica immediately, then darts to grab a pen and piece of paper * 'Painted visigoths', wow, I love that - can I use it?

**Gerard:** No pissing, some bonfire. Paints are optional.

**Jonny Lee:** *looks at Gerard* Biting and fucking. *mock horror* In the same ritual? I am offended, sir.

**Gerard:** What?! Why? It's not like I haven't bitten you while fucking you.

**Monica:** *to Michael, laughing delightedly* Of course you may.

**Rufus:** *hands Stephen back his beer and snuggles, smiling at the banter* Okay. Ritual fucking and biting I'm in on. Ritual pissing... yecch

**Jonny Lee:** Yeah, but you didn't tell me it was a ritual. I'd have dressed better for it.

**Monica:** I didn't say on each OTHER. Boys are so literal.

**Michael:** Thanks! *finishes scribbling, turns back to the fucking ritual topic*

**Gerard:** You weren't dressed at all. I prefered it.

**Monica:** You should mark your territory, though. I hear trees work well for that. Perhaps the odd shrubbery.

**Michael:** Shrubbery! We need a shrubbery!

**Michael:** *starts to giggle*

**Gerard:** *grins* Have a herring, Michael?

**Michael:** A nice one!

**Jonny Lee:** Then we'd need to move the party to the back yard.

**Melanie:** Oh, yes! We do

**Monica:** We have a herring?

**Gerard:** We are all so insane. But British.

**Stephen:** *snickers* You are a sick sick man, Stipe *rubs against Rufus a little harder standing against his side*

**Michael:** *points at Gerard while looking at Jonny* Man, this guy is great!

**Melanie:** *makes a protesting noist at the British part*

**Stephen:** *sips his beer*

**Jonny Lee:** *to Michael* Yeah, I know. That's why I let him move in.

**Gerard:** Well, most of us delinquents are British. But the best of us aren't.

**Jonny Lee:** Aren't what? Delinquent? Or British?

**Gerard:** British  
.  
 **Rufus:** *leans on Stephen* Some of us are both.

**Stephen:** *to Rufus* you're sexy, that covers everything

**Jonny Lee:** *looks around* I obviously haven't had enough alcohol tonight. *wiggles out of Gerard's arms and makes for bar*

**Michael:** Yeah, yeah - but back to the fucking ritual....

**Monica:** One track mind, Michael? *grins*

**Gerard:** *grabs JL* Not going anywhere.

**Melanie:** Melanie is good with knives if she is needed *she tangles her fingers with Monica's*

**Michael:** *laughs* More like 'one superhighway' mind

**Gerard:** *mouth makes a little 'o'* I wouldn't mind being cut.

**Stephen:** *nips not too hard then licks the spot, nuzzling*

**Monica:** Melanie has many lovely skills. I find her to be an unfolding delight

**Rufus:** *shivers* Is this part of the rirual?

**Jonny Lee:** *wiggles right back into the arms of his man* Okay, maybe I don't need a drink.

**Gerard:** *retreating* If there's a blood problem...

**Stephen:** *purrs* I do believe there was biting mentioned.

**Gerard:** *kisses JL's temple* That's better.

**Monica:** I can juggle, and walk down a runway in five inch heels.

**Gerard:** Five inch heels? *whistles*

**Monica:** And they say modeling isn't work.

**Jonny Lee:** *nuzzles Gerard* Are we going to play?

**Gerard:** *blinks* You had to ask?

**Jonny Lee:** I'm not wearing heels.

**Gerard:** There's a good reason for that.

**Jonny Lee:** *looks up at Gerard* And the reason would be?

**Gerard:** Because you are a naughty brat and would step on my foot. And then I wouldn't be able to walk for a week.

**Jonny Lee:** *mock pout* I'd never do that. *smiles too innocently* Well, maybe.

**Gerard:** You'd put the devil to shame, Teak.

**Jonny Lee:** *wraps arms tighter around Ger's waist* Want me any other way?

**Gerard:** Never.

**Jonny Lee:** *whispers to Ger* You sure 'bout this, Pire? If it turns into an orgy, I mean.

**Melanie:** Oh, I like them a lot. I think we could participate without taking it too far. I like Mr Stephen and Mr Rufus and Mr Gerard muchly. *grins* And I want to show off my beautiful Mistress.

**Gerard:** I like public sex. Public sex with more than one partner shouldn't be too bad. Are *you* sure about it?

**Michael:** *comes back down, looking dejected, but quickly covers it* *by the time he comes to the others, he's smiling* Okay, well, totally go on into the playroom, if you want.

**Gerard:** *to Stipe* I'm sure it's important.

**Jonny Lee:** Public sex is on that list of things I've never done, Pire. New experiences are good.

**Gerard:** Well, it's not _completely_ public.

**Michael:** *looks around* you know, we still have plenty of guest rooms, if folks would prefer to pair up, too, since we're just closing up the house, not selling it - the furniture isn't packed up, or anything

**Jonny Lee:** *perks up* You'll be coming back?

**Michael:** *to Rufus and JL* Well, we're in New York for a while, I'm hoping at least a year, but after that - we haven't really decided what our main base of operations will be, but definitely, London will always be one of our homes

**Rufus:** Oh, good. And I agree with the ladies. What's your pleasure, Michael?

**Michael:** *surprised, a little taken aback* Wow, um - jeez, that doesn't seem like very 'good host' behavior! Lemme think about this!

**Gerard:** *whispers to Stipe* Milk it for all its worth. Chances are you'll never get such an offer again.

**Stephen:** *grins to Gerard*

**Michael:** Okay, well you? *to Gerard* I've been dying to make out with you

**Gerard:** Really? I've been...well, I've been dying to meet you. *stalks over, kisses him*

**Melanie:** *watches, biting her bottom lip. oooh, sexy men kissing!*

**Michael:** Umm, and lets see I thi-oof! Mmmm *kisses back eagerly*

**Guy:** *gently pushes the door open wider and steps inside* hello? *not quite sure why he came*

**Jonny Lee:** *stares. licking lips.*

**Gerard:** *debauchs Michael's mouth*

**Stephen:** *quirks a brow, admires the kissing men*

**Michael:** *in between ravishments* Someone. See. Who that. Is.

**Gerard:** *kisses corners of Michael's mouth, doing his best to rid him of the ability to speak*

**Jonny Lee:** *stalks over. insinuates self betwen Michael and Gerard* Uh, excuse me. I want some.

**Gerard:** *grabs Teak, pulls him in close* *does his best to kiss two men at the same time*

**Jonny Lee:** *kisses back with enthusiasm*

**Gerard:** *wraps hands around JL's waist, squeezes ass*

**Jonny Lee:** *reaches out, grabs whatever flesh hits his hand first*

**Michael:** *breaks the kiss guiltily, getting up to say hello* Guy, hi! So great to finally meet you! *extends hand*

**Gerard:** *happens to be his cock that JL grabbed* *hisses* *pulls back to breathe*

**Jonny Lee:** *squeezes cock that shows up under his hand. it feels rather familiar.* *pulls Gerard back into kiss. reaches out a hand for Michael.* Where did you go?

**Gerard:** *gasps* More.

**Jonny Lee:** *fondles lover's cock, sliding zipper down to get at it*

**Gerard:** Teak!

**Jonny Lee:** *giggles as kiss is obviously broken* Well, you're the one who said public sex was fun.

**Gerard:** It *is* fun. *growls* Turn around.

**Jonny Lee:** Yes. *spins on heel* Sir. *presents backside as requested*

**Gerard:** *pinches delightful ass*

**Jonny Lee:** *wiggles provocative ass*

**Gerard:** *bites back of neck* Stay still.

**Jonny Lee:** *rolls head forward. moans softly.* Yes, sir. Staying still, sir.

**Gerard:** *makes a succession of small bites down neck and across shoulder*

**Jonny Lee:** *whimper. melt*

**Gerard:** You. Are. Delicious.

**Jonny Lee:** Then don't just nibble. *nearly shouts* Eat me.

**Gerard:** *grinning* *nibbles a little more* As you wish, Simon.

**Jonny Lee:** *totally melts, squirms*

**Gerard:** *sharp bites, this time against where the neck meets the shoulder* *wraps hand around JL's cock*

**Jonny Lee:** *shudders at the bite. shivers at the touch.* Fuck me. PleasePleasePleasePlease.

**Gerard:** *teasing* You can do better than that.

**Jonny Lee:** *lowers voice* Claim me. I'm ready.

**Gerard:** *shudders* *pulls down pants roughly* *gets into him as quickly as possible*

**Jonny Lee:** A-ha. Yes. *thinks he made a coherent word, but isn't sure*

**Gerard:** *fucks him damned hard, bites down* *growling* Gonna draw your blood. Make you mine.

**Jonny Lee:** *moans, rocks forward with the thrust of Ger's body. is momentarily beyond the point of making his mouth work.*

**Michael:** *looking back at the boys* Okay, just don't you all forget - I need to be spoiled and pampered after. I'm thinking blowjobs.

**Gerard:** *holds him tight against him, thinks they're going to fall, but doesn't care* Goddamn it, Teak, so fucking beautiful.

**Jonny Lee:** *looks up at Michael, smiles, regaining ability to speak.* You could haul your ass over here now and get one.

**Gerard:** *opens his eyes reluctantly* *looks at Michael* *clears throat* You could.

**Michael:** *in a blink of an eye, Michael is hovering over Jonny and Gerard, bouncing on his toes* How do you want me?

**Gerard:** Standing. *pushes Teak down, moves down with him so that Teak is on his hands and knees getting fucked*

**Jonny Lee:** *goes down easily* Works for me.

**Gerard:** Michael, if you would just entrust your cock to Teak's mouth...

**Jonny Lee:** *opens mouth. sticks out tongue*

**Gerard:** He's really very good at it.

**Michael:** *shoves the coffee table into position, sits on the edge of it, just in front of Jonny* Open up and say Ahh *to Gerard* Yeah, I remember

**Jonny Lee:** Ahhhh.

**Melanie:** Melanie liked Mr. Gerard's penis, but didn't want to stare. Besides, Melanie was taught it was rude to pick favorites

**Monica:** It seemed like he rather liked you, too, pet.

**Jonny Lee:** *pulls back in tongue* You coming or not, Michael? *sticks tongue back out* Ahhhhhhh.

**Gerard:** *fucks JL a little further towards Michael*

**Michael:** *snorts* I'm right here, you goof, what do you need, an engraved invitation? *jiggles cock in front of Jonny's face* Helloooo.

**Gerard:** *growls* Suck him, Teak.

**Jonny Lee:** *slurps on up on Michael's cock* Yummy.

**Jonny Lee:** *works tongue under big, juicy cock, hums something vaguely along the lines of 'Orange Crush'*

**Gerard:** *fucks JL hard, wanting to see what would happen*

**Michael:** *starts cracking up, immediately* Jonny, James'll kill you - that's his song for fucking me!

**Gerard:** *looks at Jonny Lee suspiciously*

**Michael:** *grabs the side of the coffee table, the force of Gerard's thrusts having a ripple effect*

**Jonny Lee:** *wrapping hands over Michael's thighs, holding on for dear life as Ger fucks harder.* *switches to humming 'Losing My Religion' and sucks back to the head*

**Michael:** *grabs Jonny's hair* Quit it with - fuck yeah! - the humming REM, jesus god! already

**Gerard:** *purses lips* *comes with a groan*

**Jonny Lee:** *stops humming, mostly cause Michael's cock is stretching his throat, sucks harder*

**Gerard:** *pulls out* *collapses a bit behind JL* *holds onto his thighs*

**Gerard:** *nuzzles JL's ass, licks at it*

**Jonny Lee:** *wiggles, nearly bounces, hollows cheeks, presses tongue against cock.*

**Michael:** *arches back* Oh god, you are - fuck! *comes suddenly*

**Gerard:** *holds JL tight in his hands* *starts licking up his own come*

**Jonny Lee:** *swallows*

**Michael:** *pets Jonny's head as he gathers his brain up, finally* Damn, you're good at that.

**Jonny Lee:** *pulls off Michael. smiles too wide.* I know. Get better every day.

**Gerard:** *sticks tongue up JL's ass, determined to get a reaction out of him*

**Michael:** *smirking* Practice, practice, practice!

**Jonny Lee:** Holy shit. *lunges forward. goes up on his knees*

**Gerard:** *grins* *twirls tongue*

**Michael:** *catching Ger's eye, winks then takes Jonny's mouth in a slow and hungry kiss*

**Gerard:** *wraps hand around JL's cock* *moves other hand around balls, squeezes*

**Jonny Lee:** *presses into kiss, moaning*

**Michael:** *presses himself up against the front of Jonny Lee* Sandwich! *laughs, then resumes the kissing*

**Gerard:** *pulls back* Not until I say. *goes back to licking*

**Jonny Lee:** *just nods, then moans again. thrusts just a smidge into Ger's fist.*

**Gerard:** *grins* *blows lightly*

**Michael:** *looks up at Ger, half-admiring* Man, let the poor guy come already! *then shakes his head and winks*

**Gerard:** *bites gently, tugs at skin playfully* Does my little vampire hunter want to come?

**Jonny Lee:** *looks over shoulder. wicked smile.* Please, sir, let me come.

**Gerard:** *slaps his ass* Do you want to come?

**Jonny Lee:** Yes. *hisses* Please.

**Gerard:** Why do you want it?

**Gerard:** Is it because of me? Becuase of Michael? Because of it all? Because you don't think you can hold on much longer and don't want to come without my permission?

**Michael:** *mouth drops at the tone in Ger's voice* *looks to see how Jonny Lee will respond*

**Jonny Lee:** *aching, trying not to think about it.* Because you've claimed me and it's your right to have me come at your command.

**Gerard:** *smiles broadly* Ah, that's it. *strokes him lightly* Come, Teak.

**Jonny Lee:** *comes hard, streams shooting over Ger's hand. moan turns into hissed scream*

**Gerard:** *kisses his ass* *soothing* That's it, Jonny Lee.

**Michael:** *amazed* Wow, Jonny. *runs his hand through JL's hair gently* I had no idea - no wonder you're an old friend of James'.

**Jonny Lee:** *wiggle-scoots back into Ger's arms.* Yeah. Takes this one to bring it out of me. *pulls Ger's hand up and starts to lick the fingers clean.*

**Gerard:** *hums* *looks around, sees out open door* *blinks* I seem to have missed people.

**Michael:** *turns to follow Ger's gaze, missing Stephen's gesture* Huh? What do you mean?

**Gerard:** There are people out there. *gestures expansively* I didn't even notice them come in.

**Michael:** *standing up* Besides Monica, Melanie and Guy? Really?

**Gerard:** Yeah. Some lady - oh. *remembers* Trinity.

**Jonny Lee:** *finishing licking fingers* *to Rufus* Did I miss the floor show?

**Gerard:** *laughing* You _were_ the floor show. *turns toward Rufus anyway*

**Rufus:** *nods* We both did I think *grinning*

**Jonny Lee:** I liked being the floor show. *sucks on Ger's thumb* Can we do it again?

**Gerard:** Right now? You really want to kill me that badly?

**Stephen:** *smirks up at Gerard, cocks a brow* In a million years or so *says to Rufus between licks*

**Jonny Lee:** *sighs* Maybe later. *licks last of cum off* I want more alcohol now.

**Gerard:** *relaxes against the floor* You do that. Get me some too.

**Jonny Lee:** *thinks about getting up. for two seconds. then starts to crawl across the floor toward the bar.*

**Gerard:** *watches* Fuckin' amazing.

**Rufus:** *Watches Jonny crawl.* Look at that. *meets Stephen's eyes* What do you want, love?

**Stephen:** *tilts his head to watch Jonny Lee, gently begins to disengage*

**Jonny Lee:** *crawls past Stephen and Rufus, cocks head to them.* I'm crawling for booze. Want anything? *smiles*

**Stephen:** I want to get out of here, love *looks sheepish, winks at JL* no thanks

**Gerard:** *calls over to him* You're going to have to stand up on the way back. At least to carry the drinks.

**Rufus:** A beer would be good. Thanks. *eases off Stephen* Okay. I'd like to get you to myself too.

**Jonny Lee:** *looks back over shoulder at Ger* I'll stand when I absolutely have to, and not a second before.

**Gerard:** Stubborn.

**Jonny Lee:** *continues crawling, rather exaggeratedly* You should know. *makes it to the bar and snags two beers.* Now, I'm standing. *saunters back over to where Ger's on the floor.* Wanna go play outside? Or go home?

**Gerard:** *casually* You have a great ass.

**Gerard:** *to JL* Let's go outside. Meet new people.

**Jonny Lee:** *hands Ger his beer. weak smile.* If you say so.

**Gerard:** *drinks a little* Considering, you probably know them. I don't.

**Gerard:** *puts arm around Jonny Lee's waist, leads him out into the garden*

**Jonny Lee:** *to Michael* Party out here now? Love a moveable feast.

**Michael:** Yeah, it's a garden party now!

**Carrie Anne:** *smiles at Jonny* Hi, Jonny right? We met at Ewan's party last summer.

**Jonny Lee:** *mock sighs* Oh,shit, we're back to fucking shubbery? *turns at hearing voice* Uh, yeah. Summer. Ewan. How are ya?

**Carrie Anne:** *smiles* Fucking shrubbery? Sounds itchy. I'm good, how are you?

**Gerard:** We're fucking shrubberies? Why wasn't I told? *smiles out at people* Hello, I'm Gerard Butler. I'm with him. *points to JL*

**Carrie Anne:** *reaches out to shake Gerard's hand* You left a really nice comment in my journal. I'm Carrie-Anne and this is my husband Jason

**Gerard:** Pleased to meet you both.

**Jonny Lee:** *looks at Ger* Thought I was the one with you. *to CA* Sorry, I'm shit with introductions.

**Jason:** *shakes Gerard's hand* Nice to meet you.

**Gerard:** If I'm with you, then it follows that you're with me. *to Jason* Likewise. You look familiar..?

**Jason:** *to Gerard* I'm 'the evil guy who dies horribly at the end'. I keep telling my agent he's got to do something about my image.

**Gerard:** *grins at Jason* Fortunately, I don't have that problem. B movies all. Well, most.

**Jonny Lee:** *murmurs at Jason's comment* I think the image is fine.

**Jonny Lee:** *laughs* He can't wait for you two to get there and do it in person?

**Gerard:** *is confused, but trying not to show it* *drops head onto JL's shoulder*

**Michael:** *nods with Jonny Lee* that's what I said

**James:** : *laughs at 'Clark's brother' and plops down next to Michael, draping his leg over Michael's leg* Actually, it's exciting as hell. Wow...some of my favorite people and I've been missing you all night

**Michael:** Oh hey - James, I want you to meet Gerard Butler. Gerard, this is James

**James:** : *smiles and reaches out a hand* Pleased to meet you.

**Jonny Lee:** *leans back into Ger's body. pulls ger's hands around his waist.* My lover, James.

**Gerard:** *shakes hand* Wonderful to meet you, James.

**James:** : *breaks into a huge smile toward Jonny Lee* Yeah? Fantastic!

**Monica:** We are calling it a night, everyone. *to the party in the garden*

**Melanie:** A very lovely night

**Gerard:** Good night, Melanie.

**Gerard:** Good night, Monica.

**Jonny Lee:** Night, ladies.

**Jonny Lee:** *twines fingers through Ger's hands. squeezes. talks softly.* You do well at parties. Much better than me.

**Gerard:** *matches tone* *sighs* I do horrible at parties. We're a pair of anti-socialites, we are.

**Jonny Lee:** *whispers* What if we had just an us party? Maybe invited Steph and Rufus over for dinner?

**Gerard:** That'd be nice. I didn't get a chance to meet them very well tonight. But you're going to have to get a real kitchen first.

**Jonny Lee:** *looks back at Ger* A real kitchen? Like in you want to remodel? You just moved in.

**Gerard:** Not remodel, per se. Just stock it up. Maybe I'll even buy you one of those new-fangled devices called a toaster oven.

**Carrie Anne:** *grins* Have a brownie, oh great light. In fact everyone have one if you don't mind getting foolish.

**Jonny Lee:** *shakes head* There's a friggin' microwave in there. *sighs* You probably want it bigger, too. Might's well buy a new house.

**Michael:** *gets plate, hands them around to everyone* Brownie?

**Gerard:** I like your house. I like your microwave. *takes a brownie, looks over at Michael* These the sort that make me high?

**Carrie Anne:** *to Gerard* Yes, they're what we call Keanu brownies.

**Gerard:** I'm sure there's a story behind that.

**Michael:** *nods* Yeah, from Keanu's stuff - and trust me, the guy gets really good stuff ... doesn't he, James? *goes a little dopey nostalgic, remembering*

**Jonny Lee:** *takes a brownie.* Good, you like my house. *eats it.* So, like I'm eating Keanu? Kinky.

**Gerard:** *mock-glares at him* If you eat Keanu, I want to hear about. In graphic detail. Preferably in bed.

**Carrie Anne:** *cracks up* Been there, done that. It was *bites a brownie thoughtfully* an interesting experience.

**Michael:** *laughs as he grabs a brownie for himself and snuggles next to James* Jonny Lee, you were there too - and hey! it was even in a garden!

**Gerard:** *thoughtful* Really? Do you know if he does guys? *quickly* Not that it matters.

**Carrie Anne:** *grins at Gerard* You'd have to fight Dame Maggie Smith for him and trust me, you'd lose.

**Gerard:** Oh. Yeah, I'd lose.

**Jonny Lee:** *nibbles on last of brownie, watches curiously.*

**Gerard:** *catches JL's elbow* I'm feeling a second wind coming along.

**Jonny Lee:** *smiles, whispers* You are? *bigger smile* Wanna go home? *licks brownie off finger* Can we snag some brownies to go?

**Gerard:** No. I'm not going to let you fuck me while you're stoned.

**Michael:** *to Jonny, ignoring James' comment* absolutely, help yourself!

**Jonny Lee:** *to Michael* Thanks, man! *to Gerard* I'm fucking you? Major twist of fate.

**Gerard:** Why? I like being fucked. You've already been fucked once. I think it's my turn fair and square.

**Jonny Lee:** Okay. Works for me. *pulls away. bounces over to Michael and James* Uh, great party, guys. But I got a guy who wants me to fuck him and I'm gonna take him home so I can. *reaches for brownies* Michael, you got a bag for these?

**Michael:** *looks over to JL and Ger *Um, yeah - in the kitchen, on the counter. *gets up* I'm so glad you came! *laughs* well, and joined the party, too

**Gerard:** *watches, rubs bridge of nose* Why do I put up with him? *asking no one*

**Jonny Lee:** *points at Ger, talking to James* Blame it on him.

**Michael:** Ger, get over here! *already buzzed* Great to meet you *gives him a big hug*

**Gerard:** *returns hug*

**Michael:** And Jonny *hugs him too* I owe you a blowjob - but you have to come to NY for it

**Jonny Lee:** *to James* Yeah, it is. *leans in for Michael's hug* Listen, hate you're leaving London, but who knows, I got a feeling I'm gonna be flying more often.

**Carrie Anne:** *smiles at both Gerard and JL* Good to see you guys.

**Gerard:** Wonderful to meet you outside of spamming your journal.

**Jonny Lee:** *waves* Nice to see ya again. Dinner sometime maybe.

**Carrie Anne:** *chuckles* Wasn't spamming. I don't mind.

**Michael:** Honey, you can spam me any time - just, not with real Spam, 'kay?

**Jason:** *waves* Nice to meet you, Gerard--and Jonny, good to see you again.

**Jonny Lee:** *looks askew at Michael* You really don't want me to be humming the Spam song all night, do you?

**Gerard:** Don't!

**Michael:** *smiling goofily, plops back down next to James* good night guys!

**Gerard:** Um, yes, on that note, I think we should leave. Before I end up getting tortured. *good natured grumbling*

**Michael:** *laughs* Hey, I double dog dare you - I've got every Carpenters song in my arsenal

**Carrie Anne:** *snickers* So, thanks to you, do I.

**Gerard:** *grabs JL*

**Michael:** *waves at JL and Ger* take it easy, you two!

**Gerard:** Adieu. *leaves*

  


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	12. gerard: E-mail to rpgstipe and purefoy

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2003](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/11/)-[22](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/11/22/) 21:39:00   
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_**E-mail to[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/rpgstipe/profile)[ **rpgstipe**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/rpgstipe/) and [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/purefoy/profile)**_[**purefoy**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/purefoy/)  
To: michael.stipe@establishment.rpg, james.purefoy@establishment.rpg  
From: gerard@establishment.rpg  
Subject: Party

Thank you so much for inviting myself and Jonny Lee to your party. We had a delightful time, and wish you both all the best in all your future endeavours.

Sincerely,  
Gerard Butler.  


  


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	13. gerard: [private]

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2003](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/11/)-[22](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/11/22/) 02:01:00   
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**Current mood:** |  anguished  
---|---  
  
_**[private]**_  
[private]  
  
It was a good party. I had fun. I think Teak had fun. That's what counts. Right?  
  
  
But I'm lying to myself. I'm angry at him. I'm angry at Michael. I'm angry at Ms. Moss or her husband (I never caught his last name and I'm damned if I'm going to look something up in the database that I should have heard while being introduced), whichever one of them brought the brownies.  
  
  
I'm angry at Michael the least of them, I think. I don't know the extent of his relationship with Teak. For all I know, he once dommed him. It's not right for me to be jealous then that he pulled his hair, gave him orders.  
  
  
And I really shouldn't be angry at Jonny Lee. It's not like I told him not to get high. It's not like we couldn't have left any time we wanted to. I'm willing to bet if I'd told him not to eat one of those special brownies, he wouldn't have. He'd probably have asked for an explanation...fuck, and I don't know if I can give one. Not one he'd accept, anyway. Oh, he'd humour me, but that's about the extent of it.  
  
  
If I'd known there would be drugs I wouldn't have gone. ~~I don't need to live through those days~~  
  
  
  
  
*long sigh* There are some things I can't say even to myself.  
  
  
  


  


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	14. jonnyleemiller: me & parties

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2003](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2003/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2003/11/)-[22](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2003/11/22/) 10:32:00   
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**Current mood:** |  hung over  
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**Current music:** |  guy hammering in my head  
  
_**me & parties**_  
[left open on the computer in the miller-butler house]  
  
Did I do what I think I did last night? I'm not sure. My ass hurts enough that I know I did _that_. And, while I might wish I was, I'm not nearly hung over enough to not know exactly what I did last night.  
  
Got fucked in the middle of James' living room. Sucked off Michael. Crawled on the floor.  
  
Ouch. Doesn't look any better written down that it did floating in my brain. Could blame it on the alcohol and brownies (hell, hadn't had brownies in ages, and they were good shit). But I wasn't drunk or stoned when I threw myself onto the floor to be fucked.  
  
Psst, don't tell anyone ... there was a certain incredible wildness and spontaneity about it that I liked. Because it was Pire making me do it. Making me _want_ to do it. Don't wanna do it every night, but ...  
  
And I told James he was my lover. I get extra points for that.  
  
My lover's still sleeping. I think I'll make breakfast in that non-real kitchen.

  


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|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2003-11-23 02:29 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/6551.html?thread=3479&format=light#t3479))   
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[Written in Notepad, left minimized]  
  
Good morning, Teak. From the man who woke up to smelling the coffee this morning. Thank you for that. I don't think I'd want to do it every night either. Not only because I don't like parties all that much, but I think if we talk about that, it should be face to face.  
  
You were amazing last night. Amazing. Don't let that little conscious of yours tell you any different.  
  
  
You get all the points in the world for telling him I was your lover. And I need a one word answer about your relationship with Michael.  
  
  
-Ger 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/6551.html?replyto=3479&format=light))  
  
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	15. gerard: Dracula and Jonathan Van Helsing - Roleplay, Sunday Night

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2003](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/11/)-[23](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/11/23/) 17:04:00   
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_**Dracula and Jonathan Van Helsing - Roleplay, Sunday Night** _

[Follows [this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/1038.html). Players, not pups.]

Jonny Lee looks at the clock. _One hour past dusk._ Less than 15 minutes to go. He stares in the mirror. Leather pants laced up, hanging low on his hips. Smirk slips onto his lips. Nothing underneath of course. He finishes buttoning the shirt, playing absently with the ruffles. Runs a hand through his hair, spikes it, then flattens it, decides finally on Simon's look, or as much as he can with the longer hair he's sporting. He's nervous, in a good way, but wouldn't think of stopping. Finally satisfied that he looks as good as it's going to get, he turns from the mirror and finishes lighting the candles. Gerard hadn't specified setting, but Jonny Lee thought the candles were appropriate, and since their bedroom didn't have overhead lighting, it was functional, too.

Gerard tugs down the cuffs on his [shirt](http://www.internationalmale.com/HanoverAssets/intmale/product_images/cy69zz.jpg), more than a little nervous. He hasn't played like this in months, not since his last roleplaying scene with Jonny Lee, and so it takes him a bit to get into role. _Dracula. The bloodsucker._ Jonny Lee's in the bedroom. He can hear his footsteps walking around upstairs. _Come on, Teak, tell me what you're thinking._

Candles lit, room darkened, Jonny Lee has to smile at how it could easily be another place, another time. He breathes in, slowly, starting the process of letting go of himself, letting Teak come to the forefront. And then tapping into Jonathan, the one waiting. "You want to be claimed," he breathes out. "You're waiting on Dracula." He says the name quickly. "You're giving yourself over to pain and death," he pauses, "and incredible pleasure." He's in the headspace, just like that, a man waiting for his lover.

Gerard checks himself over in the mirror before going to meet Jonny Lee. Long sleeved shirt, thigh-high boots. Cape and pants refugees from the movie. Leather gloves. He'd hesitated, then decided against the false fangs. It only took away from the overall effect. "Dracula," he tries out, rolling the word around in his mouth. "I am _Dracula_."

He pulls down a book from the shelf and absently flips through it. Makes sense to pretend. "You're in a library," he says softly to himself. "The fog is rolling in." He laughs. "Fog always rolls in before Dracula arrives." It's Simon's voice he hears himself using. "And the old man would kill you rather than let you do what you intend."

Gerard mounts the stairs slowly. He's been here long enough to get reacquainted with how to walk on them without making the boards creak. Dracula is silent, always, even when he pounces on his prey. _Jonathan is waiting. The son of Van Helsing. This is revenge, clean and simple._ And going to be oh so enjoyable. Gerard licks his lips and slips himself into Dracula. He straightens up, his eyes take on a fey light. _Jonathan, I am coming. Be ready._

"You want a man who offers you nothing more than death." Jonny Lee continues talking, taking on more of the role. In his mind, he's Jonathan. "What are you thinking?" He puts the book back on the shelf, picks up one of the daggers that hide in crevices between the books. "To want a man. That in itself is sacrilege. But to want him." _To want Pire._ He balances the dagger on point in his palm. "It's blasphemy. You will burn in hell, Jonathan."

Coming up on the bedroom, Gerard can hear Teak's musings. _If I'm this hard already, I'm never going to last the night._ Gerard crosses the threshold, staying in the shadows.

Jonny Lee stands perfectly still. Mentally he's been counting down the minutes, knows it's near time. _Damn, I want you, Pire._ He holds the dagger in front of his face, tilts it, watches the candlelight flicker in its reflection.

Gerard watches the light play off the dagger. "Jonathan," he whispers.

Even as prepared as he is, Jonny Lee shivers at the voice. A visible shudder. It's not Gerard. It's Dracula. "Yes," he says without turning.

"Come to me."

It's compelling, that voice. He turns, catches sight of Gerard for the first time. His breath hitches. It's like the first time on set, when Gerard walked out fully dressed as Dracula. Jonny Lee'd gotten hard on the spot. Just like now. Only then, it'd been in forgiving denim. The leather just stiffens. He moves slowly, walking as if drawn. "You came," he whispers, not able to force enough breath up for full voice.

Gerard holds out his hand. "Come to me," he repeats.

Jonny Lee walks to Gerard, the dagger still in his hand. He doesn't say anything else for the moment, just stands there in front of his lover, truly mesmerized by the sight. _So fucking beautiful. And it's mine._

Gerard takes Jonny Lee's hand in his and pulls him toward him. Plucks the dagger with his other hand. _Come into my parlor, said the spider to the fly._ "Are you ready for me?"

"Yes." Simple word with such power. And so many levels. Jonathan's ready, for Dracula's bite. Teak's wanting to go wherever it is Pire's leading. And Jonny Lee is lubed and stretched and aching. "Just as you asked."

"No, not asked." Quietly, dangerously. " _Demanded_."

"Demanded," Jonny Lee echoes. He smiles. "Every command I will follow."

Gerard can't help but kiss him. _Mine. Obedient, beautiful. Mine._

Jonny Lee responds, just shy of pressing back into the kiss. _You're the submissive victim._

Gerard pulls back, leaving the kiss almost chaste, but nips lightly at Jonny Lee's bottom lip. Keeps his voice as low as before. "Are you ready to become _mine_?"

"Yes. I want to be yours." Jonny Lee licks at his lip, savoring the leftover taste of Gerard. "Forever."

"Oh, I can arrange that." Finger to _Jonathan_ 's lips, slips it inside. "I can arrange that very easily."

Lips parting, Gerard's finger slides in, touches his tongue. Jonny Lee closes his mouth around it, sucks on it as Jonathan would, haltingly but wanting more.

The suction goes right to his cock, as Gerard had known it would. "I have no more need for brides."

Jonny Lee wants more than the finger, much more, but it's working its magic. He swirls his tongue over it, then hollows his cheeks and sucks in. _So fucking hard._ He shifts, pulling in his stomach.

But for boys," Gerard continues, pushing a second finger into Teak's willing mouth. "Oh, for boys, I have such a need."

Greedy for the increased pressure, he urges the fingers to the back of his tongue. Wants even more. Tilts his head, lets the desire in eyes answer for him while his mouth is occupied.

Gerard scissors his fingers around, pushing them even deeper. Jonny Lee's enthusiasm is obvious. He grins, tests the edge of one canine with the tip of his tongue. "Do you think you could be such a boy, Jonathan?"

Jonny Lee nods, murmurs "yes" against the flesh invading his mouth.

Grin widens. "Good." Pulls finger from mouth. Voice hardens even more. "Then get on your knees and show me how good you can be!"

Dropping to his knees, Jonny Lee lets his hands fall to rest on his thighs. He lowers his head. "Tell me how I may serve you," he pauses. _Would it be too much in character? No, not for Jonathan._ "Master," he adds softly.

Gerard shivers. _So fucking in character._ He shifts, adjusts himself. "Did you tell your father about our little secret?"

"No." Jonny Lee shakes his head, slips deeper into Jonathan's voice, educated and refined. "Not a word. He thinks I abhor you as much as he."

"Stupid of him. And from a man who so rarely is...stupid."

"He is not stupid." A son's word in defense of a foolish father. "He only sees what he wants to see."

Gerard's fingers lift Jonny Lee's chin, forcing him to meet his eyes. "And just what is he?" Nails stroke the skin. " _Boy_?"

"Blind to the truth, master." Jonny Lee sucks in a quick breath at the words. _Boy. His boy._ "He cannot see that you are the right and only way," a small smile creases his lips, "to eternal salvation."

"Trouble me not with platitudes or your useless religion," Gerard sneers. _Judas. Religion only makes him angry._

"I am sorry, sir." Plaintive. Sincere. _In character, Teak._ "I only meant to say he cannot see what I see."

Nails turn to stroking. "And what can you see?"

He leans into the stroking, presses for more. "I see a man," brief pause, "who holds my life in his hand. A man I want to serve on bended knee," shorter pause, "and in his bed." His head lolls into the touch, tilting and exposing his throat even more.

Gerard brings his second hand down, strokes the flat side of the dagger across Teak's neck. "You are...so beautiful."

Jonny Lee's given completely over to the submissive, to the desires of the person Gerard brings out. It's Teak who hisses out a breath, begs with his body for the cut the blade's edge promises. "I am," Jonathan answers, "what you make me and nothing more."

"And your father?" Nails bite into flesh.

Shiver. Shudder. Body jerks pleasurably as nails pierce flesh. "He is nothing." Jonathan yields completely. "Dust beneath if your feet, if you desire."

"And I do. Oh, yes, I do." Thumb slides downward. "And it will be in the way he least expects."

"Take me. Make me yours. Completely. So there is nothing left in me for him to claim."

"You're a demanding one." Hand tightens, dagger presses in. "I'm not sure I like that."

Body stiffens against the dagger. _Cut. Please._ Breathing hitches. "No. Not demanding, master. Begging." Jonny Lee clenches his hands into fists, then out, clawing his fingers against the leather's laces. "Please, sir."

Gerard steps back for a moment and pretends to think. He wants to watch his boy _squirm_.

"No." Jonathan's confused. He assumes. "Don't leave." There's a desperate lilt to his voice. "Please. I need you."

Gerard brings the blade to his mouth, licks it slowly. "You need."

He licks his lips. "I crave it." He moves forward, a shift of weight on his knees.

"What? Eternal life?"

"Only if you want me to have it." Teak makes a decision in Jonathan's stead, drops to hands and knees and stretches himself in a crawl, quickly covering the distance between them. _Submissive, Teak, enthralled by Dracula._ "I crave serving you, master." _Hope you like this, Pire. If not, you can kick me 'cross the room._ He stops, dips his head and kisses the toe of the black boot at his lips.

Gerard's fingers tighten into a fist around the dagger and it takes a supreme force of will for him to place it on a nearby table. _What he does to me..._ "Jonathan," he hisses.

"Yes, master?" He keeps his head down.

Nudges at Teak's chin with his boot. "Look at me when I'm talking to you, boy."

Teak immediately responds, kneels up, turns his eyes to his lover's face. "Yes, sir."

"Do you want me?"

"Yes."

"Then get up."

Teak stands, stretches his body out, lets his hands fall to his side, remains silent.

Both hands free, Gerard wraps them around Jonny Lee's throat and digs his thumbs in. "Everything you are, everything that's yours, is _mine_."

"Yes." The word is little more than a rasp as Gerard's thumbs press, obstruct the flow of oxygen. Teak swallows hard, his body reacting at what his brain involuntarily interprets as strangling. His windpipe and throat will be sore long after Gerard releases him. "Yours."

Gerard releases him. " _Mortal_." Dracula despises them. But this specimen, this glorious specimen, won't be that way for much longer.

Jonny Lee coughs, swallows again. "No," he whimpers. He wants more, doesn't like it stopping like that. _Stay in fuckin' character, Miller._ He fights off the urge to tell Gerard to just fuck him. "I'm sorry, sir, for what I am." He pants for a moment, collects himself. "Will you claim me? Please?"

"Perhaps." Walks away, over to the bed. Gerard's always liked playing with fire. Passes his fingers experimentally through the flame, savoring the heat.

Tracking his lover's movements, Jonny Lee watches with curious fascination as fingers pass through flame. "Tell me what to do, sir." The triad occupying his brain tonight speaks softly in unison. " I don't know how to please you."

"Tell me how you felt when you first found my letter." Isn't sure if he's speaking in role or not, decides it doesn't matter.

"Desired. Needy. Scared." One voice expressing all their feelings. "Harder than I've ever been."

"'Scared'." Of what? Being bled, getting into role again? Touching once more on the darkness? "Of what?"

"That someone would try to stop you from getting to me." The smile is Jonathan's, as is the concern. Jonny Lee turns. "Needless fear, since you cannot be stopped, but you asked for my first feelings, sir."

Gerard strokes himself openly. "You want me."

"Yes." Jonny Lee pushes back the chuckle in his brain. _The answer isn't going to change, no matter how many times he asks._ "I want you." _I want what's under that hand in my arse right now._

"And just how," the stroke against his cock leaves him almost breathless. "do you want me?"

"I want," Jonny Lee takes a step toward the bed. _Don't be demanding._ "To take you in my mouth, sir, please you until you feel I'm worthy to do more."

_I'm about to come in my pants._ "Request," Gerard clears his throat. "Request granted."

"On my knees here?" He moves closer, each step more difficult as the ache in his cock grows. He'd have come 15 minutes ago if not for sheer willpower, which is slowly ebbing. "Or would my master prefer to make himself more comfortable on the bed?"

Gerard thanks whatever god there might be watching that he doesn't have to really move to collapse down onto the bed. "Take my shoes off."

"Yes, sir." Dropping to his knees, wincing as the leather constricts again, a good feeling, Jonny Lee starts unlacing the boots. "Thank you, sir," he says as he finishes the first, gently pulling it off, "for letting me serve you."

Gerard sighs as his right foot is freed. He's never been one to have anything against shoes, but these boots are still mostly new.

Jonny Lee unlaces and removes the second boot, placing it alongside the first. He's in a happy place, a space he thinks he wants to stay in for a long time. He places his hands on Gerard's thighs, slides them up to unzip the pants. "May I, sir?"

"Yes."

Fingers make quick work of the zipper, folding fabric back and sliding the pants down just enough to free his cock. Jonny Lee brings himself up on his knees and dips his head, kissing just the cockhead, very lightly, almost reverentially.

Gerard grits his teeth, forces himself not to come. Teak's hands, his mouth... "More!"

It's a simple command. And one Teak's eager to comply with. He takes Gerard completely, pushing his head forward, relaxing his throat, sensing it won't take much to make his lover come.

_Can't...can't come. Fantasy. Need to fulfill fantasy._ But Gerard doesn't care. Teaks' warm and wet around him and he can't hold back any longer.

Teak wants to scream, but his mouth's rather full, hot and salty semen washing his tongue and throat. _Shouldn't vampires be cold?_ It's a random, ricocheting thought as he tamps down his own desire, concentrates on absorbing his lover.

Gerard sees white. When his vision finally clears, he finds himself looking down on Jonny Lee, still kneeling obediently by his feet, mouth still attached to his cock. "U-up."

Jonny Lee pulls back, stands up. He licks at the corners of his mouth, wiping up a remnant of white. "Yes, sir. What may I do for you now?"

_Dominant, Butler. You're a dominant. Tell him what to do._ "Take off your pants. Slowly. Show me what I'm getting."

It's not an order to strip, just take off the pants slowly. Jonny Lee does that, unlacing the loosely laced sides, letting it open to show more flesh beneath the black leather. He leans down to make work of the laces below the knee, smiles up at Gerard, but remains silent.

Gerard's eyes follow Jonny Lee's body as he bends over almost in half. "Beautiful," he whispers reverently.

Jonny Lee stays in that position as he starts from the bottom on the other leg, working his way up the laces, occasionally glancing up. _Damn, I love doing this for you._ Laces undone, Jonny Lee straightens.

"Stand up." Gerard somehow finds it within himself to get up. He walks around Jonny Lee, passing a hand across his lower back. Perfect posture.

He stiffens under Gerard's touch, sucks in a quick breath.

Gerard strokes his thumb down Jonny Lee's back, pressing in on the silk. "Quite a mouth."

"Yes, sir." Jonny Lee smiles. "It is for your pleasure, sir." _Submissive. Giving over._ The mantra cycles through his brain.

"So skilled that it would make a man wonder just who _taught_ you to do that." Gerard laughs to himself. He's never fucked a virgin in his life. Playing a role with someone who probably never sinned is going to be more than a little amusing.

"No one taught me. I'm a ..." Jonny Lee stops, Jonathan's hesitant voice taking over. "I just did what I thought you'd like."

Gerard smiles. Dracula leers. "You're a what?"

_I am not a fuckin' virgin._ Jonny Lee's voice screams in his head and snarls silently. It's Jonathan's voice that answers, though he won't say the word. "I've never been with anyone, sir."

_Oh, this is just too good._ Gerard positions himself behind Jonny Lee, wrapping his arms around him, resting his head on his shoulder. He takes Jonny Lee's hands in his. "Your blood is rushing through your veins." Pause, lower, hissing. "I can _hear_ it."

"It is yours." Every part of him is shivering at the touches. Even without the vampire roleplay, it's what Jonny Lee wants. To be held, possessed, consumed.

"It is." Gerard nips lightly at the side of Jonny Lee's neck. "Mine." He can't help it. " _Virgin_."

"Yes." Jonny Lee doesn't know which part of Gerard's comments he's answering. He tilts his head back, leaning into his lover. He just wants more, wants the bite, the fuck. "Claim me," he says softly, almost a whisper. "Take me."

Gerard's teeth worry at Jonny Lee's throat. "Slut."

"Only for you." Jonny Lee licks his lips. They're dry, beyond help, just like his throat, which is suddenly very tight. "I saved myself for you."

Breath comes out lightly, playing over skin. "You've been waiting."

"All my life." Whispers. "For you."

Delightful glee. "And to think, that you didn't even know I was coming. Such devotion should be rewarded."

Jonny Lee lets his body go limp against Gerard's, physical submission. "Please."

Gerard strokes his fingers across Jonny Lee's palms. "Such devotion," nibbling at his neck. "Such devotion. I think I'll reward you."

"Whatever you will give me, sir," Jonathan says hesitantly. Jonny Lee's fingers instinctively curl at the touch.

"I'm going to give you my teeth." Gerard takes a step backwards and releases Jonny Lee from his embrace. "Face up on the bed."

Jonny Lee crawls onto the bed, lies down face up, arms at his side, trying his damnedest to stay in character and not look provocative.

_Prey._ The thought rises unbidden and Gerard shakes it away. _Teak,_ he reminds himself sternly. Hands rise to buttons, help his shirt slowly slip off.

_Pire_. Jonny Lee mouths silently as he pushes his head against the pillows. Jonathan seeking escape, he tells himself.

Gerard drops his shirt to the floor, letting it pool somewhere in the glittering darkness. He stalks over to the bed and climbs on top of it, resting himself on his knees between Jonny Lee's legs. Leans over, bent almost horizontal, braces himself on his arms, and starts to bite at Jonny Lee's collarbone.

"Oh, shit," words escaping before Jonny Lee has a chance to even process what's happening, except that his lover is over him and biting him. Jonny Lee claws at the blanket under his fingers, It could be perceived as fighting, if it were in character and Jonathan were truly afraid. But he isn't. And neither is Jonny Lee.

_Delicious._ Gerard makes his way down from the collarbone into where the shirt beings. He slips the first button out with his teeth.

Jonny Lee arches his hips up off the bed, instinct at the increased contact. "Want. Take. Need." It's a little litany of mutterings from his mouth. The blanket is fisted under his hand; he unclenches and stretches out his fingers.

"Yes," whispering as he licks at Jonny Lee's chest before biting the patches of newly released skin.

Sensation washes, one slamming wave after another, and Jonny Lee barely has time to recover from each before he's drowned again. And it's perfect, an excellent way to die. "More," he whispers out, almost afraid to ask. "Please."

"As you wish." Second, third buttons come undone and Gerard is getting hard again. He can only imagine Jonny Lee's torment. Fuck, but the boy is delicious.

Jonny Lee's whole body is shaking with need. His cock is rock hard from not coming earlier, and it's getting a helluva lot harder to tamp down the control. "Please, Pi--," he catches himself before calling out the wrong name. _Stay in fucking character. Just a goddamned minute longer._ "Please, Dracula, master, take me."

Gerard rolls the skin around in his teeth, then tugs on it, sucking harshly. Lets it down, moves on to the next bit of flesh. "Not," bite, "until," suck, "I've," tug, "tasted," lick, "all of you."

"Damn." Longer moan. "Fuck." Piercing whimper. "Want. Now."

And as much as he wants to continue tasting Teak, such insolence cannot go unpunished. Gerard pulls himself up and strokes himself slowly. "My hearing must be failing me, boy, because I could swear you were just demanding terms."

"No." It's a wailing scream. Jonny Lee slams his head back into the pillows, clutches and twists the blanket. "Wasn't." He blinks, opens his eyes, settles on Gerard's face. "Demanding. No. Promise." The litany of expletives is mouthed silently. _Shit. Shit. Shit._

"Ahhh," Gerard presses a finger to Jonny Lee's lips. "Don't lie." _What to do with a naughty Teak? Oh, yes, give him what he wants._

"It's not a lie, sir." Jonny Lee fights back the desire, swallows the words, sinks himself back into Jonathan's head. "I would lie here all night, submitting to nothing but your touches if it's what you desire, sir."

Gerard assesses him. "Get that shirt off and get on your stomach." Harsh words. Harsh tone. _Let's see if I can get that skin to redden without any external stimuli._

"Yes, sir." Almost too enthusiastic. Jonny Lee rips the shirt off, not giving a damn about whether or not the buttons had all been undone, tosses it off the side of the bed and turns over.

Gerard bites off a fingernail, leaving a jagged edge. Traces Jonny Lee's spine all the way down, then back up again. "Eternity," he tests the word out on his lips. "I can make it yours."

The scraping elicits a hissed rasp of breath, and a desire to beg for more, but Jonny Lee waits. "Yes, eternity, with you, master."

"For the blood is the life." Ritual words. Gerard bites harshly against Jonny Lee's right shoulder, makes a rough diagonal line of bites down his back.

Jonny Lee damned near comes from the first bite. He does scream, slamming his face into the pillows to muffle it. The line of them forces him to grind his hips into the bed to keep from coming right then and there. He can't. Not yet. Hasn't been released.

Gerard's amazed at Teak's control. "The children of the night," he whispers. "What music they make!"

The pillow's muffling laughter. Jonny Lee can't control it with the way Gerard delivers the classic bad lines. "Fuck," he pants out, totally losing it. "Pire." Laughs again. "Please fuck me now. And that's not demanding. That's begging."

Gerard swats him. "And I was just about to give you my best line!" He pouts playfully, presses a kiss to the back of Jonny Lee's neck. "Your wish is my command." Thank god Teak's already lubed up.

"Sorry. Sorry." Jonny Lee's still laughing into the pillows, small giggles. "I was fine till you tossed out the night music." He's squirming, his body shuddering with impending orgasm. "Pire, I'm damned close. Can't hold it much longer without," he rasps out, "dieing. Please."

"Well, I think dieing was the point of this exercise." Out of character, Gerard feels free to let his accent return. "You sure you don't want me to wait?"

Jonny Lee manages to pull his head out of the pillow long enough to turn his head and give his lover the most sincere "looks can kill" glare. "No. I don't want you to wait." He licks his lips, wiggles his ass. "Fuck it. Please, sir."

Gerard obliges, lining himself up, and pushing himself in until there's nothing left to give.

Jonny Lee mentally shoves himself past the initial pain, the sense of invasion, the body's instinct to fight. He buries his head deeper into the yielding pillows, pushes his body back to meet the assault.

He's already come once tonight, so he knows he can last. Gerard starts a steady rhythm, not too fast, not too slow. _Perfect torture._

The fight's getting harder, just like his cock, and Jonny Lee's biting into the pillow to not come. He's quickly going to be pushing beyond his own limits for orgasm control, and decides a little begging won't hurt. "Please, Ger," he spits out in ragged breaths, turning his head to one side. "Need to come. Soon. Please."

"So come." But he's not going to stop just because Teak can't hold on anymore. Friction's too good. Teak's too good. Gerard's very quickly losing the power of thought.

The words are barely out of Gerard's mouth before Jonny Lee obeys, pressing down against the blankets, back against his lover, anything to get that last sensation. His screams are channeled into the pillow, bites of fabric muffling the yesgodyesmorenowharder litany. In the next few minutes, he's coated with his own cum, sticking to the blankets and not giving a damn.

_Bloodyhellfuckingchrist_. Been too long since he's felt Jonny Lee come around him. He wants it. Wants more. His thrusts take up a frantic speed, needing Teak, wanting him. Needing him so bad.

Jonny Lee's floating, mindless, euphoric, endorphins rushing through every corpuscle, setting nerve endings on fire. All he wants now is ... he smiles, pushes himself back to meet Ger's thrusts. That. That's what he wants. A lover's bruising touch.

Gerard feels like he's running a marathon, pushing himself over and over again into Jonny Lee's tight ass, feeling Jonny Lee meet him thrust for thrust.

"Yes." The scream is less muted now. Jonny Lee pulls his head up, pushes up on his forearms. "Fuck me, Pire," he hisses out, not caring that he's dropped completely out of character.

"Thought I was," stops to pant a while, doesn't - _can't_ \- slow his thrusts, "doing that."

"You are. Want more." The words are rushed, slurred together. Jonny Lee's brain isn't exactly working right. It's mired somewhere in the stickiness of the sheets.

_Boy's gonna kill me._ Gerard leans down, catches his teeth against one sweat-slicked shoulder. _Not a bad thing._

_What I wanted. Yes. That's it. Perfect._ He's beyond words, content to ride the last crest of a crashing wave.

So...fucking...perfect....

Gerard screams as he comes, not sure what he's screaming, only knowing it's release and it's beautiful.

  


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	16. gerard: E-mail to lutz

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2003](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/11/)-[23](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/11/23/) 11:10:00   
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_**E-mail to[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/profile)**_[ **lutz**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/)  
To: mark.lutz@establishment.rpg  
From: gerard@establishment.rpg  
Subject: LA

Jonny Lee and I will be getting into LA on the night of the 24th. What say you to lunch on the 26th? We are both eager to meet you. My number's in the directory, as is Jonny Lee's adress, my temporary (permanent?) home.

Sincerely,  
Gerard

  


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	17. gerard: Left for jonnyleemiller

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2003](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/11/)-[23](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/11/23/) 01:44:00   
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> ---  
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> * * *

  
_**Left for[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)**_[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
  
[Taped to Jonny Lee's computer screen]

  
[ripped out of a newspaper]

_I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked,_  
dragging themselves through the negro streets at dawn looking for an angry fix

[scrawled underneath it]

If I'm going to be living with you, I think I should invest in a "real" computer. My laptop's not up to it. (Not to mention that the keys are pretty sticky. Thank you very much for introducing me to the DVD drive) Any suggestions?  
  


  


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	18. gerard: On the way to LA

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2003](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/11/)-[24](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/11/24/) 17:15:00   
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_**On the way to LA**_  
 ~~[Supposed to be locked to JL only, but Ger hasn't quite figured out filters yet, so it's wide open to any pup that comes stumbling along]~~  
[Locked to JLM while Ger and JLM wait for the plane to land]

Fuck, Teak. I'm sitting next to you on the plane right now, you have your head resting on my shoulder, and you're sleeping so very peacefully. I'm awake and you're snoring on top of me - it's fucking endearing, mate. I'm typing very slowly so I don't disturb you and trying to be as quiet as possible. Every so often you make little hums of pleasure, so I suppose it's a good dream, even if you won't remember it by the time you read this.

Today in the airport, Teak, fuck. People looked at us like we were a couple. And I liked that they did that. It's not like we have banter or anything, stuff that's in films and all - well, maybe your films, certainly not mine. I'm more of a point and gruff sort of man. I state the obvious. "Oh, look, dragons are coming." "If you're going to kill me, why not do it now?" "Don't teach me about betrayal." "Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, embezzled cucumbers, and is now locked up somewhere in Coventry."

I'm not very recognizable. I don't look very often like myself. One of the great things of doing back to back movies is that I don't have to get haircuts anymore. Fuck, Teak, I'm in movies where there's more chemistry between Bale and Matt than between Bale and Izabella. (Come to think of it, I saw _Equilibrium_ about a month back with Emmy - nice girl, plays Christine - and there was more chemistry between Bale and Sean Bean than with any female lead - but you know all about how I am about all things Sharpe) I'm the sidekick. I'm the friend. And when I'm not, the movie's so B that it doesn't matter. I'm not about to claim that they stuck the handcuffing scene into Cradle of Life just because I look immensely shaggable tied to a bed (a claim I invite you to check out any time you want. I've always enjoyed topping from the bottom), but because they needed to advance Lara as a ~~Domme~~ heartless bitch who can hold her own with the men by not getting involved with any of them. (Did I ever mention how awkward it was to have to kiss your ex?) I do the bad guys or I do the best friends. I'm not a hero type.

It doesn't matter that I'm gay and I'm so fucking happy about that. Hope you're enjoying the game.

  


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|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ashton/profile)[**ashton**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ashton/)  
2003-11-26 03:07 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/3781.html?thread=965&format=light#t965))   
---|---  
_I look immensely shaggable tied to a bed_  
  
  
Personally, I'd love to see that firsthand...  
  
I'm sorry, I'm sure you didn't mean this to be public but I just couldn't resist. I'm Ashton. Nice to meet you. I love your work. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/3781.html?replyto=965&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/3781.html?thread=965&format=light#t965))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2003-11-26 03:59 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/3781.html?thread=1477&format=light#t1477))   
---|---  
If you ask very, very nicely, Ashton, I might consider sending you a glossy of it after we finish. *g*  
But, other than that, no audiences.  
  
~ Jonny Lee 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/3781.html?replyto=1477&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/3781.html?thread=965&format=light#t965))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/3781.html?thread=1477&format=light#t1477))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ashton/profile)[**ashton**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ashton/)  
2003-11-26 04:30 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/3781.html?thread=1733&format=light#t1733))   
---|---  
I believe I was responding to Gerard, actually. Can he not speak for himself?  
  
And I wasn't really thinking of being in the audience. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/3781.html?replyto=1733&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/3781.html?thread=1477&format=light#t1477))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/3781.html?thread=1733&format=light#t1733))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2003-11-26 04:46 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/3781.html?thread=1989&format=light#t1989))   
---|---  
Yes, Gerard can speak for himself. Quite well and rather eloquently.  
But you'll ever get close enough to find out just how effective the words can be. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/3781.html?replyto=1989&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/3781.html?thread=1733&format=light#t1733))  
  
|  **private posts are like handcuffs, pire ... locked works better**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2003-11-26 05:01 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/3781.html?thread=2501&format=light#t2501))   
---|---  
[sometime mid-flight, jonny lee snags the laptop to surf the net to get his mind off wanting to come and not being able to; response locked down private to gerard]  
  
Wow!  
Okay, initial reaction is to find you ... think you're in the loo ... and get your password so I can lock this down.  
On second thought, it can wait. Just a minute.  
Except that I'm going to strangle this Ashton idiot.  
  
 _(Did I ever mention how awkward it was to have to kiss your ex?)_  
Not that I recall. But I can imagine. She kisses pretty damned well. Curious. Did she know you'd done me?  
  
 _It doesn't matter that I'm gay and I'm so fucking happy about that._  
Me, too. And I like being a couple. Don't much care who knows.  
  
 _Hope you're enjoying the game._  
Yes, sir. Well, that's a bloody understatement. Looking forward to its climax  
  
Uh, should I be concerned that you brought up Christian Bale twice? *g*  
  
btw, when you come back, I'll teach you how to lock posts.  
  
~ Teak 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/3781.html?replyto=2501&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/3781.html?thread=2501&format=light#t2501))  
  
|  **Re: private posts are like handcuffs, pire ... locked works better**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2003-11-26 08:58 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/3781.html?thread=3013&format=light#t3013))   
---|---  
[likewise private, but considering that the whole post is private, Ger doesn't think it really matters very much]  
  
  
Oh, Christ. It's closed now.  
  
Though I must disagree with your subject line. Handcuffs _can_ work wonders while still open. Need I say exercise in self-control? I wonder how long you could keep your hands above your head while I tormented you below your waist.  
  
  
  
 _She kisses pretty damned well._  
  
I refuse to reply to that on grounds that it may lead myself into a permanently cold bed.  
  
  
  
 _Did she know you'd done me?_  
  
Yeah. First time we met, I told her that I'd her a lot about her from you, and she dropped a mention that I must be that Scottish bloke Jonny Lee was fucking. I didn't have the heart to tell her who was usually on top.  
  
  
  
 _Uh, should I be concerned that you brought up Christian Bale twice?_  
  
In a word, no.  
  
In two words, hell no.  
  
In three words?  Um. Fuck no, Teak. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/3781.html?replyto=3013&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/3781.html?thread=2501&format=light#t2501))  
  
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****

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	19. gerard: Phone Call: Gerard and harry_sinclair - November 24th

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2003](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/11/)-[24](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/11/24/) 21:59:00   
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_**Phone Call: Gerard and[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/profile)**_[ **harry_sinclair**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/) \- November 24th  
  
[players only. Phone call between Harry and Gerard, with JL interloping. Takes place November 24th.]

  
Gerard's about to go to bed when he remembers he owes Sinclair a phone call. The number's scrawled on a scrap of paper and it takes him a few moments to remember when he stuffed it. "Ah, fuck it." He goes over to the phone and dials the front desk. "Hello, could you connect me with Mr. Harry Sinclair's residence?" There are a few clicks and he hears the phone ring.

Harry's in the closet when the phone rings. "Shit," he says as he jerks up, hits his head on the suspension bar and grabs across the stack of boxes for the cordless unit. He punches the talk button with one hand and puts it to his ear. "Yeah, Sinclair. Talk." With his other hand, he's hanging up the chain flogger in its appropriate place on the pegboard. _Hope David appreciates all the trouble I'm going to in organizing this stuff._ He picks up the Devil's Tongue from the floor and hangs it up while he waits on a response.

He can hear things banging into each other. "It's Gerard, from the thread in Mark's journal. Did I catch you at a bad time?"

Gerard? Harry searches his memory as he picks up a stray plug and sits it on a shelf. Oh, _that_ one. The one with the penchant for cutting. "No, not at all. I was just cleaning up some things." He pauses. "You're in LA?"

"Yes." It occurs to Gerard that he doesn't know where the front desk connected him to. "Are you?"

"Yeah. Down on the beach." Harry's sorting out keep from trash, debating whether he really needs three Gates of Hell. He hangs up one, tosses two into a drawer.

Gerard walks into the living room area of the suite and collapses gratefully onto a plus oversized easy chair. "Sounds lovely."

"Great view, especially from the bed," Harry shares. He picks up the cat and runs his fingers over its flails. "So, Gerard," he clips the name with a bit of New Zealand accent, "you were interested in playing with Mark?" Harry's nothing if not direct, when the mood strikes him, and sorting out his toy closet has him in a mood.

"I do." _Does Mark belong to this one?_ Gerard had forgotten to ask Mark about his relationship status. He had assumed he was unattached. "Is there a previous claim I should know about?"

Harry laughs, as close to a giggle as guys get. "No, not a claim. Mark belongs to himself." He pauses, thinks over exactly what the relationship is for himself. "Let's just say that I've taken it upon myself to ensure Mark gets every sensation he craves."

"Ah. And this includes cutting him?"

"If it's what he wants." Harry fingers the sharp brads tied into the cat's braids. "Of course, that's not all he wants."

He'd figured that Mark would be a painslut, but Harry intrigues him. Gerard hates talking about people behind their backs, but this _is_ meant to be a surprise, so he supposes it's alright. "How so?"

"You read the journal entry." Statement, not question. "He wants more than cutting. He wants the mindfuck." Harry pauses, puts the cat down. "In the short time I've known Mark, I've discovered he is a sensualist in the truest definition of the word. He thrives on the experience and really is attuned to pushing himself to whatever limits have been prescribed." _And I haven't even begun to explore all of them._

Gerard whistles in appreciation. "Sounds delightful. What sort of mindfucks, do you know?"

"He wants to be scared, terrorized, put in a situation from which there appears to be no escape." Harry's voice is low, light, airy, a contradiction to what he's talking about. "I was thinking something along the lines of a kidnapping scene, some way to incorporate his renewed interest in cutting."

"Kidnapping." Gerard repeats, not sure the word sinks in. He's never met either of these men, yet he's getting hard from just imaging the scene. "I switch, but I mostly dom." How many is too many doms in the playroom?

"Same here. Switch, mostly dom." Harry thinks how that statement's changed in the last few weeks, going to his knees for David. Repeatedly. "But I'm agreeable to taking instruction, working in cooperation, if it enhances Mark's experience." _Damnit, Sinclair, you just realize what you said?_ Harry shakes his head, retrieves the cat and hangs it on the pegboard. _Shit, life is changing._

Gerard isn't sure how to take that. "What I meant to say was, that we're going to need to set out beforehand who is ultimately on top." As much as Ger hates being dommed in public, he hates switching in scene more.

"Well, since you're the guest in LA, I could just defer to you. Do you have a strong preference?"

That's a tricky one. Gerard thinks for a moment before replying slowly. "You know him better than I do, so I think you should be the director, as it were. But I do ask that you not try to..." Gerard trails off, licks his lips. All he knows about Harry is what he gets from reading the man's public entries, and fuck, that isn't much.

"Try to what? Be very specific in your requests, Gerard." Harry's back to tinkering with his closet, rearranging, shelving. _Yes, dildos go here and clamps go there. And, oh yes, David especially likes the cane, so it needs to be right here._

"This is fucking awkward." Gerard takes a deep breath. "I have problems with switching in the middle of a scene. Fuck, I have problems subbing to begin with. But I get a feeling that you're one of those people that could have me crawling with just a look. I'm asking that you not try to dominate me."

Harry sits up, clears his throat. "Well, now, that's a visual. Do you crawl nicely, Gerard?" Voice light and melodic. "But, I believe I can agree to your stipulations. I won't try to dominate you."

Gerard's eyes close and he's halfway onto the floor before he remembers who he is and who he's talking to. _Fuck._ "I crawl very nicely," he growls, hoping his pause went unnoticed. "But I'm not looking to sub for a scene at the moment." Besides, he doesn't quite trust anyone _that_ much. Well, except for Teak, and Gerard honestly isn't sure Teak could put him in headspace. "Thank you."

"Alright, contract made." The smile's broad on Harry's face, just imaging how Gerard looks on the floor. All he's seen are the profile photos. Nice, but they never a man justice. "Now to logistics. You have plans to meet him?"

"Yes, we're to meet for lunch on Wednesday."

"And there were plans for after that?"

Gerard shrugs. "Whatever happens, happens." He makes a mental note to keep a tight lid on his submissive side when he meets Harry.

"That works. I like spontaneity. My actors have complained about when I'm directing, but I find it keeps things fresh." Harry pulls a box from the stack and starts rummaging through it, phone wedged between shoulder and ear. "There was mention in your responses to Mark of your companion. Will Mr. Miller be joining us?"

"He will. Sometimes you get the best results when you expect nothing."

"And is he to be included in whatever is planned for Mark? Or is he a spectator?"

"If he wants to be included, he will. I have a few activities planned for him. No reason not to add another one."

"Understandable," Harry says, but he's not sure if it is. He finds himself suddenly rather curious about this relationship, this man. But he figures he'll find out soon enough. "We can certainly amend the scene to fit his desires."

"I'll discuss it with him, then." Gerard repositions himself on the chair and switches ears. "But let's talk about you and me."

"Yes?" Harry pulls out a coil of whip from the box's bottom. He licks his lips. _Such memories._ He shakes his head. "You and me. What about us?"

"How do you want to set it up? I'm newly back in the Establishment and I've never visited Los Angeles while an active member."

"You come, meet Mark for lunch as planned. Ask him to show you around." Harry's thinking on his feet, or rather on his ass, as he's settled down onto the floor, playing with the whip. Always works when he's directing. "When you get down to the playrooms, two men will abduct him, and you, of course, bring you to one of the rooms, where I'll be waiting."

Gerard's heart beats a little faster at that. "Sounds delightful. Are the men provided by the club or should I go recruiting?"

"I'll arrange them at the club. They're rather agreeable to even the most outlandish schemes."

Gerard laughs a little. "And this isn't outlandish at all."

Harry shares the laugh. "Oh, no, this is a bit tame compared to some." He doesn't add the "things I've done" clause. "So, once you're all in the room, I'll fuck with Mark's mind a bit, make him think I'm quite angry that he was seeing you."

Gerard wants to hear more about what it's tame in comparison to. He could always use some new ideas. "Handcuffs would be a good idea. I've a pair of leather ones, not too harsh, but they look wonderful next to pale skin."

"Hmmm, leather cuffs. I've always preferred standard police issue, myself, but I have a personal preference for ligature marks." Harry wonders, ever so briefly, if that's sharing just too much. Decides he doesn't care. "But I think Mark will appreciate the variation."

"The point of them isn't to injure or to keep the boy in line," Gerard adds hastily. "Aesthetic value only, I'm afraid."

"Oh, don't get me wrong, Gerard. I appreciate aesthetics. The symmetry of a well-tied knot. The abstract design a blade point can trace in unmarked flesh."

Gerard licks his lips at the last. "And when it reddens and the blood trinkles. You can wipe it against the skin and watch it all smear."

Harry hisses in a breath at the perfectly accurate description. "Lay the flat of the blade against the wound and drag it down."

"Perfect," it a low exhale as Gerard frees his cock and starts stroking it slowly. "If you twist your wrist, the point will nick just below the wound and start it all over again." Concentric circles. Squared in boxes. All those intricate, lovely designs made with steel.

"Yes." Harry's growing hard at the thought. It's been so long since he cut anyone. Karl was the last. "The human body's such a perfect canvas. Prick. Cut. Let it bleed. Then start all over again."

He's mesmerized by Harry's words. "And by the time you've finished, the first mark's healed and ready for more."

"You sound rather familiar with the concept, Gerard. Practice or existential theorizing?" Harry's betting on the answer, laying odds a blade would fit nicely in those hands he's never seen.

"Practice. Extensive practice." Gerard's thumb rubs the head of his cock as he remembers all the practice. The first cut of the blade, the first blood. The taste of it on his tongue as he makes a red heart on various thighs, stomachs, calves. Fuck, it's been too long. "And yourself?"

"It's a hobby I've let go too long." Harry is only now starting to realize how much he misses it, the thrill of holding someone at blade's edge, even when you don't ever plan on cutting them. "I wasn't really thinking of taking it back up. And then I happened upon Mark."

Gerard licks his lips. "He did seem...inquisitive about it." He wants to ask Harry to tell him how Mark bleeds, but it's a rather personal question and he doesn't know either of them nearly that well. Such a shame.

"I haven't had the pleasure of testing his curiosity." Harry shifts, his jeans way too constricting. He's resisting turning the whole conversation to phone sex. " That's where I thought your lunch with him might provide an opportunity."

"A brilliant idea." Gerard's thoughts are already turning to how to best accomplish that goal. His fingers quicken on his cock and he gasps slightly.

The gasp is noticeable, and Harry smiles, knowing all too well what probably caused it. "Am I keeping you from something?" he says, the smirk not visible on the other end of the phone." You sound," he pauses, choosing the word carefully, "preoccupied."

"Not all at. You are in fact helping me with something." It may not be visible, but Gerard can sure hear it. "Please, continue with your plans."

"Let's see. I was envisioning a kidnapping scenario, something that would put Mark in danger."

"Not in any true danger, one would hope?" Gerard knows he's starting with a blank palate. He's never met this man, doesn't know any reputations he might have accumulated. He gets the vibe that Harry cares for Mark, but he can't be sure. Gerard's met a lot of lunatics in his life. "What's his safeword?"

"It's Fiji." If there's one thing Harry knows, it's safewords. And he has Mark's etched in his brain, even though he's never heard it used. "And, no, no true danger. I'd never do that to Mark."

"Good." Not that Gerard really thought his people-sense was so far off, but it was nice to know. "So, a kidnapping scene. I assume myself to be one of the kidnappers?"

"Pire, what you doing?" Jonny Lee walks into the room, bottle in hand.

"Harry, could you hold for a moment?" Without waiting for an answer, Gerard covers the speaker on the phone and looks up. "Plotting. What about you?"

"Nothing. Thought I could amuse you for a bit." He swigs out of the water bottle as he walks over to stand in front of Gerard. "Who you talking to?"

"You could blow me." Gerard waves vaguely downward with his free hand. "Harry Sinclair."

Jonny Lee takes a long drink, puts the bottle on the table and sinks to his knees. "Sinclair? That the bloke in L.A.?" He takes Gerard's cock in his hand, blows lightly over its tip, slides his tongue over the slit. "Shoulda come in earlier. You got a head start on me."

"Think of it as getting ready for you." Gerard motions for Jonny Lee to be as quiet as possible and then uncovers the phone. "Sorry about that. Still there?"

"Uh, yeah." Harry's been waiting patiently. "You get that problem fixed?" He likes the feeling he's getting about this new player in his game. There's something about him that just clicks with Harry's mind. "About the scene, unless you want to be abducted, too, I assume you'd take on the role of an accomplice. I've hired a couple Establishment boys to do the actual abduction."

"I'm working on it." Gerard sighs down, grabs Jonny Lee's hair, and pushes him onto his cock proper. "Accomplice sounds lovely. And I have a wonderful candidate for an assistant."

Silence isn't Jonny Lee's strong suit, but he's expanding his horizons. And he does love that hand in his hair. He pushes his tongue underneath the cock as he's shoved forward, doing his best to press into the flesh, twirl and swirl over it. He's humming, nothing in particular, just random soft mutterings, still trying to be quiet as possible.

"That would be the Mr. Miller you referred to in your posts. He's," Harry pauses, "agreeable to playing along?" He thinks for a moment. "Did you have any special requirements for his role?" Harry leaves it open-ended, the innuendo slipping in. "Anything we can accommodate on this end?"

"He is." Gerard pauses. He wants to add in a provision, but, fuck. If Teak wasn't listening, he wouldn't hesitate, though he'd ask Harry not to mention it. _Things I'll never tell Teak, number thirty: I'm possessive as hell._ "One requirement. No one directly orders him around but me."

Harry finds the provision charming, and laughs to himself thinking he'd make the same for Mark if it weren't contradictory to the purpose of the scene. "Agreed. Any orders I give in scene can go through you."

Jonny Lee half-hears Gerard's comments, glances up but quickly returns his attention to Gerard's cock, making a mental note to ask him about it when he's off the phone. Right now he's concentrating on taking his lover all the way down, forcing the tickle against the back of his throat, just daring his gag reflex to kick in. But it's not going to. Jonny Lee's too good at this, and he knows it.

Gerard looks down, grateful as hell that the sight confirms the godfucking feelings shooting into his brain. Jonny Lee appears not to have been paying attention. Thank heavens for small favors. "Then all is fine on this end. Are there any provisions on your end?"

"None that I can think of." Harry thinks. There's something nagging him, but he can't put his finger on it, like he's forgotten something. "I'll leave a packet with the hotel desk detailing the arrangements. That way you'll be aware of what's going down, or at least the essence of it, before it happens."

Gerard nods, stifles a groan as Jonny Lee's very talented mouth works its magic. "I'll pick it up before going to lunch."

Harry laughs at the groan, which didn't quite keep to the inaudible level. "I look forward to meeting you in person, Mr. Butler, you and Mr. Miller." He's hard himself, but resisting the urge to do anything, consciously holding in until he's off the phone.

"The same, Mr. Sinclair. Please, though, call me Gerry or Gerard. Seems strange to be negotiating a scene with someone with whom I'm not on a first name basis."

"Yes, I forgot," he pauses. "Gerard. Manners are a hard habit to break. And call me Harry."

"Harry. Thank you." He won't presume Jonny Lee's permission. "I look forward to meeting you in the flesh."

Jonny Lee pulls back, as much as allowed with Gerard's hand still hovering over his head, teases the cockhead with his tongue and then slams himself down on Gerard's weeping cock. He's being quiet, but that's about as good as he's being, using his hands to work the base of the cock, wrapping fingers and rubbing, moving his whole body back and forth with the effort.

"Shit!" Gerard buckles, almost falls off the couch. The phone goes flying as his hands clutch at something to give him purchase. "Teak!"

At the shout of his name, Jonny Lee starts to pull back, intention being to kneel up and wait for the punishment, but he changes his mind swiftly and sucks harder, deciding he'll deal with the fallout later. This is too good pass up.

Gerard screams as he comes. He'd been ready to last awhile when Teak had been good. But Teak had cheated and Gerard hadn't been prepared to deal with that. Panting out the last spurts, he wonders how impolite it is to come while on the phone with a man he's never met.

Jonny Lee eagerly swallows the come as it fills his mouth, sucking and licking until every last drop is gone. Only then does he pull off and kneel, silently sitting back on his ankles and locking his hands behind his back. He doesn't even try for the innocent smile. Just stares straight ahead.

A few thousand miles away, on the other end of the phone, Harry Sinclair waits. For the man he was talking with to finish his orgasm, because Harry knows the sound all too well. "Must be Mr. Miller's doing," he muses to himself. "Definitely looking forward to meeting him, if he can do that."

"Get the bloody phone," Gerard whispers dangerously. "You've been a very naughty boy." Scare the boy, then let loose at him with a cat. Gerard's plans for the night are already looking up.

Jonny Lee reaches for the phone, which had fallen just off the couch near their feet, and holds it hold to Gerard in his upturned palms. He didn't do it on purpose, make Gerard angry enough that his whispers are threatening promises. That's a just a side benefit.

Gerard takes the phone without comment, fixing Jonny Lee instead with a death glare. "Harry, my apologies," he beings smoothly. "Biology can be a killer."

"No need to apologize, Gerard." Harry shifts, palms his erection through the soft denim. "I plan on taking care of a similar matter as soon as I finish our conversation."

Gerard smirks. "Do you want some help with it?" And it has an added benefit that it would drive Jonny Lee crazy that Gerard's getting someone off over the phone while Jonny Lee didn't have permission to come. Gerard's curious if he could break Jonny Lee's control just by talking dirty. It's something to pursue.

Harry's immediate reaction is to say no and thanks and end the conversation politely. But he's intrigued by the offer, from someone he knows very little about. "And how exactly would you help?" he asks with a smile that heats up the room he's sitting in.

"Well," Gerard's voice drops an octave. "I could start by sketching you a scenario. The two of us, a bare Establishment dungeon, and plenty of floor space. Do you like pain, Harry? Do you like the way a whip bites into your back as much as you like the sharp cut of the knife? Would you like to see me under you, writhing as you draw your mark on me in my own blood?"

Holy shit. Harry just barely manages not to blurt out the words aloud. The tone's familiar, as are the words. He's used both, or variations. _Oh, we are more alike than you can imagine._ "That's a very nice scenario, Gerard. You'd do that? A whip and me and your body." He can't any idea what he suggests, how it fires Harry's senses.

Jonny Lee kneels waiting, expecting the phone call to end, his punishment to begin, and he's truly puzzled when Gerard starts speaking. He's offering himself up. And Jonny Lee will process that in a minute. After he's finished with the visual of a whip biting into flesh like a knife. He's instantly hard at the thought, envisioning himself the one in the dungeon.

"I don't do pain myself," Gerard purrs, "so the whip, if any, would have to mark up your back and not mine. But I suppose we could do away with it. Have you have blown someone, Mr. Sinclair, while they were busy cutting into your thighs? Have you ever come while knowing that it would mix with your blood? Have you have raked your nails down that special someone's back while fucking him so hard you both know he won't be able to walk?" Gerard pauses, then adds in a harsh whisper. " _I have._ "

"That's a shame. You and pain. You sound so familiar with it." Harry gives up on resistance, unzips his jeans and pulls his cock out. As long as Gerard's talking smut, he might's well get off on it. "Fucked and cut at the same time." Delicious memory floats through the recess of his brain, Karl bloodied. He strokes his cock, a long fisting stroke up and down. He's so fucking hard it won't take much to bring him off.

"You have?" Jonny Lee mouths silently. He comes up off his ankles ever so slightly, the elevation change allowing for the minutest of shifts, not nearly enough to adjust the erection growing with each new description. _Cut and blow. So hard. Not walk._ Jonny Lee's lips are drying out rapidly. He sucks in a breath, holds it, trying to tamp down the arousal.

"I'm very familiar with it. Mostly from a giving end, however. There's something in the way the muscles spasm that's hypnotic in its own way. The way your submissive leans back to take it all. It's in the begging, in the sweat. I don't care what science says. _That's_ pain. Taking it and asking for more, it's a gift, I tell you." Gerard closes his eyes and smiles a little wistfully. "It's liking losing your virginity, in a way, being hurt. It doesn't leave you quite the same as you were before."

"I've seen it from both sides, equally as hard." Harry rolls his thumb over the tip of his cock, playing more roughly than necessary before sliding his hand back down, a pressing, constricting stroke. So fucking close. "It's an addiction, Mr. Butler," he says, emphasizing the _mister_ , "one that demands constant feeding. It's not a gift, to take it and ask for more. It's a challenge, to force your body to yield to one more strike," he pulls up on his cock, almost there, "of the cane. Endure one more minute of the clamps."

Jonny Lee stiffens, his cock unbearably hard at Gerard's words, and straightens his back, his nails biting into his hands as he clutches them behind his back. His breathing's more ragged, small pants as he tries to focus. "Please, Pire," he says very quietly. "Want. Need. To come."

"I bow," Gerard says slowly, stressing every letter, "to your superior experience. But I've never yearned to relish the wait between strokes, or learn the dance of screams. I've never played the game with myself of having to dare myself for more." He touches his tongue to his top lip. "Perhaps you can enlighten me." He thoroughly ignores Jonny Lee. Boy deserves his punishment.

"Is that an invitation for a more hands-on approach," Harry jerks his cock particularly hard, half-groaning into the phone, "or simply more esoteric conversation?" Brings himself over the edge. Heavy panting, ragged breathing, phone nearly dropping off his shoulder. "Excuse me." He hurriedly finishes himself off, wiping the white residue off on his jeans. "As we were saying," Harry continues, only slightly out of breath, "dancing to the screams can be quite rewarding."

Jonny Lee's into a full-fledged pout, nearly at a boil, definitely simmering. All his squirming and fidgeting doesn't do a thing to divert Gerard's attention from the phone.

Gerard smirks as he hears Harry's orgasm. There's nothing quite like bringing someone off over the phone. "Orchestrating them can be quite an experience as well. Pushing someone you respect past the point where control is even an issue, making them see the drop, and then catching them as they fall." He stands, starts pacing without realizing it. "It makes you realize your mortality."

"My thought exactly." Harry pauses, thinks for a minute, reaches a conclusion, puts it on the back burner. "Perhaps I'm a rare breed. I enjoy orchestrating the screams as much as hearing them from my own throat. It has given me a rather abstract take on control and how it's wielded."

"You're a true switch. My hat's off to you. I could never do what you can."

"Perhaps you just didn't have the proper incentive."

How to explain his history in five words or less? "I have. However, I am not now a masochist and don't really think it's something that can be trained into me."

Jonny Lee tracks Gerard's movements. Pacing isn't good. Gerard only does it when he's angry. Or distracted. Or contemplating something wicked. He bites back the plea he was ready to make, deciding silence is the better part of valor for the moment.

"Well, should you change your mind, we can always discuss it later." Harry breathes in, deciding his newest partner in play is going to be quite interesting. "Speaking of masochists, has your companion benefited properly from our phone call?"

"He's hard, but will he benefit? No." Gerard's smirk turns properly evil as he looks over Jonny Lee. "And nor shall he unless he begs very prettily."

"As it should be." Harry laughs. "And I think I'll take my leave then, as there's a certain masochist here who might enjoy my attentions this afternoon."

"Give Mark my regards. Stay well."

"Likewise to yours. See you in L.A." Harry turns the phone off, strips and heads for the shower.

Gerard hits the 'end' button on the phone and throws it on the couch. "Now," he growls, stalking over to his boy. "Let's talk about you."

  


  


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	20. lutz: Mindfuck

| !Mark Lutz ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/profile)[ **lutz**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/2004/)-[01](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/2004/01/)-[23](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/2004/01/23/) 01:00:00   
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_**Mindfuck**_  
[players, not pups. [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/profile)[**harry_sinclair**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/) , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) and Mark. Takes place November 26th, after [an exchange of comments](http://www.journalfen.net/~lutz/3801.html) in Mark's journal and [this phone call.]  
  
](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/6720.html)  
The hostess leads them to a fairly private table near the back, and Mark thanks her and takes a moment to watch as Gerard and Jonny Lee seat themselves. He has a difficult time picturing this oddly formal man as the character he played in Reign of Fire. "So," he says when Gerard is settled. "How's your trip so far? Have you spent much time in Los Angeles before?"

Gerard takes the seat closest to the wall, letting Jonny Lee have the outside chair. "I haven't been to LA in years, and never as an active member in the Establishment, so the trip's been a real eye opener. This side of the coast isn't quite what I'm used to. Sunnier, for one."

Mark laughs, nodding. "Yeah, sometimes it seems like there's no one in the greater LA area who's in the industry but not in the Establishment," he says with a grin. "You're members in--London is that right?"

Jonny Lee settles into the chair, pulls it up to the table and leans in on his elbows, one hand cupped under his chin, watching and listening. "Yeah, London," he says when Mark asks. He hasn't been told not to talk....

"I lived here once, didn't like it a whole lot. But then I wasn't in the club, so that might've made a difference."

"What was it you didn't like?" asks Mark. "Not that there's not a lot here not to like," he adds with a chuckle. "I'm just curious."

"Too open. You need a car to go anywhere. No street life." He shrugs. "I was married at the time, too, and I just missed England."

"Yeah, I can see that," Mark says. "Where I live, in Venice Beach, there's a lot of street life." Another laugh, shaking his head, and he adds, "Too much, sometimes. Sometimes I wish I lived up the coast a ways, someplace a little _less_ lively, but that's me," he says with a shrug. "I like privacy, secluded beaches, that kind of thing."

"I understand that you can find plenty of that around here, if you know where the look," Gerard says. "I've heard that in certain places, private beaches outnumber public ones."

Grinning, Mark cocks his head to the side. "That's certainly true," he says. "They're not cheap, of course, but then I guess no place around here really is." Taking a sip of his water he goes on, "So is London Establishment much different from the one here, or have you had much chance to find out yet?"

"It's much smaller, for one. Not as much going on. There seems to have been a mass kinky exodus to the States." Gerard flips open the menu and looks it over. "Any suggestions?"

Laughing, Mark leans back in his chair. "Mass kinky exodus," he says, shaking his head. "There's a visual for you. And any of the steaks--the steaks here are just about the best I've had. They also do a damned fine pasta primavera, and the burgers are almost as good as the steaks."

Gerard nods. "I'm set. Teak?"

"Uh," he leans over, glances at Gerard's menu, "filet with green pepper sauce, house with the blue cheese, potato stuffed with everything and the chocolate cake," small pause, "if that's not too much."

"It's fine." Gerard looks over the appetizer porion of the menu and surreptitiously points to the onion rings. "How about we get those to go?"

Jonny Lee laughs. "I'm not asking. And don't tell me."

Mark glances from one to the other, then says, "'Teak'?"

Jonny Lee's trying not to blush, doubts he's doing a good job of it. "It's a pet, uh, nickname, from when we were filming Dracula." He shifts, fold his arms down over each other. "I played an antiques dealer, so he started calling me Teak."

"What he's leaving out is his righteous anger that the character held through the entire film. Sexy as hell. And the sheer fucking _pride_ in being that antiques dealer."

Laughing, Mark says, "Well, hell yeah! It's a damned fine job to have!" Gives Jonny Lee a serious look and goes on, "If more people took pride in their work, the world would be a better place."

"Yeah, sure." He's blushing intensely now. "It started out as my costar's way of being cute, just kinda took on a life of its own." He grabs his water and takes a long drink.

"But why's it make you blush?" asks Mark, still chuckling. "I think it's damned cute. You have any pet names for him?"

"Just does." Jonny Lee shrugs his shoulder, cocks his head against it. "Pet name? Well, I call him Pire. Director was introducing him as Gerry and there was a girl named Jeri on the shoot and it was all too confusing," he's rambling now, a bit more comfortable than before, "and couldn't call him Drac. It just didn't work. So I settled on Pire," he smiles, "short for Vampire."

"Pire and Teak," says Mark, smiling. "I like that. How long have you been together?"

Jonny Lee looks over at Gerard, sighs. "Kinda a hard one to answer. We connected during filming, but I was kinda new to the whole thing, and we were together maybe a year," shakes head, thinking, "then on-again, off-again, not really _together_." He takes another drink of water. "Then he came back, uh, a few weeks ago."

"Took right back up where we left off. Just kinkier," Gerard adds. "We were both Establishment members this time, so he had a checklist on file."

"Yeah," Mark says, leaning back again. "I've been a member since I turned twenty-one--birthday present to myself." Chuckles a little and shakes his head. "I don't think I even filled a checklist out - couldn't find anything I thought I wouldn't do."

"Wow, 21. Hell, I didn't even know I was bi then." Jonny Lee sits up straight. "Much less into kinky."

"Oh, well," says Mark with a laugh, "I had kind of an unusual childhood. Spent several years in Hong Kong around puberty. You can learn a lot being an inquisitive kid in Asia."

"Or in Scotland. I knew I was into blokes when I hit puberty and started checking them out in the locker room. I knew I was into ordering people around during sex when I rented the wrong porno," Gerard shrugs. "I had an interesting childhood."

That earns another loud laugh, but Mark politely lowers his voice when he says, still grinning, "The wrong porno? Don't suppose you remember which one it was?"

Gerard returns his grin. "Sorry, mate. You'll just have to rent out the store on your own. Better yet, invite some friends over. Make it a group party. If I see that one, I'll give a holler. If I'm not sucking someone off, mind."

Mark shakes his head, chuckling. "Damn, just dash a man's hopes before he's even given 'em voice," he says teasingly, glancing up when he sees the waitress heading their way.

"Like I said, sorry, mate." Gerard pauses as the waitress comes over. "Mark?"

Mark orders the eight ounce filet mignon and a glass of San Pelligrino, then turns to Gerard and says, almost apologetically, "I can't drink during the day--it knocks me out, I wind up going home and sleeping 'til six."

"That's fine. I don't drink at all." Gerard gives the menu one last look before ordering the rib steak with satued vegetables and fried rice for himself, and the pepper steak and potato for Jonny Lee. "Oh, and a side order of onion rings, wrapped to go."

When the waitress is gone, Mark turns back to Gerard and says, "So this wrong porno you rented - how long ago was that? I mean, how long have you known about this part of yourself?" Smiles a little and adds, "And just tell me to piss off if I get too personal."

Gerard does some quick mental calculations. "I must've been somewhere around sixteen, seventeen. Found my way into a club a week after my eighteenth birthday. Did nothing but stare at the various couples for probably months before I had the balls to approach anyone, even just to talk."

Mark shakes his head, grinning. "Man, I _wish_ I'd been like that. Trust me," he says, glancing from Gerard to Jonny Lee and back again, "there's something to be said for a little shy reticence when you first start doing this shit."

"Reticence, my ass. I was a bloody amatuer and I knew it," Gerard leans back in his chair and stretches. "Even tried doing _research_ on it, to see what I could find. Pitifully little."

"I didn't get around to doing any research until shortly before I joined the Establishment," Mark says, then pauses. "And yeah, it can be hard to find good information on it. I was lucky, got some stuff by Jay Wiseman, saw some of Mistress Lorelei's writing - intelligent people, y'know? Who approach it realistically." Cocks his head. "What'd you come up with? Any thing useful, or was it all just crap?"

"Mostly just crap. A couple of useful tidbits on control, mostly orgasmically. But it was entirely heterosexual." Gerard reaches out and clasps Jonny Lee's hand. "They would have had no idea what to make of me and Teak."

Jonny Lee wriggles his fingers under Gerard's hand, smiles. "What's to make about us? We're just your normal, non-exclusive, kinky couple." He smiles at Mark, nods to Gerard. "He's in charge of my learning curve."

Mark arches an eyebrow at that, a smile spreading across his face. "He's--" laughs, and goes on, "he's in charge of your learning curve? God, what a fantastic way of putting it!" Raises his water glass to them. "Cheers, gentlemen--to the learning curve, and having someone to share it with."

Gerard raises his glass and clinks it againt Mark's. "Here, here."

Jonny Lee follows suit, raising his glass, clinking and pulling it back. "He's a good teacher, too," he says, slipping his tongue out to lick the glass rim before drinking. "Hands-on approach. Firm disciplinarian." He pauses. "Hell, I mighta finished school if I'd had teachers like him." Looks over at Gerard. "Might not've waited so long to learn 'bout playing for the other team."

Gerard groans. "Now you have nefarious schoolboy plots going through my head. I hope you own a private school uniform, boy, because it will be getting a lot of milage, I promise you."

Mark can't help chuckling, listening to Gerard and Jonny Lee. Some part of him wonders, watching them, whether he's missing something important by not connecting more... more permanently with other people than he does. He's had lifelong friendships, sure, but he feels the smallest twinge wondering what it might be like to be with the same person long enough to share this kind of banter. Share it with a lover, not just a friend you sometimes fuck. Shakes his head slightly against the thought. What happens, happens. "I know a great place you can get that kind of thing if you don't have one, Jonny Lee," he says. "Little shop not too far from where I live."

"Uh, no, thank you, that's fine," Jonny Lee says hurriedly. "Schoolboy fantasies not Top 5 on my list." And, wow, that was probably more than he needed to say, he thinks.

Gerard gives him a long look. _We'll talk later._ He sees the waitress coming back with a heavy tray in her hands. "Ah, food."

***

Lunch over, Mark makes sure the waitress brings the check to him--he's eaten here often enough that they know what that little wave means. Scrawling the tip and his signature on the credit card slip, he says to Gerard and Jonny Lee, "So, did you gentlemen have plans for the afternoon? If you've got some time, we could move this party someplace where we can sprawl. There's a cigar bar next door with very comfy couches."

Gerard fingers his pocket, feeling the envelope from Harry. He'd opened it and memorized it beforehand. "Why don't you show me around? I've heard that there are some very elaborate scening rooms around here somewhere."

"Oh, yeah," Mark says, nodding and tucking the slip back into the leather folder. "Yeah, some very elaborate rooms, some very spartan ones, and everything in between." Downing the last sip of his water, he cocks an eyebrow and says, "Shall we?"

Gerard takes his napkin out of his lap and places it on the table. "That would be lovely." Harry's note had specified to lead them down the main corridor where the dungeon-themed rooms were and to make plenty of noise. Very simple instructions. "Please, lead the way."

Mark smiles, standing, and waits for Gerard and Jonny Lee to join him, then leads the way down towards where the playrooms are. "So tell me about the London club," he says as they make their way away from the main restaurant. "I mean I know you can't know 'til you've seen more of the place, but how do we stack up in comparison so far?"

"It's smaller, from what I can tell," Gerard says, "and less busy, except during meal times. The staff is polite as ever, but in London there's the element of the stiff-assed Brit. In gentle quantities, of course, and mostly among the membership. You have a much looser crowd here. Alas, few understand the keen and witty British sense of humor." Gerard grins as he says it, a grin that says very clearly 'I'm bullshitting you'.

"Oh, yeah!" Mark says, laughing, "y'know I can actually believe that--it's the East coast where the British wit is really appreciated." He pauses for a brief conference with an Establishment employee, then says, "The rooms are through here," as the young man opens a pair of tall double doors. "I can't give you a tour of all of them, of course, but I can give you an idea of what we've got."

Jonny Lee's walking behind them, just a step or two, daydreaming and otherwise only half listening to their conversation. "So, do we get to play while we're down here?" he pops out in a lull. "Or this a no-touching tour?"

Mark chuckles at that. "I'm up for whatever you gentlemen feel like doing," he says, glancing at Gerard. "After all, you're guests here--your comfort and enjoyment are my first priority this afternoon."

Gerard smirks, keeping his face well within the shadows. They're close to where Harry said he'd meet them and the anticipation is warming in the pit of his stomach. "Of course," he answers cryptically and takes the final step over.

A man in black steps out into their path. "You will come with us."

Startled, Mark smiles and says, "I'm sorry?"

"Our employer has requested your presence."

Still puzzled, he shakes his head a little. "Employer?" Glancing apologetically towards Ger and JL, he turns back to the man, saying, "I'm sorry, is there a problem?" reaching for his membership card.

"Only if you choose not to go quietly." The man in front Mark nods slightly and over his shoulder Mark can see two men enter the hallway behind the group, each wearing a black shoulder holster over black turtleneck.

Gerard watches as Mark starts to figure out what's going on. He takes Jonny Lee's hand and twines his fingers around Jonny Lee's. He wants to smile at him reassuringly, but Mark might notice, and that would never do.

It takes Mark a moment to understand what he's seeing, so unexpected is it, but when he does he feels a sudden panic, raises his hands, palms outward and takes half a step back, saying, "Oh, now, wait a minute. There's been a mistake," his gaze flickering from the guns to Gerard and Jonny Lee, then back to the man who's speaking to him.

"I believe the only mistake is yours, in angering my employer." The man nods again. Two guns are drawn, one placed at the back of Jonny Lee's head and the other aimed at Gerard. "My orders were to make sure you arrived unharmed. Nothing was said of your companions."

Jonny Lee tenses, not all of it bad, as the gun barrel grazes his hair. He breathes out, swallows hard, sure he's conveying the proper level of panic, seeing as all of it isn't acting.

Fighting back the panic, Mark's words stammer out through dry lips, his heart hammering in his chest. "Don't--they're just--look," shaking his head, "they're just--they don't even _know_ me. Just let 'em leave, okay? It's cool, I'll come with you, just let 'em go, all right?"

The man laughs, a small chortle that sounds more sinister than pleasant. "Self-sacrifice is an admirable trait, but unnecessary. While my employer didn't specify they remain unharmed, he did want them to accompany you." He pulls his own gun, brandishes it. "So, do we go quietly? Or unconscious?"

Swallowing hard, Mark can hardly gather his thoughts enough to answer, can think of nothing he's done to anger anyone, and sure as hell not to this extent. "I--yeah, whatever you want," he says, "but I swear to God--look, my name's Lutz, Mark Lutz--l-u-t-z. Seriously, there's been a mistake."

"Yes, Mr. Lutz, I know who you are." The man holding the gun on him is calm, eerily so. "My employer was very specific in his description of you. And my instructions." He waves the gun in the direction of the far end of the hallway. "If you please, waste no more of my time. Or I shall be forced to do serious damage to the others."

Mark nods quickly. "All right, don't--all right," moving in the direction indicated, his eyes still on Gerard and Jonny Lee, but hardly seeing them, only the guns trained on them. He's starting to tremble violently. He's been in some bad situations in his life, but never with guns, and never one where he honestly had no idea why it was happening.

Gerard is watching Mark's reactions, studying them. He's this side of terror and it's a beautiful thing. Harry hadn't mentioned that the kidnappers would point the guns at him, though, so Gerard assumes he should take control of the scene until Harry arrives.

Gerard puts his hand on Mark's scalp and pushes him forward. "Faster, Lutz. Don't make us late."

The little shove startles Mark almost as badly as anything has, and he stumbles, his eyes flickering to Gerard, but he can't make sense of things, of why Gerard would do that, say that. Jonny Lee is clearly panicked as well, though, and Gerard--

But Mark's thoughts are a tangle of fear and tension, and shakes his head, says to the man who'd stopped them, "Where do you--where are we going?"

The man in charge walks them down a long hall, then turns and goes down another hall. He stops at its end, pushes open the door. "Inside, all three of you."

The room's dark from what they can see, dimly lit with track lights around the outer perimeter. Its furniture is very functional, very modern, like a Fortune 500 exec's chrome-accented office. In the middle is a table, glass and metal. To one side is a single chair, straight back, no arms. To the other side, against the far wall, is a black futon that almost looks out of place except that its leather covering fits in perfectly.

Mark hesitates in the doorway, his confusion growing. They're still on Establishment property, so it should be all right, it must be a scene, but he knows no one who'd be setting something up like this, and certainly not without telling him. And there are Gerard and Jonny Lee to consider.

He turns to the man beside him and says, "No, now, just tell me what's going on, all right? It's okay, y'know, if this is just a scene or something, I just want to know."

"I'm not to answer those questions," the man says politely, but he nudges Mark with the barrel of his gun. "Inside now. My employer'll have any other answer you might need."

His impulse is to insist, but a glance at Jonny Lee makes him reconsider. If Gerard had been in on setting Mark up, Jonny Lee would know; if the setup were on Jonny Lee, Mark would have known. No way are they _both_ being set up, and though Jonny Lee's an actor, he does not appear to be acting now. Mark won't risk it, at any rate, and he steps into the room, just far enough to see if he can find any other doors.

Gerard stays near the back, watching it all. He's waiting for Harry's signal. It wasn't prearranged and he isn't quite sure what he's looking for, but he knows he'll know it when he sees it. He's already damning himself for not planning this out more. He hasn't gone into a scene this unprepared in ages and he doesn't like it. He hopes Harry will show himself soon.

Jonny Lee's more curious than nervous. He's not sure why. He knows it's a scene, knows it's supposed to be intense, but other than that, he doesn't have a clue. So he's thinking of it like a vid game, where you know you know you got to get somewhere, but you don't have a clue how to get there, so you just follow the person in front of you and go on faith. The person in front of Jonny Lee is Gerard, and he trusts him with his life, so he can relax more than he should as the door shuts behind them.

"Good evening, gentlemen." The voice comes out of the dark, nondescript American accent. "Mr. Lutz, how kind of you to accept my invitation, and to bring your," the voice pauses, "new friends." There's a decided sarcasm on the word friends, almost a nastiness. "Mr. Butler. Mr. Miller. Feel free to sit down."

"I don't think _invitation_ is the word I'd use," Mark says angrily, taking a few steps towards the sound of the voice, a little of his nervousness having faded when the door had closed with the guns on the far side of it. It's just himself, Gerard and Jonny Lee, and whoever's speaking, and he wants to know who that is, but he still swallows hard before he speaks. "Why don't you tell me what it is you think I've done to you," he says, "and we can get this sorted out?"

Preliminary dealings with Mark are Harry's purview. Gerard pulls Jonny Lee over to the side and strips him down quickly to just the black leather chest harness and jeans. The handcuffs come out next, one manacle clasped around Jonny Lee's wrist, the other dangling freely. Gerard presses a quick kiss to his lips. "Get in role for me now," he whispers before pulling back.

"Yes, sir," Jonny Lee pushes out under his breath, dropping his eyes.

"There's nothing to sort out, Mr. Lutz," the voice says with a marked air of indifference. Harry steps out of the darkness into the area in front of the table, a yard or so out from Mark, the faint light of the track's bulbs bathing him in an eerie incandescence. He's dressed entirely in black--boots, tight jeans, high collar long-sleeve shirt, duster that falls to mid-calf. There is no familiar smile on his face, only a malevolence that bores black holes through the normally sparkling brown eyes. "You've crossed the line, and I won't tolerate it."

"Harry?" Mark's voice is disbelieving and he takes a step forward. "What--I don't understand, what line?" he asks, shaking his head. None of this makes sense, and Mark almost smiles, then does smile, faintly, the fear that's been coiled inside him since he first saw the guns now joined by bewilderment. His smile falters. "What's going on?"

"It's _Mister_ Sinclair." Harry adopts a stance of utter arrogance. "Or sir." He pauses, cocks his head. "Nothing else."

Mark's confusion is turning to anger again, and he takes another step forward. "What the _fuck_ is going on, Harry?"

"Watch yourself, boy," Gerard warns from behind him. His arm wraps around Mark's throat and tightens. "Show him some respect." He spits the last word out.

Stepping forward, Harry allows himself the tiniest of laughs at how taken by surprise Mark is. He'd been unsure if it would truly be appreciated, understood. On the outside, he's all steel, unforgiving and unrelenting. In heart and head, he's praying Mark takes it for what it is. A mindfuck. Pure and simple. Life taken to the extreme, pushed to the edge.

"I will say this for you, Mark," he says the name with the least amount of love and sincerity he can muster, "you do have excellent taste in men, even when you're whoring yourself out."

The shock Mark had felt at Gerard's unexpected turn is doubled by the blow of Harry's words, and Mark feels something twist inside him. It must be a scene--Mark had said he wanted one, wanted this kind of fear, but he and Harry hadn't talked about it, and how do Harry and Gerard even know each other? Do they? With a little snarl he wrenches against Gerard's arm and says, " _Whoring?_ Sinclair, who the _fuck_ do you think you are?"

Gerard reaction to that is quick and immediate. He tightens his hold and wraps a leg around Mark's knees. "Don't you dare pull a stunt like that again," he hisses.

"Manners, Mark. You forgot the mister." Harry reaches out, as if to cup Mark's cheek, then rakes his nails down the side of Mark's face, leaving a definite trail of blood-tinged scratches. "I own you, Mark. Did you forget that, too? When you started soliciting in that journal of yours." Harry pauses. "Fortunately, for me, Mr. Butler here is a man of integrity, and contacted me about your plans. Unfortunately, for you, it's going to be rather painful to be reminded of a few simple facts."

Mark's palms ache with the need to get away, but Gerard's grip is perfect--could knock him out in a matter of moments if Gerard chose to--and where's he going to go anyway? Mark knows these rooms, and knows Harry does as well. The locks are secure, the walls are soundproofed, and Harry'll be the one with the key, Mark doesn't doubt it. If this is a scene, it's a very damned convincing one, and it's hard to find his voice through the tumble of anger and confusion, and the choking arm around his throat. "Own--you--where did you--what gives you the _right?_ I've got no--fucking _contract_ with you, Sinclair--what are you _doing?_ "

Harry quickly moves his hand to Mark's head, grabs a fist of hair and jerks it backward, arching Mark's neck even more into Gerard's hold. "I don't need a contract." His other hand moves just as quickly as press into Mark's groin, cup hard against the stiffening cock. "Do you deny that you're mine?" It's a double-edged sword, Harry knows, neither answer giving Mark solid ground for purchase.

Swallowing hard, Mark grits his teeth against the sharp pain, hisses when Harry's hand grinds against his cock, and he can't deny that he's hard as hell right now. If it's a scene, it's okay to be this turned on by it, and not knowing--not for sure--adds a spike of fear that only increases his arousal. He tries to find words to answer Harry, but they won't come. Because he _can't_ deny it, but he won't admit to it. "Fuck you," he says in a snarl, trying uselessly to twist free of Harry and Gerard's dual grip.

Gerard sees Harry's almost imperceptible nod. He pulls Mark away from Harry and throws him against the wall. A jerk of his thumb orders Jonny Lee over. "Keep him busy while I get him naked." Pulling out a Swiss Army Knife from his front pocket, Gerard starts to go to work on Mark's shirt.

Caught by surprise, Mark had hit the wall hard, and by the time he's shaking off the impact, Gerard has the knife at his chest. "Gerard, I don't understand," he says, his voice scarcely above a whisper. "Will you tell me what the hell--is this a scene? Is this--did you two set this up? Ger, if I safeword, does it stop?" But Mark's not even sure himself why he's asking. If a safeword ends it, then there's no need to safeword--they're nowhere near any limit of Mark's. And if it wouldn't, he's not a bit sure he wants to know.

"What do _you_ think?" Gerard asks. Mark's shirt comes off easily and he throws the cloth to the side. He leans in close and in a death whisper says, "Fiji."

Jonny Lee does as he's told, keeping Mark busy with hands on his chest, his own body keeping Mark's pinned against the wall while Gerard works. He's already hard from the anger, the threat of danger in the room.

"Pretty word, but it has no meaning," Harry says quietly. He sucks in a breath, composing himself to say one of the hardest things he could ever say, knowing Mark doesn't fully understand. "You have no safeword in this room, Mark." It's a lie. If Mark barely whispered _Fiji_ , Harry would stop it all, in a heartbeat. But it's part of the mindfuck, for him to think there's no way out but going straight through.

Mark's shaking, trying to control it, but Jonny Lee's body pressed to his, that knife, and now this. Gerard knows his safeword, couldn't unless Harry'd told him, but the way he'd said it--it could be nothing more than a tease. And Harry--Harry's a member in good standing, and wouldn't ignore a safeword... Mark's sure of it. Barely. Clings to it, and isn't going to test it. Because, again, if it works, he doesn't need it, and if it doesn't, he doesn't want to know. His throat is dry and his eyes flicker to Harry's, questioning. "What are we doing here, Harry?" he asks softly, his voice raw.

"We're teaching a very stupid boy a lesson." Harry stalks over to where Gerard and Jonny Lee have Mark pushed against the wall. "Move," he says politely, but firmly, to Jonny Lee, who steps aside, leaning back against the wall with a smile. Harry leans into Mark's now mostly naked body, puts his hand around Mark's throat and grips tightly.

"You have lost the right to call me Harry." He pulls Mark out from the wall slightly and slams him back into it. "From now on, I don't want to hear anything from you but _sir_." Another hard phrase to get out. It reminds Harry too much of a night in Paris, of being on his own knees. But that memory also serves to remind him how potent a mindfuck it is to be ordered around, not knowing if you're going to be conscious in the next minute or not. "Anything else, and I _will_ lose my temper."

A snarl, and Mark says, "I'm not your goddamned boy. _Sir._ " He's moving quickly from anger to fear and back again, and right now he's straddling the two, outraged at Harry's presumption, but not quite willing--or not quite able--to disobey, though he tone of voice certainly failed to meet the spirit of Harry's command.

Harry turns to Gerard. "May I, please. The knife?" He holds out his hand.

Gerard hands over the knife without comment. It isn't sharp enough to cut skin and so he didn't sterilize it before he came, and he hopes Harry realizes that.

Harry flips the knife in his fingers, then presses its tip against Mark's shoulder. He can tell it won't cut, which is probably best, considering Mark's hard limit on permanent marks. "Let's see. Right here would be nice." He traces out a capital H, then an S, barely scratching the skin. "You _are_ mine." He holds the knife steady. "I'm sure our friends could find one that would cut deeper. Shall we? Or are you going to behave?"

Mark breath is tight in his chest, his eyes on the blade. "Fuck, Harry-- _sir,_ I mean--" and he winces, though whether at the slip or his quick correction, he hasn't a clue. "Look, I don't even know what you want." His gaze flickers to each of the three men, falls again on Harry, and what he sees in Harry's eyes doesn't comfort him. "What--I don't--what do you want me to do?"

"I want you out of those clothes, before I count to ten, and on your knees." Harry steps back, lays the knife on the table.

There's not much left of the clothes that Mark had been wearing, but that just makes them that much harder to get out of, getting tangled in the shreds from where Gerard had cut the fabric away. He manages it though, and drops to his knees just as Harry reaches the end of the count.

"Do I frighten you?" Harry says roughly against Mark's ear as he leans down. "Or is it quite another emotion I'm pulling out of you?" He presses his hand into the back of Mark's neck.

"You're scaring the shit outta me, Harry," Mark murmurs, his eyes on Harry's boots. "Apart from that, I don't fucking know."

"You forgot the _sir_." Harry's fingers clutch at the flesh, thumb and forefinger digging in. "So, tell me, Mark, what was going to happen tonight?" he asks, looking up at Gerard with a too-wicked smile. "You gonna go down on tall, dark and sexy here?"

"We didn't get that far in the conversation," Mark says. "But my only _plan_ was to have lunch and talk with a couple of guys I _thought_ were all right." He's shaking, still not sure what's going on, and there'll be bruises where Harry's gripping him. He wonders how long they had planned this.

"Oh, I'm sure _he_ had plans. Good looking guy like that. You." Harry stiffens his fingers, jerks Mark's head back, his eyes up. He keeps his voice low, menacing, breathing out the words right at Mark's cheek. Later, Harry thinks, when they're alone, he'll kiss that cheek, soothe away the fear and pain. "What about it, Butler? You plan on taking this boy of mine today?"

Gerard smirks and starts cracking his knuckles, looking Mark over coldly. "Not originally, but he looks like he could use a lesson. A slow one, with knives, and restraints, and, oh yes, a certain amount of begging. Quite necessary, really. How else are they supposed to learn?"

Mark's eyes flicker to Gerard and he can feel one corner of his lip curl, though whether in a smile or a sneer, even he isn't sure. His stomach feels like it has lead in it, and he says, "S'that how you teach Jonny Lee, Gerry? Knives, and restraints, and begging?" not a bit sure what he's trying to provoke, but unable to stop the words.

That hurt more than Gerard had thought it would. "He's already broken in, which is more than can be said for shite like you."

Jonny Lee moves off the wall, slides in under Gerard's arm, kisses his shoulder. "All good boys like knives and restraints and begging. Don't you, Mark?"

Harry smiles, segues it into a smirk. "Now _that's_ how a good boy acts, Mark. You could learn something from them." He hunkers down, making his grip on Mark more direct, much less comfortable. "Perhaps that's what we'll do. Let Butler and his boy show you the proper way to do things." He looks up at Gerard, suppressing the basest desire to take the man on himself, see just how easy it'd be to get him to his knees. But Harry remembers their agreement, the promise to not try and dominate his partner in mindfucking Mark. "What do you say, Butler? Agree?"

"I told you once, Sinclair," Mark says with a growl, "I'm not your goddamned _boy._ "

Harry swiftly shoves Mark forward, slamming him to the floor. "Tonight, you are whatever I say you are," he says, separating each word with more weight against Mark's neck and back. "Understand me?"

Mark's gritting his teeth, his neck twisted at a hard angle, and he manages a choked, "Yeah--yes. Yessir," trying to push up and relieve the pressure on his throat.

"Much better," Harry hisses. He lets go of Mark's neck and cuffs him on the back of head. "Now, stay there while I get a few things." He kneels back, stands up. "Butler, you interested?"

"In fucking him?" Gerard's tone is bored and bland. He kisses the top of Jonny Lee's head and holds him tighter. "Or getting him ready for you?"

"Getting him ready sounds good. Fucking's an option." Harry opens the closet, runs through his mental list of what he wants. His voice is just as dispassionate, nearly clinical. "I was thinking you could do that beautiful creature of yours and let Mark see how a real _boy_ acts."

While Gerard would love to fuck Mark, he'd rather save it for after the first date. Besides, this is Harry's show and Harry should have first shot at the victim. "Tie him up, make him watch." Gerard drops his voice to a whisper meant only for Jonny Lee's ears. "You all right with this, Teak?"

"Perfectly, Pire." Jonny Lee's smile is shyly sinister. He's not giving voice to something, some unspoken desire. "Yes, sir."

"Good boy." Gerard turns Jonny Lee around and pulls him forward by the ring on the harness into a bruising kiss. His right hand holds Jonny Lee against him while the left dives into Jonny Lee's pants and starts searching around.

The exhibitionist inside the unassuming actor comes out full force when Pire takes control of him. He allows the consumption of his body, the mauling and bruising, even pushing himself farther into it.

Gerard's hand makes a fist around Jonny Lee's cock and he squeezes. At the same time, he breaks the kiss, retreating only enough to nibble at Jonny Lee's lower lip. His thumb strokes up and down the shaft and he smirks. This is more fun by the second.

"Please, sir," Jonny Lee murmurs almost the second Gerard's lips leave his. The small, instinctual beg is punctuated with a low whimper as Gerard's fingers reach their goal.

"Shh. No begging. Not until I say you can." Gerard looks over his shoulder at Mark and Harry. "Is he watching, Sinclair?"

Mark is indeed watching, still kneeling on the floor, his gaze flickering between the couple he'd had such a pleasant lunch with and the man who's either providing him the mindfuck he'd requested or has kidnapped him and is about to do a variety of only marginally consensual things to him.

There's a brief moment when Mark considers the nature of consent, and whether it _ought_ to make a difference whether Harry's doing this _for_ Mark or _to_ him, but he abandons the train of thought as far too intellectually demanding for a time when all his blood has fled his brain for his cock, which is achingly, humiliatingly hard.

"Not nearly close enough." Harry walks back over to Mark, dumps a pile of assorted tools and toys on the floor. He kneels, pulling Mark's head up by his hair. "On your knees. In a proper position." His words are filled with menace and malice, proper mindfuck voice. "If you have a clue what that is."

"How would I have a clue what that is, _sir_ ," Mark snarls. "Where did you _ever_ get the idea I spent that much time on my knees?"

"Well, then, let me show you." Harry stands up, pulling Mark with him. It's slightly difficult, considering Mark has a height and bulk advantage on Harry, but Harry's floating in endorphins, and his power's focused.

"It's like this." He gets Mark to his knees, pulls one arm harshly up and out, slaps the hand at the back of Mark's head, repeats the process with the second arm, jerking as hard as he can, no care for pulling muscles and tendons. Harry'll soothe 'em in the morning.

"And then you spread your legs." He kicks between Mark's thighs, knocking his knees apart. "I _know_ you know how to do that, whore."

Mark does fine with everything up until the last. He doesn't know why he feels the rush of fury at the word, it's never bothered him before, but he's too angry to bother trying to sort it out now. In the space of a breath he's lunging to his feet, grabbing Harry around the midsection and toppling them both backwards. "Not a _whore_ , Sinclair," he snarls, coming down on top of the other man. "A lotta things, but not that."

_Finally._ Harry's beaming at getting a rise out of Mark that means something. Mark's off-balance, which Harry takes advantage of, shoving him off and coming around to Mark's back. "Not even _my_ whore?" he hisses, straddling Mark. He pulls the cuffs from the duster pocket, opens them and slaps them on Mark's wrists. Steel closes down tightly on flesh. "I beg to differ."

Mark's off-balance in so many ways that he hardly even realizes Harry's getting cuffs on him until it's too late. When he does realize it, he jerks against them hard, twisting under Harry. "Get the fuck _off_ ," he snarls.

"Not a problem." Harry kneels up, then stands up, grabbing Mark's arms right above the elbow and jerking him to a kneeling position. "Now, we're going to watch." He fists Mark's hair, pulling his head back. "Got me?"

A soft grunt of pain when Harry hauls him upright, and another at the fist in his hair, and through gritted teeth Mark says, "Yeah, all right. I've got you."

Gerard has Jonny Lee on his knees by now, one hand in Jonny Lee's hair, the other busy pinching his own nipples. His eyes are closed, thoroughly enjoying Jonny Lee's mouth. He isn't paying any real attention to Mark and Harry.

Jonny Lee's locked his hands behind his back and lets Gerard guide his head as he takes the cock in his mouth, pulls his tongue down and slides it to the back of his throat. He's in heaven, nearly oblivious to the others, except in wanting to show off, show what a good boy he is, how well he can please Gerard.

Harry settles in behind Mark, kneeling up and pressing into his back, his duster spread out around him. "See how it's done, Mark, how a good boy acts." He breathes out the words against Mark's neck. It's all about keeping him on edge, not letting up the intimidation, the mindfuck. Harry slips his hand around Mark's body, wraps his fingers around Mark's cock, starts stroking, long, slow, twisting motions.

Harry's body pressed against him, the duster spread out like a shadow and Harry's hand doing that slow, twisting dance along his cock--normally the words would hardly even penetrate Mark's awareness, all that on top of the show that that Gerard and Jonny Lee are putting on. But the whisper against his neck draws a groan and a growl from him, and he tries to pull away even as his cock begs for more attention. "Harry, please," he murmurs, "don't do this."

"Don't do what?" Harry's voice is too low, more sinister than melodic. "Don't touch you?" He picks up the pace, shorter, quicker strokes.

A tight gasp, and Mark's eyes close. " _Christ_ don't--please--any of it," even as he arches into Harry's touch. "It's--I don't understand why you're doing this."

"Because I can." Harry leans closer, whispers in Mark's ear. "Because it's what you wanted." He slides his free hand around to his back, pulls the revolver from its holster and brings it around, sliding it between their bodies, down along the cleft of Mark's ass. "Danger. Living on the edge."

Gerard sees the gun out of the corner of his eye and stills completely. He does some quick calculations in his head. Harry owns guns. Harry knows how to use guns. Harry's safe in scene. Therefore, the gun must not be loaded. Somewhat pacified by his logic, Gerard pushes Jonny Lee's head forward, forcing him to choke around his cock.

Mark makes no such calculation. He hears _because it's what you wanted_ , but the breath of relief he started to take turns into a gasp and silence at the hush of metal drawn out of leather, the cold steel against his skin. His lips parted as if to speak, his eyes are locked on Jonny Lee choking on Gerard's cock, his mind skittering along the edge of what's happening, not panicked, but close. He's all but holding his breath, motionless.

"It's really not that painful, not once it starts." Harry presses the gun's barrel into the dip of flesh, its tip teasing against the opening there. Harry has no intentions of actually fucking Mark with it, but it's a heady notion that you might be going to. He and David have used its threat enough, at least once its reality. He drops his voice even lower, almost to being inaudible except to Mark. "I think you'd like it."

Mark pulls away instinctively, but his cock leaps, so hard he's aching, and a flush rises on his chest and face. The idea of Harry fucking him with the gun makes the curl of fear in his gut twist around and turn in on itself, tangling with a sudden raw desire, and a low whimper leaves his throat.

Harry's surprised at the reaction, the almost pushing back. Maybe he will. "You _would_ like that." He begins a dual assault, pushing and sliding the gun down as he pulls his hand along the length of Mark's cock. "Is that what my little whore would like?"

"Christ Harry, _please_ ," his voice hardly even a whisper as he tries not to move, not to buck into that touch, or press back against Harry. His hands are clenched into fists, wrists tight against the cuffs, he doesn't even know what he's asking for anymore, or if he does, he can't admit it.

"Spread your legs for me, Mark," Harry rasps out, punctuating the request with a nudge of the gun's cold metal. Harry releases Mark's cock and reaches into the duster's inner pocket, retrieving a packet of lube.

Mark swallows hard. There's a ringing in his ears, and behind it he can hear a voice of sanity saying this is too much, that he should say no, should safeword, should not let this happen, but it's too late. The fear is as strong as ever, and the confusion, but underlying it all are those four words-- _it's what you wanted_ \--and Mark can't deny the truth of that. He does want it. Harry's voice, Harry's hands, Harry's command making him _need_ again, and he bites his lip hard and obeys.

Harry tears open the lube and gushes it out onto his hand, smearing it up over his fingers, all the while debating with himself on just how far to push it. "That's a good boy," he says patronizingly. He doesn't know Mark well enough, he thinks, to be completely sure. He reaches down, runs his hand over the gun, wincing at how much of a bitch it's gonna be to clean later. "You're gonna be good," he hisses as he pushes the metal back along the tight opening. "Probably looser than I like, but what the hell." He gentles the gun's tip through the muscle.

Mark's heart is pounding, his fingers clenching and spreading. He can see the gun when he closes his eyes, and he knows--believes, thinks he should believe--that this is insane, people don't do this. He murmurs Harry's name, dropping his head forward. The slide of metal presses for entrance and holds Mark motionless, unable to pull away, and he whispers finally, "No, it's--I can't--can't want," but the words are almost soundless.

Harry stills himself. "Can't _do_?" he asks softly against Mark's ear. "Or can't _want_?" He doesn't move his hand even a fraction of a centimeter. "There's a difference, Mark, and one makes me stop this now." He's coming almost completely out of scene, pulling himself back into the reality of what's happening.

Harry's voice is like a touch, and Mark turns to meet his eyes, and suddenly wants nothing more than to get his arms around this man. "Want," he murmurs. "I do want it," he says, "and--" he shakes his head, almost smiling. "Christ, Harry, no one's supposed to want this," and even before he says it he knows that's even crazier than actually wanting it, trying to put limits on what people can want, in the basements of their hearts.

At the look, the words, Harry lets his hand move forward just a nudge, enough to slide the barrel into Mark's body. "There's nothing wrong with wanting," he purrs out, breath hot against Mark's cheek. "And nothing wrong with taking what you want." He holds his hand very steady, letting Mark adjust to the sensation. "And I think I'd like to take you," he pauses, "but not with the gun."

Mark's biting his lip, trembling from the sensation of the steel edging into him, but at Harry's words he does smile, just a little. "I think I'd like that," he says softly.

Just as slowly, Harry pulls the gun back, then puts it on the floor. But rather quickly, he replaces it with lubed fingers, three crossed slightly on themselves. He shoves them in rather abruptly. "I'll fuck you like this," he says, "then when you come, you can lick it up and suck me off, like Butler's boy doing." Harry can't help but admire Jonny Lee's intensity, now that he's not so focused on Mark. "That one does a good job. What do you think?"

Swallowing hard, Mark nods. "I can do that," he says. _For you._

Gerard would have to agree with the statement that his boy's doing good work. He's gritting his teeth, exerting all his control, not willing to let himself come until it's good timing for what Harry's up to.

"You can?" Harry punctuates with a twist of his fingers. "That what you want, Mark, to be on your knees for me?" Uncurls them, rakes backward. "My own personal slut, to fuck every day. To torment and do with as I please?" Harry wraps his hand around Mark's bound wrists and jerks upward, tightening the cuffs, yanking the arm at an unnatural angle.

With a sharp grunt of pain Mark twists forward, trying to ease the pressure on his shoulder, off balance and gasping. Harry's fingers inside him, his words, the pain in Mark's arm and the way the steel cuts into his wrists, it leaves him breathless, and he doesn't answer, can't formulate an answer that he can say aloud.

"I'll take that as a yes." Harry sets up a rhythm of twisting and raking, determined to bring Mark off just like this, softer words and fingers a distinct contradiction to the harsh tones and metal from before.

"Oh, Jesus," a shuddering moan, still twisted forward and trembling as Harry strokes into him. He's slipping back into uncertainty, or at least the feeling is the same, not sure what Harry expects of him, what he'll do, and even less sure of what he himself wants. His cock is aching, precum welling at the tip and dripping to the floor, and Mark wants more than Harry's fingers. "Please, fuck--Harry," his voice breaking.

"Please what, Mark?" Harry lets go of Mark's hands, reaches around, brushes a single finger down the length of Mark's cock. "That enough? Can you come from that?" he asks with another curling twist of fingers in Mark's ass.

Another little gasp, and Mark says, "Maybe," his cock jerking at the light touch, the twist inside his body. "I'd rather come with you fucking me."

"And I'd rather you come like this," Harry drops his voice, low and commanding against Mark's ear, "and then maybe, if you're a good boy, I'll take you home and fuck you."

Mark wishes he knew what it is about Harry that makes his cock jerk at the sound of the man's voice, makes him want to give him things he's not given anyone, and feel need in a way he hasn't for over half his life. He thinks if he knew, he could defuse it, and some part of him wants to laugh--he asked for a mindfuck to clear Harry out of his brain, and when Harry responded he knew, he _knew_ this would happen, and Harry didn't even warn him he was going to go through with it. And those fingers still twisting inside him, and Harry's voice soft and velvet in his ear, and finally Mark nods. "Okay," he says. "Okay. Like this then."

"So, come for me?" He twists his fingers up into Mark, raking over that sweet spot on the downward spiral. "Think you can do that, my little slut?" He flicks his thumb over the head of the cock.

"Oh Jesus," Mark breathes, then gasps. He's so close, so close, needs it so much. "Christ. I want--want to," and those fingers raking over him again, sending a jolt through him. "God, like that, oh--god--" and it's the echo of Harry's words, _That what you want, Mark, to be on your knees for me...my own personal slut, to fuck every day...do with as I please..._ and then his climax starts shuddering through him, seeming to get stronger, his groan building to a cry as his hips jerk and he spills himself, and later, maybe, he'll wonder why that was what put him over the edge, but right now he's too lost to wonder anything at all.

Harry jerks his fingers out and wipes them roughly on his jeans. His other hand is getting drenched and sticky with Mark's come. "Fuckin' perfect you are, Mark," he laughs out, more himself than the persona he'd adopted for the night. He fumbles in his pocket, searching for the handcuff key.

Mark's panting softly, a little dazed. "Am I?" he asks, turning wide eyes to Harry. He hadn't expected that. Had almost expected a rebuke, though for what, he doesn't know. "I'm--um." He blinks. "Thank you?"

"Thank me _after_ you clean up the mess you're making, boy." Harry's smirk is wide and grinning. He holds the key in his fingers. "That is, if you want unlocked."

"Uh," Mark blinks again. "Yes--yessir," and he glances from Harry's hand to the floor, and back, then says, "Um, may I?" figuring better to start with Harry's hand, before it gets too sticky, but not so lost to reason as to think he should try that without permission.

Gerard came as quietly as possible a few moments ago, not wanting to intrude on Harry and Mark. But while he might be drained, he has a kneeling boy that needs seeing to. He squats down next to Jonny Lee and kisses him to taste himself on his boy's lips. "Do you want to come?" he asks softly.

Jonny Lee leans into the kiss, breathes out a "Please, sir. May I, sir?" keeping his eyes focused on Gerard. He's almost too hard, knows it's going to be fuckin' painful when the release comes. And fuckin' good.

Gerard's hand wraps around Jonny Lee's cock and he pumps it slowly. "Yes. You may."

It's exactly as Jonny Lee anticipates, the orgasm pulled torturously from him, in vicious spurts, each spasm and shudder more violent than the last till he's finally spent.

Harry, watching with rapt attention, doesn't move as Mark bends towards his hand. "Yes, you may," he says quietly.

Mark has never particularly liked tasting his own come--there's something about it that bothers him, too much of himself, maybe, he's not sure. But the salt of Harry's skin beneath it mingles with the polleny flavour, the smell of sex in the room, of leather and his own sweat, and the distinct fragrance he's coming to recognize as Harry-- soft leather and the tang of steel, a winter sky at night--it combines into a heady aroma that makes his chest tight and dips him further into the feeling that this is where he belongs. Delicate lips and tongue swipe softly at Harry's hand, licking each finger carefully clean, his eyes shuddering closed as some part of him wonders how in hell he got here.

While Mark's otherwise occupied sucking fingers clean, Harry unlocks the cuffs, rubbing the abraded wrists as the metal falls away. He pockets them and the key. "Enough, boy," he says before the last finger's clean. He pulls his hand away from Mark's lips and sucks his pinkie into his mouth, tongue tasting first, imprinting the taste of this man he's finding himself quickly wrapped up in.

Mark stops, sitting up a little, uncertain, bringing his hands back in front of himself and touching the traces of Harry's touch. He's not sure what 'enough' means, though, and says, a little hesitantly, "Should I get the floor?" not at all sure what's happened to his earlier defiance. He suspects it left him the minute Harry said, _it's what you wanted._

Harry laughs, caught a bit unawares at the question. He really didn't expect Mark to offer. "Of course," he says, regaining composure.

Grateful that the floor isn't carpeted, Mark bends to the task, glad to have his hands to steady himself, and carefully he licks up what had escaped Harry's hand. When he's done, though, he doesn't sit back up, but rests his forehead on the cool tile, and breathes. He feels calm here, somehow, eyes closed, warm breath echoing back to him, and if he looks up, sees Gerard with Jonny Lee at his feet, raises his face to Harry, he's not sure what will happen. Maybe nothing. Or maybe he'll come apart. He's on the edge of something, but he can't tell what it is, can't see beyond it, and doesn't know whether to be afraid.

Harry's hunkered down, watching as Mark licks the floor, waiting for him to return to position. When he doesn't, Harry's curious. He studies Mark's form, forehead to tile. He knows it's cool, relieving. It's only when Mark looks up at him, not really looking but just staring, eyes almost glazed over, that Harry knows what's happened. Mark's in a different place, in a headspace Harry is more familiar with than he'll admit. Or that's what Harry assumes. He doesn't know Mark well enough to be sure, so he ventures the guess.

"Mark, are you with me?" he asks quietly, a breeze rushing through freshly cut pines. "Want to come back? Out of that place?"

Mark feels Harry's voice more than he hears it, soft, and he pushes up off the floor a little. Harry's crouched beside him, close enough to feel his warmth, and Mark presses his cheek to Harry's knee, then kisses it and nods. "I'm here," he says. It feels like finding something in the mist. He meets Harry's eyes then, coming back to himself, and kneels up. "I'm here."

"Good." He runs his hand through Mark's hair. "Would hate to lose you this early in the game." The smile's borderline infectious. "Wanna try standing?"

The hand in his hair, that soft touch, seems to clear away what was left of the mist, and Mark chuckles and gets to his feet, albeit a little unsteadily. "You're not losing me," he says with a soft grin, spreading his arms. "See? Right here."

Harry just shakes his head at the puzzlement this new lover is, an enigma of zen who seems unfazed by anything life throws at him. He wonders if, when, Mark knows all the secrets, he'll be as giving, as willing to open his arms. But, for the moment, it doesn't matter. He pulls Mark into his arms, letting the duster wrap loosely about him. "There's a change of clothes in the duffel," he alters voice slightly, a bit more airy, "so you don't have to walk home naked."

Mark smiles, leans in to kiss Harry's throat. "You think of everything," he says, sliding his hand down Harry's body to cup his erection, "except, maybe, this one--rather impressive," he says, raising an eyebrow, "problem. You really wanna wait to get home to take care of it?"

"Yes," Harry whispers in Mark's ear, pushing into the arousing caress. "Want to be aching with anticipation of fucking you, needing release so badly that we barely get the door closed before I slam you over the nearest piece of furniture and pound into you till I explode."

"Ah," Mark's eyes going wide, and his breath a little short. "Uh, yes. Yes," he says, "I, uh," and he clears his throat, looks around for the duffel bag. What he sees is Gerard and Jonny Lee, watching them with bemused expressions, and he startles, reminded that he and Harry are not, in fact, alone, and suddenly--for reasons that escape him--mildly self-conscious. He falls back on etiquette, or as close as he can get to it in his current frame of mind.

"Oh, god, my manners!" he says with a laugh. "Christ, I'm sorry. Hey, I uh, guess you two've already met Harry, prior to today, so introductions aren't really necessary. I, um--wow," he says, then, "Oh, and Gerard, listen, what I said, earlier, about--you know, training, that--I didn't mean anything, I was just--a little freaked out, you know."

Gerard laughs. It's a relaxed, easy sound and it breaks whatever tension was left in the room. "Yeah, I know. No harm, no foul."

"Cool, good," Mark says, still looking for the duffel. "I'd hate, you know, for--Harry, where's the bag?" he asks, and says to Gerard with a bemused smile of his own, "I'm not really--um. You know, I never did get to show you two the rest of the club," he says, latching onto a coherent thought. "They have got a _fantastic_ little uh, like, baths area--Jacuzzi, steam rooms, like that." He glances from Gerard and Jonny Lee to Harry and raises an eyebrow. "All the usual Establishment rules apply," he says with a grin, his eyes flickering to Harry's erection. "Whaddaya say?"

"Huh." Harry's been listening, taking it in. "Bag's in the corner." He's already thinking his plans are going to be waylaid, fucked up and generally thrown to the wind the minute they hit the steam room. Not that he gives a damn. Fucking Mark over the side of the hot tub is _just_ as inviting as over the couch at home. "Sounds like an excellent plan, gentlemen."

Gerard grins. "Very excellent. Lead on, Macduff."  


  


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	21. ashton: Email to Gerard Butler

Ashton ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ashton/profile)[ **ashton**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ashton/) ) wrote,  
@ [2003](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ashton/2003/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ashton/2003/11/)-[25](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ashton/2003/11/25/) 19:17:00   
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_**Email to Gerard Butler**_  
To: gerard.butler@establishment.com  
From: ashton.kutcher@ establishment.com  
Subject: hello

Hello, Gerard. This is Ashton Kutcher. We don't know each other, but I left a comment in your journal. But I was answered rather rudely by one Johnny Lee Miller, so I thought I'd contact you directly. Johnny seems a bit protective of you, but I really don't think someone like you needs protecting, do you?

At any rate, I'd love to have a chance to talk with you, alone. I'm back and forth from NY to LA all the time, and I'd love to meet up in the Establishment bar or anywhere else you like.

Hope to hear from you soon,  
Ashton

  


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	22. gerard: Email to ashton Kutcher

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2003](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/11/)-[25](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/11/25/) 22:03:00   
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_**Email to[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ashton/profile)**_[ **ashton**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ashton/) Kutcher  
[In response to [this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ashton/1048.html).]

To: ashton.kutcher@establishment.rpg  
From: gerard@establishment.rpg  
Bcc: jlm@establishment.rpg  
Subject: re: hello

Hello, Ashton. Let's get one thing straight, right off the bat. Jonny Lee Miller is my submissive, my boy, not to mention my lover. You say anything bad about him and I pummel you into the cement. Got it?

No need to spread that around. Just keep it in the back of your mind.

I'm currently staying at the Establishment hotel in LA. Meet me in the bar and we'll talk. Jonny Lee will not be attending.

-Gerard Butler  
  


  


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	23. ashton: Email to Gerard Butler

Ashton ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ashton/profile)[ **ashton**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ashton/) ) wrote,  
@ [2003](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ashton/2003/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ashton/2003/11/)-[26](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ashton/2003/11/26/) 11:26:00   
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_**Email to Gerard Butler**_  
To: gerard@establishment.rpg  
From: ashton.kutcher@establishment.rpg  
Subject: re: re: hello

Well, I don't know whether to be offended by your tone, or turned on by it. Maybe both. Really, threatening to hurt me isn't a deterrent.

Either way, I'll be back in LA Friday and I'd be happy to meet you in the Establishment bar. As long as we get one thing straight.

Your post was public. My comment was a joke. I certainly didn't mean to offend you or your boy and I really don't want to have an argument over something so inconsequential. Perhaps you're both taking this too seriously.

That being said, I'd still be willing to meet you. Let me know.

Ashton

  


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	24. gerard: Email to ashton Kutcher

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2003](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/11/)-[26](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/11/26/) 15:48:00   
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_**Email to[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ashton/profile)**_[ **ashton**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ashton/) Kutcher  
[In response to [this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ashton/1580.html).]

To: ashton.kutcher@establishment.rpg  
From: gerard@establishment.rpg  
Subject: re: re: re: hello

My post was public. My mistake. Your comment was a joke. But if you had bothered to read the post instead of just making a glib remark, you would have realized it was private in nature, and not only that, but private to a man who holds my heart in the palm of his hand. So intruding on a private offer based on trust to make a remark that made you sound like you thought I was a submissive was offensive.

However, that was not the incident I was refering to in my e-mail to you. Honestly, lad, somebody should have taught you manners long ago. This would probably be best to be discussed in person. Meet you in the bar.

-Gerard Butler  


  


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	25. jonnyleemiller: It's a long flight from Heathrow to LAX

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2003](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2003/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2003/11/)-[26](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2003/11/26/) 03:29:00   
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_**It's a long flight from Heathrow to LAX**_  
[players, not pups. flight taken by [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) and [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) from London to LA for "Timeline" premiere. 24 november. links are to journal entries that occurred during the process of roleplaying that were incorporated into the storyline.]

  
Gerard walks around the living room, looking for things he's forgotten. They'll be staying at an Estalishment hotel, so remembering things like toothbrushes is more important than remembering things like toys. He takes the notepad from beside the phone and tosses it inside the briefcase that holds his laptop.

Jonny Lee throws his rucksack from the top of the stairs, shouting "heads up" nearly too late as the case falls just short of Gerard's feet.

Gerard takes a step back quickly and does his best to catch the bag. He grabs it with one hand and tosses it onto the small pile of stuff. There's a duffle for him, a garment bag with their tuxedos, and a suitcase of miscellaneous necessities. "Anything else up there?"

"Just me." Jonny Lee bounces down the stairs. "GameBoy's packed, CDs packed, and a few clothes. That's it."

"Good." Gerard wraps an arm around Jonny Lee and muzzles his still-damp hair. "Let's pack the car and go."

"Yes, sir." He reaches down and snags the duffel, his rucksack and the garment bag, heads for the door into the night air. "Glad you got a night flight. I hate trying to sleep in the daytime. Screws everything up."

_He thinks he'll be sleeping._ Gerard laughs a little, then grabs the rest of the stuff and follows Jonny Lee out. He loads up the trunk of the car and then walks around. "Keys?"

"You're driving? Thought I was driving." Jonny Lee jingles the keys over top of the car.

"My driving isn't that bad!"

"I didn't say that." Jonny Lee gets into the driver's side. "It's safer for me to drive." Puts in the keys in the ignition. "I keep my hands to myself." Turns over the engine. "And we get where we're going in one piece."

Gerard rolls his eyes. "It's when I don't keep my hands to myself that we don't get where we're going, eh? Then it shouldn't matter if I was driving or you were."

"My car. I'm driving. You can do whatever you want with your hands, Mr. Butler."

Grumbling a little, Gerard gets into the passenger side and puts the safety belt on. "Just for that, I'm going to keep them nice and happy in my own lap."

The drive to the airport is smooth and rather quick, with a minimum of small talk, leaving them more than enough time to check in and relax before the flight leaves.

Most of their luggage gets checked, but Gerard's got some secrets stuffed away with his laptop. "We have an hour before first class preboards. Want to find a bookstore?"

"Sure. That's the one thing I didn't bring. A book." Jonny Lee's a step ahead of Gerard, heading down the concourse.

Gerard steps onto one of the moving sidewalks. One of the benefits of only having been here the week before is that he's well aware of the placing of various bookstores. A good one, one with more than the recent best sellers, is two sidewalks down.

In the bookstore, Jonny Lee gravitates to the magazine aisle, checking out the latest gaming issues before snagging a couple comic books.

Gerard watches him run off, lingering over the latest mystery and horror books. Some of the older ones tempt him. This isn't quite the time to be adding to his collection, though, so he makes a mental note of the titles before picking up one of his favorite Agatha Christie novels that he's misplaced a few thousand times over the years.

"Got mine," Jonny Lee says as he finds Gerard near the checkout counter. "You paying?" He flashes a smile, holds out his selections.

The production company is picking up the cost of first class tickets for Butler and guest and it's Jonny Lee's petrol that was used up earlier, so Gerard figures it's only fair. He takes out his wall, hands the book over to the clerk. "Credit ok?"

"Fine, sir." The sales clerk efficiently and quickly rings up the sale without even the slightest hint she recognizes her customers.

Gerard pays, slips the receipt in the second fold on his wallet, and then pockets it. He takes a cursory look at the titles. "Not Preacher this time?"

"No, already read it." Jonny Lee gives him a quizzical look, rather impressed that Gerard keeps up with the titles. "Anyhow, the new Fables is out and I needed to catch up on X-Men."

First class isn't full. Unusual, but not rare. Some people just don't want to pay the extra. "Okay if I take window?" Jonny Lee asks as he stashes his bag under the seat and moves in that direction anyway.

Better than okay. Gerard was going to suggest it. Much easier to be evil if it's harder for the flight attendents to see the object of torment. "Take it. When they go around giving out blankets, take one."

Jonny Lee starts to object, saying he didn't really need one, but he decides against it, shrugs and settles into the seat. He's flown enough that he's dressed comfortably for it, loose jeans and a sweatshirt over his t-shirt. He pops the headphones for his CD player back in his ears and buckles in, psyching himself for takeoff. He doesn't mind flying, actually enjoys the up-in-the-air part, but takeoff and landing are nauseating at times.

Gerard gets all his gear into its proper place, then takes out his book. He's flown too many times to actually pay attention to the safety speeches. If he dies, at least he dies next to Teak, and that's good enough for him.

Cleared out of Heathrow, Jonny Lee peers out the window and tracks as they cross out over water, well on their way. The blanket the attendant offered is tucked into the side of the seat, and he's bouncing his head to his own mix of Linkin Park, Static-X and Deftones.

Gerard gets to chapter two and then puts the book down. They've reached cruising altitude and so he reaches over and pulls Jonny Lee's headphones off. "Let's play a game."

"A game?" He's curious, albeit he'd like to keep listening to his music. "Am I going to like it?"

"Yes. You'll like it very much."

"Okay." He ditches the CD player, smile on his face. "What do I do?"

"It's not so much what you do as what _I_ do." Gerard reaches down into his pocket, feels around for the nipple clamps he'd snuck past security. "Game's called 'Jonny Lee comes twice'. A flight this long, I'm sure you could manage that. When and how you come is entirely up to you, but that doesn't mean I won't always play fair. You try to save them up for the end and we'll see just how far your orgasm control holds."

Jonny Lee sucks in a breath, holds it. It's not exactly the game he was expecting. And the thought goes straight to his cock, making him even more thankful for the worn denim. "I get to come." He breathes out. "And when is up to me. Sounds easy enough."

"But no more than twice. And no less than," Gerard reminds him. "I don't think this is as easy as it sounds." Game explained, Gerard picks his book up again. "Start whenever you want."

"Okay. Sure." Easy enough, Jonny Lee thinks. _Don't wanna come right now._ He pulls his rucksack out from under the seat, leaves it open on the floor and grabs one of the comic books. He's kinda confused about how the game works, but he's trusting enough of Gerard to play along.

An hour passes peacefully. Gerard gets apple juice from the stewardess and sips it thoughtfully as he reads. He's always aware of Jonny Lee out of the corner of eye, wondering when he'll make the first move.

Jonny Lee shifts, squirms just a little. Maybe Fables isn’t the best choice when you're not wanting to get aroused. Goldilocks, the multi-species nympho-lover, is bad enough, but the way the Big Bad Wolf is drawn is just downright sinful. His hand slips down, palms over his crotch, just adjusting, relieving a bit of the tension.

Ah. Movement. Gerard lowers the book slightly to give himself a better line of sight. There's no limit on how many times _he_ 's allowed to come today, but there's always biology to take into account. Always good to pace yourself.

Jonny Lee glances over, catches Gerard watching him, and shifting becomes rubbing. He finds it strange how his lover brings out the exhibitionist in him. And he's good at this, getting right to the edge of coming, backing off, having spent way too many nights wanking instead of socializing. He feels himself hardening, lengthening.

Gerard pulls the blanket over from where it's tucked in and spreads it over Jonny Lee's lap, drapes it down from his shoulders. Once Jonny Lee's fully covered, Gerard reaches his hand under, lifts Jonny Lee's sweatshirt and shirt and sticks the clamps on by touch.

Jonny Lee smiles as Gerard drapes the blanket over him, grins more broadly when the hand sneaks under his shirt. "Fuck," he bites into his lip when the clamp closes on his nipple. The pain is immediate, sharp and only magnifies when the second clamp is added.

"Excuse me, sir," the too-helpful female flight attendant walking by says, "did you need something?"

"Hmm, no, fine." Jonny Lee grimaces the words out. "You bastard," he adds under his breath when she disappears beyond the curtain. "That's not playing fair."

"Did I ever say I would?" The flight attendant was almost too close for comfort. Gerard had only managed to get his hands out from under the blanket in time so that she probably didn't see. He wonders if there are laws against flight attendants disclosing the antics of passengers to the press. Then he remembers all the tabloid stories from the past few years. Well, he's had a good record with never having to hire a publicist before. Here's hoping it stood the test of time. "You did say they're like me pinching, which I can't do here, you understand."

"Yeah. They do." Jonny Lee's adjusting to the pain, which hasn't quite slid into pleasure yet. "Just damned intense with the layers," he mutters, the double thickness of cotton from his clothes weighted down even more by the blanket sending signals straight to his cock. "Damn." He pulls his hand off his jeans, figures he definitely doesn't need the extra attention, unless he wants to come immediately.

Gerard grins and fishes around their legs for Jonny Lee's discarded CD player. He puts the headphones on Jonny Lee's head, but unplugs them, sticking in a two-way and putting his phones in on the other. He's always wanted to see if he could jack someone off, keeping to a beat. Curiosity's rising in Jonny Lee's brain, just slightly more rapidly than his cock, but he's happy with the return of his CD and tries to relax to the music. Pounding, relentless beat. He squirms in his seat, which only serves to pull shirts against clamps, which shifts them just enough to drive home the point with his cock. Again. _Fuckin' chain reactions._

Gerard hovers his hand above Jonny Lee's obvious erection and waits for the next song to start up. He knows this one, is intimately familiar with the beat, knows just how to manipulate it for his advantage.

Static-X's "Cold" segues into the first beats of Linkin Park's "Breaking the Habit" and Jonny Lee lets himself be absorbed into the music, only barely conscious of Gerard's proximity, movements. Not even two hours into a very long flight is not exactly the optimum time to come.

Gerard's very familiar with the beat and so his hand comes down without conscious thought, to stroke Jonny Lee's cock with his thumb and index finger. The song isn't as fast as "Faint" and so Gerard figures Jonny Lee might last longer than the end of the track. It's going to be a long flight, but he expects the both of them to sleep a good portion of it away. A wank before and a wank afterwards sounds lovely to him.

Jonny Lee jerks back at the touch, more out of shock than anything. He clutches the blanket to keep it from falling. Can't scream, which is what he wants to do, 'cause there are a few other people in first class, so he bites on the blanket edge, figuring he'll barely make it past the last chord.

Gerard adds a good squeeze as the vocals begin, hums lightly under his breath. "Remember, whenever you want."  
Jonny Lee pulls the blanket just barely out of his mouth. "Why do I suspect there's a 'but' to all that?" he whispers. "Like you're not gonna stop even if I do come." He bites into the fuzzy fabric again as Gerard's downstroke connects with the shift of clamps and his body shudders with need. _Think about something, Miller, other than how fucking good that feels._

Gerard grins. "Even _when_ you come, and no, I'm not going to stop. I like your cock. I like the way it feels in my hand, especially when it's under denim. But I promise to take the clamps off when you come." He isn't sure if that's more a threat than a promise, though.

"Damnedfuckingsonofabitch." The words are slammed end on end and wrangled in the blanket as Jonny Lee fights not to do exactly what he wants to do. He makes it to the end of the song, but then it's Bennington going solo on "System" and as the lyrics come round to 'your body will be mine,' it's too much.

Gerard's grin threatens to split his mouth in two. He withdraws his hand, wiping it casually on Jonny Lee's thigh. He kisses Jonny Lee's nose and then sits back completely in his own seat.

Jonny Lee's shivering in the wake of the orgasm, too damned intense. A moment later, he registers how wet his jeans are, curses that all his clothes were checked. A moment after that, when he lets himself settle back into his seat, having barely realized that he'd lurched forward as he came, the clamps shift, remind him of their presence. Rather sharply. "Pire," he licks his lips, anticipates the pain of having his request granted. "Clamps. Off. Please."

"It might be a good idea to keep that blanket," Gerard teases, then reaches up underneath and pulls both clamps off in one singular motion. There's no one in the seats across the aisle from them, so Gerard feels free to take the time to scrape the metal down Jonny Lee's abs and stomach. By the time Jonny Lee's gotten a hold on himself once more, the clamps are back in Gerard's pocket.

Breathing ragged, Jonny Lee curls up in the blanket, pulls his feet up into the cushion and leans toward the center of the seats. He stares at Gerard, a very exhausted smile hanging limp on his mouth. "You are very wicked," he breathes out. "I like your game."

"You already knew I was wicked," Gerard winks. "And as for the game, it was particularly inspired, if I do say so myself." He looks pointedly towards the front of the cabin. "They'll be serving dinner in a few. You might want to not look like you just came in your pants."

"Well, that's gonna damned fucking hard. How 'bout I just sleep through dinner?" Jonny Lee moves the blanket enough to left up the armrest separating them and curls up into Gerard's shoulder. It's a decided public display of affection, or at least, could be construed that way, but Jonny Lee's past caring about such things when they're miles in the air and in a darkened plane cabin. "You can just feed me a couple bites."

Dinner comes and Jonny Lee is drifting, no so much in and out of sleep, but just the peaceful rest that comes after sex. He's happy, happier than he's been in months. He's pulled himself completely up into the seat, wedged almost into a near-fetal position, hand lazing against the outer side of Gerard's thigh.

Gerard does his best not to jostle Jonny Lee very much as he gets dinner situated. He cuts the steak up into twenty-odd bite sized pieces and pops the first one into his mouth. It's barely edible. _Airline food. What else would you expect?_ He props Jonny Lee's head up a little to feed him the next bite.

Moan, mumble, open mouth. Jonny Lee's working on an involuntary need to feed. He chews, swallows, lays his head back down, but doesn't close his eyes. Instead, he stares at Gerard, watches him eat, wonders if it would be breaking some cardinal rule to tell him how much he loves him.

Gerard finishes off the steak, ends up feeding Jonny Lee a little over a third of it. There are potatoes on the side and he slices one neatly in half, dabs it with salt a little, and presses it against Jonny Lee's lips.

"Not too bad," Jonny Lee says, chewing on the potato. "Not fish and chips, but it's edible."

"Probably came with the chicken meal. What can I say? I like red meat too much. You could always have gotten your own meal." Gerard takes the second half and eats it. Surprisingly better than the steak.

"No, it's fine. Sorry. Didn't mean." Jonny Lee's tripping on his tongue apologizing. He curls back into the seat, pushing his head down against the small crack of space between the back cushions.

Gerard curses himself. He didn't mean for it to be anything more than teasing. He pushes the remnants of the meal away and tries his damnedest to take Teak into his arms and cuddle.

He lets himself be cuddled, just barely. Not that he doesn't want it. He does, but he's mad with himself for getting defensive, for thinking too much and not just savoring the moment. It's too nice a moment not to be happy. "S'ok," he mumbles, decides to change the subject before he says something he shouldn't. "Game still on?"

"Yeah." Gerard breathes the word out into Jonny Lee's hair, pulls back a little, and kisses him.

Jonny Lee leans, pushes into the kiss, the smile on his lips dissipating into Gerard's touch. His hands sneak out from the under the blanket to press against his lover's chest, fingers curl on the shirt.

Gerard hisses at the contact, hands moving of their own volition to pull Jonny Lee's lower. He hasn't come yet and he's suddenly very aware of that fact.

"Can I do something for you, sir?" Jonny Lee says softly as his hands are moved.

"Yes," Gerard whispers, very aware of their surroundings. "Let me feel your hands on me."

Pulling the blanket up from the floor enough to cover Gerard's lap a bit, Jonny Lee works his hands down over the denim shirt, pulling it away from the jeans. He fingers the buttons of the jeans' fly, easily undoing them, parting the fabric and smoothly slipping his hand through the boxers' opening. Touches flesh, wraps his fingers around Gerard's cock, presses gently and strokes.

Gerard gasps a little as Teak takes hold of him. Slowly, he lets his head fall onto Teak's shoulder, shuddering a little as he goes. If he lives a thousand lifetimes, he will never get tired of Teak's warm fingers stroking him just right.

The urge to drop his head and put mouth to cock is nearly overwhelming, but even Jonny Lee's not stupid enough to try a blowjob this publicly. He opts for pulling his forefinger in a long stroke from cockhead back along the underside, pressing his thumb down on top near the base.

His groan isn't quite muffled by Teak's shoulder. "M-more." He doesn't dare to do more than whisper it, but he hopes it comes off clear as a command, not a plea.

Jonny Lee shifts, almost kneeling now, and slips his other hand through the opening, cups weighty sacs, kneads softly as his finger and thumb continue work on Gerard's cock. He licks his lips, anticipating the familiar taste.

Gerard so fucking close to ordering Jonny Lee to swallow him, but the thought of turbulence stops him. Gerard's all for biting, but not like this. "Suck a little, on the head." It's all he can ask right now.

"Yes," he hisses out, lowering his head even more Gerard finishes the sentence. He flicks his tongue out against the sensitive skin, swirls it around, slips his mouth over the head, sucks lightly. He holds the cock in his hand still, finger working in circles around it, keeping it steady.

Ger counts backwards from ten to one, and again. Anything to keep himself from coming. Anything to keep himself from screaming as he does it.

"No, Pire," Jonny Lee says, pulling off. "That's not how it works. I came. You come." He slips his mouth back over the cockhead, takes just a bit in through his lips. No way he can deep-throat him, not safely, either PRwise or turbulence side, but he can hollow his cheeks and press his tongue where the head ends, and he bets he can bring him off.

That voice is enough to drive him over the edge and Ger bites the inside of his lip to keep from making any undue noise. _What public sex does to me._

Jonny Lee swallows hard, just to keep up with the hot saltysweetness coating his throat. He holds steady, taking in every last drop, then licks Gerard clean, tucks him in and buttons the jeans back up. He pulls himself back up, blanket draped loosely over them, and nestles back into Gerard's arm. "Whole lot better than fish and chips, mate," he whispers.

Gerard makes a low contented sound in the back of his throat. "Sleep now. Come again when you wake up."

"Yes, sir." Jonny Lee settles in, falls peacefully asleep. His dreams are erotic, surreal images of a long-haired man walking with him alongside a lush stream. He murmurs, shifts occasionally.

Gerard waits until he's asleep before pulling out his laptop and jotting down his thoughts. It takes him longer than he had thought it would. When he's done, he disentangles himself from Teak, but leaves the computer powered up and logged on incase Teak should want to use it.

Jonny Lee wakes up, a little confused. His pillow's gone. He stretches. "Why, Pire," he notices the laptop, "what a silly boy. I can play now." He pulls it into his lap and heads to Shockwave to drop some water balloons. The browser window is already opened. "Hmm, somebody's been busy." [Jonny Lee starts to read.](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/3781.html) "Shit, Pire, you gotta lock these damn things. And who the fuck is this idiot?" He types in a response, something a bit more tame than the campy "get away from my man" that's running through his head.

Gerard takes some time to freshen himself up, to wash his face, and to shave as best as he can under the conditions. He's eager to sit back down again next to Jonny Lee and sleep on top of him.

Jonny Lee's still messing with the laptop, having gotten bogged down with responding to unnecessary comments. Never got over to dropping water balloons. "Just who does he think he is."

Gerard finishes up in the bathroom and hurries back to his seat, being careful to hold onto the luggage compartments as he walks. There's almost no light and what little there is isn't enough to see by. He finds his seat by memory and slumps into it.

"You're back. Where'd you go?" Jonny Lee looks up from the screen. And before Gerard can even say a word. "We need to talk. You shouldn't leave this," he turns the laptop screen to Gerard, "like this. I mean it's open to anyone."

"Loo," Gerard is replying before he ever hears the rest of Jonny Lee's words. "What do you mean, open to anyone? I've left things locked only to myself. Having it let only you in shouldn't be that hard."

"But that's not what you did, Pire. You left it open completely." Jonny Lee's finger runs over the touch-pad mouse. "See. And you got a comment from this idiot hitting on you."

"Lemme see that." Gerard grabs his laptop out of Jonny Lee's hands, reads it with growing anger. "Bastard."

"I responded," Jonny Lee says timidly. "Maybe I shouldn't've, but I, he, and." He's getting tongue-tied.

Gerard's still reading and rereading. "Does he think I'm a submissive? Or that I scene with any old..." his voice trails off. ["He sent me an e-mail."](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ashton/1048.html) Longer pause. "Wants me to meet him in a bar." Deathly quiet. "He called you by your first name."

Jonny Lee glances over the email. "Stupid fuck, can't even spell my name right." He's smiling, albeit weakly. "You don't want," he starts, immediately wishing he hadn't, "or do you? If you do, that's fine." It's a lie, but Jonny Lee's used to telling them, saying it doesn't matter when others go off without him.

Maybe it's just a refugee from his lawyer days, where there was an elaborate ritual that went to the extremes of politeness in forms of address, especially indirect. Even if you didn't mean it, you were grounded in the knowledge that you were being proper. Whatever it is, the fact that this Hollywood brat had such presumption rankles more than any insult. "I want to meet him. I want to tear him limb from limb. I want him to crawl out of the club and never come back." Only Jonny Lee could bring out a possessive streak like that.

Pulling the blanket back up around him, Jonny Lee leans closer to Gerard, more like they were before he fell asleep. "Why do you want to do that?" He's unsure of the question, unsure he wants to hear the answer, assumes it's more a sense of honor on Gerard's part than him. "Because of me?"

"He's insulted you." Gerard turns the screen so that Jonny Lee can read it.

"Yeah. I see." He pauses. "And you want to defend me?

Gerard blushes, thankful for the dim light so Jonny Lee can't see. "Yeah."

"I"m sorry. I jumped to conclusions. Think I read more into it then I should've." Jonny Lee's talking more slowly. "And he is hitting on you, and he is, well, cute in a weird way."

"He's hitting on me, yes. He doesn't even _know_ me. I don't let someone have the upper hand easily. I only give it to people I trust. And for a long time, I...I haven't trusted anyone that much."

Jonny Lee straightens against the seat. "Would you ever trust me?" He holds his breath, waiting for the answer.

"I trust you more than anything," Gerard frowns. "I thought you knew that."

"I know a lot of things I keep forgetting." Jonny Lee forces the smile. "Like how lucky I am to have you."

_We are not going to have our first row in months on a bloody airplane._ "And how lucky I am to have you."

"Sorry, Pire," he drops back to the comfort of his pet name for Gerard. "I got so used to being the optional third party that I'm still getting used to having someone all to myself."

"You are _not_ optional." Teak's vital, goddammit. He needs him. Needs him badly. He'd only been able to get through their months of seperation by watching and rewatching all of Jonny Lee's films.

Jonny Lee shivers at the tone in Gerard's voice, goes mildly on the defensive. "Well, it's a damned first, Pire. I knew Jude before Ewan, but it's been JudeandEwan and, oh yeah, Jonny Lee. Hell, when I was married to Angie, I came second to her brother half the time." He pauses. "So, excuse me if I go a little mental over the idea of sharing you with some Hollywood idiot who takes advantage of you leaving open an entry that should've been locked, preens and hits on you and can't even spell my name." He breaks into a smile a split second later, as his ears catch up with his mouth, and he realizes just how stupid he sounds.

Gerard closes his laptop with a sharp click and pushes Jonny Lee down into the seat. He's careful to keep his voice low and he knows he's growing. He doesn't care. "You are _not_ sharing me. I'm not going to fuck that presumptuous excuse for a tabloid monger. We aren't exclusive, but you know I'd tell you about anything that came up. I might fuck them, but you're the one I come home to. You're the only one I want in my bed. I want to come home and curl around you and feel your hands on my chest. I want to call you at insane hours when you're off filming and listen to you laugh, just to know you're happy. I want to hold you and keep you and I'm sorry I didn't take my chance before, but I'm taking it now. Yer mine, Jonny Lee Miller, and I'm keeping ye," too late Gerard realizes how slurred his words have become. He's not sure how much of the last was intelligible, but he doesn't care.

Jonny Lee doesn't say a word. He can't. He's pushed back into the seat, nearly one with the cushion, blanket pulled up around him and he's sweating. For all practical purposes, Gerard just said "I love you" and no one's ever said that to him and really meant it.

Ger licks his lips and keeps bearing down on Jonny Lee. "And I'm going to do whatever I can to keep ye. I'm going to find your limits and we're going to explore them, you and me. We're going to find out what we like, what we don't like, and we're going to do it together. Y'hear that, Teak? We're gonna do it all together."

"Yes, sir," Jonny Lee finally manages. "Ya know, Pire, when you get angry, you slur your words." He slips his tongue out over his lips. "And it's damned sexy."

He softens. "You think everything about me is sexy."

"No, not everything." He's back to being semi-coy. Jonny Lee hadn't really wanted to have this conversation, not miles in the sky with no exit, but maybe that was for the best. Couldn't run away.

Gerard stumbles into the seat next to Jonny Lee, but ends up more than halfway on his lap. He strokes a finger down Jonny Lee's cheak. "What isn't sexy about me? My feet? My elbows? C'mon, I can take it."

"It's nothing important." Jonny Lee squirms as Gerard lands mostly on him. "Not really."

Ger's hand strokes around Jonny Lee's chin and moves southward. "As I recall," he muses. "You were to come again before we landed." It's dark enough and all the others in first class are sleeping. Gerard slides over and pulls Jonny Lee onto his lap. "How much do you want to bet that I could get away with fucking you, right here, right now?"

"You wouldn't." Jonny Lee blurts out the words, quickly covers his mouth thinking he was too loud. Then he's moved onto Gerard's lap. "Pire, what if we get caught." His mouth is voicing concern, his brain is intrigued and his cock, getting harder by the second, is definitely very interested.

_Gotcha_. "Tell me what about me isn't sexy," he purrs, putting on all the seduction he can. "And we'll see."

"Tell me why I open my mouth." Jonny Lee sighs. "It's your," his voice drops to near inaudible, "hair. It's sexier longer."

"And my hair just happens to be the one thing I can't control." Gerard wonders how much hair the Phantom could get away with, and then squashes the thought. They've already shot half the bloody movie. Continuity and all. Gotta keep it short. Gerard sighs, a little melodramatically. "There's always hair club for men. I hear Rogaine works wonders."

"I know. That's why it wasn't important." Jonny Lee wiggles against Gerard's lap, the growing erection there rather obvious. "So, can I get fucked now?"

"Yes. But it's going to be very frustrating, for the both of us. Got any lubricant?"

Jonny Lee bends down, grabs his rucksack and pulls out a tube. "Always prepared," he smirks.

Gerard schools his face carefully blank as he takes the tube from Jonny Lee. "This is the reason you should have traveled in ass-less pants. Take down your jeans as little as possible." Gerard opens his pants and squirts some lube onto his hands, readies himself quickly. He hands the tube back to Jonny Lee. "Get yourself prepped and good. When you feel you're ready, sit on me."

Jonny Lee stands up, thanking the gods there's no one in the seat directly in front of them. He pushes his jeans down, squirts out the lube and quickly preps himself, not taking any longer than absolutely necessary. "Ready," he says quietly, breathes out, then positions himself.

Gerard braces his hands on the armrest and squeezes tightly. He bites his tongue as Jonny Lee slowly descends around him. _So fucking dangerous_. Pure, pure Heaven. _You're a sick fiend._

Jonny Lee pushes down, cursing that his legs are so cramped by the seats. "Airlines should have more leg room," he mutters as he adjusts to the fullness. Breathe out, breathe in.

"The better to get you fucked with, my dear." Somehow, perverting children's tales seems very relevant right now. Gerard gropes around for the blanket and pulls it over them so it looks to the casual observer that Jonny Lee just got a little too close when he rolled over.

Pushing down and pulling up, Jonny Lee tries to set some sort of rhythm. "Tell me how you want me," he whispers. "This okay?"

"Slower. More unobtrustive." He really shouldn't be forced to say words that long right now.

"Done." He slows down his pace, using the seat back in front of him to brace against, he consciously makes his thrusts gentle, each as pained as the first. And he's loving it. Can't believe he's actually doing it, is visualizing The Sun headlines, but loving it.

_Teenagers, the both of us. Randy, uncontrollable teenagers._ Gerard shuts his eyes and forces his labored breath to slow into something that sounds like sleep and not like a heart attack waiting for happen.

Jonny Lee switches gears, just a bit, wiggles his ass as he sinks back down on Gerard's cock, lets out a long, low moan. It could pass for a snore, if you were deaf.

Gerard swats him, bites his lip so no one can find out just how much Teak's noises are affecting him. "D-devil. The very epitome of Lucifer."

"No, sir," Jonny Lee says under his breath. Pulls up, pushes back down. _Oooh, this is fun._ "That would be you," he pauses, "master."

_That boy has no idea what that title does to me._ Or perhaps he does. Because Gerard's coming far before he'd wanted to, pushed over the edge by that one little word.

Jonny Lee slides his hand down and grabs his own cock, stroking its length as Gerard comes inside him. So friggin' close, it won't take more than a few pumps.

Gerard has enough brain cells left to remember to remind Teak, "It's Jonny Lee comes twice. So no more after now."

"Fuck," Jonny Lee spits out as he comes in spurts over his hand. He has no idea how close they are to LA. Could be hours, for all he knows. But he doesn't give a damn as he slides himself off Gerard's body, roughly readjusts his clothes and sinks into the seat. "Fine. No more."

Gerard takes Jonny Lee's hand in his and brings it to his mouth. He licks it clean in long, slow strokes. "Half an hour left, give or take. The annoucement'll come soon. Unless you have some burning desire to go out, let's get room service, okay?"

A nonsensical moan follows a multisyllabic whimper as Gerard licks Jonny Lee's hand and Jonny Lee just stares at the sight. "Room service. Yeah. For days." He could be agreeing to a public flogging for all the good his brain is doing processing Gerard's words.

Gerard takes the few moments free to lock his post down to just Jonny Lee and himself and then powers down his computer just as the flight attendant starts making her rounds, telling them to turn off all portable devices.

Jonny Lee snags up his rucksack and stuffs his CD player in it, along with the comic books that had gotten thrown around during the game. He pulls the blanket off, cursing at the wet spots on his jeans. Dabs at them. "You know, Pire, we have to go through customs like this."

Gerard's grin could only be described as evil. "I know."  


  


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	26. mcconaughey: Chat Log - Matt calls gerard to make plans and catch up

| (not) Matt McConaughey ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/mcconaughey/profile)[ **mcconaughey**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/mcconaughey/) ) wrote,  
@ [2003](http://www.journalfen.net/users/mcconaughey/2003/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/mcconaughey/2003/11/)-[26](http://www.journalfen.net/users/mcconaughey/2003/11/26/) 17:00:00   
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> 
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> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Chat Log - Matt calls[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)**_[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) to make plans and catch up  
[Players, not Pups]

  
**Matt:** *Flipping through the channels for about the millionth time today, Matt is still restless and bored, not to mention ready to get out of the house and catch up with some people. Checking the time, he figures there's a good chance that Gerard might be hanging around the hotel, so he picks up the phone and dials, muting the tv as he listens to it ring.*

**Gerard:** *looking over the tv listing for anything interesting, picks the phone off the cradle without looking at the caller ID* Butler.

**Matt:** *chuckles softly, grinning to himself* Hey, man. It's Matt. Thought I'd give you a call and see about setting something up before you skip town again. How've you been?

**Gerard:** Matt! Great to hear from you. I've been abso-fucking-wonderful. Yourself?

**Matt:** Bored out of my fucking mind. Filming's kept my schedule jam-packed the last few months. Haven't had much time for anything else. Glad to hear you're doing well, though. *stretches out on the couch, propping his feet up on the coffee table* Anything particularly interesting that I've missed out on?

**Gerard:** You know I've got myself a boy, yeah?

**Matt:** I've heard rumors. Wanted to hear it straight from the horse's mouth, though. That going well for you? How long have you been together?

**Gerard:** I'm a horse. That's a new one. *relaxes against the pillows on the bed* Jonny Lee Miller, you might've seen him in Trainspotting. He was in Dracula with me. We were together then and for a little while afterwards, but broke it off. Only got back together last week.

**Matt:** *pauses for a moment, thinking* Hmm...yeah, I think I know who you're talking about. Name definitely sounds familiar. Played Sick Boy, right? Damn...well, he must be a hell of a guy if he's making you so happy. You sound good.

**Gerard:** Yeah, Sick Boy. He's also the bloke that married Angelina Jolie. *grins* I feel good. It's nice to have someone there, you know?

**Matt:** Ah, that's right. *nods to himself, despite the fact that he can't be seen* Yeah, I can only imagine. Been awhile since I've been had that, so my memory may be a bit rusty. *chuckles softly* But I'm glad he's making you happy. Nice to know my friends have been in good hands, even if I have been MIA this past year or so.

**Gerard:** What have you been up to? Besides filming and all?

**Matt:** Not a lot, really. Had a few flings here and there, nothing serious. Been doing a lot of traveling...that sort of thing. *shrugs, leaning back a bit* Bought some horses, though I don't have anywhere to keep them just yet. That's on my list of things to do. Mostly, I've just been gallivanting all over the place like a madman.

**Gerard:** I think Universal has a stable or four. You might be able to *can't quite remember the word* billet them there.

**Matt:** Do they? Thanks, I may have to check into that. Been thinking about buying a ranch, but I spend way too much time on an airplane to be able to run a place like that just yet. Maybe when things settle down a bit more.

**Gerard:** Or you could always donate them out. Almost Christmas. Lots of little girls wanting a pony.

**Matt:** That's true, I suppose. I bought more than I had intended to, actually. Really shouldn't have, but they were just gorgeous and I couldn't pass them up. I seem to have trouble passing up anything that's pretty and ride-able.

**Gerard:** *grins* Well, the Establishment's great for that.

**Matt:** Fucking tell me about it. Hoping to hear back soon about the paperwork I sent in. I hear there are quite a few new faces on board that just might suit my fancy.

**Gerard:** *nods* Been flipping through the member roles during bored moments. Sometimes I do wonder if there's any vanilla people who go into acting.

**Matt:** *laughs* You know, I don't think there are. It actually surprises me when I'm on a set working with somebody who's not a member. I think sooner or later they're going to reel in every last one of us. Not that I'm complaining of course. My levels of boredom would be through the roof year round if there wasn't a host of people to track down and play with.

**Gerard:** Like fish to the slaughter? *chuckles* You could make that your life's goal, mate. Fuck every member. I wish you luck. And stamina.

**Matt:** *grins* Now that is definitely a noble goal. I just might make that my new year's resolution this year.

**Gerard:** *shakes head* You might get a fourth by the end of the year. Might.

**Matt:** That's just if I go one by one, man. *chuckles* But hey, even if I only got a fourth, that'd be a nice head start, you have to admit.

**Gerard:** It's a you can't get there from here sort of problem. New members. People who are in exclusive contracts. Lesbians.

**Matt:** True enough, I suppose. Hmm...it's a nice thought though. Would certainly keep me occupied, that's for sure.

**Gerard:** I think even sex would get a little old.

**Matt:** You think? It's a possibility, I guess. Seems like everybody settles down eventually, but right now I just don't see that happening.

**Gerard:** No one said anything about settling down. It's not for everyone. Don't you ever watch commercials? *affects a deep announcer's monotone* Celibacy is not for everyone. Please consult your checklist before trying.

**Matt:** *chuckles* I don't think the word celibacy is even in my vocabulary. I don't have the willpower for it.

**Gerard:** There's always the next best thing. Monogamy. Settle down with a sex maniac. You'll be on your back so much you won't even think of sleeping around.

**Matt:** Now that is a definite possibility. Of course, monogamy usually entails some sort of emotional attachment, doesn't it? Still haven't decided how I feel about that. Am still recovering from a rather damaging experience with that whole concept. Intimacy has not been kind to me, shall I say? Haven't ruled it out completely but my faith in it has certainly faded a bit.

**Gerard:** I'm not sure I ever could stop playing around. So many boys that need it up the arse. *smirks*

**Matt:** *laughs* Now that's the spirit, man. That's more like it. And there are so many that need a good spanking as well. Enough to keep a man busy for ages.

**Gerard:** And enough to keep your hand stinging for hours after.

**Matt:** Isn't that one of the best parts? Oh, man...I'm all nostalgic now. It's been too long. Think I'm going to have to go out tonight and look for a nice ass to beat. *grins* But as for you...when do you want to get together? Next week sometime, maybe? I'm up for drinks or for anything, really.

**Gerard:** Next week sounds good. Monday, perhaps?

**Matt:** Yeah, that should work out just fine. Your boy going to be coming along as well or shall I just count on you?

**Gerard:** I don't know that far into his schedule here, but I'll ask him and get back to you on that.

**Matt:** Sounds good. My number's still the same, so just let me know. Any place in particular you want to go?

**Gerard:** No. Haven't been to this coast in five, six years, so even the places I knew are probably gone. Any suggestions?

**Matt:** I know a couple of great restaurants, a few bars as well. Just depends on what kind of atmosphere you want. I'll have to double check on the addresses though. I've got them written down somewhere, but I haven't finished unpacking everything yet. Can let you know by Friday, probably.

**Gerard:** *shrugs* Atmosphere goes mostly over my head. Friday it is, then.

**Matt:** Sounds good. I'll check up on those places and give you a call back on Friday and we can finalize everything then.

**Gerard:** Wonderful.

**Matt:** Alright, well I suppose I'll let you get back to whatever it was you were doing. Good talking to you, man. Take care and I'll talk to you Friday.

**Gerard:** Take care. *rings off*  


  


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	27. gerard: LA Musings

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2003](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/11/)-[27](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/11/27/) 08:32:00   
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> ---  
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_**LA Musings** _  
[private]

Los Angeles. It's a decent place, for America. I hadn't been to the club here before and have been pleasantly surprised. [The flight over](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/6887.html) was better than brilliant. I still haven't figured out if getting Internet access on international flights is a good thing or a bad thing. On the one hand, it got Jonny Lee and me to fucking _communicate_. On the other hand, though, ~~you have five fingers~~ we almost had a fight. How we got to talking about trust when I should have been teasing him to the point of insanity I'll never know.

But I got away with fucking my boy on British Airways, which is a definite plus. Didn't use the blindfold I brought on him, but there's something to be said for the flight back.

Got caught up with [Matt](http://www.journalfen.net/users/mcconaughey/1145.html) today. He's doing well, but talking to him made me happier than ever that Teak's here and he's mine and I'm not letting him go without a fight to end all wars. I'm tired of not having someone ~~I love~~ to come home to.

I wonder if I should book us a prison cell room now or wait until we're back in London. And if the Establishment knows of a portable way to apply henna tattoos. Fucking Christ, he'd look amazing with my name on him.

Hell, why wait? I'd bet if they didn't have a room like that, they'd have something that could very easily be converted. And I need to give the boy something to remember LA by besides the traffic.  
  


  


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	28. jonnyleemiller: 2 a.m. ramblings

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2003](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2003/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2003/11/)-[27](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2003/11/27/) 02:27:00   
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> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  utterly loved  
---|---  
**Current music:** |  Linkin Park, "Breaking the Habit," great fucking music  
  
_**2 a.m. ramblings**_  
[private journal]  
  
I hate friggin' jet lag. Fucks the body up something royally. Should be sleeping. Not. Could be playing. Not. Am hungry. Ravenous. But room service would disturb Sleeping Beauty. How the hell he does it, I don't know. Anyhow, _Hercules_ and _Scooby-Doo_ make an interesting late-night tag-team.  
  
Weird thing happened on the flight over. I went postal when I saw this ~~fuckin' idiot~~ guy posted a reply to Pire's journal entry. Stupid lover of mine left the damned entry public. Well, he's not stupid. He's just. How the hell do I describe him? When we first met, I was coming outta the marriage; funny thing, that, took longer to get out of it than to get into it. Not that I minded. I love Angel, in a weird, fucked-up way. I got the Drac role and was floored when I saw him. Tall, dark and fuckin' gorgeous. And when he opened his mouth. Shite, that accent. But, then again, me first had been Scottish, so it musta been a holdover. *g* Yeah, right.  
  
Pire. Short for Vampire. Had a bit of fetish when we met. Blame it on comic books and too many late-night Hammer films. Still do, and Ger doesn't mind indulging it. He calls me Teak, bastardized description of my character, Simon, an antiques dealer. Weird fuckin' sense of humor.  
  
So we fucked. On, in and around everything we could find. Dabbled in a bit of kink. Then went our separate ways. Till last week.  
  
And then today. _"You're the only one I want in my bed."_ That's what he said. I'm not an optional third party, not someone expendable. He wants me. And then he told that bloke off, said I was his boy. His. I think I'm gonna like being kept.

  


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	29. jonnyleemiller: email for judel, ewan_mcgregor and angel

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2003](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2003/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2003/11/)-[27](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2003/11/27/) 22:29:00   
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_**email for[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/judel/profile)[ **judel**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/judel/) , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/profile)[**ewan_mcgregor**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/) and [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/angel/profile)**_[**angel**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/angel/)  
[email for Jude, Ewan and Angie]

To: angel@establishment.rpg, judel@establishment.rpg, ewan.mcgregor@establishment.rpg  
From: jlm@establishment.rpg  
Subject: 

Hi, guys!  
And how are my three favoritest people in the whole universe?  
We haven't been in touch much lately. Here, there, everywhere. Holidays maybe? At least for a nog?

I'm sitting in a hotel room in LA, which reminds me of why I hated the place, can't go anywhere without a friggin' car, and I find it funny, Jude, 'cause I'm in the States and I'm still a six-hour plane ride from you guys.

But there is a purpose to this email, other than telling you my latest scores on Socom II.

I have a new ~~boyfriend~~ lover. Thinking of getting a t-shirt made up; "Property of Gerard Butler." He came back into my life and I'm happier, more settled than I have in a long time. Anyhow, wanted to tell you personally before you heard it through the grapevine, although you probably already have.

Love you guys!  
~ Jonny Lee

P.S. I'm now officially a member of the Mile-High Club. Do I get a pin?  


  


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	30. ashton: chat log Ashton Kutcher and Gerard Butler

Ashton ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ashton/profile)[ **ashton**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ashton/) ) wrote,  
@ [2003](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ashton/2003/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ashton/2003/11/)-[28](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ashton/2003/11/28/) 22:14:00   
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_**chat log Ashton Kutcher and Gerard Butler**_  
[players only, takes place Friday night]

Gerard surveys the patrons as he enters into the Establishment bar, looking for a face he's never seen anywhere but in profile pictures. He stops to get himself a club soda and then makes his way past the tables, looking for Ashton.

Ashton is leaning on the bar, dressed in faded jeans and a tight black t-shirt. He's sucking down a beer, glancing around the bar curiously. He's never seen Gerard in person, only in movies, and he's not sure what to expect. He's up and ready for a fight, looking forward to whatever comes.

Gerard makes a circle of the room and then spots someone who could be Ashton near the middle of the room. He stalks over, holding his glass by his side.

Ah, there he is... Ashton smiles his trademark grin, looking over the man approaching him. They're damn near the same height, and the other man looks pissed. Ashton represses a shiver; Gerard looks even better in person. But no need to show that. "Hello," he says as the man approaches. "I'm Ashton. I think you're looking for me."

Gerard is sorely tempted to throw his drink in Ashton's pretty face, but his mama raised him better than that. "Gerard," he says curtly. "Let's sit down."

"Yes sir," says Ashton sarcastically. But he follows Gerard to a table, sliding into a chair and leaning back casually. "Nice to meet you too."

Gerard sits sideways on the chair, leaning back against the wall. "It's _not_ nice to meet you, but it's better than conducting this through e-mail."

"Dude," Ashton reverts to casual-speak in the face of Gerard's hostility. "What the fuck did I do? You're the one who left the post unlocked, not me." He leans back, trying not to show his annoyance.

"You intruded, for one, but that's not what I'm angry about. Tell me, have you ever met Jonny Lee?"

"No, I don't believe I've had the pleasure," drawls Ashton. "But apparently I made quite an impression on him."

Gerard could slap him, but there was a reason he wanted to do this in public, goddamit. "So how," he hisses, "do you get away with such a familiar tone?"

Ashton shrugs. "He was rather rude to me, actually," he says. "Not that I care."

"He had something to defend. You didn't." Gerard shakes his head and his hair falls into his eyes. He pushes it back absently. "But that still doesn't explain why you thought you could address him by his first name. Presumptuous of you."

"I'm American," says Ashton. "We're just not that formal." He leans forward. "Look, _Mr._ Butler. I said I was sorry. I fail to see why I've pissed you off so much."

"And I accept your apology. Let's move on. What were you doing in my journal in the first place?"

Ashton sits back, taken aback. "I was reading the community journals," he replies. "I'm allowed to do that, you know." He just can't get a read on Gerard; he's even more formal than he'd thought.

Gerard thinks. He can't remember posting in the community journals. Then again, last time he was a member, he'd never had a journal. "Which?"

"The Establishment journals," Ashton says, confused.

He's confused as hell, but if there's one thing he doesn't want to look like, it's a technophobe. "You said you liked my work. Just what have you seen?"

"Dracula," Ashton responds immediately, on surer ground now. "Reign of Fire, the Lara Croft movie..." He knows there's more, but he can't remember them. It was the Dracula role he remembers the most.

Gerard regards him. "And did you enjoy them?"

"Very much," Ashton says sincerely. "I think you're an excellent actor. He doesn't add that he thinks Gerard is sexy as hell, because he suspects the man wouldn't really care at this point. Ashton does possess some tact occasionally.

"You aren't," Gerard says bluntly. "You get by on your looks." He looks Ashton up and down. "Well, you can afford to," he adds charitably.

Ashton laughs. "You've seen my movies, then?" Almost as an afterthought, he realizes that he's sort of been complimented at the same time as he's been insulted. It doesn't bother him; he's doing what he enjoys and he knows he's not that bad.

Gerard grins. This is fun. It's not very often he finds someone who understands that it isn't necessary to take him very seriously. "No, just tabloids."

Oh, a smile? Interesting. "Well, then you don't really know, do you?" He smiles his most charming smile, and shrugs. "I'm sure a cultured gentleman such as yourself wouldn't enjoy my silly movies anyway. Or my television show. I don't see you watching MTV, somehow." He smiles still, to show that he's used to this sort of thing.

"I used to, back when the name wasn't a violation of truth in advertising. But I don't suppose you know who the Buggles were, or the Dire Straits."

"My parents used to listen to them, actually," Ashton says deliberately. "I like all kinds of music."

Gerard snorts. He's read up on the young idiot. "Your parents listened to Frank Sinatra."

Ashton raises an eyebrow. "I actually don't watch MTV much, anyway. No time. But..." he shrugs. "Don't bite the hand that feeds you, you know? It's what kids want to watch." He knows what he does isn't Shakespeare.

He's got the boy apologizing for himself already. Fuckin' amazing how hard up for approval the Hollywood kids are. "Reality television? "The Real World"? Isn't real."

"I know that," Ashton says. "So does everyone, but they don't want reality. Reality is boring. They want enhanced reality."

"Enhanced? It's a frat boy's wet dream."

"It sells," Ashton shrugs. "By ignoring it, you won't change people."

"Shows what's wrong with the world these day," Gerard grumbles, then stops himself, grins. "It sounds really conceited to say that in the bar of a fetish and kink club, doesn't it?"

Ashton laughs out loud. The man actually has a sense of humor! "You've got a point there," he agrees.

"You know what's wrong with the world?" Gerard makes a wide, wild gesture, grinning. "Intolerance. But I reserve my right to look down on bad programming, goddamit. It's right up there with my right to a trial."

"Of course," Ashton agrees. "You reserve the right to not watch it." He drains his beer. "I just hope not everyone decides to do that at once." He looks at Gerard appraisingly. "Would I be presumptuous if I bought you another drink?"

"Not at all. Club soda, only. I don't drink."

Ashton waves over the bartender and orders for both of them. "So are you working on anything right now?"

"Phantom of the Opera, in London. I get to be a stalker."

"Oh," Ashton leans forward, gazing at Gerard. "That is _so_ the perfect role for you, I can just see it," he says, genuinely enthusiastic.

His enthusiasm is contagious. "You can. It'll be a few months in post, and then out in all major theaters."

"I always loved that story," Ashton says. He smiles self-effacingly. "Contrary to popular belief, I have been exposed to some culture."

"Batman and Robin?"

Ashton rolls his eyes. "I traveled all over the world modeling. The parties got boring, so I've been to operas, ballet, all that. Just don't spread it around."

"It would ruin your career if they found out that a mind isn't being wasted?" Gerard rolls his eyes. "Fire your agent. Hire a new one, if you really want to get a new reputation as a serious actor. Not saying you're a hack. I've done a fuckload of B movies, and you've got the name recognition after dumping...what was her name?"

Ashton sighs. "Demi. I don't really want to get into that," he says. He's been ignoring questions about their breakup for some time now. The real reason wouldn't exactly go over well.

"What happened?" Gerard asks quietly. He isn't taunting now. "Ashton, when did you come out?"

"I'm not out," Ashton says. "Except in the Establishment." He sighs. "My agent would have a heart attack if he even knew I was bi."

"I meant to yourself. How long ago did you come to terms with what you are?"

"In college, actually," Ashton says. "I was eighteen when I was able to admit to myself that I liked guys as well. Though I did know before that."

"Did Demi find out?"

"Yes," Ashton admits.

"Some girls like the fact that their boyfriend understands the appeal of guys." He shrugs. "And some don't."

Ashton shakes his head. "It wasn't just that, really. But it was definitely part of it."

Gerard gets the message. None of his damned business. He picks up his glass. "Here's to being bi."

Ashton raises his beer. "Absolutely. Doubles your chances of getting laid," he adds, grinning.

"Cheers." They click glasses and Gerard drinks. He doesn't particularly like club soda, but it's better than the alternative.

"How long have you been a member of the Establishment, Mr. Butler?" Ashton asks, letting his eyes travel over the other man as he unconsciously licks at the bottle's mouth.

"First joined around '98, '99, winter. Let my membership slack for various reasons."

Ashton nods. "For the record, I didn't assume you were submissive from that post. I try not to make assumptions."

"You weren't totally wrong. But it takes a lot for me to getting into the sort of headspace it takes me to sub. I don't do it for random people and I most certainly don't it for strangers."

"I can understand that," Ashton says. "I just wanted to say that." He keeps his tone light, he didn't want to bring this up again, but it's important.

"I understand." And he does. It's never nice being attacked by someone you've never met.

"I'm glad." He looks at Gerard. "Are we ok, then? You're not going to pummel me any more?"

"We're ok. No pummeling. Not even if you want me to."

Ashton mock pouts. "Not even if I beg nicely?"

"I'm happy with the man I have."

"You never play with others?" asks Ashton, raising an eyebrow.

"I play with others, yes. But I'm not playing with you."

"Aw," Ashton sighs. "I'm not your type?"

"Sorry, mate."

Ashton shrugs. "That's ok, I'm not in a very submissive mood these days anyway. Your loss," he grins.

Gerard has a feeling he could get Ashton into the mood, but he'd promised Jonny Lee no sex. "You're rather full of yourself."

"Yes, I am," Ashton says immodestly. "But I've been told I'm amazing." He licks his lips. "Though for you, I'm sure subbing would be in-fucking-credible."

_Boy needs a dom to put him in his place._ But the thought is more fond than malicious. Somehow Ashton's charmed him. An hour ago, Gerard would have laughed in the world's face for suggesting such a thing. "Amazing compared to what?"

Ashton shrugs again. "Couldn't say, really. But they do rave about my mouth," he says, smiling.

"Is it better than a vacuum cleaner?"

Ashton laughs out loud. "I've never used a vacuum on myself, so I have no idea."

Gerard tips an imaginary hat. "I hear they do make them, though. "

"Well, I think I can say with confidence that my mouth is better than that," Ashton says.

"Had a lot of practice?" His grin is pure evil and says 'cocksucker'.

"Oh, yes," grins Ashton. He has no problem admitting it. "I love to suck cock."

"Swallow on the first date?"

Ashton shrugs. "Depends on the guy." He looks up at Gerard wickedly, loving the banter. "For you, definitely."

"So you concede that you're a slut?"

"I can be a slut," Ashton admits. And he was lying about not being in a submissive mood; being within ten feet of Gerard makes him want to drop to his knees. "Depends on the person."

"That's not fair, then, is it? To slut for some and not for others. Getting a little too big for your breeches." Anyone else and that would be a hint to get over his knees for a spanking.

"Mmm, maybe I need to be taught a thing or two," admits Ashton, shifting in his seat. Gerard has a very sexy voice, and he's a sucker for accents.

"Probably," Gerard agrees, then glances up at the clock. "Sorry, mate, would love to stay and talk and all."

Ashton allows himself a pout. "Aww. Well, I'm very glad to have met you, Mr. Butler," he says sincerely.

Gerard stands, finishes off his drink, and puts out his hand. "Likewise, Ashton." He isn't quite come around enough to be truly polite.

Ashton unfolds himself from the chair and stands. Well, it went better than he'd thought. "Feel free to call me if you ever feel the need to teach me a lesson," he offers, smiling and shaking the other man's hand.

  


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	31. gerard: Sex in the Gym

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2003](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/11/)-[28](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/11/28/) 22:25:00   
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_**Sex in the Gym** _  
[players only. After Gerard [watches the movie](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/7554.html), he goes hunting himself up his boy. Takes place Friday, November 28th.]

Gerard bounds up the stairs in the back the private Establishment gym. The track is on a separate level and encircles the weight equipment. He wants to surprise Teak. Well, as much as a running man with a raging hard on can surprise anyone.

Jonny Lee's running, on his third or fourth lap. He's not sure; he's lost count somewhere between the beads filling his ass and the erection that's not going anywhere. He's thankful the jacket's too long on him, hangs down and covers half his shorts. "Definitely not in marathon shape," he laughs out as he drops his pace to a near-walk. He's nervous, too, not sure how Gerard's gonna take the little gift he left. The whole concept of playing with a lover is still a bit new to him, and he's not wanting to do the wrong thing. But he couldn't resist, not when the camcorder sat there staring at him from the hotel's shopping complex windows.

Gerard sees Jonny Lee on the far side of the circular track and he waits by the 'start' mark. They're the only ones there. It's a Friday afternoon and people usually have better things to do at this time than hit the gym. There are a couple of bodybuilders on the weight machines and Gerard can easily imagine them as having doms with muscle kinks, or having such a kink themselves.

He crosses his arms as he watches Jonny Lee puff over to him, hiding against the wall as much as he can. There's a definite hitch in Jonny Lee's walk and Gerard recalls that he didn't actually see him take _out_ the beads.

Slowing down even more, Jonny Lee's at a walk when he comes around to the starting point. He's stretching out, cooling down, ready to move to some of the universal machines, actually feeling quite good, definitely more relaxed. He hasn't seen Gerard yet, but has no idea how long the meeting was going to last.

Gerard waits until Jonny Lee's just passed before jumping out from behind him and tacking him into the ground. He rubs himself against Jonny Lee's ass before pinning his wrists out in front of him. "You," he growls. "Are a very evil boy."

"Fuckin' shit," Jonny Lee bites off the word as Gerard lands flat square on his ass, shifting the beads into a new level of painpleasure and slamming his cock into the track. "I am?"

"Yes, you are." Gerard's teeth graze against Jonny Lee's ear, biting down. "Very evil. Driving poor old Pire mad with frustration. Ready to do penance?"

"When'd you get to be old?" The smirk's there even if Gerard can't see it. He shakes his head at the bite, enjoying it too much, the sensation shooting right to his cock, reminding him of just how evil he had been to himself. "Penance? What'd you have in mind, Mr. Butler?"

Gerard's too distracted to remind Teak that it's a bloody trite cliché. He straddles Teak's waist and pushes himself up into a modified kneel. Pulls his own shirt off and then starts to work on Teak's sweatshirt. "Well, first I'm going to strip you naked. Fuck you until we're both exhausted. Then maybe make you run around the track in the buff, just so I can admire the view."

"Naked sounds real good. But fuckin' here in the gym?" He's not resisting the stripping, no matter what he says. "They that open?"

"Haven't seen any rules against it." Gerard finally works his hands under to unzip the jacket, then starts to work on getting the wife-beater off without making Jonny Lee work too much. "And there isn't anyone here."

"Shit, then, fuck me, man." Jonny Lee pulls his hands back, shifts. "Wanna let me up? At least to my knees."

Gerard rolls off, lands resting on his side, propped up onto one elbow. "Get the rest of your clothes off, pull those beads out, and we'll see."

Jonny Lee pushes himself up on hands and knees, making a bit of show about it. "Very well, Mr. Butler," he says with a wiggle of ass. The jacket's hanging loose around him, so he shrugs out of it as he settles back to sit down, take off shorts and trainers. He's smiling, knowing the final piece of the gift, the [shirt](http://www.luna.kindred.com/property.jpg) he'd had made Thursday at one of the beach shops. Airbrushed in blood-red stencil type, it reads "Property of Gerard Butler. Hands off." Jonny Lee kneels up and turns around to face Gerard, t-shirt brushing his stiff cock. "Beads out. Now that's probably not as much fun as putting 'em in was."

"Oh, fuck." It's all Gerard can articulate as he sees the shirt. He reaches out a hand to touch it, brushes his fingers against it. "Christ, keep the shirt on. Everything else off." Fucking bloody hell with Christ on a cross, and every curse he's ever learned in his life.

Stretching his arm behind him, Jonny Lee grabs the end of the beads and pulls slowly. "Thought you'd," he grimaces as they come out, "like it," one by one, the pain intense and blinding for a brief second before there's a pause of relief and it starts over. After they're all out, he wraps the strand in his jacket and breathes out a long sigh. "Thought about a new tat, but figured I might need to run that by you first."

Gerard's mouth is already drier than the Sahara. He really doesn't need the idea of his name _tattooed_ on Jonny Lee right now. Tattooed. Permanently. "Fuck, Teak, your body." No way in hell he's going to tell Jonny Lee to do it, but it's sexier than sin that he's offering.

"I've got 'em already, Pire, not like it'd be the first one," he knee-walks to put himself right in front of Gerard. "It'd be the best one, though."

"Wh-where would you get it? Assuming you went through with it."

"On my arse," he says without thinking, since he's actually done a good bit of thinking about it in the last 48 hours, since they got off the plane. "But I wouldn't think of doing it without your consent. Might be my body, but it's your name, and," he stops, smiles, leaving whatever else he might've been going to say unsaid. "Fuck me?"

"Not your arse," he says automatically. "Perfect the way it is." Gerard pauses. Fuck, he's talking like Teak's actually going to go through with it. Fuuuck. "Hands and knees."

"Yes, sir." Jonny Lee drops to hands and knees, presenting said arse rather proudly. His cock throbs at the sudden movement, reminding him of just how hard he is.

Gerard rummages through his shorts as he pulls them off, taking out the necessary supplies. He gets himself ready. "Such a pretty arse. And I'm going to fuck it, because it's here. Because it's mine. Yeah?"

"Yours. Nobody else's." Jonny Lee pauses. "Unless you loan it out."

Gerard tugs on the shirt. "Does it say that on there?"

"No, sir, it doesn't." Jonny Lee lets it go; they can talk logistics of the relationship later.

"Then you're mine, while you're wearing it." Not. Exclusive. Gerard will repeat that to himself until he fucking remembers it. They both can fuck around.

"I'm yours, Pire." _And I'll get a dozen made just like it so I'm always wearing it._

Gerard wastes no more time. He gets into position and slides slowly into Jonny Lee. The beads have loosened him nicely. "Mine," he repeats. It's way too early for him to be talking about love.

There's no pain. Well, almost none. Gerard just fills him. "Yes," he breathes out. "That's what I wanted." He braces his palms on the floor, holding against the delicious thrust, pushing back just enough to make it interesting.

Gerard doesn't bother with making a rhythm. He's been hard since he saw the CD, just from imagining what would be on it. He grabs hold of the tee shirt and just rides Teak.

It's hard for Jonny Lee to stay upright. The fucking's rough and the track's not actually clutchable. And he's wanting so badly to rub his cock against something. It's throbbing, to the point he's thinking about never putting on another cock ring as long as he lives. He laughs to himself. Yeah, right, that's happening.

Gerard reaches a hand around and start squeezing Teak off. "Come for me," he grunts, not caring if it's physically possible or not. "Come for me."

Easier said than done. The cock ring's metal, constricting. It'll allow the climax, but it's gonna make it hard. Jonny Lee can feel the blood fighting to get through the tightened base. He bears down hard, pushing his hands into the track as much as it'll yield. "Almost. Gonna hurt like hell."

"Yer a masochist." Breaths coming in short bursts, but Gerard forces himself to wait until he feels Jonny Lee spasm around him. "You can take it."

"Harder, then, Pire." He draws in a breath. "Really fist it."

There is so much potential in that one sentence. "Fist you later," Gerard says, not sure he can go any harder, but trying anyway. "Fucking you now."

When the orgasm does hit, it's like a dam bursting, flooding through cracked and broken barriers. Jonny Lee comes in forceful streams over Gerard's hand till he's shuddering, shivering from the cold building inside to quench the fire. He's still on his knees mostly because Pire has released him.

With nothing left to push back at him, Gerard fucks Jonny Lee onto the floor, trapping his hand beneath them as he comes. They're both a sticky mess and but it's release and it's what they both have been wanting.

After a long minute, Jonny Lee breathes out, in, gets together enough oxygen to talk. "Wanna shower next?"

"Does it mean I'll have to move?" Gerard asks, not willing to even open his eyes.

"Yes. At least to the locker room, if you can't make it upstairs."

Gerard groans. "Why don't you just entertain me by telling me some of your top five fantasies and we'll move later?"

"What? Tell you my fantasies and _then_ we'll move?"

"Yeah, that doesn't make much sense. I'd just want to fuck you afterwards." Gerard thinks for a moment, then, "Don't suppose the Establishment has a forklift we could use."

  


  


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	32. jonnyleemiller: Playing with his new toy

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2003](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2003/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2003/11/)-[28](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2003/11/28/) 19:26:00   
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**Current mood:** |  nervous and playful  
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_**Playing with his new toy**_  
[players only. friday, november 28: note scrawled on hotel stationery while [Gerard’s in the bar with Ashton](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ashton/2311.html)]

>  _Sorry, Pire. Can't sit still. I know where you are and I'm okay with it, but there's way too much nervous energy built up. I've gone down to the gym to run the track, work some of it out. If I’m not here when you get back, pop the CD-ROM in the computer and play it._

  
  
There are no title credits, just the opening image of Jonny Lee sitting on the edge of the bed, in t-shirt and ripped jeans, looking very seriously into the camera. Behind him, the pillows are stacked against the headboard and a couple towels have been tossed on the bed. "If you're watching this, Mr. Butler, then," he laughs, "no, wrong movie." He shifts, kicks at the carpet with his bare foot, runs his hand through his hair. "Hi, Pire. I bought us a new toy, digital camcorder, plugs in directly to the laptop -- oh, yeah, that’s new, too -- and here’s my first creation."

He spreads his legs, the rips along his inner thigh high enough to make it evident he's not wearing anything underneath. "How do you want me, Mr. Butler? On the bed? Spread out for you?" He runs his hands up his thighs, fingers shredding the denim even more, ripping apart the worn threads, nails scraping over flesh. "Naked and waiting." Jonny Lee moves his hands up under the hem of his shirt, pushes the thin cotton up over his stomach. "Want me to touch myself?" He works the shirt up, hands going through the neck opening and shoving it over his head, leaving it looped around his neck. His hands come back down, fingers taking nipples, pinching them hard. Jonny Lee hisses out a breath, bites down lightly on tongue between teeth. He pebbles the nubs. "Whatever you want, Mr. Butler, I’m your boy." He moves one hand off his chest, digs into his pocket and pulls out a set of clamps, springed with rubber tips. He puts one on, then the second, not pausing between them. "You like that? They feel good. Not as good as your hands would feel. Do you want to touch me, Mr. Butler? "

Jonny Lee tugs at the chain before sliding his hands back to the waistband of his jeans. He unbuttons them, slowly, looking down and then back up through his eyelashes at the camera, playing to it. "The guys didn’t say what you liked," he says, his voice sliding out of its crisp Kensington accent and straight into the gutter. "But I’m bettin’ you’d like to see me get off. Would you, Mr. Butler?" He pushes the jeans down his hips, slides them over his cock, already half-erect and wrapped in [chrome triple rings](http://www.stockroom.com/g/a724.jpg). “Course, I wouldn’t come less you told me I could. I know my place, sir.” He finishes with little fanfare, shoving his jeans off and kicking them over the edge.

He works his hand down over his cock, palming it, kneading its length with the mound of flesh under his thumb. He’s playing to the camera, exaggerating his movements. He wraps his hand around his cock, pulling and stretching out of the metal rings. “I hope you like the restraint, Mr. Butler.” He’s harder already, cock and balls tight against the unrelenting metal. He keeps stroking as he pushes himself back on the bed into the pile of pillows. He’s still well within camera range, but the lens zooms in slightly as he quickly fingers the remote control perched on one of the pillows. “I’m hard, sir. Aching. Wanna keep my cock hard for ya till you’re finished with me.” He reaches back, pulls out the [flesh-colored dildo](http://www.stockroom.com/g/b105.jpg), holds it to his lips and flicks his tongue out across its tip. “Can I fuck myself for you?” He slides the dilfo into his mouth, then out. “Just my tongue wetting it, Mr. Butler, like I would your cock.” Jonny Lee slides the silicone substitute in and out of his mouth, sucking and slurping on it intently for nearly a full five minutes. He shifts position, pulling his left leg up, knee chest, as he takes the dildo out of his mouth, moves it slowly and presses it against the tight opening of his ass. His breathing is noticeable, haltingly audible on the audio track. He pushes the dildo in, not slowly, all the way in a single thrust, punctuated by a silent grimace. He bites his lower lip, pulls the dildo out and shoves it back in, much harder, with more intent and focus than might be necessary.

“You like that, Mr. Butler? Like watching me fuck myself?” Thrust, turn, pull out, repeat. “That it could be your cock up me arse,” he drops his accent completely down. His cock twitches, jerks at the impending orgasm, the one that’s not going to come because his cock is bound. He pulls out the dildo, lays it on the towel and picks up the [strand of anal beads](http://www.stockroom.com/g/a884b.jpg) at its edge. He stares at the camera, licks his lips and slowly works them into his ass. His face tightens into another grimace, his breathing hitches before settling into a controlled pant as he pushes the largest of the beads through the tight muscle. “So fuckin’ good.” The last of them in, pushed firmly inside, Jonny Lee goes up on his knees, slides his hands along the chain connecting the clamps and tugs once, sharply, yanking them off. The blinding pain’s obvious as his face contorts, his eyes close and he gnaws at his upper lip. Then he smiles, drops out of camera view off the side of the bed.

A moment later, Jonny Lee’s back in frame and he’s standing at bed’s end, back where he’d started. He’s wearing a gray flannel warmup jacket, zipped up, the white wife-beater beneath it barely hinted at. “Did you like that, Pire?” His smile widens as he pulls on the running shorts over his cock, still encircled in chrome and still hard, letting his fingers brush up its length. “Not coming till you say I can, so find me and let’s play.” The film fades to black.  


  


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	33. mcconaughey: [voicemail for gerard]

| (not) Matt McConaughey ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/mcconaughey/profile)[ **mcconaughey**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/mcconaughey/) ) wrote,  
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_**[voicemail for[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)**_[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)]  
Gerard. Hey, it's Matt. Sorry I didn't manage to catch you, but I found the address of this great little restaurant and I figured I'd give you a call to see about finalizing plans for Monday. 8 o'clock sound alright to you? If not, just give me a ring back and let me know when would be better for you. _*Matt rattles off an address and pauses for a moment before continuing*_ Hope you're doing well, man. If I don't hear back from you, then I'll just be expecting you at the restaurant on Monday at 8. Talk to you later.

  


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	34. gerard: Operation Dominate, Phase One

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
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_**Operation Dominate, Phase One** _  
[note written on a yellow legal pad, ripped off, and then stuck back on it at an angle with a large ceremonial dagger. Left in the middle of the coffee table.]

10:00AM

Left for a round table discussion. You were wrapped around me very tightly and looked rather affronted that I would take away your nice thermal blanket, so I gave you that teddy bear in my stead. You accommodated yourself to the toy quickly enough, so I assume it passed muster.

Your mission for today is the following: some time in the afternoon, SpikeTV will be playing back to back episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation. You are to watch both of them. Every time a character says "come" you are to come. If two occur within five minutes of each other, you may delay until the next commercial break, but no longer. (This only applies to when they say it to open the door, not in casual conversation. I'm not that cruel. _Yet_.)

I'll be back around four thirty to make you some scrambled eggs and see how well you've completed your mission.

Oh, and Teak? Be nice to the bear. You'll be begging it to fuck you later.  
  


  


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	35. jonnyleemiller: Operation Dominate: Phase One

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
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_**Operation Dominate: Phase One**_  
[players, not pups. follows up on [gerard's instructions to jonny lee in los angeles.](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/5212.html)]

  
Jonny Lee wakes clutching a teddy bear instead of Gerard, a bit confused, as much by the bear, who's dressed partially in leather, as the lack of lover. He pads around the hotel room, naked and not caring, till he finds the legal pad. He reads the note with a laugh, or rather, his best Scottish accent, not that he really had Gerard's speech pattern down pat. "Every time a character says _come_ you are to come." How hard could it be? So he and the bear, momentarily being called Marek, settle down on the couch, turns on the TV and works his cock in readiness as the first "Next Generation" episode starts. Not a problem. Ten minutes in and he's still waiting, and thinking. What if they don't say _come_? What if he's a fucking Trekkie and knows the episodes by heart and knows exactly how many times they do say _come_? His mind's working so randomly he nearly misses the first instance. Fifteen minutes and 23 seconds into the show. He quickly jerks off to a litany of rapid yesyesyesyes.

Then it dawns on him that he has to be hard for the next one, no matter when it comes. "Shite," he mutters as he strokes himself, closing his eyes and thinking of Gerard and he manages to be on the edge a split second before the next _come_ , which thankfully arrives near the end of the episode. "Okay, you can do this," he says cockily. "You're a young man. Good recovery time. Yeah." Second episode begins and he's hard by the time the intro credits roll. And he stays hard. And there's no _come_. By the midway point, Jonny Lee's fidgeting, has stopped stroking himself and is praying for someone to enter a bloody door the proper way. "Fuckfuckfuck," this litany goes. And just as the episode's ending, someone, thankfully, decides to enter the captain's ready room with proper manners, and Jonny Lee's screaming as he releases the orgasm building for an hour. "Oh, god, damndamndamn." It hurts like hell, too fucking intense. And he swears he's going to kill his lover when he gets hold of him. Instead, he clutches Marek and settles into the couch’s cushions.

Gerard's more energized than tired, coming in from the publicity junkets. He'd had several cups of coffee over the day and it's beginning to kick in and in a big way. He's wearing a button-up red shirt and black pants salvaged from his tuxedo and he can't wait to see what Jonny Lee made of his instructions. He swipes the key card and opens the door, stilling himself into a calm persona. Showtime.

Not completely asleep, but not fully awake either, Jonny Lee's floating in a netherworld, lulled into rest by the TV's white noise. Marek is tucked half under his head, partial pillow, while Jonny Lee's body balances precariously on the couch edge.

Gerard spots a familiar head puffing up from the end of the couch and he chuckles. He'd checked the listing for the names of the episodes, but hadn't been able to remember just how many times they said 'come'. For all he knew, it was one of those rare shows where it occurred more than three times. "Boy?"

Noise other than the TV filters into his brain, but Jonny Lee doesn't register it. He shifts, tugs on Marek's leg, mutters something unintelligible.

Jonny Lee's just too cute. Gerard adds steel to his voice. "Boy!"

Jonny Lee shakes his head. He definitely hears that. "Oh, shit, Pire," he murmurs as he pushes himself up on the couch, runs a hand over his face, through his hair. "You're back."

"I'm back." Gerard crosses his arms. "Why aren't you on the floor waiting for me?"

"What, but I wasn't," Jonny Lee starts, stops, "your note didn't," reverses course, sighs and basically throws himself off the couch and kneels on the floor, just like he's been taught, on his ankles, hands locked behind his back, head up. "Sorry, sir."

"Sorry isn't good enough." Point of the exercise is to dominate. "You should have fucking **understood**." Gerard debates the merits of walking over to Jonny Lee or having him crawl over. Crawling wins. "Come over here and get me out of my boots."

Jonny Lee quickly processes the unspoken order. _Crawl_ over here and do it. He drops to hands and knees and crawls, quickly and efficiently toward the door, head down, stopping when he comes to Gerard's feet. He keeps his head down and, resting on his elbows, starts to work the laces with his fingers.

Crawling, good. Fingers, not so good. Gerard kicks Jonny Lee's hands away. "What did I say, boy?"

"Ow." Jonny Lee loses his balance, slips face-first to the floor. "Shit." As he kneels back up, he's rubbing his hand, clenching against the soreness. "You said get you out of your boots," Jonny Lee says, trying to process what he did wrong, not at all understanding. "I don't understand, sir." He glances up, needing to connect with Gerard's eyes for a moment, just to focus himself. "Tell me how to do it properly, sir."

Gerard catches and keeps Jonny Lee's eyes. His voice takes on a bored, instructive tone. "I didn't say _anything_ about using your hands. You don't do anything without my permission, is that understood? Your default tool for manipulating objects is your mouth. I understand you have a problem with canine imagery. I assure you, Mr. Miller," it seems appropriate to take on more formality, "that I would not ask a dog to show any signs of sexual obedience."

The _mister_ cuts right through Jonny Lee, shivering its way down his spine, blistering his soul. "Mouth. Yes, sir." He puts the mentioned canine imagery out of his head and settles back into a comfortable kneeling position, one look at Gerard's boots telling him it's going to take a few minutes. He braces his forearms on the floor on either side of Gerard's right foot and sets to work on the laces. _Fuck. Double knots._ The only good thing about them is that the first knot usually comes out quickly, which it does, but the inner knot's been tightened down. _What the fuck, Pire? You go hiking?_ He keeps the thought to himself as he just shakes his head and keeps at it, teeth pulling at the lacings, saliva wetting his work as it progresses.

Gerard hums a little under his breath as he watches Jonny Lee fall to the task. He's getting hard already. "Good boy," he whispers. "Very good boy." He'd been careful to lace them up nice and tight this morning, already planning to see how far Jonny Lee could get with his mouth unassisted. He's not disappointing.

The inner lace is a good bit more difficult, but Jonny Lee's determined to be able to do it. _Don't think. Just do. It can't be that hard._ He shifts position after a few minutes, trying to get better leverage. He figures he could gnaw through the lacing, rip it to shreds.

Jonny Lee's head's at an angle that Gerard can pear down and see his concentration plain on his face. His boy's doing his best and really, Gerard should cut him some slack for it. But Gerard isn't in a mood to coddle. "Can't do it?"

Jonny Lee looks up. No way he's admitting defeat. "Yeah, I can do it, sir," he says plaintively, "if you don't mind waiting awhile."

"You have two minutes. Go."

_Shit.Hell.Damn.Fuck.TwoFuckinMinutes._ Jonny Lee pulls at the knot more harshly, feeling it give as he tugs, and in about a minute it's undone. He pulls his head back, unlooping the knot, and starts to unlace it, figuring he's got to go at least halfway down to be able to get it off. As he's down to about the sixth set of holes, it dawns on him that unlacing is one thing, but he's not at all sure how to take a boot off with just his mouth. Enough laces undone, he tugs down the zipper and pauses, thinking.

Ah. Results. He'd known the boy just needed a little incentive. "Thirty seconds."

Jonny Lee looks up, smiles, not contritely but sincerely. "Is it acceptable to ask sir to pull his foot out of the boot now that I've done the hard work?"

"It is." But Gerard leaves the request unfulfilled. "Fifteen seconds."

"Would you, please, sir?" Jonny Lee rushes through the rest of the request, making sure he's stating it specifically. "Pull your foot out of this boot and I'll work on the other one. Please, sir?"

There's five seconds left when Gerard shakes his head. "Work on the other one."

Jonny Lee moves to the other boot, making easier time with the double knot, attacking the underlying knot using what he'd figured out from the first boot. He's just working, not trying to think about how he's probably exhausted two minutes and more.

"Time." Gerard calls after three minutes have gone by. He tuts. "I'm ashamed of you, boy. I give you a simple order and you fail to complete it." He pretends to think for a moment, sucking on his bottom lip. "You have a choice, boy. You can take my hand or you can take a paddle. Think it over carefully and give me your reason."

Jonny Lee reluctantly stops, lets his head fall to the floor, banging lightly on the nice carpet. He's fucking angry with himself for not succeeding, for disappointing Gerard most of all. He slowly pulls himself up, kneels into position, contemplates the choices. "Your hand, sir. I want to feel the punishment directly, nothing between us," he says softly, "to know it's your hand that controls me, gives me pain and pleasure."

"Good boy." Gerard matches Jonny Lee's tone exactly. He's tempted as hell to crouch down and ruffle Jonny Lee's hair, praising him for everything he's done. Instead, Gerard straights imperceptively and walks over to the couch, puts his feet up on the coffee table. "You may continue taking my boots off. Use your hands."

"Yes, sir." Jonny Lee drops to hands and knees, follows Gerard in a slow crawl. _You're doing fine. Really._ When Gerard's settled, he kneels up and finishes taking off the loosened boot, putting it on the floor beside the table. Then he quickly unlaces the left boot, unzips it and tugs it off, putting it with the other. He settles, hands at his back, and waits.

It feels good to have someone tend to him. He reaches down to pull off his socks, throws them in the general direction of a corner. "Rub my feet, boy."

"Yes, sir." Taking Gerard's foot in his hands, Jonny Lee kneads softly along the edges, into the arch, his thumbs lightly massaging the balls of the foot. Then he does the other, the same exact way, careful not to give too much attention to one over the other.

Jonny Lee's hands are firm and thorough, working out all of Gerard's tension. He sighs happily. "Good boy."

Jonny Lee continues, repeats the same pattern, increasing the pressure ever so slightly. "Thank you, sir," he says as he works the heel of one foot. He’s good at this, so good that it's relaxing Gerard into a bit of a contented lull. Gerard stretches out slightly, pushing his foot even more into Jonny Lee's hands.

Jonny Lee's making a mental note to thank whoever it was, thinking it might've been Angie, who gave him the reflexology book years ago. Never thought it'd come in handy for sex. He works the area right below the toes on the front of the foot, the one connected to breathing, knowing how it can relax the body.

At this rate, Jonny Lee's going to put him to sleep. And that's not what the night calls for. Reluctantly, Gerard pushes Jonny Lee away. "Over my lap," he orders gruffly.

The shiver reverberates along Jonny Lee's spine, Gerard's harshness kicking in at just the right spots. He places himself as required, bending over Gerard's lap.

Gerard pats Jonny Lee's ass, letting the tips of his fingers linger on the smooth skin. "What are you being punished for?"

The touch gives him a contact high. "For not doing as I was told," he says softly, not sure if it's the right answer or worded properly. "For not fulfilling the task you assigned me."

"Yes." Gerard follows the word with a sharp slap.

_Am I supposed to say anything._ Jonny Lee searches his mind for specific orders, finds none. "Thank you, sir," he says quickly.

If this was a reward, Gerard would be content to let the rhythm stand alone. But as it's punishment... "Count them," he orders and delivers a second smack.

"Two, sir." He mentally slaps himself for not remembering the damned counting.

"Better." Gerard builds up a steady rhythm, relishing the noise each contact makes. Jonny Lee's ass grows steadily redder.

"Thirty, sir." Jonny Lee's finding it harder with each stroke not to clench. He can feel the burn, the intense heat. "Thirty-one, sir." It's all he can do not to wince. "Thirty-two," he blurts out, the pain catching him offguard, "sir."

"Hurting yet, boy?" Gerard asks, delivering number thirty-three.

"Yes, sir," Jonny Lee says, the words hissed out through a pant. "But only a bit, sir." It's the truth. He is hurting, but he knows he could take more. Probably a lot more if he focuses, makes himself.

Well, Jonny Lee might not be hurting all that much, but Gerard's hand is. He takes The Oxford Book of Scottish Short Stories that his brother had given him for his birthday off the small shelf built into the lamp and weighs it carefully in his hand. "Feel free to scream," he warns, before bringing the book down with all his strength.

"Fuckhellandamn," Jonny Lee does scream, the switch from hand to book rather intensive. "Thirty-four, sir.

Gerard nods in approval of the action. "How many more can you take?"

"Honestly, sir," Jonny Lee breathes in and out, calming himself, "don't know. Never counted." He doesn't add in the caveat that he's been spanked like this only a few times, so the whole tolerance level is a new thing.

"Let's try for forty, then, and see how you take it." Gerard strokes Jonny Lee's ass for a moment before drawing his hand away and bringing the book down once more.

"Yes, sir," he snaps out, eagerly. It's a goal, something concrete to work toward. Five more. "Thirty-five, sir." The sting burns, adding to the heat, his backside already telling him he's going to keep feeling it for some time.

Gerard's listening carefully for any blatant signs that he should stop. He doesn't hear one, so number thirty-six comes down.

"Thirty-six," breath, "sir." That one's actually easy, hitting on a spot already so hot it's nearly desensitized. Jonny Lee shifts, the ache in his cock making its plea for attention.

Gerard lands thirty-seven almost as an afterthought. "How many times have you come today?"

"Since waking up, three, sir." There's no real burn right now, just a slow, steady simmer of heat all over Jonny Lee's ass.

Gerard's about to bring the book down once more when he remembers that he didn't hear Jonny Lee count. That earns the boy one with his bare hand.

Jonny Lee squirms at the return of flesh on flesh. "That's thirty-eight, sir," he spits out, relishing the connection, bites back the urge to beg for just the hand.

"And how many are left?" Gerard traces abstract designs in Jonny Lee's red ass with his fingernail. He wonders how much he'd bleed if he cut him right now.

"Two, sir." He pushes up into the nail, wondering if sheer desire would make it press harder into his flesh, score the burn. "Please," he dares hesitantly.

"Please what?"

"Please hurt me." Words out. Request made. "I want to feel your hand, sir."

"I already gave you my hand." Gerard pauses long enough to bring the book down across a portion of Jonny Lee's ass not as red as the rest of it. "Count."

"Thirty-nine, sir," a bit dejected. Jonny Lee disassociates himself from the pain, lets his mind wander to randomizing on how the fuck he can get what he wants, what it is he wants and that he's crystal clear he has no idea how to be a good submissive.

He'll give him the last one personally. Gerard puts the book down and strokes Jonny Lee's back. "You're such a good boy," he whispers. "You're my good boy."

"Yes, sir," he says, almost automatically, his mind still floating. "Am I? A good boy?" He doesn't really mean to ask the questions aloud. They just sort of fall out of his mouth.

"Christ, Teak, you're a _very_ good boy." How can he not know that? "You wanked for me today to a television show. You've taken a spanking without complaint. You're so amazing like this ... you're all spread out for me, all ready for me, so ready and willing."

After that list of positives, Jonny Lee feels guilty for even asking, but he's not exactly filled with self-confidence. "I'm glad I please you." He winces, the pain catching up with him, seeping into every muscle along his back.

"Do you want me to stop?" He wants to go on, but if he's making Jonny Lee uncomfortable, he'd rather end this now, before mistakes are made that cannot be undone.

"No, please, don’t stop." Jonny Lee lets his body go limp against Gerard's knees, hands pressed to the floor. "I want this. Really."

Gerard nods and gives Jonny Lee number forty, much lighter than before. If Jonny Lee really wants to go on, they'll go on. But if it's just bravado, no way in hell.

"Forty, sir," he says calmly. Grounded back in reality, Jonny Lee's not sure which ache is more exhilarating, the way his psyche is soaring from making it to forty and apparently doing it well or his body from the stinging nettles creeping along his ass.

Jonny Lee's reaction pleases him. "Can you take ten more or do you want to stop now?" Gerard asks softly.

Jonny Lee doesn't have an answer at first. His cock leaps at the idea, along with his brain, just from the challenge. Like running a marathon; second wind comes when you least expect it. "I think so, sir." He sucks in a deep breath, lets it out slowly.

That's good enough. Gerard gives him forty one and forty two almost on top of each other, hoping that if he rushes them, they'll make it to fifty.

Endorphins are hitting their stride, full-blown head rush. "Damn. Yes." He jerks, half into the pain, half away from it. "Forty-two, sir," his voice rising on the last syllable.

"Want more?"

"Three more, please, sir." He's compromising with himself, not at all sure he can hold out till fifty, settling on forty-five as a reachable goal for the moment.

"Very well." Forty five sounds like a good number. Gerard lets all his strength focus into his hand as he slaps it down.

"Forty-three," he grunts out.

Gerard doesn't comment on the lack of respectful address. He's gotten this far and he isn't stopping just because of semantics. He angles number forty-four to fall right above forty-three.

Jonny Lee slams his fist into the floor as the strike hits. "Forty-four." Groans. "Sir."

"Good boy." Forty five is the hardest of them all and it leaves Gerard's hand stinging.

"Goddamn, Pire." He totally forgets, ignores, or some other reasonable excuse for the foray out of subspace. "Fuckin' incredible."

Gerard grins, rests his hand on Jonny Lee's ass. "I want to put ice on your ass. See how fast it melts." He's joking, for now. While it would be nice to see, he has other things in mind for the rest of the night.

  


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	36. gerard: Operation Dominate: Phase Two

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2003](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/11/)-[30](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/11/30/) 18:56:00   
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_**Operation Dominate: Phase Two** _  
[players, not pups. follows up on [Operation Dominate: Phase One](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/8578.html).]

  
Jonny Lee walks into the bedroom, fresh from the bath, nothing on and towel in his hand rubbing at his hair.

Gerard looks up from his book and marks the page with his index finger. Thirty-five and the action's slow in starting. "Feeling better?"

"Much. Amazing what a hot shower will do." Jonny Lee tosses the towel aside, pounces on the bed, bouncing it as he lands. "So, what we doing? Out to dinner? Or in?"

Gerard places the book carefully on the nightstand and moves his legs out of the way before Jonny Lee can land on them. "We could always go bowling."

"Bowling? You really do that?" Jonny Lee's stretching out into the space vacated by Gerard's legs. "Would you really want to?"

"Hm." Gerard thinks for a moment. "Probably not. We could always do something really manly, like clip our toenails."

Jonny Lee rolls his eyes. "Pire, c'mon, you can't be that bored with my company already."

Gerard grins and sits up, wrapping an arm around his knee. "Or you'd rather I tied you to the bed and had my wicked way with you?"

"Would you?" Rolling over on his back, Jonny Lee stretches out his arms. "What does wicked way involve?" he asks with a coy smile.

"Several things." _Enter phase two._ "In the closet, you'll find a box. Take it down and bring it to me." Gerard has a pretty detailed outline of what's to happen next, but it all depends on Jonny Lee not freaking out.

Jonny Lee fights the urge to ask what the plans are, reminds himself he can trust Pire. Implicitly. With his life. He rolls off the bed, retrieves the box and returns, stands quietly, holding it out in front of him.

Gerard eyes the box. Yes, that's the one. "Open it." Inside are various metal implements, and one of them will be going on Gerard. But he'll be putting that one on himself.

He takes the lid off the box, starts pulling the objects out, smiling at the cock ring and nipple clamps. Familiar toys. He picks up the collar, fingers it. "For me?" he asks hesitantly, neither smiling nor frowning with the question.

"No." Gerard says, fighting to be as calm as his voice is. It's now or never. "For me." It's not submission and he prays to whatever god is listening that Teak doesn't take it that way. The only reason for the collar is to tether the clamps to Gerard. Teak needs to know he's owned, needs to know who's the source of all pain, all pleasure.

Jonny Lee's puzzled. He knows Gerard isn't submissive, wants to be the one in control. So why the collar? He shrugs it off for the moment. He puts the collar down, straightens to near-attention stance, hands at his side instead of behind his back though. "Tell me what to do, sir."

"Put the box on the bed." Gerard waits for Jonny Lee to obey before continuing. "Take out the cockring, put it on. Then do the same with the clamps." Gerard picks up the collar and takes a deep breath. _You're in charge._

Steeling himself against all connotations, Gerard snaps the collar into place.

Obedient and quick, Jonny Lee works his cock into the ring, balls first and then cock, before attending to the clamps, deep breath in before pinching nipple in-between the vise-like grips. Silently he goes back to attention, laughing to himself that he's probably not doing it right, but trying to be as submissive as possible. He keeps his eyes straight ahead, smile controlled.

Gerard keeps his eyes on Jonny Lee as he takes out the thin chains and swings them in the air. He attaches one end on each chain to the large D-ring on the front of the collar. "Put them on the clamps."

Jonny Lee's still slightly confused about the arrangement, collar and chains and what it all means, but he doesn't question, just takes the chains and hooks them to the clamps.

Gerard catches Jonny Lee's gaze and holds it. Slowly, so slowly, he turns the collar around so that the chains are coming out from the back of his neck. "You're going to give me pleasure, boy. There are condoms and lubricant in the drawer. Slick yourself up."

"I'm going to," Jonny Lee says the words slowly, his mouth opening and closing on each one. To say he's having trouble wrapping his brain around the idea is an understatement of millennial proportion. He swallows, tries to wet his throat. "Condoms. Lube. Drawer." He reaches down, retrieves all, the chains creating a quick sensation as they move with him.

"You're going to be fucking me," Gerard elaborates, smirking slightly. He can't remember the last time - if any - that Jonny Lee wasn't on the receiving end. "As hard as I say, as fast as I say, and when I say it."

"Yes, sir." He follows orders, rolling the condom on his cock, slicking himself up. "Hard. Fast. When you say." He shakes his head, tries not to show his nervousness. He's almost always been getting fucked, not doing the fucking. Can count on half a hand the number of guys he's actually done. And definitely doesn't want to mess up with Gerard.

Gerard settles himself face down, propped up on his elbows, legs spread. "Now prep me."

Settling on his knees behind Gerard, Jonny Lee drizzles the lube on his hand, mostly over a few fingers, slides one inside his lover, more from instinct of what he knows he likes than an abundance of practice.

Christ, that's good. It's been too long since he's been fucked. He's almost forgotten just how wonderful it feels to have that first tentative finger slip inside you. "Good boy," he whispers, knowing that Jonny Lee needs support right now. "Just like that."

Jonny Lee smiles at the encouragement, licks his lips, adds a second finger, curling it to rake over the prostate.

Gerard yelps. _Christ. It really has been too long._ Then he stills. "Did I tell you to do that?" he growls.

"No, sir." Jonny Lee stills his hand. "Sorry, sir."

"Then you shouldn't have done it." Gerard counts thirty under his breath, then. "Move. Slowly. One finger at a time."

"Yes, sir. One at a time, sir." Jonny Lee does just that, one finger, waits on Gerard's explicit instructions before doing anything other than basic stroking.

Gerard starts to relax again, getting used to the feeling of being explored. "Better." It's grudging approval, but it's the best Jonny Lee's going to get for now.

Jonny Lee continues, slowly, precisely. "Thank you, sir. I'm trying my best."

He turns his head to the right, looks back at Jonny Lee. "To please me," he adds firmly.

"Yes, sir. To please you, sir." He tentatively starts to add another finger. "May I, sir?"

Oh, what the hell. Let's go for difficult. "No," Gerard replies, turning his head towards the headboard once more. "You haven't earned it yet."

Jonny Lee's confused and a touch dejected, but he does just as Gerard instructs, continues as he is with just the two fingers.

Two fingers increasingly aren't doing anything for him, but, dammit, he's in a vulnerable position. He needs to take every advantage he can. After three minutes go by, Gerard relents. "Add another finger."

Jonny Lee silently adds the third finger, as instructed, and does nothing than move in and out, scissoring gently as he had before. He's already getting hard himself, and doing this to his lover is adding to the fire. He wants to drop his head, kiss Gerard's back, be more attentive, has to remind himself that's not his purpose. Not right now.

Oh, fucking Christ, that's good. Fucking bloody amazing. He's ready to have Jonny Lee fuck him already, but the boy hasn't earned it yet. "Keep your hand in. Sit back as much as you can."

Jonny Lee isn't sure exactly what he's doing, the effect it'll have, but he's into extending his learning curve. He sits back, leaves his hand still. "Yes, sir."

"Pull back." Gerard whispers, waiting until he feels the tug against his throat. He wants Jonny Lee's nipples to ache.

At Gerard's words, Jonny Lee registers what he's doing. He smiles. This is familiar, causing himself pain, and he pulls back, immediately feeling the chains catch, tug against the clamps. "God, Pire, that's intense." It's a white pain, the kind that leaves floaters in your field of vision. Jonny Lee straightens his back, leans, creates the ripple effect again.

That's it. The pull. The collar's tight against Gerard's throat, but he leans forward anyway. "Does it hurt, boy?"

"Yes," Jonny Lee hisses out, "sir, it's hurt. Very good hurt."

"And why," he prompts, letting his head fall back, loosening some of the tension in the chains. "Just why are you hurting?"

"Because the chains are pulling, tightening the clamps, and it's sending shockwaves to my cock." Simple answer for an easy question.

Just for that, Gerard reaches a hand out and jerks down harshly on the chain separating them. "Wrong," he growls. "One more try."

"Ah, fuck." Jonny Lee lurches forward with the pull. _Think. Think._ He licks his lips. "Because you're letting me hurt, sir?"

Gerard twists his wrist a little. "Because I fucking own you, boy. Because you're mine. Because I choose to give you pain. Got it?"

"Yes. Sir." The words are spit out through a grimace, a wall of pain that has Jonny Lee spinning on edge. "Yours."

The chain vibrates as Gerard releases it. "Yes." He settles himself back down into position as if nothing had happened. "Fuck me."

Jonny Lee moves forward as Gerard shifts, then places himself in position. "Does sir have any instructions before I start?" he asks, holding his cock at the puckered entrance.

"He does. Don't hesitate." That said, Gerard grits his teeth and mentally prepares himself. Way too fucking long.

"Yes, sir." Jonny Lee pushes in, slowly, not from hesitancy, but not wanting to hurt him, not knowing if really even could.

Fuck. He's being stretched, more than he can ever remember being. He's thankful now for not letting Jonny Lee rush the prep. Heaven knows he'd needed it. Gerard keeps his teeth together and his lips tightly sealed. Teak knows Gerard isn't a masochist and so Gerard doesn't want to think about what might happen if Jonny Lee finds out he's intentionally hurting him.

It's not like fucking Ewan, Jonny Lee thinks. That was always hurried, like they were going to be caught doing something they shouldn't have been. This is the exact opposite. Slow. And excruciating. And those damned clamps keep reminding him he's not going anywhere Pire doesn't want him to go. He's moving slowly, exactingly, until told different.

Gerard endures the slow pace for a few minutes before his resolve breaks. "Faster, boy." His only concession to the scene is that he manages to keep his voice cool and modulated.

"Yes, sir." Jonny Lee picks up the pace, not going for depth as much as in-and-out thrust.

Gerard bites down on his bottom lip to keep himself from making noises. Jonny Lee isn't very experienced, but fuck, is he making up for it with eagerness. He can't help but thrust back against Jonny Lee, wanting more.

Any self-doubt Jonny Lee had is absorbed quickly in Gerard's responsiveness. He instinctively presses his fingers into his lover's hips as he slams forward.

Gerard gasps at the contact. Leaves him breathless for a long moment. Like a dehydrated man drowning in a puddle of water. Completion. Except that he didn't tell Jonny Lee to do it. Shite. "Did I," he manages, "tell you to touch me?"

Defense mechanisms kick in rapidly. "You didn't tell me _not_ to, sir," Jonny Lee says hurriedly, hoping sincerity counts for something, and lifts his hands up. "Sorry. Sir."

"You don't do _anything_ I don't specifically order you to do. Clear?" The greater part of him mourns for the loss of Jonny Lee's touch. The rest of him is reminding himself that he's trying to remind Jonny Lee of his place. _Except that his place is by my side, at my feet, forever in my protection. Not as my slave, but as my cherished subordinate, my lover, my friend._

_Christ. I think I love him._

"Yes, sir. Understood." Jonny Lee looks at his hands, tries to figure out exactly what to do with them. "Only what you order me to do, sir." Decides locked behind his back is the safest place for them, so he does that. But, god, it stretches the band of muscle across his chest, which in turn tightens the clamps, which prompts a small shriek of unexpected pain. Jonny Lee immediately refocuses on fucking, quickly picking back up his speed, angle, thrust.

The noises Jonny Lee's making are enough to send Gerard into a premature orgasm. But he puts a tight hold on his control, as he does with his emotions. _Examine them later when you're at leisure. Until then, let him know he's yours._

The chains are just taut enough to eke a whimper from each thrust . Not full-blown pain. Not yet. Not nearly as intensive as how his ass felt after being spanked. He's still enjoying remnants of the burn. He settles into a rhythm, thrust forward, pull back, feels his own orgasm start to coil up, make itself annoying.

Satisfaction. It's like scratching a particularly annoying itch. Or something better than that, but Gerard's rational thought is quickly going down the drain. He jerks forward slightly and tights his grip on the sheets.

Jonny Lee can feel Gerard getting closer, the muscles clenching around his cock. And there's not a damned thing he can do except keep fucking, 'cause with the blasted cock ring on, he's not coming any time soon. _youwantthisyouwanthis_ He's wringing his hands together, locking and unlocking them, fighting against saying "to hell with it" and touching Gerard again.

Gerard can't come without being touched. No one's ever tried to train it into him and he's honestly never seen the benefits of having that skill. Now he can. "Pull out," he orders. Only the knowledge of what he's going to do next helps him keep a hold on his control.

"Huh?" The word's blurted out before Jonny Lee can stop it, but his actions follow Gerard's command, and he pulls out, sits back as much as he can and waits. To say he's confused is the least of it. He has no idea what to expect, where it's going.

Good. Jonny Lee's obeyed him. Letting out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding, Gerard gets himself up onto hands and knees. "Back in," he orders brusquely, and waits for it.

"Yes, sir." He pushes back in, no pretense or hesitancy. Just does it. He'll rationalize later why and what. Or maybe even ask. But, for now, he's doing.

"Now touch me!" It comes off halfway as a scream, but Gerard's beyond caring. He just wants Jonny Lee's hand on him. And now.

Jonny Lee's just starting to relax, noting how the clamps aren't as tight in his position, a comfortable slow burn instead of the intense tugging. He's startled by the tone of the command, but he obeys. Instantly. Unclenches his hands and settles them in the small of Gerard's back, lightly pressing down as he pushes his cock in again, fast and deep.

"On my _cock_ ," Gerard growls, pushing back against Jonny Lee. "You're here to please me, godddamit, you do what I say!"

Jonny Lee goes completely quiet at being yelled at, reprimanded. _You didn't fucking specify!_ he shouts in his brain. No reason to say them out loud; they'd be lost. He reaches his hand around Gerard's body and wraps his fingers around the weeping cock. He holds steady, still moving, automatically back and forth.

Gerard expected some sort of protest. When he gets Jonny Lee's hands instead, he isn't sure if something's very wrong or very right. But his cock doesn't care. He shifts a little, wanting more, wanting it now. With a shout, he comes.

There's a sense of relief in Jonny Lee's brain. It could almost be a moment of elation. He's done something right. He holds Gerard, letting the come flood his hand, spill over him. Rides it down, waits on the next order.

Gerard's eyes open slowly from being clenched so tightly it hurt. He's warm and wet and pressed between a heavy boy and the bed. "Bear," he mutters. Must find the bear. There's a strap-on fit for it around here somewhere.

"What?" Jonny Lee's still inside Gerard and still damned hard. "Bear. You want Marek?" He's completely confused now.

Marek? Who the fuck is Marek? "Pull out," Gerard instructs thickly. "Get the bear." He grasps wildly for the nightstand drawer, manages to open it without getting up. He picks the harness up by brail and hands it backwards to Jonny Lee. "Put this on him. Get into position. I need to rinse off."

"Marek's the bear. That's what I named him." Jonny Lee pulls out, moving slowly from the cramp in his groin, sits back on his ankles and stares at the harness that falls into his hands, processes Gerard's instructions. _He can't mean._ But he doesn't say anything aloud. _Be a good sub. Do what you're told._ "Uh, sir, bear's on the couch."

Jonny Lee...named a bear....after one of his characters? Gerard's going to need to think that one over and decide whether it's a compliment or not. Or the fact that Jonny Lee decided to name the bear at all. "So go get him."

"But I'm still connected to you, sir." Jonny Lee's hesitant to say anything at the moment. "And you were headed to the bathroom."

Oh, right. "Good point, boy." Gerard gestures upwards with his hand. "Detach from the collar." How could he have grown complacent enough to have forgotten the _collar_? "Let the chains swing down."

"Yes, sir." Jonny Lee moves enough to reach up and detach the chains. There's a faint smile on his lips, almost a chagrined look, that he's like this, chained to his lover, angry at himself for messing up, getting ready to be fucked by a bear, and all he can think of is how happy he is. _There's definitely something fucked up about that, Miller._

Once the chains are off, Gerard reaches up to unclasps the collar. He places it to the side and gets himself up onto his hands and knees to get off the bed. He winces a little as he makes his way to the bathroom and runs the shower towards scalding.

Jonny Lee wraps the chains up around his neck rather than let them dangle and walks to the living room, a little stiff, achingly hard and too damned eager for his own good. He swipes up Marek from where he'd been abandoned earlier on the couch and returns to the bedroom. He picks up the harness and fits it onto the bear, trying not to dwell on the insanity of the motions. He goes over Gerard's orders in his head. _Get into position._ "Shit," he mutters. "What'd he mean?" He debates whether he should go into present position with the bear or get on his hands and knees to be fucked. Thinks back to when Gerard first came back and he wasn't kneeling up on the floor, so he errs on what he thinks is the side of caution and takes a position at the side of the bed, the bear held in the upturned palms of his hands.

Gerard takes a decadent ten minutes in the shower, soaping himself off, reviving himself a little. He'd only planned it out to fucking Jonny Lee with a bear, so he's glad the take the time to plot further. First choice Jonny Lee would make is to either be prepared to be fucked or to be kneeling. It can go either way from there and Gerard wishes he could get hard again so quickly. It might be worth it to finish Jonny Lee off with the real thing rather than a dildo.

Whistling, he gets out of the shower and wraps a white towel around his waist. Another towel dries his face and arms, and he's set.

Jonny Lee's second-guessing himself for long, agonizing minutes. He figures at some point, he'll get it right, figure out how to sub properly. Wonders if maybe he should talk to Jude and Ewan about it, somebody who's done it longer. He shifts, quickly scratches the itch on his nose and returns to position a second before the bathroom door opens.

He's kneeling by the side of the bed. Gerard licks his lips and walks over to him, taking the bear up. He examines it perfunctorily, not even glancing at Jonny Lee.

"Good," he says finally. "Get up onto the bed."

"Yes, sir." Jonny Lee kneewalks the few steps to the bed's edge, stands and repositions himself, middle of the bed, on his knees, forearms against the blanket, head bent down. There's a subtle apprehension in his body, a slight shiver down his spine, as he considers exactly what Gerard plans to do with Marek. _Why'd you name the fuckin' bear?_

Gerard pats the bear down - Marek, Jonny Lee called it - and cradles it in his arms and he sits crosslegged on the bed behind Jonny Lee. His hands grasp the bear's hips and his fingers curl around it's legs. As soon as Gerard had seen this bear, he'd wanted it. The strap-on had just been an inspired addition.

"Ready?"

Jonny Lee swallows, wetting his parched throat, breathes out. "Yes, sir." He braces himself for what's to come.

Gerard's hands reposition themselves slightly on the bear, making sure he has complete control. If he's going to play the puppeteer, he's going to do it right. Gerard lines up the tip of the dildo with Jonny Lee's hole and pushes it in slowly.

Being fucked by a dildo's never the same as having a cock shoved up his arse, not even from the initial push past resistance. Never quite as satisfying. Or, maybe that'll change, Jonny Lee thinks, as he consciously forces his body to relax, pushes back just a touch, knowing he's probably not supposed to, but desperately wanting the contact, even if it is just a teddy bear.

Jonny Lee's motion does not go unnoticed. Gerard pushes the bear's ass forward slightly to match Jonny Lee's enthusiasm. "You want this, don't you," he whispers. "You want this."

There's no denying his body's desires, though. Jonny Lee's wanting to be fucked, has been harder and needier in the past few days than in his entire life. "I want whatever you wish to give me, sir."

That's not good enough. The dildo's only in an inch, but Gerard's already pulling it out. "Beg for it," he orders.

"Please, sir, don't." It's instinctive, all of the sudden, like a light coming on in his brain. Gerard's voice, the bite of the accent, the command. Jonny Lee finds himself bereft, compelled to beg. "Fuck me, sir. Please. I want it so badly." Later he can analyze and dissect where the switch got toggled. Now he just wants the touch.

Christ. He hadn't known he could get Teak to beg that quickly. "How badly?" he asks harshly, pushing the dildo in to where it was before. If he could get begging this quickly, who knows what he could get if he pushed.

"Very badly, sir." He pushes back into the renewed contact. He can't process at all where it's coming from, just knows he needs to sink lower. "Hurts inside I want it so much."

That earns Jonny Lee another inch. " _Beg_ for it, boy. Don't make me repeat myself again."

Jonny Lee drops his head to crossed wrists. "Please. Sir." The words come out in precise ragged pants, each one filtered through a shudder of aching need. "Fuck. Me. Need. Want." He feels the shiver again, from the back of his neck to where Gerard's hands brush his ass. "PleaseletMarekfuckme." A rush of words. He has no idea what Gerard wants to hear, only what he needs to say.

_PleaseletMarekfuckme_. Just what he was looking for. "Yes," Gerard croons, working the dildo further into Jonny Lee's ass. "Beg the bear. Beg Marek." Beg a motherfucking stuffed toy to stick a purple dildo up your ass.

The thought gives him pause. Beg the bear? But it's what he just did. Shouldn't be any harder to say it again. What's a little humiliation? "Fuck me, Marek. Please. Hard." Jonny Lee sucks in a breath. "Please. Give it to me."

Gerard shivers to hear it. It's one thing to demand it, another to listen to Jonny Lee obey. The dildo is in all the way and Marek's fur is brushing against Jonny Lee's ass. There's something deliciously erotic about the sight. "That's it, Teak. Beg for it."

"Please," Jonny Lee rocks his body back, confusion running rampant in his brain. "Marek, harder." He can't come, almost wonders if there's any sense in begging for that. "Please, Pire, let me come. Sir. Please." The words are tripping out, half-muddled as he bites into his wrist against the ache in his cock, the agonizing throb.

Gerard wonders what the bear would answer, could it speak. "A little more," he whispers, grinding the harness against Jonny Lee's ass. "Just a little more."

"Please. Now." It's nearly a scream. Jonny Lee's cock aches, his ass feels incredible, but he knows that's going to hurt like hell later, and all he wants is to come with a damned bear fuckin' him. "So. Fucking. Close. Hurts."

Gerard can feel Jonny Lee's muscles clench around the dildo and he risks taking his hands off the bear long enough to depress the button on the bottom of the cockring, trigering the safety lock, making it open. "Come."

"Fuck, yes." It is a scream, a bonafide one as Jonny Lee shudders and comes almost before the cockring's off, the intensity of the moment, hours of denial and a dildo wedged in his ass are ample incentives to push him over the edge.

Jonny Lee's fourth orgasm of the day, Gerard notes dryly. Very luxurious. He pulls the dildo out as slowly as he can and places Marek to the side. "Good boy," he whispers, patting Jonny Lee's ass, feeling the heat on the skin. "My boy."

Jonny Lee collapses on the bed, mindless of where he is and what he may or may not supposed to be doing. All he hears is the _my boy_. All he feels is Gerard's hand, a gentle touch. Not the pain he knows is coming.

Gerard gets some moist towels from the bathroom and starts to clean Jonny Lee up. Jonny Lee's gonna hurt like hell tomorrow and the best Gerard can do is make him feel as serene as he can for tonight. And owned.

  


  
-Marek

  
-Marek, wearing a Stockroom strap-on.

  


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	37. gerard: Transitions

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2003](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/11/)-[30](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/11/30/) 09:13:00   
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_**Transitions** _  
[private]

[Met with Ashton](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ashton/2311.html) on Friday. I'll readily admit to walking it with a preconceived notion of what the boy'd be like. Rather than leaving as hostile as I arrived, the little brat charmed me. I feel almost...fraternal towards him right now, that little bastard. And even _that's_ tinged with fondess. I can see why he's so popular now. He could charm your socks right off your feet and then sell them back to you and you'd leave happy, secure in the knowledge that you'd gotten a good bargain.

Phase one of Operation Dominate well underway. By the end of today, Teak is going to feel _owned_. And quite possibly more sore than he's been in a long time. There's something very satisfying in that thought.  
  


  


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	38. gerard: [voicemail for mcconaughey]

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2003](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/11/)-[30](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/11/30/) 08:01:00   
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_**[voicemail for[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/mcconaughey/profile)**_[ **mcconaughey**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/mcconaughey/)]  
[In response to [this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/mcconaughey/1491.html).]

Hey. It's Gerry. Eight sounds lovely. Jonny Lee and I look forward to seeing you. *sounds of a pen scratching against paper* *slight, self-depricating laugh* I'm trying to get more organized. This is going to end up being one of the more incredibly futile of my pet projects. Anyway, see you then. Bye.  
  


  


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	39. judel: Email to jonnyleemiller

| Jude ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/judel/profile)[ **judel**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/judel/) ) wrote,  
@ [2003](http://www.journalfen.net/users/judel/2003/)-[12](http://www.journalfen.net/users/judel/2003/12/)-[05](http://www.journalfen.net/users/judel/2003/12/05/) 01:58:00   
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**Current mood:** |  Fantastico  
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_**Email to[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)**_[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
To: jlm@establishment.rpg  
From: judel@establishment.rpg  
Subject: Not a wanker anymore?  
  
Good to hear from you, mate. Sorry I didn't get back to you. Icompletely forgot until Ewan poked me. No, not that way you git. Although... hmmm, I think anything further I might add on that subject would be TMI, so I'll leave off, eh?  
  
I've been that busy. Filmings wrapping on the 10th or thereabouts but the weather has been fucking around with us and so everyone's frantic. Mostly we wait and we wait, and then when the rain clears, quickly fill the area with fake snow and try to grab a take or two before the heavens open once more and the whole fucking process starts again.  
  
>> _have a new lover. Thinking of getting a t-shirt made up; "Property of Gerard Butler."_  
  
What is this? A fashion trend? I get a scots git for a boyfriend and you just have to have one too? Hehehe. No, seriously, I'm pleased for you. You wouldn't be telling me about it if this was just a casual shag so I'm guessing you're serious. Congratulations. You deserve it, mate. And at least you can give that wrist a rest now. Say 'hi' to Gerry for me.  
  
Will probably be in LA soon for some _Mountain_ publicity. Ewan too, although not necessarily on the same day. Which is crap, but that's how it goes. I think I owe you a bottle of something. Will ring.  
  
Cheers!  
  
J  
xxxxx

  


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	40. gerard: Thoughts on collars

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2003](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/)-[12](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/12/)-[06](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/12/06/) 12:30:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=6264&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=6264) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=6264) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=6264&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  Nervous  
---|---  
  
_**Thoughts on collars**_  
[private]  
  
  
I want him in my collar. I think he wants to be in mine. Fuck. The last time I did this was eleven fucking years ago and we were young and stupid. Conner and I never had a contract; we had terms written on the back of a bar napkin. _Butler agrees not to order Con around during great bursts of Scottish brodding. Neither have to do anything in role during exams. Butler will bite and Con will live with it. Con will do homework in his head while being cuddled and Butler will live with it. Either can leave whenever they want._  
  
  
Then Conner left and I kept our play collars, used them on those fleeting submissives that come and go. Peter didn't want me in one even while scening, which was a huge relief. I had enough problems with being truly submissive for the first time in ages without having a collar thrown into the mix. I'd never been with someone that much more experienced than I was. Conner and I were just about equal. Teak...fuck, I'm so ahead of Teak that I get dizzy trying to figure out why he doesn't realize that it's he who has the real power in our relationship.  
  
  
  
I want him in my collar. I want him to be wearing something of mine 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I want it to be my promise to him that I'm not going to let him go without a fight to end all wars. I'm going to have it custom made for him, not picking stuff out of the store like I did for Conner. It's going to be leather. It's going to have my initials on the back. And it's going to look mundane enough that he won't ever have to take it off in public.  
  
  
  
Santa, all I want for Christmas is Teak. Think you can arrange that?  
  


  


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	41. jonnyleemiller: email to judel

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2003](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2003/)-[12](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2003/12/)-[07](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2003/12/07/) 11:18:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=7932&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=7932) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=7932) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=7932&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**email to[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/judel/profile)**_[ **judel**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/judel/)  
To: judel@establishment.rpg  
From: jlm@establishment.rpg  
Subject: Re: Not a wanker anymore?

_I completely forgot until Ewan poked me._  
*snorfle* Uh, no, I didn't have any visuals on that one. Nope. Not me. *innocent grin*

_You wouldn't be telling me about it if this was just a casual shag so I'm guessing you're serious._  
Serious enough that I'm considering ... well, I don't know what I'm considering, exactly ... but, yeah, it's serious.

Shit, you guys head to LA and I head home. Actually, back in London as I write. And, yes, you owe me a bottle of something! I'm sure we can come up with a reason in January to drink it.

see ya!  
jonny lee

p.s. am i expected to shell out pounds for pressies for blokes who won't be here for the holidays? *snicker* so poke ewan back and let me know what trendy types like you want.

  


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	42. jonnyleemiller: voicemail for stephend

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2003](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2003/)-[12](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2003/12/)-[08](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2003/12/08/) 15:28:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=7941&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=7941) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=7941) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=7941&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**voicemail for[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stephend/profile)[ **stephend**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stephend/)**_  
 _*he's slurping on a soda while the phone rings. machine picks up.*_ Hi, Steph. Yeah, you're probably screening calls. Sitting there going 'ah, it's that wanker Miller' and not picking up. Wouldn't blame ya. _*definite sounds of straw hitting the bottom of the cup*_ I've been outta town, self-exile, something. Anyhow, would love to see ya, in da flesh, well, maybe not total flesh, but need to catch up, talk. _*click*_  


  


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	43. gerard: Voicemail for jonnyleemiller

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2003](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/)-[12](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/12/)-[14](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/12/14/) 12:36:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=7477&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=7477) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=7477) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=7477&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Voicemail for[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)** _

_*sighs*_ Damn. I'd hoped to get you. I'm sure somewhere the gods are laughing at me. The week before the shortest day in the year and I'm having my longest day. I spent five hours in make up this morning. They're taking the mask off today, Teak, though if you tell them I told you that, they'll probably rip up my contract. _*pause*_ On second thought, I might ask you... _*trails off, passes hand through hair*_ It's lunchtime. I've been up since four. I don't know when I'll be home. I'm sorry. Mistletoe should arrive today. Could you put it by the doorway for me? Don't worry, they didn't deliver too much. I actually did order that much. It's enough for every doorway in your house. _*wistful*_ I miss you, Teak. When you hear this, wank and think of me. _*clicks off with a sigh*_  
  


  


* * *

  


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|  **returned voicemail left on gerard's mobile**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2003-12-15 03:06 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/7477.html?thread=6453&format=light#t6453))   
---|---  
Sorry, Pire, I was sleeping and the mobile was under the pillow and _*looks at clock*_ oh, shit, it is that late. _*stretches, yawns*_ Mistletoe? For the whole house? _*laughs*_ You do realize you don't need mistletoe to kiss me. I'm pretty much yours 24/7. Wank? _*groans. sound of bed creaking*_ Okay, you'll probably pick this message up on the ride home. _*strangulated moan.*_ You didn't say come, did you? _*whimper. click*_

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/7477.html?replyto=6453&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/7477.html?thread=6453&format=light#t6453))  
  
|  **Voicemail left on land line**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2003-12-15 10:51 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/7477.html?thread=6709&format=light#t6709))   
---|---  
_*sounds of zippers being done up and clothes rustling*_ Hey. I can only assume you're in the shower or in the middle of something vitally important since it's late. I'm just getting out of costume now. I'll be picking up something on the way home, probably deli, so don't worry yourself if I've eaten. If you're sleeping when I get back, I'll just erase this and wake you up with kisses. _*satisfied sigh as he gets out of the more restaining parts of the costume*_ I don't need excuses to kiss you, I know you're mine. But it's nice to have precedent, yeah? _*stretches*_ Remind me to properly blow you for letting me steal your headset. Then again, why wait? _*grin growing into a very audible smirk*_ Come for me, Teak. Right now, wherever you are, even if you're in company and are blushing so red like when I spank you. Come for me. _*evil laugh*_ See you soon. _*click*_

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/7477.html?replyto=6709&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/7477.html?thread=6453&format=light#t6453))  
  
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****

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	44. lutz: Arrived safe in London, staying at my br

| !Mark Lutz ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/profile)[ **lutz**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/) ) wrote,  
@ [2003](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/2003/)-[12](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/2003/12/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/2003/12/11/) 02:26:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=lutz&itemid=7634&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=lutz&itemid=7634) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=lutz&itemid=7634) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=lutz&itemid=7634&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  only slightly drunk  
---|---  
  
Arrived safe in London, staying at my brother's flat. It'd be better if the bastard were here, but he's stateside on business. Swear to god he does this on purpose just so he doesn't have to be reminded how much better-looking I am.... *g* Bro, if you're reading this, _I'm kidding!_ and thanks for the wine - s'damn good. Give Mom and Dad my love if you see 'em. Tried to call 'em earlier but I got the voice mail, and you know how it confuses Mom, so I didn't leave a message. God I love her, but she really shouldn't be allowed around electronic devices.  
  
Anyway, premier tomorrow, and then somewhere or other by train, I don't remember where. Rome? I dunno - the tickets are around here if I can remember where I put them. Did I leave 'em in the armoire? on top of the Playstation? are they marking my place in my brother's copy of _Three the Hard Way_? Oh - no, wait, that's mine. *g* Amy, I swear to god, he's not gay! God, he's gonna so kick my ass. *shakes head* Eh, I'll find 'em.  
  
So I'm on the laptop and watching "Reign: The Conqueror" and I'm wondering - why the fuck does Diogenes talk like Yoda? And why did they kill Qui-Gon Jinn in Phantom Menace? He fuckin' _rocked!_ Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, and Mace Windu, I'm just sayin'.  
  
All right, I'm gonna log off this thing before I say something someone'll smack me for later. I mean, someone besides my brother. I'm not worried 'bout him. He hits like a girl. *g*

  


* * *

  


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|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/guy_pearce/profile)[**guy_pearce**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/guy_pearce/)  
2003-12-11 05:35 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=15058&format=light#t15058))   
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Hello there.  
  
Forgive me for poking my nose into a perfect stranger's journal.  
  
If you do visit Rome and you plan to stay, let me suggest [Caesar House"](http://www.caesarhouse.com/) as a place to unpack your bags for a day or three.  
  
They know how to pamper a man there and let's face it, after traveling, a bit of pampering feels very good.  
  
Guy Pearce 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?replyto=15058&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=15058&format=light#t15058))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/profile)[**lutz**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/)  
2003-12-11 06:20 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=15314&format=light#t15314))   
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God yes, and that place looks fantastic! Thanks for the tip - I'm on the phone to them now to see if they can accommodate us.  
  
So I see from your journal you're in New York - did you ever get out of the funk you were in? If not, let me recommend the joys of sunny California! Come to LA - we'll show you 'round, you'll have a spring in your step in no time. *g* Anyway, remember - you're never really back where you started, something about not being able to step into the same river twice. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?replyto=15314&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=15058&format=light#t15058))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=15314&format=light#t15314))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/guy_pearce/profile)[**guy_pearce**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/guy_pearce/)  
2003-12-11 09:12 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=15570&format=light#t15570))   
---|---  
Not really, unfortunately.  
  
My recent relationship went fizzle unexpectedly for reasons outside of either his control or mine and I'm finding New York hard to take with all the hustle and bustle and greeting card snow.  
  
I'm considering a junket to LA in the not too distant future. I have friends there and also my agent is busily setting me up with some good press. Ha!  
  
I know what you mean about not being able to cross the same river twice, but damn if it doesn't look awfully familiar.  
  
Thank you for the kind words, Mark. I appreciate it. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?replyto=15570&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=15314&format=light#t15314))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=15570&format=light#t15570))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/profile)[**lutz**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/)  
2003-12-11 10:31 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=15826&format=light#t15826))   
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Look me up when you're in town - I'm in the book, and should be back before New Years. We have no snow in LA except what comes out of a spray can or one of those big damned machines on the set, so you're safe from that. And if you want, I can promise to be sure you're safe from me as well.... *g* Sorry, I'm an incurable flirt, but you being just out of a relationship, I'll try to control it if you'll let me take you out for drinks at least. Take care of yourself buddy, and if you get out this way, maybe we can find a new way for ya to see that river. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?replyto=15826&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=15570&format=light#t15570))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2003-12-12 07:53 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=16082&format=light#t16082))   
---|---  
Finally, I have you on my territory! *maniacal laughter* Seriously, though, I'm going through a bad bout of filming right now and next week, but if you're still around Christmas time, give me a call. Or feel free to stop by the house at any time. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?replyto=16082&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=16082&format=light#t16082))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/profile)[**lutz**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/)  
2003-12-12 09:17 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=16338&format=light#t16338))   
---|---  
*grin* I have no fuckin' clue where we'll be at Christmas, but I'd make a special trip to London to see you, mister (bet I could talk Harry into coming too, if he's not doing some damn fool thing like working). If we don't hook up during the holidays, how 'bout trying sometime in January? I need to be in LA between Christmas and New Year's - feel like spending the few weeks of the year someplace warm...? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?replyto=16338&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=16082&format=light#t16082))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=16338&format=light#t16338))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/profile)[**harry_sinclair**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/)  
2003-12-18 10:42 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=17106&format=light#t17106))   
---|---  
_I need to be in LA between Christmas and New Year's_  
Do we have plans I should be aware of? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?replyto=17106&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=16338&format=light#t16338))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=17106&format=light#t17106))  
  
|  **[locked to Harry]**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/profile)[ **lutz**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/)  
2003-12-18 10:48 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=17618&format=light#t17618))   
---|---  
The boot worship thing for Henry Rollins' boy Elias. Christmas present, remember? We're doing it sometime between Christmas and New Years, I'm sure I told you. S'that all right? I haven't screwed up any of your plans, have I? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?replyto=17618&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=17106&format=light#t17106))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=17618&format=light#t17618))  
  
|  **Re: [locked to Harry]**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/profile)[ **harry_sinclair**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/)  
2003-12-18 11:04 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=19410&format=light#t19410))   
---|---  
Oops. Forgot about that.  
Okay, I can do the caning for Miranda one day that week.  
  
Damn, but we need to sit down and get our schedules synched.  
Gonna have to cave in and buy that fuckin' PDA. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?replyto=19410&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=17618&format=light#t17618))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=19410&format=light#t19410))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/profile)[**lutz**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/)  
2003-12-18 11:08 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=19922&format=light#t19922))   
---|---  
Yeah, we are.  
  
Caning Miranda.... Damn, that's going to be good. You'll tell me all about it when you get home, yeah? 

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|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/profile)[**harry_sinclair**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/)  
2003-12-18 10:39 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=16594&format=light#t16594))   
---|---  
You know, I need to be reading ~~my boy's~~ Mark's journal more often, so I have a clue what he's plotting in that wicked mind.  
  
Speaking of filming, I've got the go-ahead from New Line to do a film in first months of the year. Don't have a clue what it'll be like, but if you're the least bit interested, give me a call some time over the holidays. By then, Mark and I'll be settled in the new house, with plenty of play room. 

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|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2003-12-18 10:41 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=16850&format=light#t16850))   
---|---  
In doing a film with you? With you directing? *pretends to think about it* You know I don't sub, right? *grins*  
  
I'm very interested. Send me over any specifics you got. 

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|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/profile)[**harry_sinclair**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/)  
2003-12-18 10:43 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=17362&format=light#t17362))   
---|---  
But you do take direction ... don't you? 

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|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2003-12-18 10:49 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=17874&format=light#t17874))   
---|---  
I do. Actually, that's what most submission scenes for me are like, people directing, I doing what they say. 'Suck my dick' and I suck their dick. 'Show enthusiasm' and I show enthusiasm. Not much to it. It doesn't hurt me or affect me to do what they tell me to do. It's humoring them, mostly. There are very few that can bring me to the sort of headspace submissives are supposed to have. 

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|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/profile)[**lutz**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/)  
2003-12-18 10:50 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=18130&format=light#t18130))   
---|---  
Harry could.  
  
*nods seriously* 

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|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2003-12-18 10:52 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=18386&format=light#t18386))   
---|---  
~~That's something I haven't doubted since I first spoke with him over the phone.~~  
  
  
If I'm ever looking for it, then, perhaps I'll borrow your boyfriend. 

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|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/profile)[**harry_sinclair**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/)  
2003-12-18 10:58 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=18642&format=light#t18642))   
---|---  
The headspace can be taught. It's not that hard.  
  
As for borrowing my boyfriend ... hmmm, I'll have to think on that.  
  
 **M!Harry:** Harry would suggest swapping boys, but the mun's not sure she can deal with Harry and Jonny Lee in her head playing off each other. *g*

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|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/profile)[**lutz**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/)  
2003-12-18 11:00 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=18898&format=light#t18898))   
---|---  
*pretends to give the matter long and serious thought*  
  
Okay. *g* But can I watch? 

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|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2003-12-18 11:00 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=19154&format=light#t19154))   
---|---  
*quickly* No. 

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|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/profile)[**lutz**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/)  
2003-12-18 11:05 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=19666&format=light#t19666))   
---|---  
Damn it.  
  
Participate, then? 

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|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/profile)[**harry_sinclair**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/)  
2003-12-18 11:19 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=20178&format=light#t20178))   
---|---  
I say yes.  
  
And I have the only opinion that matters. 

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|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/profile)[**lutz**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/)  
2003-12-18 11:23 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=20434&format=light#t20434))   
---|---  
Mmm... love it when you get all commanding. *g* 

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|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2003-12-19 01:32 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=20946&format=light#t20946))   
---|---  
*shudders* _No._

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|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/profile)[**lutz**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/)  
2003-12-19 01:39 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=21202&format=light#t21202))   
---|---  
Oh, come on! I'm not _that_ bad, am I? Geez, usually when people shudder for me it's followed by "yes," or "more, please," or something equally encouraging.  
  
Now my poor ego's bruised. 

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|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2003-12-19 01:40 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=21714&format=light#t21714))   
---|---  
I safeword.  
  
  
It's hard enough for me to face the prospect of submission even without the thought that someone's going to watch it happen.  


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|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/profile)[**lutz**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/)  
2003-12-19 01:43 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=21970&format=light#t21970))   
---|---  
I'm sorry, man - I was just jerking your chain (the figurative one). Didn't mean to cause you any upset, really. I'll stop now. Forgiven? 

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|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2003-12-20 06:18 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=22226&format=light#t22226))   
---|---  
*biten off* Yes. *long pause* Yes.  
  
  
*sighs* Don't tell Jonny Lee about this, ok? Unless he finds it on his own, and now I'm just digging myself a deeper grave, aren't I?

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|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2003-12-20 07:43 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=22994&format=light#t22994))   
---|---  
Don't want me to know something, Pire, then lock down the entry. I do catch up on reading every few days.  
  
So, do we need to talk? 

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|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2003-12-20 07:47 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=23506&format=light#t23506))   
---|---  
Shite.  
  
  
I...umm... ~~I need a drink.~~

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|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2003-12-20 07:49 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=23762&format=light#t23762))   
---|---  
You need to come to bed, hold me and we can talk in the morning. 

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|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2003-12-20 07:50 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=24018&format=light#t24018))   
---|---  
...That's a good idea.  
  
I'm, I'll be up in a moment. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?replyto=24018&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=23762&format=light#t23762))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2003-12-20 07:38 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=22482&format=light#t22482))   
---|---  
Borrowing boyfriends?  
  
I take one day away from the computer and not only are we contemplating going to LA, but you're ... whatever it is you're doing.  
  
Maybe I shouldn't read these journals. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?replyto=22482&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=18386&format=light#t18386))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=22482&format=light#t22482))  
  
|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2003-12-20 07:45 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=23250&format=light#t23250))   
---|---  
Teak, I would never, ever swap you. Ever.  
  
You're your own man. Negotiate your own scenes. But I will not trade you, neither with nor without your consent.  
  
  
  
How am I supposed to explain that I would offer Harry my submission before I would offer it to the man I love and trust?

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?replyto=23250&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=22482&format=light#t22482))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=23250&format=light#t23250))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2003-12-20 07:55 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=24274&format=light#t24274))   
---|---  
_How am I supposed to explain that I would offer Harry my submission before I would offer it to the man I love and trust?_  
  
You start by knowing the man you trust and love doesn't expect you to give him everything. He doesn't think he's earned it.

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?replyto=24274&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=23250&format=light#t23250))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=24274&format=light#t24274))  
  
|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2003-12-20 07:59 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=24530&format=light#t24530))   
---|---  
TEAK!  
  
I'm getting off the computer and I'm going upstairs and I'm going to beat you until your very cells are red and bloody!  
  
  
*presses fingers to corners of his eyes*  
  
  
Jonny Lee Miller, we need to talk. What will it take for me to convince you that you're a fucking amazing submissive and that there's nothing, nothing another submissive could give me that would make me think less of you? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?replyto=24530&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=24274&format=light#t24274))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=24530&format=light#t24530))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2003-12-20 08:06 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=24786&format=light#t24786))   
---|---  
If I'm such a good _submissive_ , then there should be no concern on your part about going to Harry for what you wouldn't expect me to give you. Unlike Mark, however, I won't back off on wanting to be part of it.  
  
Now, if you want to come upstairs and beat me, that's fine. There's something comforting in the notion. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?replyto=24786&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=24530&format=light#t24530))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=24786&format=light#t24786))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2003-12-20 08:20 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=25554&format=light#t25554))   
---|---  
_If I'm such a good submissive, then there should be no concern on your part about going to Harry for what you wouldn't expect me to give you._  
  
Not what I wouldn't expect you to give me, but what I can't ask from you.  
  
  
  
  
 _I won't back off on wanting to be part of it._  
  
I had both hoped and dreaded you would say that.  
  
I wouldn't expect anything different.  
  
  
  
This isn't playacting we're doing, Teak. Please, please stop thinking of yourself as not being a serious player. I love you. I want you with me always. You're the only submissive I've ever wanted to keep. Don't you think that says something? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?replyto=25554&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=24786&format=light#t24786))  
  
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****

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	45. jonnyleemiller: email to ewan_mcgregor

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2003](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2003/)-[12](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2003/12/)-[12](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2003/12/12/) 00:10:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=8226&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=8226) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=8226) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=8226&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**email to[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/profile)**_[ **ewan_mcgregor**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/)  
To: ewan.mcgregor@establishment.rpg  
From: jlm@establishment.rpg  
Subject: The update

_It's been rather hectic lately [snip] and email keeps getting pushed down on the list of priorities._  
Yeah, I heard 'bout those priorities. Pokin' and proddin' ... get off it.

No longer in LA, which you know if you read Jude's email over his shoulder. *snicker* Was there for premiere with Pire. There will be a day when we will all be back in London, all in the same building. Might be 2010, but it'll come. *g*

And, for the record, I am not a prude. I'm just more selective than you. :-P

~jonny lee

  


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	46. gerard: E-mail to jonnyleemiller

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2003](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/)-[12](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/12/)-[19](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/12/19/) 05:10:00   
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__**E-mail to**[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile) [ **jonnyleemiller** ](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
Through the magic of time-delay e-mail, even though this was sent in the morning, JL won't get it until the afternoon.

To: jlm@establishment.rpg  
From: gerard@establishment.rpg  
Subject: You may already be a winner!

Jonny Lee -

Stop everything you're doing. Make sure you're alone. Unzip your pants, put your right hand on your cock and your left hand on the space bar so you can continue scrolling downwards. If Marek's nearby, make sure he has a clear, unobstructed view of the proceedings. Hell, hold him under your arm if you want. If you come on him ~~don't~~ lick it up.

Imagine yourself, if you will, in a large stone mansion. In a shadowed dark room, there's a bed big enough for two. Dracula lies atop black silk sheets, his curls splayed on the pillow around his head. He's wearing nothing but tight black pants. For all intents and purposes, he is asleep.

From the darkest shadows creeps a handsome young mortal. He tiptoes towards the bed, clutching a silver stake tightly in his hand. He wears a silver rubied cross around his neck on a long metal chain so that the cross rests above his heart. Simon is wearing a black turtleneck with grey sleeves, and grey sweatpants. Like a good slave, he isn't wearing anything underneath them.

Simon, foolish boy, thinks that Dracula is asleep. As he leans over the bed to drive the stake into Dracula's heart, his fingers brush over a hard nipple. Dracula's eyes snap open and his one hand grabs Simon's neck while the other one takes Simon's wrist, making sure to keep that stake away from any vital bits. Dracula flips Simon over so that he's on top and his teeth show over his bottom lip. Both of Simon's wrists are pinned over his head and held there by one of Dracula's hands. The other one is tracing the curve of Simon's neck. Dracula is very amused by the turtleneck. The stake gets thrown onto the floor and Dracula straddles Simon's chest.

"My little vampire hunter," he says rather thickly, since those teeth are fucking hard to learn to talk around. "You've been a very naughty boy."

Simon says nothing, but his eyes show his fear. He can't quite stop himself from licking his dry lips.

Dracula continues, "I should have kept you chained up in the basement and taken you at my leisure." His fingernails have by now dug into poor Simon's throat and are pulling the collar down to expose many bite marks, both new and faded. "It's a very bad slave who tries to kill his master."

Simon, not one to be called a slave, speaks before he thinks. "You don't own me."

Which only plays into Dracula's plans. "Then I must discipline you until I do."

Simon gulps, nods quickly. Painslut.

But Dracula has something else in mind. He rolls them over once more so that Simon is on top of him. Dracula relaxes, not caring very much for the weight on top of him, and smirks at Simon's befuddled expression. That's a good look for you, by the way, befuddled. Dracula's casual and evil and Simon begins to get flustered.

"What're you going to do to me?" The terrified slave asks.

Dracula's smirk only widens. "Undress me."

Simon immediately gets himself into position to do just that. Smart boy, he realized that the order meant to suck after playing the valet.

Simon's shaking hands make quick work of Dracula's button fly, and the trousers are placed to the side. Simon starts diving Dracula an enthusiastic blowjob.

Imagine, if you will, the taste of Dracula's cock in your mouth, the way it feels against your throat as you choke it down. The way your tongue slides against it. Imagine opening your tightly shut eyes to see Dracula's glinting down at you. The feeling of Dracula's hands on your skull, pulling your heads upwards and off your salvation.

"Beg for it," he hisses.

And so you do, with sparse tears running down, which he catches with his finger and licks thoughtfully. You beg to taste his come; to feel him inside you and know you have brought him pleasure; to be allowed to come yourself. All this while, he merely smirks down at you.

You start to grow desperate. "Please sir," you beg, "give me the honor of cleaning you after you come. Let me be your attendant, your slave." But nothing you say can sway the vampire.

Fifteen minutes go by and you're in a panic. Finally it hits you. You go to your knees, pull your shirt off, then take the cross reverently off from around your neck. You place it on Dracula's chest and his fingers entwine with yours.

"He doesn't care," Dracula whispers softly, gently. Then, just as softly, but a little more forceful, he says, "Make me come."

A task you fall to with considerable enthusiasm. He only prolongs your torment for a mere sixty seconds before making you choke as you swallow.

Once he's finished, he pulls you upwards and looks you over critically. He takes the cross - now as hot as if it had been in an oven - off his chest and squeezes it so the knife comes out of the bottom. He places the blade at the waistband of your sweatpants. They were loose, but have become miraculously tighter, a fact that amuses Dracula to no end.

He cuts down from the elastic along where the leg meets the waist, then yanks the pants down to around your knees, and then grabs you and forces you to lie down on top of him, facing the dark ceiling.

His teeth graze your throat as he strokes you. He whispers evil things, some that make you cry softly in that innocent way of yours, others that make you harder than before. "You're a good slave, Simon," is one. "You just need someone to hogtie you in the middle of the foyer and leave you there for days."

"You'd look wonderful stripped naked, with my marks everyone on you, for everyone to see and admire. You bleed so well for me. Why should I let that go?"

"You'll be with me always, until the stars burn out, my little stubborn antiques dealer. Submit to me and maybe I'll let you enjoy eternity."

Finally Dracula has pity on your torment and kisses against your jugular.

"You may come," he says, but you know it's more an order than a mercy.

You may come, Jonny Lee.

That was fun. And only one of my many fantasies. Oh, yes, your Pire is quite evil. How did Marek fare?

I'm getting out at a reasonable time tonight. What would you say to going out, maybe dinner and a show, or catch a movie?

Let me know.

-Gerry

  


  


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	47. jonnyleemiller: as you command

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2003](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2003/)-[12](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2003/12/)-[19](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2003/12/19/) 15:46:00   
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**Current mood:** |  lazy  
---|---  
**Current music:** |  his own moans  
  
_**as you command**_  
[follows [Gerard's instructions and post](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/8037.html)]  
  
 **Note on TV screen:** I'm probably still in shower, or passed out. There's a DVD in you should watch. Dinner and movie sound great.  
  
Jonny Lee's up earlier than usual, mostly because having the person in bed next to him having to get up to make a 4 or 5 a.m. makeup call tends to make him not want to go back to sleep. He's quickly becoming used to having another body in bed with him. No, not just any body. Gerard. He's up and out of the house, picking back up good habits and running. Several miles a day when he can, a mile at least in the morning before heading down to the production offices to check on matters, read scripts, handle the mundane day-to-day realities of being an actor.  
  
It's late afternoon when he gets back, still earlier than Gerard'll be home, he knows, and he settles in to check email.

>  _Stop everything you're doing. Make sure you're alone. Unzip your pants, put your right hand on your cock and your left hand on the space bar so you can continue scrolling downwards. If Marek's nearby, make sure he has a clear, unobstructed view of the proceedings. Hell, hold him under your arm if you want. If you come on him ~~don't~~ lick it up._

  
"Shit." He barely moves past that, fixated on the words, obeying instantly, one hand on cock and the other on keyboard. Marek's sitting next to the DVD vidcam, mostly because that's where the bear'd been left. Jonny Lee doesn't make the effort to reach for him. Instead he flips on the vidcam as he starts scrolling down.

>  _He's wearing nothing but tight black pants._

"Oh, god." He's instantly hard at the image. He strokes his cock, drawing out the downward motion, flicking his thumb over the slit.

>  _Which only plays into Dracula's plans. "Then I must discipline you until I do."_

He finds himself begging along with Simon, muttering "please" and "sir" as his strokes become more forceful, quicker.

>  _"You'd look wonderful stripped naked, with my marks everyone on you, for everyone to see and admire. You bleed so well for me."_

He's so close, so damned close. "Please, Pire, strip me, hurt me." Voice in the air, no one around to hear.

>  _You may come, Jonny Lee._

"Yes." He screams, not caring if the whole friggin' neighborhood hears, and he comes, filling his hand with jets of cum. As he brings his hand up, licks off the last of it, he smiles at camera.

  


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	48. gerard: History and Explanations

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2003](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/)-[12](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/12/)-[20](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/12/20/) 18:56:00   
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_**History and Explanations** _  
[players, not pups. Takes place after [these comments in Mark's journal](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/7634.html?thread=16594).]

Jonny Lee sits on the bed, unable to relax enough to think about sleep. He's confused, about what he read in the journal. Gerard. Submission. What he'd give to Harry, but not to him. He has a million questions, but doesn't have a clue where to start. So he's sitting, back against the headboard, legs crossed, in t-shirt and boxers, waiting on his lover to come to bed. And maybe talk.

Gerard hesitates on the stairs coming up, wondering for the thousandth time how he could have been such a fucking idiot. He'd already forgotten once to lock an entry. It shouldn't have taken him a second time to learn his bloody lesson. He doesn't know what he's going to tell Jonny Lee. He can explain about Conner, he can explain about being scared that one day Teak is going to wake up and need more than he can give him, he can explain about finding inner peace in submission, but there's no way in Heaven or on Earth to explain why he won't give it to Jonny Lee.

_Because you're a fucking coward._ He is, though. He's scared that once Jonny Lee's seen him as a submissive, he won't want him anymore. He'll think less of him. Which is stupid. Gerard's had Jonny Lee on his knees, he's had him begging, he's had him pretty much eating out of his hand, and he still thinks the world of him. It's not rational and he knows that, but it would be unreasonable for him to expect Jonny Lee to accept that as an explanation.

Jonny Lee shifts in the bed, readjusts the covers, fluffs the pillow behind his head, tries to seem calm. It's not even the 'not wanting to give' part that has him on edge. He doesn't really think he's earned it, if there's a way to earn that. He's fucked other guys, been the dom or top or whatever the proper term is, but he's liking this being submissive, giving in, being under his lover. He can't quite wrap his brain around the image of Gerard submitting to anyone, even less to him, but he's curious. Especially about the headspace. He wants to be taught how to get there.

Gerard refuses to pause as he walks towards the bedroom door. Jonny Lee can hear him coming. Let it be an unbroken stride he hears. Let him think Gerard's confident when all he really wants is to just run and hide himself behind a tall glass of Scotch.

Jonny Lee's starting to wonder if he's waiting for no one, that maybe he frightened Gerard off, was too forward. He wishes he could get all this stuff right. He's kneeling up, getting ready to climb off the bed and go check when he hears footsteps. They stop outside the door. He watches, waits.

Gerard turns the handle and opens the door in one smooth motion. He's nervous, but he has too much stinking pride to let it show. He blinks as he walks in to get his eyes used to the softer light and when his eyes open again, the sight they see floors him. "Get off your bloody knees," he orders, harsher than he intended to.

The voice startles Jonny Lee out of whatever reverie he might've been engaging in. He didn't even realize he was kneeling, hadn't planned it, and falls back to the bed, almost from the force of Gerard's apparent anger. "Sorry." He settles back into the cross-legged position he'd been in earlier. "I didn't mean to upset you, Pire. Was just getting up off the bed."

Of course he was. Damn you, Pire. Always jumping to conclusions. "Sorry," he mutters and walks awkwardly over to the bed. He shucks off his shoes and sits down on the end.

"S'ok." Jonny Lee shrugs. "M'not mad." He wants to reach out, crawl to the end of the bed and wrap his arms around Gerard's waist. But there's a fear gnawing at him, that he'd the wrong thing again. "Wanna come on into bed?"

Gerard nods, not looking at him, not yet. He takes several deep breaths, peels off his socks, and then crawls up to Jonny Lee. He wraps his arms around him. "What do you want to talk about first?"

"The things you wrote to Harry and Mark," he says quickly, as if he doesn't say it, he won't. Jonny Lee snuggles into the embrace, making himself smaller against his lover's body. "I'm confused, intrigued, mostly curious."

_He feels right in my arms_ , Gerard thinks, holding him tight. "To start at the beginning, I suppose," he begins slowly, "I was inviting Mark to drop by at any time since he's in the country now. Or was, at any rate. Then Harry dropped in to offer me a role in something he's doing - I never quite got the facts straight. I gave him a reminder about not dominating me more than required for direction and..." Gerard purses his lips and looks everywhere but at Jonny Lee, "I started to remember the last time I really submitted and why I had needed to come to that place. I didn't want to worry them, but it went too far and I started to get into a really bad place. I pulled myself out," Gerard adds quickly. "That wasn't the issue. But I went somewhere I haven't been in about five years now. I got scared. And when you stuck your head in, I got even more scared.

"I didn't, no matter what you might think, I didn't offer Harry my submission. I trust him enough to scene with him. I _don't_ trust him enough to see me stripped bare and crying on my knees." Gerard pauses and swallows hard. "That's where I get when I'm down there, Teak. It's not like when you get down. When someone puts me in my place, I'm a mess. I trust you to put me there and not lose me completely but, and this is no slight on your talent, Teak, but I don't think you could put me there. Then again, I've never seen you trying to be dominating. Peter could turn it on and off. No reason to think you can't."

Jonny Lee follows the words, at first, then gets lost in them. It takes a few minutes to decipher, pick out what was said. He finally settles on the simplest question first. "Who's Peter?" They've never talked about former lovers, not other than Gerard knowing a few cursory facts about Jonny Lee's past. Jonny Lee realizes that, coupled with not knowing his lover could be a submissive, he didn't know anything about the lovers he was following.

"Peter. Peter Wingfield," Gerard elaborates. "Methos. From Highlander. I ran into him one day, he realized something about me that told him I was in the lifestyle - still don't know what it is, since I'd been cold turkey for about two years before that - and we went out for dinner. He said, he said that maybe what I needed was the see the world from the side of the submissive." With a jolt Gerard realizes that Jonny Lee doesn't know about Conner.

_Okay, Miller, it'd probably not be a good thing to admit you had a crush on your lover's dom_. Jonny Lee smiles instead of saying anything at first. "So, he taught you to be submissive? Like you're doing with me?"

"No." Peter's stern face floats before Gerard's eyes. "You know you can be put there. I didn't. It'd happened only once before and I'd thought it was a fluke. I went into it figuring I'd humor Peter the way I'd humored everyone else who tried to dominate me. It didn't quite work that way." Gerard chuckled. "Suffice to say that when we went into it, he told me to call him Peter and I told him to call me Gerry. At the end of the scene, I couldn't even think of calling him anything other than Sir. He'd put me so firmly and securely in headspace that it felt Wrong to presume to call him by his given name." Gerard takes a deep breath and stumbles onward. "Peter brought me back from where I'd been. He helped me when I thought I didn't want help. He helped me trust myself again. After about a week, Peter told me about the Establishment and offered to sponsor me. He did. He paid all my fees, helped me with the application. It was a safe place, he said, where I didn't have to worry about repeating the sins of my past. And it has been. I'll always owe him for that."

_sins of my past_. The phrase jumps out, latches onto Jonny Lee's brain. He pulls himself in closer, wrapping one leg up over Gerard's, before speaking. "What'd you done, Pire? Before him." Jonny Lee's letting his lover's responses wash over him. He'll parse them out later, probably while curled up under the blankets. For now, it's just comforting to hear Gerard's voice and it not be shouting.

"I-I," _Complete honesty. You owe him that._ "I scened. I was drunk, he was high. I-I beat him. Neither of us were in control." The words come spilling out. "I picked him up in a bar, never caught his name, but I did catch his safeword. 'Genesis,' it was. Don't think I'll...don't think I'll ever forget it. Picked him up in a bar, took him back to a flat was I was renting, in Edinburgh, started beating him. Gave him twenty and then I realized he was laughing. I was giving him my best with a leather cat and he was laughing. I wasn't drunk, Teak, I'd had enough so that my judgment was impaired, but I wasn't drunk. And I was angry. So I gave him twenty more, then threw away the cat before I could hurt either of us more.

"Two of us in that scene, Teak. Two of us, and neither of us were in control. I put him in a cab, sent him back to the address in his wallet. I went cold sober after that. I can count the number of drinks I've had since on one hand and still have fingers left over. And I left the lifestyle, almost completely. I didn't do anything really in scene afterwards until Peter. I figured it was my punishment to myself for losing control."

Jonny Lee thinks he's supposed to be upset by the admission, or at least have some concerns, but he doesn't. It explains why Gerard doesn't drink, which was something Jonny Lee always wondered about, but never pushed on. He just wraps his arms tighter around Gerard. "I should send Peter a thank-you gift, then, for getting you back into the life," he says quietly. "You said it'd happened once before. The headspace. So you were in a relationship before that? Before the guy, I mean."

"I was, yes." Relationship is not quite how Gerard would put his time with Conner, but it was apt enough. Life would be more accurate. "But he - Conner - he never put me in it. He was as submissive as a man could be. I got put into headspace when Conner and I weren't too serious yet. Back of a club, ordered onto my knees, and I went without thinking. Afterwards, I went back to Conner, picked up my drink, and dismissed it as a fluke. I didn't want to think much on it. I didn't know then about switches, that you could go back and forth. I thought that if I subbed, then I couldn't be Conner's dom, which was my only ambition at the time."

For the first time since the conversation started, Jonny Lee has a pang of doubt. _As submissive as a man could be ... only ambition_. "Am I like Conner?" Insecurity surfaces, but Jonny Lee manages not to add _Is that why you want me_?

"You like Conner?" Gerard repeats, then laughs. "Fuck no. Not at all. He doesn't look anything like you. Con has black hair and matching eyes. He always wore his hair spiked. In fact, one of the ways I exercised my control over him was being the one who dyed the tips. His fingernails were always black. Conner's the sort of person who would look strange not wearing a dog collar and a wallet chain. When I first met him, he was in the middle of getting a tattoo on his back." Gerard smiles a little wistfully. "In the end, it took nine months to get it all on. It was a full color, multi-layered, very complicated drawing of the nine circles of Hell. In the center was a grinning flaming devil's head. I would use the circles for target practice, and for threats. 'Ok, Con,' I might say, 'you teased me in public. That calls for twenty in the third circle.' And so we'd get out the flogger and I'd give him twenty, making them all hit in the third circle of hell. That was me and Conner. Dilatants, but happy."

"Doesn't look anything like me," Jonny Lee echoes. "Then why aren't you still with him?" He wants to draw back the words as soon as he spits them out, take back a bit of the jealous venom they were dripping. But it's a valid question. If he's someone who made Gerard's life so wonderful, as it seems from the description.

Gerard shrugs, both stung and mystified that Jonny Lee's jealous of a man Gerard hasn't fucked in almost ten years. "We both went into it knowing it wasn't going to be permanent. It couldn't be permanent. We were in a transitory period in our lives. He was exclusively mine for two years, but by the end of those two years we were spending more time out of role than in. He needed more than I could give him and we both knew it. In the end, I let him go and we agreed to keep in touch."

"That why you got drunk, started picking up guys? That you broke up with Conner?" It's a logical jump, since Jonny Lee has no time frame for the events. Could've happened a dozen years ago or last year. His voice is slightly more even-keeled on that last question. He hasn't let go of his hold on Gerard's body, has even wrapped himself tighter if possible, almost in fear that if he lets go, he won't find the right hold again.

"What? No. When we broke up, we parted ways, and we didn't really look back. It was a few years later when I...when I broke." Because that's what had happened, really. Gerard had broken. "It was in a train station, if you'd believe it. I saw him in a train station. He comes over to me, grinning like doomsday had come and he'd found out that pervs went to places where they could lick boots for eternity. His spikes were bright purple and he was wearing more chains than a fucking store. He hugged me and when I took propriety's step back, I could see old bruises on his face and neck. I asked how he was doing.

"He had a new owner. He'd had him from the month after we'd broken up. Jesse Coltrane. I'd met him a couple times in bars and such. Big guy, over two meters. He had the sort of skin that midnight envied. You took one look at him and just knew that he was dominant. A big bear of a man. Friendly as fuck. He was always the sort of man that I'd hoped Conner would fall in with, the sort of person I knew I could trust him with.

"Conner told me that Master, Jesse that is, had put a restriction on him talking to anybody unnecessarily, but that of course didn't apply to old master, who had done such a good job of preparing him for his current master. He prattled on for a good five minutes. The details were...painful," Gerard swallows harshly. He can see Conner's exuberant face dancing before his eyes, gushing on and on about the first beating Jesse ever gave him. "Don't misunderstand me, Teak. Conner had been treated famously. The first night, Jesse had put Conner in the corner, kneeling, hands behind his back, facing into the room. Had left him there for a few hours while Jesse went about his business. It's a very effective way to put a submissive in his place and there's nothing wrong about it at all. It's just I knew I could not have given him what he needed and that hurt. Conner needed an owner. All I could have given him was a dominant." The words are tinged with regret. Conner wanted more than Gerard could have given him. It hurt then, and it hurts now.

"I'm confused, Pire. What you've done for me, to me, in last months. I feel like you own me." Jonny Lee buries his head deeper into the crook of his lover's arm. In his mind, he's seeing only cause and effect. Conner needed an owner, and Gerard couldn't be that. "Am I asking too much? When I want you to hurt me?"

"Christ, Jonny Lee, this was ten fucking years ago. I wasn't ready yet. I'd like to think I'm ready now. Back then, the thought of owning someone scared me. Now...now, it doesn't. You're never asking too much. And I never, ever want you to think that you are. If you want to do something that I can't do for you, we'll talk about it." That was originally one of the advantages of getting involved with Jonny Lee. He was a complete amateur. He didn't know fisting from frottage. There was no chance he'd ask for something that would shake Gerard to the depths of his control. But Jonny Lee'd grown in their time apart. "I like hurting you. I like the way you look when I do it. I like the way you sound when I do it. I like the taste of pain-tinged sweat on your skin. I like biting you. I like cutting you. I like...I like owning you." Gerard mentally crosses his fingers that Jonny Lee doesn't freak out on him. Teak's Christmas present is wrapped up and hidden back in Gerard's house, but it's not too late for Gerard to use the backup gift he bought just in case.

"I like being owned by you. I like what you do to me." Jonny Lee starts to move, slowly. He curls himself around and on top of Gerard. "Pire, I even like you yelling at me when I ask stupid questions." He straddles his lover, smiles. "Don't want to dominate you, less it's what you want. Want you to teach me how to be good at this. Show me where that headspace is you talked about."

Gerard looks up at Jonny Lee, expression still guarded. "When have I ever yelled at you for asking questions?" Then Jonny Lee's words sink in. He licks his lips nervously. "You're serious? You aren't going to kick me out?"

"Now why would you kick you out?" Jonny Lee squirms, rather intentionally, provocatively. Settles his smile into a pouting grin. "When I want you right here."

Gerard catches his lip between his teeth and looks up rather hopefully at Jonny Lee. Jonny Lee's actions had not gone unnoticed and Gerard's interested. Very interested. "You have me," he whispers. "For as long as you want."

Still kneeling, Jonny Lee straightens his posture, slides his hands behind his back and looks down. "Tell me what you want. I'm yours to command, sir."

Command him? Very well. "Kiss me."

Bending from the waist, Jonny Lee lowers himself slowly, letting his hands come from behind his back at the last moment to brace on the bed at Gerard's shoulder. "Yes, sir," he purrs out as he dips his head and kisses Gerard's lips softly, lingering, waiting to what more is required of him.

Gerard's tongue comes out and swipes over Jonny Lee's lips, wetting them against his. "You can do better," he whispers.

The second kiss is decidedly better, Jonny Lee mimicking Gerard's actions, licking over his lover's lips before pushing his tongue through them, pressing hard into what has the potential to be a bruising kiss. He pushes his whole body down against Gerard's in a slow grind.

Gerard's arms come up to hold Jonny Lee against himself, deepening the kiss, fully exploring Jonny Lee's mouth. He loves it like this, Jonny Lee on top, pressing into him. It reminds him that Teak wants this just as much as he does. Comforting.

"And next?" Jonny Lee whispers the words as he pauses to take a breath, then tilt his head enough to kiss Gerard's throat. "What does my lover want of me?"

Gerard's tempted to order him to bring his mouth to better places, but, dammit, they still need to talk. "An explanation for what _you_ said in Mark's journal."

Talking's fine, but he's gotten the main answer he wanted, and now he wants something else. There's a sigh, then a long lick along the jugular. "Which part of what I said?" Jonny Lee's being ever so slightly coy.

Gerard will not be deterred. Though that doesn't mean he's going to pull Jonny Lee off his neck. "The part where you said you haven't earned what I give you."

"Oh, that," Jonny Lee says nonchalantly, trying to deflect the seriousness of the conversation as he nibbles at the dip just below Gerard's earlobe. "Part of being a sub, isn't it. Earning privileges. I wouldn't expect you to think I was good enough to try and top you."

"But then you go and say things like you don't think you're a real sub, or a good enough one. Please, Teak, I was honest with you."

"You said it. 'This isn't playacting we're doing, Teak.' That's what you wrote at the end of it all. But it _is_ playacting. In some ways. 'Cause I don't know what I'm doing half the time, whether I'm doing it right." Jonny Lee doesn't move from his position of licking and nibbling on Gerard's neck; slides down to his shoulder. It's easier to admit things when you're not looking at someone. "other than sex. Maybe a little rough, but just sex." He's not even sure what he's saying, whether it's even an answer to the question. "You're the first guy I've tried these things with. Really done it seriously. Other than James spanking me. And Stephen doing Deacon and beating me."

"Don't you think that if you were doing something wrong, I would have told you? And, Teak, do you honestly think that there's wrong and right in what we're doing? There's no script. It's all from the heart, or should be, at least."

"You talk about proper headspace. Then the comment that you couldn't keep it. That doesn't mean there's a right and a wrong? Or at least a way things sorta are supposed to operate?" Jonny Lee straightens back up after saying that, feels the need to see Gerard's eyes. "I _am_ doing this from the heart, Pire. Even when I'm not sure, the mistakes are honest."

"There is no 'supposed to operate'. Some people can't find headspace. Some people can. Can you wiggle your ears, Teak? Can you raise one eyebrow? Can you move the smallest muscle in your smallest toe without moving any others?" Gerard stares up into Jonny Lee's eyes. "Don't you understand? I love you the way that you are. And there's no right and wrong. If you want to find headspace, tell me, and I'll help you find headspace. But don't do it because that's what you're 'supposed' to do."

"Actually, Pire, I can do several of those things." He sticks his tongue out, curling it to the center. "And several more tricks." Then his eyes turn serious. "I want to get there. Never felt such a need to do something. It's an ache almost, every time I follow one of your orders, the notes you leave, knowing that I'm doing it even when you're not watching."

Gerard watches Jonny Lee's tongue with an air of scientific interest. He wonders how that would feel curling around the head of his cock. "So we'll go there. Because you want to."

"So, are we finished talking for right now? Can I do something else?" There's still a serious look on his face, more intense thought than anger or sadness. Jonny Lee's processing everything, wondering just how he gets from where he is to where he wants to be. And figuring out exactly where that is. "Please, sir."

"That depends. What's the something else?" Gerard's being more playful than normal, but he's had an adrenaline rush and it's slowly teetering out. He's in a mood to torture.

Jonny Lee thinks carefully, studying Gerard's face for any hint of what he's thinking. None, except that he's being playful; smile says that. "Whatever you want, sir." He says the words slowly, precisely. "Anything."

"Anything?" Gerard's smile is pure evil. "My, my, you *should* know better. Pity." He licks his lips and plots quickly. "Sit back on your heels. Stroke yourself for me, but do not come."

Jonny Lee sits back, settles on his heels, and hooks his thumbs in the waistband of his boxers, sliding them down just a few inches. He pulls his cock out and starts at its tip, pulling the little bit of precum back along the length before stroking in earnest. Long, deliberate movements of his hand, thumb pressing down along the top, thumb sliding over the head. Coming back up and repeating. He keeps his eye on Gerard, watching his lover's smile, utterly serene in that he's pleasing him. Even if he doesn't get to come. It takes only a few minutes, the contact of their bodies during the kisses having already aroused him. "Almost there, sir. Just a moment."

"Hands off, then." He's sorely tempted to have Jonny Lee keep stroking, see how much it takes to push him past all control, but that's not the point now. Jonny Lee wanted to be shown headspace. Gerard's never quite set out to show a sub the way before, so he's playing it by ear. It makes sense to start out by establishing control.

Jonny Lee doesn't object, even though there's a part of him that wants to plead to continue. He knows what he asked for, thinks he understands what Gerard's doing. He removes his hand, hesitantly, with a final absent-minded half-stroke, and just lets it fall to his side. His cock throbs, a tingling sensation overlaid by a vicious ache deeper in his body. He stays silent, slowly moves his hands to behind his back, lacing his finger together.

Gerard waits a full two minutes, letting the silence spread. Once he figures an adequate amount of time has passed, he reaches a finger over to trace an abstract 'G' around the base of Jonny Lee's cock. He pulls his hand back and then, softly, orders, "Again."

The ache's pleasant enough, not truly painful, till Gerard touches him. That single finger sends a shock through Jonny Lee's system, and it takes him the longest second to realize there were words spoken. "Again," he echoes, and he does as told, wrapping fingers around still-hard flesh and stroking. It takes very little time till he's on edge again, grimacing at the desire to go over.

Gerard takes it all the small details. He knows Jonny Lee is close. It wouldn't take very much to push him over. "Stop."

Jonny Lee almost doesn't stop, but he hisses out a breath and pulls his hand away. "Yes. Sir." That was more painful than the first stop, the throb of the second arousal scalding into the dull ache of the first. But he knows he can take it, if he concentrates.

"Good boy." This time he lets the silence stretch out into five minutes. "Again."

Jonny Lee spends the silence listening to his blood rush. He never closes his eyes, but he closes his mind to the outside world, focusing on the nuances of pain accompanying the lack of release. He's prolonged his orgasm before, when he was wanking and wishing it was Gerard with him, before he had the flesh incarnate, but it wasn't like this. This is a fire, a blaze seething in the corner, waiting for the backdraft explosion. When the command comes, he reaches for his cock, the mere touch ricocheting through his body. He wraps his fingers around it and moves his hand slowly, steadily.

It's fucking impressive that Jonny Lee's lasted this long and Gerard wonders just how long it will take for Jonny Lee to come without permission. Because that's going to be the inevitable outcome. No way in hell Gerard's telling him he can come and there's no way in hell Gerard's telling him he can stop for the night.

Quickly, too quickly, Jonny Lee's at the edge again. He holds his hand steady, just above the cockhead, pants out, waits for the order to stop or permission to come. He'd prefer the latter, is anticipating the former.

Gerard stare turns to a glare. "Did I tell you to stop? Keep going, boy. Let's see how much control you have over your own animal impulses."

"If I don't ..." Jonny Lee stops his protest in mid-sentence. No use. This is what he wanted, to be able to do exactly what Gerard asks of him, without hesitation or questioning, to want to do it because of who's asking. He resumes the stroking, not quickening his pace. Doesn't matter. Slow or fast. It's maddening, the throb, the ache that reaches back to his spine. "Please, sir, may I come?"

"No, you may not." Gerard gives off the impression that he _might_ have let Jonny Lee come had he not protested. Anything to torture the boy.

_Shit_. "Then, can I stop. Please?" He can almost anticipate the answer before it comes.

"No."

Can't stop. Can't come. Caught between Scylla and Charybdis and he's going to drown either way. Worse yet, it doesn't do Jonny Lee any good to try and decipher Gerard's mood as to which evil is the lesser. Come without permission. Or stop when he's been explicitly told he can't. The war in his brain is overwhelming. He continues stroking his cock, long, lingering motions, drawing out the inevitable as much as possible. But there's no turning back. The vicious ache that's been seething and simmering in his groin unleashes itself and in minutes, he's coming all over his hand.

Gerard's gaze turns cold and he looks away from Jonny Lee. He ignores how hard he is, or the fact that Jonny Lee's sitting partially on him, and attempts to fall asleep.

"Fuck." Jonny Lee spits out the word between clenched teeth. He knew he was damned either way. The silent treatment is almost worse than being yelled at. Jerking his boxers up, he moves off Gerard and climbs off the bed, intent on cleaning himself up and trying to get some sleep. No reason to talk to Gerard right now. He's not going to listen or respond, Jonny Lee reasons, so he'll just wait till morning to face the consequences.

Gerard doesn't look at him, but he can hear Jonny Lee's intentions in his actions. "Where do you think you're going?"

"Bathroom," Jonny Lee says casually, then remembering, adding, "sir. Clean up before I come to bed."

"Who says you're coming to bed?" The words come out before Gerard can stop them. Momentary malice, but he can't stop now. It would show weakness. "You failed. Count yourself lucky that I'm letting you sleep on the floor."

Jonny Lee blinks, bites back the retort, and the apology that would be couched in it. _This is what you asked for. You want to be there. In that place_. "Yes, sir." He stands by the bed's side, back stiff. "Am I permitted to clean up?"

"No. You may, however, take a blanket from the closet." It's December and even with central heating, it's not that warm. And the floor isn't very comfortable.

Jonny Lee doesn't respond. Can't think of anything worth saying. He could argue, but it would defeat the purpose. He runs his hand through his hair, without thinking, and immediately cringes. "Shit," he mutters as he walks to the closet and pulls out a blanket. He's cursing the designer's choice to make the floors hardwood, but is thankful that the room's one rug stretches around the bed's perimeter. "End or side, sir?" he asks on walking back to the bed. He doesn't want to make another mistake.

"My side." Gives him an excuse to reach down during what will certainly be a sleepless night and ruffle Jonny Lee's hair. It'll be a poor comfort, but better than nothing.

"Of course, sir." Jonny Lee creates a place on the floor on Gerard's side of the bed, wrapping the blanket under him and then up around, almost cocooning. He tucks his arm under his head and tries to get comfortable, knowing it's a futile effort; the floor wasn't meant for sleeping, not without a nice air mattress. His mind is racing, processing the night's talk and events. And, amazingly, he finds none of it discomforting. In fact, he's rather content with where he is, _still at Pire's side_ , even if it is on the floor.

The bed is too big without Jonny Lee to help fill it and Gerard feels very out of place. "Good night, Teak," he whispers, hoping he didn't do something horribly and irrevocably wrong tonight.

  


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	49. gerard: Christmas Presents

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2003](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/)-[12](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/12/)-[23](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/12/23/) 12:57:00   
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_**Christmas Presents** _

Delivered in time for Christmas:

For [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ashton/profile)[**ashton**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ashton/)

**Video Killed the Radio Star - Buggles**  
 _CD debut of the single for the song that was the first video to be played when MTV debuted in 1981, 1979's top 40 new wave anthem 'Video Killed The Radio Star'. Contains the B-side that appeared on the original 7 in ch vinyl, 'Kid Dynamo'. Slimline jewel case. 1999 release._

**Sultans of Swing: The Very Best of Dire Straits**  
 _Contains 16 of the Dire Straits greatest hits, including Money for Nothing and Brothers in Arms._

**The Modern Gentleman: A Guide to Essential Manners, Savvy & Vice**  
 _A visually stimulating, rib-tickling, thought-provoking sourcebook of manners and mischief for the 21st-century male. The book offers a panoramic snapshot of the gentleman: witty and poignant, traditional but spontaneous, flirtatious yet courting._  
(The section "Kink and Fetish" is circled in the index with a black pen)

The note:

Ashton-

For your education. Merry Christmas.

-Gerry

Delivered to [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/profile)[**lutz**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/)

**17" American Eagle Bowie Collectors Knife**  
 _Display Knife Features_  


  * 17" Stainless Steel Blade
  

  * Quality Display Stand
  

  * Eagle Handle
  

  * Beautiful Engraved Blade
  

  * Quality Display Knife that he will be more than pleased with



  
-For your collection

**3-blade Fantasy Knife w/ Wood Stand by Maxam**  
 _-For your mantlepiece._

**Teardrop Cock Ring**  
 _The Teardrop Cock Ring is worn around the cock and balls, but what makes this cock ring different is that it gently massages the perineum (the spot between the balls and anus) and other erogenous zones._

The Teardrop Cock Ring can be worn in several different ways:

  * \- The most common position is with the point facing upward to the rear so that it stimulates the perineum.
  

  * \- Turn the ring around pointing the tongue tip outward and UP to cradle your balls, creating a ledge of support.
  

  * \- Turn the ring around pointing the tongue tip outward and down. So when fucking, you will feel the Teardrop Cock Ring grind your balls into your partner with each stroke.
  

  * \- With the tongue pointing outward and above, hold your hard shaft against the ring during insertion and gently ease the tip and your cock to stretch your partner's hole.



  
-For your more intimate moments.

The note:

Mark-

For everything. May all your dreams come true. Merry Christmas.

-Gerry

Delivered to [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/profile)[**harry_sinclair**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/)

**Chain Flogger**  
 _These floggers are wonderfully versatile for sensation play. Just imagine the textured weight of the chain brushing over sensitive skin. Heighten the sensations by chilling the tails in a refrigerator or ice water before use. Or apply sensual heat by using the chains to drip and spread warm oil.  
-For your collection._

**Cocksucker's Mirror**  
 _Torment your sub. If anyone can pull this off, Harry, it's you.  
-For your enjoyment._

**Chrome Donut Cock Rings**  
 _These are the Rolls-Royces of cock rings. Heavier, shinier, smoother, more designer-styled variations on the old stand-bys. For you or for a friend, this stocking stuffer is always a crowd-pleaser._

The Note:

Harry-

Christmas means indulgence. Indulge yourself. Merry Christmas.

-Gerry.

Left under the tree for [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/):

A white box containing his collar. The collar is black leather with slight silver abstract designs etched in. The O-ring is in the back and it's part of the clasp, so a rough pulling on it ~~from a leash~~ will not make the collar come off. The two ends meet and the ring goes through a slit in the other end, then there's a snap on top and a snap on the bottom. It's going to be hard for the sub to put on himself, but that's what masters are for. Near the back, by the ring, the silver designs come together to form the letters "GJB"

A letter is affixed to the top of the box:

Jonny Lee -

This is my promise to you. You are the first in my heart, the only one I want in my bed, the subject of my thoughts at all times. I love you.

My promise to you to be your teacher, your guide, your lover on this path of life. To love you and cherish you. To be with you through the hard times. To help you through the pain and find the path to joy through it.

Be mine?

-Gerry

  


  


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	50. gerard: Instructions for Jonny Lee - Christmas Eve

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2003](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/)-[12](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/12/)-[24](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/12/24/) 11:49:00   
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_**Instructions for Jonny Lee - Christmas Eve** _

Tonight, I expect you to meet me at the London club. You are to wear clothing that you think would please me. At nine sharp, you are to present yourself at the front desk, and you will then be escorted by security personel to the dungeons.

They will handcuff your hands behind your back and place a blindfold over your eyes. You will be able to see through it if you try. I trust that you will not unless you panic. The guards will have been informed of your safeword.

The guards will push you into a dungeon room. In the center of the room will be a small barred cell about the height of a man. The door of the cell will be open and will remain so throughout the scene. Inside the cell will be one bunkbed made of metal and one sink with running water. Doing push-ups off the top bars of the cell will be the most frightening cellmate you've ever seen in your life.

He's called Scotsman because he's patriotic as hell. He even has the Scottish flag tattooed to his chest and he likes to take pretty English boys like you and quiz them on things like the battle of Culloden. He's a tried and true bastard and his only delight is breaking the English. He was caught on murder charges, but they couldn't completely prove anything, which is why they're putting a petty car thief like you into his domain. You've been in and out a few times, but you've never seen a ballbuster like this guy. The system put you with him in hopes it would sober you up.

Your cellmate doesn't care about sobering. He's going to do his best to make you his bitch. Before long, he'll have you licking the floor just to avoid a beating with a piece of metal pipping. That's the plan, at least, as well as having his mark tattooed onto your forehead so everyone knows who you belong to.

Now, you have two choices. You can resist him at every turn. He'll be expecting this and while you won't be his hardest challenge ever, he'll relish it.

Or you can turn the tables and go along with it. After all, you're a closet submissive. All you ever wanted was someone to master you. And a guy like this, you don't need any excuse to tell the outside world. You can do everything he says when he says it. You can have him start imagining that maybe he's found The Bitch, the one that won't die on him after a month. There's even a greater chance of him letting you come.

The choice is yours.

Remember. Nine o'clock.  
  


  


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	51. gerard: Christmas Eve in the Dungeon

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2003](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/)-[12](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/12/)-[24](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2003/12/24/) 22:41:00   
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_**Christmas Eve in the Dungeon** _  
[players not pups. Follows [Gerard instructions for Jonny Lee](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/9148.html). Christmas eve.]

  
Anxious doesn't start to describe Jonny Lee's reaction on reading Gerard's instructions. _Dungeon_. He can handle that. _Guy who wants to beat the shit out of him_. No problem. It's the other element. _The cell. No taller than a man_. He's seen the movie. He knows exactly what it looks like. Jonny Lee curses himself for ever mentioning he was turned on by the image. He wants what Gerard proposes. Badly. So much so it overrides his other emotions.

He spends a good hour choosing just the right outfit, settling on a pair of worn jeans that should've been thrown out, the white wife-beater tee and a blue workshirt that went through the laundry with the wrong pile. He takes a razor to the jeans, slashing one rip across the front of the right thigh and another across the back of the left thigh. The knees are worn enough they'll shred on their own given the right encouragement. Combined with how he's bleached the tips of his normally blond-brown hair, it achieves the effect he wants: punk criminal with a touch of heroin addict, just the kind of guy who'd be pulled off the street and thrown into such a setting.

Standing outside the London Establishment club at 8:58 p.m., Jonny Lee is psyching himself out. "You want this. You want to do it _for_ him." He smiles, a wry grin, and takes a deep breath. "Let yourself go. This _is_ where you belong." He walks in, presents himself at the front desk. Try to Gerard's instructions, he's immediately handcuffed and blindfolded, harshly but not as roughly as he might've expected. He continues the deep breathing, focusing internally rather than externally. He knows he's on safe ground, doesn't need to know where in the club he is. Fifteen minutes of walking and they stop. He hears a door open, and he's nudged inside, one hand firmly on his arm to keep him from falling. For an instant, he regrets the removal of the cuffs, the bondage having created a nice level of tension in his upper body. He blinks at the blindfold's removed, tries to focus on his surroundings.

Gerard's been doing pushups off the ceiling of the cell for a good twenty minutes now. He'd worried that Jonny Lee might be early and, anyway, it would be a good idea to work up a sweat. He'd forgotten how hard it was to do these, all the blood rushing to the wrong places, the push being the easier part then the pull in. He's wearing a green undershirt and cargo pants, but both are soaked with sweat. He stopped keeping a mental count around fifty and that was before the light in the corner flashed red to alert him that Jonny Lee had arrived.

The door to the cell is open but faces the wall. Gerard can't see Jonny Lee as he comes in, but he can hear the door slam behind him. _Showtime_. Gerard drops to his feet and walks out of the cell to the side. He leans on the bars and assesses Jonny Lee with all the cold detachment of a career criminal. His accent has never really lessened over time, but he strengthens nonetheless. "So you're the new one."

Jonny Lee's breath catches in his throat. _Damn, he looks good. And sounds like fire on water_. He shakes it off, looks around. _Door's open. Will be_. Shrugs, shoves his hands into his pocket, stays this side of the bars. "Yeah. Your new roomy," he says, dropping into a guttural London accent.

Gerard looks him up and down and crosses his arms in front of his chest. "You don't look like much."

"And you do?" Jonny Lee throws out a bit of attitude, punching the delivery with a smirk. No reason not to be a bit snarky before going down, he reasons. "Got a nice accent, though."

"I'll have you know," Gerard says, pushing himself off the bars and stalking over to Jonny Lee, "that this is the proper way to speak. Everything else, including that shite you're spewing, is a bastardization. Clear?" Invades Jonny Lee's personal space, glowers down at him.

"Crystal," Jonny Lee says with a nasty smirk. He's not backing down that quickly. Wants to drop to his knees for Gerard, but his brain needs just a bit more incentive from the character. "Got a bit of a problem with us Brits? What, don't like our prisons?"

"Among other things, yes. Like your tea and your weather and your bloody insolent attitude." The last three words are accompanied by three kicks. One to Jonny Lee's legs, another to his balls, and a third to his stomach.

Jonny Lee collapses to the floor, doubles over with the pain, not necessarily harsher than any he's had, but decidedly more intense. And outta fuckin' nowhere. "Shite," he grunts out the single syllable and makes a conscious decision to stay on the floor. It's nice and cold.

Gerard pushes down the concern that he'd hurt him, and tries to become the character completely. "Don't talk back to your betters," he says, then spits.

Jonny Lee coughs, a remnant of the pain lacing his muscles. "You're my better?" he mutters, a good bit less malice in the voice. He rolls over, pulls himself up to his knees.

"I fucking _own_ you, cunt. You're good for one thing and one thing only, and you're _mine_."

"And what would that be?" Jonny Lee's sinking faster than he expects. At his core, he wants to crawl, offer himself up, not to the character, but to the man behind him. "Me charming personality?"

Gerard makes a show of looking Jonny Lee up and down. "Your arse," he says finally. "Pathetic though it is. I'll bet it'll mark up real pretty."

Jonny Lee shrugs. S'not a real threat. "You wouldn't be the first." He's not moving from his knees, a little bit pain at moving, a good bit being the submissive his brain tells him he is. "Hate to disappoint ya."

"Who wants a virgin?" Gerard shrugs, walks a circle around Jonny Lee. "Hands and knees," he orders. "Let me see you."

Obeying without conscious thought, Jonny Lee drops his hands to the floor and spreads his knees, positioning himself quite openly. He knows in this position he can't prevent Gerard from hurting him even more if he chooses. Jonny Lee doesn't care. He's doing it because he has to.

Jonny Lee obeyed quicker than Gerard had expected him to, and he nods in approval. Either Jonny Lee went into headspace in record time, or he's humoring him. But either way, obedience deserves a reward. Gerard reaches down and ruffles Jonny Lee's hair, marveling a little at the color. "Good boy."

"Good boy." Jonny Lee echoes the words as he pushes his head into Gerard's touch. Anxiety overlays anticipation and builds on arousal as he reacts without thinking. He assumes it's instinct taking over, putting him where he should be.

"Good boy," Gerard whispers one last time, before straightening and finishing his perusal of his new cellmate. "When was the last time you were fucked?"

"What's today? Wednesday?" Jonny Lee acts like he's thinking. "Sunday. Traded a hit for a fuck."

"Then you should still be loose, cunt." Gerard's foot connects with Jonny Lee's ass, but his toes stay, wiggling beneath his boot as if trying to find their way in. "Are you? Are you a fucking slut?"

Jonny Lee's body jerks forward, then back into the invading touch. Instinct again. The desire for more. "Ya want a slut? I can do that."

"Then do it." It comes out as a growl, and Gerard's booted foot pushes Jonny Lee down so his face rests on his hands. "Fucking be a slut for me."

Slut. Jonny Lee mulls the word over. He's fucking unclear on what it is Gerard wants. _What the fuck does a slut do? Well, other than get fucked. A lot_. He stretches out his body, exaggerating the angle of his hips, the curve of his back. The movement pulls the work shirt up his back enough to expose a strip of flesh. It's a starting point, he figures.

"Goood slut," Gerard croons. "A little more, and you're ripe to be a streetwalker."

"Only for the drugs, mate," Jonny Lee mutters, words nearly lost in the sleeves of his shirt as his face presses almost to the floor. _And for you_. He leaves it unsaid. Their talk a few nights earlier about there being no right or wrong way to do this has sunk in, and Jonny Lee's just letting what happens take him. He's sure he'll fuck up, sooner or later, but for now it seems so very natural, his brain telling his body to do exactly what it's ordered to do by the man who owns him.

"Well, then, we're just going to have to wean you off them, won't we? I don't like my lads high. Interferes with their blowjob skills." The toe of his boot lifts Jonny Lee's chin. "And we can't have that."

"Nothin' messes up that." There was a defiant edge in Jonny Lee's voice. Insult his country. Fine. But don't insult his cocksucking. "Wanna try me?"

"Eager boy." It doesn't quite come off as praise. Gerard nudges Jonny Lee's chin up a little more. "My boots are dirty." The persona he's adopted assumes that the cunt will be able to take a hint. Gerard just hopes Jonny Lee's as eager for this as for sucking cock.

Jonny Lee's already on the floor, so it's not much of a move to pull himself to the boots in front of his face. The dirt's not caked on. Just a basic layer. He notes it in passing, not that it's going to make any difference. He's going to lick the boots clean. And not complain. He sticks out his tongue, places it flat over the instep and moves upward. He continues the motion, relocating with each swipe.

_I could watch him do this for years on end and not tire of it_. Gerard wonders just why being called a bootlicker is an insult. Stupid thing, really. "Faster," he growls at Jonny Lee. "Show how much you like doing this for me."

Picking up the pace, Jonny Lee finishes with the first boot in no time. His tongue's dry, could definitely use something wet. He ignores it, just works around the saliva, swallows, and moves to the second boots. He pulls himself up to his knees so that his ass is more in the air, more pronounced, more like a slut.

Gerard waits until Jonny Lee's absorbed in the task before discreetly unbuttoning his fly. He strokes himself lightly, but it doesn't take much for him to get hard. Jonny Lee is more than arousing in and of himself.

Jonny Lee's intent on licking, growing oblivious to his surroundings, everything except for the man whose boot he's attending to. The bars of the cell are blending into the background, out of conscious focus. He's hurrying to finish, to please his new owner.

Abandoning his cock, Gerard whips his shirt up over his head and throws it into a dark corner. "Fetch," he orders brusquely and walks away from Jonny Lee, not caring that Jonny Lee was in midlick.

Jonny Lee's tongue comes down on hard cement rather than leather, and it takes him a split second to register. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees the shirt land. Dark corner. Of the dungeon, not the cell. Without hesitation, he turns on hands and knees and goes after it. Makes it to the corner. Then the playback begins. _Fetch_. A command. His brain hitches. His breathing picks up, more ragged. "Not a friggin' dog," he murmurs, so low he barely hears it. He thinks he knows what Gerard wants. Bring it back to him, like he was first instructed. For the first time since entering the dungeon, Jonny Lee's brain is exerting control, pulling him out of the headspace spiral he'd so rapidly entered. He picks up the shirt, straightens, sitting back on his heels, holding the shirt in his hands, and takes deep breaths, trying to get back to the peace he was feeling.

Gerard pretends not to be watching him as he skins himself out of the pants and throws them into another corner. "Well, cunt?"

No rules. No right or wrong way. Jonny Lee remembers the explanation, the way Gerard had said it wasn't set in stone, being submissive. He's not fucking up if he can't do something one way, if he needs to do it another way. _Please, Pire, understand_. He gets to his feet, walks briskly to where pants lay, picks them up and moves even more quickly to where Gerard's standing. He drops to his knees, sits back on his ankles, drops his head and holds the loosely folded pants and shirt out in front of him. "Your clothes, sir."

Comprehension slowly dawns. _You idiot. You just treated him like a dog_. If they were alone, if they weren't in scene, Gerard would apologize profusely. And he will, once this is all over and done with. "Good bitch. Put them just outside the cell."

Jonny Lee smiles to himself, head still down. He can feel the tension receding. Ebbing faster than the tide going out. He thinks he has a clue to where he wants to be. He turns and kneewalks the few steps to the cell, folds the clothes more neatly and puts them on the floor as instructed. He kneels, waiting, slowing his breaths as his brain relinquishes its temporary hold on his psyche.

They're a good way into the scene and Gerard figures it's time for a little questioning. "What's your name, cunt?"

"Lee, sir," he answers quickly, opting to leave off the first name, still not looking, not making eye contact.

"'Lee,'" Gerard repeats. And Jonny Lee'd even remembered to be polite. "Lee _what_? Just Lee? Did your parents not want to claim you, bitch?" Gerard snorts a little melodramatically. "Well, it's certainly understandable."

"Didn't think it mattered, sir," Jonny Lee blurts out. "Parents don't really give a damn 'bout me, but it's Miller."

"Is that supposed to make me feel sorry for you?"

"Why should it?" Jonny Lee shrugs, an odd movement when kneeling. "Not asking for sympathy."

"And you wouldn't fucking get it. Coddling is for babies and other barnyard animals." Gerard crosses his arms over his bare chest and his voice grows harsher, if that's possible. "Nothing you've said has convinced me to let you blow me. And your primary purpose here is to _please me_." Gerard gets his toe under the pile of clothes and sends them sailing to the other side of the room. " _Pick them up_."

Jonny Lee immediately goes to retrieve the clothes, not even flinching at the notion that it's a stupid errand, that they could very well sit in the corner. "I didn't realize I was suppose to convince you, sir," he says upon returning, kneeling, holding them out in his hands. "I assumed it would be part of my duties to you."

"Blowing me is a _privilege_ ," Gerard growls. "It's something you earn, like wearing clothing. It's something you bloody beg for. So I better hear you beg!"

Jonny Lee doesn't look up. It would undo him. The smell of sex in the room is heady enough. It has him hard, wanting. To actually look in Gerard's eyes would send him over the edge. "Let me show you how good I can be, how much I can please you. Please, sir." He spreads his knees a bit farther apart, causing the gash in the denim to rip farther, sinks more to the floor. "I'm not worthy to touch you. It was honor enough to lick your boots, sir." He's not lying. There was a wicked pleasure in doing it.

The rip in the clothes is very audible. It's a good complement to Jonny Lee's submission, Gerard thinks. And, Christ, but he wants to be down Jonny Lee's throat. "You have a dirty mouth," Gerard says sternly.

"I am sorry, sir." Jonny Lee's not sure if it's meant literally, which in case is correct with the dirt caking his tongue, or figuratively. If the latter, he's slightly confused, not sure of what he said. "Tell me how to clean it up."

Gerard's waited long enough. "You could start by licking my balls. Impress me, bitch. Let's see if you're worth my time."

"Where should I put the clothes, sir?" Jonny Lee glances up, moving his eyes only. Gerard's long, thick cock and heavy balls are just inches from his face. Licking is not a problem. Not at all.

"To the side," Gerard answers absently, then cups Jonny Lee's chin with his hand, forcing him to look at him. "Please me, lad, or you'll be hanging from the bars by dawn."

"Yes, sir." Jonny Lee doesn't smile, doesn't break character. As Gerard's hand leaves his chin, he turns and puts the clothes to the side, then quickly comes back to the more urgent matter, pleasing his owner. He positions himself closer to Gerard's body, locks his hands behind his back and bends his head, his face just brushing the cock, which is hard enough not to be hanging in his way. He presses his tongue against the rough scrotal flesh, licks upward, then down, bathing the orbs with saliva. He's careful not to put his whole mouth down, just his tongue. The order was specific. Lick. Not suck. Jonny Lee knows it's something he's good at, so he does it with an air confidence, swiping his tongue down between them, out over the sides. The action has its own effect on his body. His jeans are tightening, almost painfully.

Gerard has to clench his hands behind his back to keep himself from grabbing Jonny Lee's hair and forcing him forward. He starts counting backwards in Scottish under his breath from twenty. Loses track around fifteen, then starts again. _Concentrate on this, not on him_.

Jonny Lee's losing himself, his brain telling him his own arousal doesn't matter. Gerard's pleasure does. Only that. So he licks harder, tongue sliding down over the perineum, pressing hard.

Gerard's desperation grows and he fights not to come. He doesn't know how Jonny Lee is able to hold back, night after night, until given permission to come. Gerard's respect for him grows exponentially.

Licking becomes Jonny Lee's sole focus, although he can sense Gerard's near coming. He's still fighting back the urge to suck, to wrap his mouth around them. He hums lights, more a gentle moan, as he shifts from licking one to the other.

"Pull. Back." The words are strangled and Gerard's eyes are shut tight. His nails dig into his palm, the pain forcing his attention to focus on something other than coming.

The response is instantaneous, and Jonny Lee's back on his ankles, kneeling, eyes cast down. His breaths are slightly ragged, his actions catching up with him.

Hands out from behind his back and Gerard is pointing his cock downwards and to the side as he comes, painting the floor. There's enough breath left in him to croak out a harsh, "Lick."

Body doesn't ask brain for instructions. Later, hours or days from now, he might question why he didn't balk, but for the moment Jonny Lee just drops to hands and knees and greedily licks up the cum from the floor. Tastes better than the boot dirt. Salt and dirt mixed together. Pure essence of Gerard.

Gerard takes a several minute break just to watch Jonny Lee on his hands and knees with his tongue to the floor. He looks good like that. Gerard wonders who he would have to bribe to get a still shot of this moment from the security camera for his wank collection. It'd be worth every penny.

The last of the white cleaned from the floor, Jonny Lee returns to kneeling, staring straight ahead, his eyes glazed over. He's totally in a zone, high on endorphins, and if he were the drug addict he's pretending to be, he'd've found a much more addictive substitute for the heroin.

Gerard watches intently until it's apparent that there's nothing more Jonny Lee can do. Only then does he reach down to tussle Jonny Lee's hair. "Good boy."

"Thank you, sir." It's said automatically, almost automatically. Jonny Lee's too far into the zone to extrapolate, interpret. At home, in another time or place, he might ask if he's pleased his master, earned the right to do more, but at the moment he's beyond doing more than processing each command as it comes.

"You looked good like that, licking me off the floor. Very good. Looked like you'd had a lot of practice doing it." There's a warning in the last sentence, but Gerard isn't quite sure if he's warning Jonny Lee not to have done it before, or to admit to getting off on it. His emotions are so twisted that Gerard honestly isn't sure if it matters.

Not really. If his brain were functioning properly, Jonny Lee could admit to it being the first time he'd ever done that, but all that comes out of his mouth is a simple response. "No, sir."

"No? It's just native talent, is that it? Like your blowjob skills," Gerard sneers. "Maggot."

"Yes, sir." Jonny Lee lowers his eyes, drops his head, takes the insult with a smile, the sound of Gerard's voice shooting straight to his cock, which suddenly makes its increasing torment noticeable again.

"And you're such a bitch that you're hard from this." Gerard laughs coldly. "Is that it, cunt? Do you want to come?" Gerard's already seen Jonny Lee come without permission and while he doesn't want that happening here, he isn't about to give Jonny Lee a cockring. It's all about self control.

"Yes, sir," Jonny Lee says quietly, "if it's what you want." He's almost sure he could hold it for hours, just to please Gerard, tapping into some deeper level of self-control.

"I don't want it. Oh, yes, while it would be delicious and not to mention degrading, I don't want you sullying my cell."

"Yes, sir. Of course, sir." Jonny Lee sucks in a breath, sets his mind to focusing on things other than the pressure in his jeans.

No reason to make this easy for him. "Strip," Gerard orders.

"How, sir? Just out of the clothes? Or do you want a show?"

"Impress me." He leaves it at that. If Jonny Lee doesn't know by now which one would please him more, then Gerard certainly isn't going to give him any hint.

Jonny Lee stands up slowly, if not gracefully, and even more slowly raises his head, lets his eyes meet Gerard's. There's the barest hint of a smile on his lips, more a whisper of desire than bemusement. He unbuttons the cuffs of the work shirt and slides it off his shoulders, letting it fall down his arms behind him, onto the floor. He hooks his hand in the pre-cut rip on the front of his jeans and tears, exposing most of his thigh, then moves both hands to the edge of his t-shirt, inching the hem up to expose more flesh, a narrow band of his stomach. He sucks in a breath. As he pushes the fabric up, his fingers brush his nipples. He rubs at them, his eyes closing for a moment, tongue flickering out to tease at his lower lip, but doesn't tarry long, continuing to inch the shirt up till it's at his neck, where he crosses his hands and pulls it up and over his head, twisting it in his hands before dropping to the floor. He's watching for reaction, but Gerard's silent, just staring at him. So he continues, undoing the button-fly jeans and pushing the denim down his hips. He's gone commando, so his hard cock is freed on the second shove downward, and the rush of cool air on the heated flesh causes Jonny Lee to startle. _Tamp it down. You can do it_. He pauses, toes out of his too-worn sneakers before continuing to push the denim down his legs. It pools at his feet and he steps out, shoving jeans and shoes behind him to join his other clothes. "Do you wish me to remain standing, sir?" he says quietly, casting his eyes down again. "Or return to kneeling?"

Gerard's beyond speechless. Fucking hell, that was impressive. "I want you," he breathes. "So much." He licks his lips. "On your hands and knees with my fist up your arse." Christ, that would be a good look for him.

The cold shiver that takes Jonny Lee's body reverberates down his spine. Fist. Arse. The words echo. He can't deny a certain anxiety, but it's overridden immediately by desire, his brain telling him he's here to serve, to do as he's told. "If it pleases you, sir." He sinks to his knees, dropping his hands to the floor, not thinking twice about what he's offering his body for.

Gerard fetches a long latex glove and tube of lubricant from a nearby depository, and settles on the floor behind Jonny Lee. The glove goes on his right hand while his left opens the tube. "There isn't a part of you that doesn't belong to me," Gerard growls. He slaps Jonny Lee's ass with his left hand. "Understand?"

"Yes. Sir." Jonny Lee spits out the words at the sudden slap. "It's yours. All of it." There's no bracing for what's to come. No preparation worth making. His brain wants it, and his body can just deal with it.

Gerard coats three fingers with lubricant and starts pushing them in slowly, one at a time. He's taking his own sweet time with this. He wants to have Jonny Lee begging for it by the end.

Welcomed invasion. Not unfamiliar. Comfortable enough. Jonny Lee consciously relaxes himself, shrugs his shoulders and back, breathes out and in slowly.

Gerard slides the second finger in and scissors them slowly. Others would think of this as a prelude, but Gerard prefers to think of it as the foreplay. Warming Jonny Lee up before sliding his wrist in. "Feel it yet, boy?"

"Feels good, sir." It does. Absolutely wonderful. After the intense foreplay session of crawling and kneeling and licking, this is heaven.

Gerard adds a third finger, then a fourth, but it's a tight fit. "Relax," he croons, not caring that it's out of character. "Relax and take me."

Jonny Lee sinks his head to his crossed wrists, relaxes his body, focuses on the feeling, the sensation of being filled by someone you love so damned much you're willing to walk through fire for. It's the only way he's going to get through it, by giving in to the feeling, not the act.

Gerard curves his fingers inward, searching. They pass over Jonny Lee's prostate, then push down lightly on it.

It should hurt. Jonny Lee knows that. Somewhere in his brain. But it doesn't. Gerard's touching _that_ spot, and all Jonny Lee can feel is the tremor it sends out through his body. He breathes in, holds it, heightens the pain then lets it go, echoing along the shiver.

Gerard stretches Jonny Lee, then tucks his thumb in and presses it against the ring of muscles. "Breathe," he whispers, but he isn't sure if it's directed at himself or at Jonny Lee.

_Breathe_. In that instant, Jonny Lee realizes he'd almost stopped breathing, had become so still. The breath comes with a halting cry. It's all so new. Pressure. Sensation.

"Good boy," Gerard whispers, slowly, oh so slowly, moving his thumb into Jonny Lee. "Such a good boy. You can take it."

Jonny Lee pushes back, either in spite of knowing what's coming or not caring. He's wanting it. "Yes, sir," he manages to whisper.

Gerard's thumb is finally all the way in and Gerard wiggles his fingers a little. "Now the hard part," he warns and slowly begins to work his wrist in.

Jonny Lee can hear the words, knows it's Gerard's voice. He's not really listening. He's floating inside himself, listening to his own brain. Then there's the sensation. It jars his body. Not just his ass, where the pain is, but his whole body. And it cuts through the haze of the headspace to remind him of what's happening. Gerard's hand is _inside_ his body. Not just his fingers. His _whole_ hand. And the forward motion's not stopping. And he doesn't want it to. "Please. More." Barely audible words, bitten into his own hands.

Gerard's heart almost stops as he watches his hand disappear into Jonny Lee's body. He pauses, holds his arm steady, and applies more lubricant to the glove. "Don't worry, boy. I'm going in all the way."

"Please, sir. Never hurt so good." The ability to process words brings Jonny Lee back to reality enough to feel the ache in his cock, the intense weight of his balls, the throb that echoes through his groin and stomach.

"You can do better than that, boy," Gerard chides, working his arm in more. It's slow going and every so often Gerard needs to close his eyes and remember to breathe.

The cry's more audible this time as Jonny Lee sucks in his lower lip, bites down, winces and whimpers at the unfamiliar invasion. He speaks because he's commanded to. Left to this own, he would be silent, sink himself into the whirling sensations. "Fuck me, sir. Want more. Want to ..." What? Come? Please him? Jonny Lee can't reason through what to ask, the increasing pressure and pain searing him.

"'Want to' what?" Gerard prompts. He leans forward to kiss Jonny Lee's back. "Come on, slut. Beg for it."

"Want to hurt. Want to come. Please, sir, make me do whatever you want." The words come flooding out of Jonny Lee's mouth, a torrent of garbled English. "I'll be so good for you, sir. Just let me come."

Just a little bit more. "'I'll be so good for you, _Master_.' I bloody _own_ you, bitch."

"Yes, master," Jonny Lee rushes out the words. _Master_. He wants to scream to the rafters with joy. In his mind, Jonny Lee sees it as a privilege earned, that Gerard thinks he's a good submissive, can have a master. "Your bitch, master."

"Yes. Mine." Clipped tones as Gerard stills his hand, readies himself to pull out. "Come."

Permission. Coming without touching yourself isn't impossible, not as many times as Jonny Lee's done it to fantasies of Gerard in a long black duster standing over him. His orgasm wracks his body as Gerard's hand stops moving. He screams, as much from wanting Gerard to move again as from the climax working its way out of his body, white streams of cum spraying the floor beneath him.

Gerard winces a little as Jonny Lee's muscles clench around him, then starts to remove his fist, little by little. Jonny Lee needs completion and so Gerard wracks his brains for a way to tell Jonny Lee he was amazing without actually complimenting him. "Such a cunt," he whispers, the nails of his left hand digging into Jonny Lee's thigh. "To take me in so well and so far."

The sudden pain in his thigh focuses Jonny Lee's brain enough for him to realize it's ending, but he's soaring on an endorphin high and the trip back out of headspace doesn't look as inviting as the trip down was. "Thank you. Pire. Sir." His body wants to collapse, is being held up by sheer willpower. "Please you."

Gerard's thumb is the first of his fingers to work their way out. "You pleased me, boy. Very much. So much that I think I'll keep you." And in the morning, Jonny Lee will find his collar. Best set him up for it first. "Would you like that? I'll tie you to the bed, feed you by hand, spank you when I feel like it or when you've begged enough for it. Torture you at my pleasure, tickle you when you least expect it, keep you guessing. Life will never be boring, I assure you. Would you like that, cunt?" The epithet is tinged with fondness as Gerard works the last of his fingers out of Jonny Lee.

"Yes, sir. Very much, sir." Jonny Lee's shivering with the emptiness, the sudden chill of coming down, despite the warmth of Gerard's words washing over him. "Yours, master."

"Mine," Gerard repeats. "And you sullied my floor, bitch. Lick it up." While Jonny Lee attends to that, Gerard can attend to cleaning him up. He peels the glove off and puts it to the side, then stands up to fetch a small duffel bag from the corner. Inside are a couple moist towels and a change of clothes for the both of them, plus some toys that Gerard hadn't been sure they'd use.

Jonny Lee doesn't move quite as quickly as he did to lick up Gerard's cum, not because he doesn't want to, but because his body is aching, feeling torn apart. He pushes himself back enough to dip his head to the white streaks, laps at them. Each taste helps bring him back to the surface, and by the time he finishes, he's not out of the headspace he'd sunk into, but he can see the cell's bars for what they are, actually count the walls of the dungeon.

Gerard takes one of the towels and starts stroking Jonny Lee's back in small concentric circles, moving down towards his ass. "Good boy," he whispers. "My good boy. Come back to me now."

Jonny Lee rocks back into the gentle touches. "Hold me. Please." He's just about back. "Take me home." The smile's faint, but there. "Master."

Gerard smiles, pulling Jonny Lee back into his arms. "What would you say," he begins gently, "to catching a quick shower here, going home, and unwrapping each other tomorrow morning? I could wake you up with a blowjob, then ravish you under the tree."

"Sounds damned good. 'Specially the ravishing." Jonny Lee's libido's more eager than his body is probably capable of at the moment, but after sleep, he's sure it'll come back together. And he can try to piece through what happened tonight, where exactly it was he went.

"Good." Gerard says, then pauses. "Can you stand?"  


  


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	52. jonnyleemiller: christmas morning, london

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2003](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2003/)-[12](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2003/12/)-[25](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2003/12/25/) 07:50:00   
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_****christmas morning, london****_  
[players, not pups. gerard and jonny lee open their gifts]

  
Gerard wakes up to a dull buzzing. It takes him a moment to remember it's his alarm clock, another moment to remember how to turn it off. He checks the LED display. Five bloody thirty. Gerard sighs. That'd teach him to forget to turn his alarm clock off. He's about to roll over and go back to sleep when he spots Jonny Lee. Jonny Lee's hair is mused with sleep and his pajama bottoms have ridden down on his hips to reveal the tip of his cock. _Seems like somebody is having a good dream._ Gerard smirks a little. He did promise to wake Jonny Lee up with a blowjob. Of course, it's early, but it's also Christmas.

Gerard moves down the bed until he's at a level with Jonny Lee's cock. He tugs the flannel pants down to Jonny Lee's knees, braces his hands on Jonny Lee's ass, and then takes Jonny Lee's cock as far as he can into his mouth. Humming contentedly, he kneads Jonny Lee's ass, wondering how long it will take for his lover to realize it isn't just a dream.

Jonny Lee's sleeping, more soundly than usual, still drained every way imaginable from last night's dungeon scene. His body and mind are overloaded with the new sensations. Hell, there'd been so many firsts in such a short time. It'd all carried over into his sleep, where his dreams were of a black-clad Gerard, not the duster-wearing one of his waking fantasy. This one's in denim and t-shirt, barefoot, padding across the sand, waves petering out at his feet. And just the image of wind-blown lover arouses him, hardens him when his body is still too sore to contemplate moving more than a few inches. And Jonny Lee's on a towel, naked, not even wondering why he's naked on a seemingly public beach. He wasn't naked a moment ago, he thinks, but it's a dream and it's a good one, so he goes with it.

Gerard pulls back slightly, sucking just on the head. He runs his tongue along the underside of Jonny Lee's cock, and nibbles lightly with his lips along the base. His own cock is starting to get interested in the proceedings and Gerard moves one hand south to tend to himself.

In his dream, Jonny Lee's arching up and moaning at the touches, at the feel of Gerard's mouth on his cock, how it slides down so far and ... wait, there's no sand on the beach ... and where'd the water go? Jonny Lee slowly opens his eyes, raises his head every so slightly, tries to focus, sees a familiar mass of black hair. He lets his head fall back to the pillow as his hand slips up enough to graze Gerard's shoulder. "Mmmm, good."

Gerard peeks up at the clock. It's been three minutes. Impressive. "Only good?" he complains. "Not 'Damn, Pire, I love your mouth' or even a 'just like that'?" He grins wickedly. "Oh, well. It's early yet." He licks gently along the shaft, breathing his words against it. He's feeling positively evil this morning.

"Sorry, Pire," Jonny Lee slurs out, still half-asleep. "S't'a wonderful way to be awakened. Fuckably fantastic." He slides his hand up into the fringes of Gerard's hair, just resting, not moving. "S'messing with my dream. Wasn't sure which was real."

Gerard counted on the fact Jonny Lee wouldn't be able to string two thoughts together. And normally he wouldn't be either, but weeks of waking up to drive to the studio at this ungodly hour have inured him its ill effects. Gerard knows exactly how to drive Jonny Lee mad, but as it's Christmas, Gerard'll give him a reprieve. "I assure you," he says, teasing Jonny Lee's foreskin with his tongue, "I am _very_ real." And without hesitation, Gerard swallows Jonny Lee whole.

He'd been practicing this on bananas and the occasional dildo for the past few weeks, so his gag reflex has grudgingly become used to it. That still doesn't make doing this easy and Gerard breathes in through his nose, eyes tightly closed, and sucks.

"Christ, Pire." Jonny Lee nearly sits up. Would, if he could, but he can't, so he plops himself back into the pillows, sucks in a breath and enjoys beyond description having his cock so far down Gerard's throat. Another new sensation, something his lover doesn't do, and when he's more coherent, he'll definitely say thank you. For now, he forgets who and where he is and clutches at the hair under his fingers.

Gerard's beginning to understand why Jonny Lee likes to do this so much, and the feeling of Jonny Lee's hand clutching his hair only intensifies the feelings. But he's quickly reaching the end of his control and so he pulls back, more than a little reluctantly.

"Mmmm. Unnm." Moaning whimpers. "Don't stop." Fingers tighten, stop just short of pushing Gerard's head back down. "Please, Pire."

Gerard whispers an apology against Jonny Lee's thigh as he gets his breathing back under control. He starts slow, sucking first at the head and then taking a little more in as he went. He's not quite sure how far he can go, but he's going to try for all the way.

Fingers unclench, rub instead of twine. "That's good. A little at a time." Were he more coherent, Jonny Lee might realize what he's doing; whether it's called coaching or topping from the bottom, that he's taking control. "You can take it."

Gerard wants to nod, but it'd be more trouble than its worth. The head of Jonny Lee's cock is pressed against his throat and Gerard can't go any further.

"Perfect," Jonny Lee purrs, his voice hitching on the last letter. He's so close, just on the edge of coming. "Pire, almost there. Gonna come." He clutches at the sheets with one hand, holds steady against Gerard's head with the other. "Okay. Please." Even in topping, he instinctively wants permission. Weird, he thinks.

They're completely out of role, so a part of Gerard is more than amused that Jonny Lee's asking permission. He pulls off completely, wraps his hand around Jonny Lee's cock and starts stroking it. "Come for me, Teak."

"Yes." The change in position is startling for the briefest of seconds, then Jonny Lee's too far gone to care. It only takes a few strokes and he's coming, head tilted back, groans and murmuring incoherencies spilling out along with a good bit of semen.

Gerard can't help but keep his mouth open, but the majority of Jonny Lee's come ends up on his face. He swallows as he moves up the bed. Grins as he presses a light kiss to Jonny Lee's gaping lips. "Good morning."

Jonny Lee blinks, wakes up just a little bit more, licks his lips at the kiss. "Tastes familiar." He sticks out his tongue, swipes it over Gerard's cum-coated chin. "Could get used to this."

Gerard sighs happily. "So could I. All of it, Teak. Lick it all up." It's more a request than an order, but Gerard figures Jonny Lee will comply. The task is right up his alley.

"Yes, sir." Jonny Lee pushes up on his elbows slightly, just to get the right position, and licks Gerard's face clean. He's fascinated that he's doing it so readily, but lets the intrigue just settle into the back of his brain. He stays propped up as he finishes. "Other pressies now?"

"That would mean we'd have to get out of bed." Gerard winks and rubs his erection against Jonny Lee's thigh. He grins. "How are you feeling this morning?"

"Sore. In places I didn't know I had. Strange." Jonny Lee can't put words to a lot of what he's feeling, of where he went, how he got there. He squirms up just a bit, massaging the erection with his knee. "Want to do something about that? Sir."

"Hmm. Well, if you're that sore, I don't suppose a fucking will do you any good."

"Might. Ya know how they say hair of the dog does the trick if you've drunk too much."

"They do?" Gerard asks, somewhat incredulous. He isn't sure if Jonny Lee's pulling his leg or not, so he figures it's best to play along. "Then since you're such a nice _bitch_ ," Gerard stretches the title, grinning all the while, "you should have no problems.

Jonny Lee can't help but shiver at the word. After last night, _bitch_ has a whole new meaning for him. "Yes, sir. No problems, sir." He should admit that his mouth is getting him into trouble his body doesn't really need, seeing just how sore he still is at the moment, but his brain is overriding rational thought .

It's bravado and they both know it. "Then you'll have no problems blowing me, boy. Give your mouth something better to do than make idle boasts."

His body lets out a sigh of relief, even if Jonny Lee doesn't consciously acknowledge it. "Gladly, sir." He pushes himself to a full sitting position. "You want to lie down?"

"Sure." Gerard maneuvers himself onto his back, legs spread invitingly. "Do your worst. Or should that be best?"

Jonny Lee manages to bite back the _let me show you how it’s done_ rattling around in his brain. He goes up to hands and knees, leans over Gerard's body and sticks his tongue out, flicking against the tip of the erection. He slides the edge of his teeth over the cockhead, swirling his tongue around the foreskin edge. Then he inches down the shaft, very slowly, taking in a inch at a time. There's no need to go slowly. No reason to prepare for deep-throating, to suppress a gag reflex. He barely has one anymore. This is about cocksucking torture. And it's something he's a master at doing.

"Fuckin' cocktease," Gerard groans. His hands find their way to Jonny Lee's hair and they push him down insistently. "Suck," he insists, slurring slightly. "Bloody order."

The laugh from Jonny Lee's throat ripples along Gerard's cock, a humming murmur. _Bloody order_. He does as told, sinking fully down on the hot flesh, easily pushing it to the back of his throat, holding it there, letting his tongue press and dart around as he hollowed his cheeks and sucked harder. It's an unconscious effort to breathe through his nose, not breathe even for a brief time, while he pleasures his lover. He braces his hands on either side of Gerard's hips, giving himself more leverage for when he starts to pull back up.

Wet heat enclosed around his cock and Gerard thrusts down in Jonny Lee's throat. He can feel Jonny Lee start to pull back and he unconsciously mewls in the back of his throat plaintively. He doesn't want Jonny Lee's mouth going anywhere.

Jonny Lee pulls up, just enough to allow him to slide his tongue around the head's edge, then pushes down again, barely giving Gerard time to register the movement, the absence of lips wrapping the base of his cock, Jonny Lee's nose teasing at the fine hairs. He lets his teeth graze just a little on the downward slide.

Christ, Jonny Lee's good at this. It's Gerard's last thought before he comes, fists forcing Jonny Lee down even more, making sure he swallows every drop.

It's pleasure and privilege to drink as Gerard comes, and Jonny Lee takes it all down, unconsciously swallowing, taking it all. He doesn't stop till he knows it's done, starts to feel the aftershock, and pulls up at the point he knows the pleasure threatens to turn to pain.

Gerard thinks he might be drooling. Doesn't really matter either way. "Christ, Teak," he says, when he can speak. "You could suck my brains out through my dick if y'tried hard enough."

Jonny Lee sits up, back on his heels. "I could try that next time," he smiles, that knowing not-fully-angelic grin, "if you like, Pire."

Gerard knows Jonny Lee too well to be fooled. He swats him playfully, then sits up, legs touching the floor. Stretches his arms above his head. "Breakfast first or presents?"

"You mean that _wasn't_ breakfast?"

Gerard groans. "Set myself up for that one, didn't I?"

"Yeah." Jonny Lee moves to the bed's edge, slides off. "But I can fix something if you're really hungry. Bloody Marys, even. Go real fancy."

"I'll put the coffee on. So I take it you want to open up presents?" Gerard's somewhat frightened of being in the room when Jonny Lee opens his present. Of course, he's also scared of _not_ being there. Can't bloody win.

"Yes." The word has as much bounce as Jonny Lee's step. "Love Christmas morning." He shrugs on a pair of worn jeans, buttons 'em half way up, then grabs the first shirt he sees. It's one of Gerard's, a dark blue button-down. He pulls it on, not even bothering with the buttons, rolls up the sleeves. "So, coffee and pressies? Eat later?"

Gerard dresses himself similarly, managing to end up wearing a red shirt over black jeans. He slips a couple condoms and packets of lube in his pockets for later and smiles disarmingly at Jonny Lee. "How about you open the first one while I get the coffee started?"

"Okay. There's a couple from the family I'll get out of the way." Jonny Lee walks into the living room and settles by the tree while Gerard heads to the kitchen. He makes quick work of the pressies, stacking up a sweater and assorted PS2 games alongside books from those who think he should use his mind more.

Gerard busies himself with the coffeemaker far longer than is actually needed. He's holding out on that one rapidly vanishing hope that Jonny Lee'll want to open his present first instead of last. So much for not having to watch Jonny Lee's reactions as the wrapping paper slowly comes off.

"Pire, done with family. It was painless," Jonny Lee shouts toward the kitchen. "I'm down to yours and mine. You coming?"

Act. Calm. It's an easy order, but hard as fuck to carry out. He hasn't been this nervous in ages. "Already came!" He calls back, trying to lighten his mood. Steeling himself for the inevitable, and reminding himself where the backup gift was hidden, he walks out, putting on his most charming smile.

"Har har. Very funny, Mr. Butler." Jonny Lee shifts around, pulls out two boxes from under the tree. "Wanna open mine first? Or I can do yours?" He's nervous, just a bit. He knows the clothes'll be well-received. Not sure about the other.

"Um. Mine first." He's been letting this torture himself for far too long.

"Cool. Yours first." Jonny Lee pulls out the white box with his name on it. He opens the letter, reads it to himself. _the only one I want in my bed, the subject of my thoughts at all times_ His smile widens slightly. He continues reading. _Be mine?_ "Yours always, Pire," he says on finishing, "for as long as you'll have me."

Gerard sits himself down on the floor next to Jonny Lee. "Open it," he prompts softly.

Jonny Lee opens the box and pushes aside the tissue paper. His smile's stilled by what he sees, and his mouth remains open, unable to close, as he pulls out the length of black leather. He fingers it, tracing the abstract silver etchings around to the back. There its true purpose, if he doubted, and he didn't, is evident in the chrome ring. He studies it, stops breathing altogether when he realizes the silver design come together to twine into a word at the back. _GJB_ The initials of his lover. No, his owner.

Gerard's holding his breath, eyes trained to Jonny Lee's face, searching it for any sign of acceptance or disdain. He's praying to any god that happens to be listening that Jonny Lee doesn't throw it back in his face.

Jonny Lee turns, kneels up and holds out the collar to Gerard. "Please, master, put it on me."

Gerard's hands are shaking badly, but they still when his fingers wrap around the leather. He lifts Jonny Lee's chin up a little so his neck is stretched, then leans forward to fasten the collar around Jonny Lee's neck. The ring goes through the hole and the snaps snap into place. Gerard turns his head slightly to the side to whisper in Jonny Lee's ear. "Mine." It's almost a question.

"Thank you." He feels it's totally inadequate, but it's all Jonny Lee can manage at the moment, as the weight of the leather takes his breath and voice away. "Love you," he whispers, almost afraid to say the words, scared of the meaning they might hold for Gerard. The collar bites against his throat, but he knows the stiffness will work its way out. The longer he wears it.

Gerard pulls back to get the full effect and has his breath stolen away. Without thinking, he moves forward, bending Jonny Lee backwards, kissing him, claiming his mouth. _Mine. All mine._

Suddenly it doesn't matter that there's another present under the tree, or what it is even. Jonny Lee just wants to be possessed, consumed, and he's getting that. He swallows, feeling his throat pulse against the collar, and rocks backward, allowing Gerard to do exactly what he wants.

Gerard's hands aren't idle. They're pulling Jonny Lee's shirt off, shoving it under the couch, and he'd doing his best to get Jonny Lee on his back so he can get rid of those pesky pants. He pulls off Jonny Lee's mouth so he can press some very pointed kisses to the corners of his mouth. "I love you."

"Love you, too," Jonny Lee says when his mouth is free. "Want you." He keys in on exaclty what is Gerard's doing and shifts enough to pull his legs out from under him, stretch out. He pushes his jeans down his thighs, smiling that he knew he'd left them unbuttoned for a good reason. "That help?"

"Very. You look so much better naked, Teak." Gerard licks a little at Jonny Lee's nose before moving down to nibble at the underside of Jonny Lee's chin. He's planning on devouring Jonny Lee from head to toe for breakfast, and quite possibly for lunch as well.

"Not completely naked, Pire," Jonny Lee whimpers as the nibbles, runs his hand back up over his stomach, chest, his fingers quickly finding a home on the collar. "Not now. Not ever again."

Christ. Jonny Lee takes his breath away. Gerard sucks on Jonny Lee's fingers before bestowing a kiss on the collar. He doesn't linger, however, moving south for the tender skin above Jonny Lee's collarbone.

"Can I wear it all the time?" Jonny Lee asks absently as Gerard licks the dip made alongside the collarbone. He knows he should be concentrating on the physical sensations, the way Gerard's tongue caresses his skin, but he has questions and they won't hold back. "Or is just for scenes? Like last night."

Gerard laps at a particularly salty part on Jonny Lee's shoulder before pulling back to answer. "It's for scenes. It's for the club. It's for outside. It's for whenever you want to have solid proof that you're mine."

Jonny Lee licks his lips slowly, smiles at the thought. "Then I may never take it off again, sir."

"Not even when you shower?" Gerard bites down just above Jonny Lee's nipples, worrying the skin between his teeth.

"N--" Jonny Lee barely gets a letter out of his mouth before teeth descend, work their magic. "Ahhh, Pire. More. Please." He's still touching the collar, wrapping his fingers around it. "Shower. Off. Yes, sir."

Gerard goes slightly lower, taking the nub between his teeth and sucking at it before biting. "And I suppose if you ever have to go shirtless on film," he's definitly teasing by now, but that's part of the fun. Drive Jonny Lee crazy while...driving him crazy.

"Contract. Write it in." The thoughts are coherent, if the words are strung together haphazardly. "Must have collar on." In another minute, Jonny Lee knows he won't be coherent. "Pressie. Yours. Under tree."

Gerard pulls back, pulling Jonny Lee's nipple up with him, then letting it go. "I'll open it later. Right now, I'm going to open _you_."

The scream that's pulled from Jonny Lee's throat echoes in the room. "Fuck. Christ. Oh, shite." It's not _that_ painful. It's just unexpected. And intense. "Yes, sir. Please, sir?" There's a part of him that really, really wants Gerard to open the present, especially now, after the collar, but it's warring incessantly with the overriding part of him that wants to be fucked into the floor. _Guess who wins!_ one side of his brain screams at the other.

Gerard's tongue draws circles around the abused nipple. "Is that a 'please, sir, open it' or a 'please, sir, save it for later'?" His tone is casually interested, but Gerard is smirking.

"It's a 'please, sir, do whatever you want, sir'," Jonny Lee spurts out in one breath. "Your collar on me. Your decision what to do."

"Hmm..." Gerard pretends to think about it, then sticks two fingers in Jonny Lee's mouth before diving back down to torture Jonny Lee's tempting nipples.

Jonny Lee sucks on the fingers, lapping his tongue under and between them, pulling them underneath it, slurping the saliva on the salty, slightly acidic flesh. The action almost diverts his attention from what Gerard's doing to his nipples. _Almost._ Jonny Lee stretches at the torture, arching into it, wanting more. Mental war over. _Be fucked_ won out handily.

Gerard keeps at it until Jonny Lee's nipples are red and tender. "I think I'll fuck you," he says finally. "That is, if you aren't too sore."

"Fuck. Me. Yes." The words are mumbled and muttered around Gerard's fingers as coherent thought slips out of the room, slamming the door behind it.

Gerard is congratulating himself on his foresight. He rummages through his pockets, pulling out a condom and lubricant. He tosses the packet at Jonny Lee, pulls his fingers out of that nice wet mouth. "Get yourself ready for me."

"Yes, sir." Pulling his hands from the collar, Jonny Lee takes the packet of lube and tears it open. He starts to tell Gerard he doesn't need it, still so damned open from the fisting, but there's a tiny rational part of his brain that tells him to just use the lube. So he puts some on his fingers, maneuvers, never an easy thing, and slides two fingers into his ass, breath hitching just a second at the invasion. He closes his eyes as he works the fingers around, in and out, could probably come just from that he's so damned aroused at the moment. A minute. Two. Three. He doesn't count. Just pulls 'em out. when he's bored with it. "Ready, master."

Gerard doubts that Jonny Lee really needed it after last night, but it was something for him to do while Gerard got the condom on. His cock jerks in his hand when Jonny Lee calls him 'master'. Title also does something for him. Not that he's ever going to let on to Jonny Lee.

Jonny Lee wipes his hands off on the floor as best he can. "Anything else, sir?"

"Get into position."

It's a simple trick to roll over and to his knees, pushing himself up on his hands. He stretches out his body, opening himself up, hands on the floor in front of him, forehead pressed to crossed wrists.

Gerard takes a moment to admire Jonny Lee's ass before lining himself up. He rubs himself against the crack. "You _are_ mine, aren't you?"

"Yours, master."

That's enough for Gerard. He slides in all the way without stopping, holding tight against Jonny Lee's hips. "Yes," he growls. "Mine."

The initial thrust is overwhelming and Jonny Lee has to clutch at the floor to stop from moving foward with it. This is possession, being taken, consumed, and it's everything he wants. No, needs. Craves like a junkie for a fix.

Gerard has a set agenda. One, fuck Jonny Lee into the floor. Two, finish opening presents. And they've all the time in the world. Gerard loses track of how many minutes he's been fucking, no, claiming Teak, just losing himself in the moment.

What soreness there was in Jonny Lee's body has mutated into a warm radiant heat, and it's devouring the new pain. "Please, sir," he starts, hesitant to even ask for permission. To touch himself. To come. To please his master.

"Hm?" Gerard doesn't mean to make Jonny Lee beg. He's just so far gone that it doesn't register that he didn't give Jonny Lee permission to do anything.

"Master, please. Will you touch me?" His cock is hard again, achingly so from having come so recently. But he wants it again, wants to give it all to Gerard, every bit of him.

Gerard's fingers wrap around Jonny Lee's cock, pumping it slowly. "Like that, boy?"

The touch is welcomed with a moan, followed up by a whimper as the fingers wrap Jonny Lee's hard shaft. "Yes, master." The word slides easily off his tongue. _Master. Sir. Mine._

"I wonder," Gerard says, thrusting and stroking at the same time, "how long it would take to make you come."

"As long as you wish, sir." The answer's quick, but Jonny Lee's not sure how much willpower he has to back it up.

Gerard laughs a little. "Maybe I should rephrase that. How _quickly_ can I make you come?"

"Now, sir." There's no doubt to that answer.

"Then come for me, Teak. Right now."

"Yes, sir." Jonny Lee concentrates for an instant, and with the brush of Gerard's fingers as they flicker on his cock, he comes. Hard. Screaming as the orgasm wracks his body. Clenching around Gerard's cock buried inside him. His fingers clutch at nothing, the floor beneath them and then one hand wraps around the collar at his throat as his body gives a final shudder.

Gerard screams as Jonny Lee covulses around him. Seconds after Jonny Lee's finished, Gerard comes.

Jonny Lee breathes out, slowly, small gasps of air as he centers himself again. He's beyond any rational thought, focusing on the fulfilled sensation of being so thoroughly claimed.

When he can think clearly again, Gerard finds him lying on top of Jonny Lee, stroking his skin lightly with him thumb. "Love you."

"Thank you, sir," Jonny Lee forces out the words, the reality of Gerard's weight on him starting to sink in, "for loving me enough to give me the collar."

There's really nothing Gerard can answer to that, so he rolls off Jonny Lee and lands face up on the floor. "Want to bring my present over here, or should we leave it for later?"

"Want you to open it. Now." Jonny Lee pushes himself up, with a bit more effort than before. Last night, this morning, it's starting to get to him. He reaches out and pulls over the large box. "Just so you know, there's another gift coming, but it can't be delivered till February. Sort of a house-warming pressie for both of us. Wanna know or be surprised?"

Gerard looks over the box, wondering what could be inside it. "Surprise me."  
"Cool." Jonny Lee was hoping Gerard would want to be surprised. The pinball machine's being specially made and it's so gonna rock. "Here. Open this now." He pauses. "Please, Pire."

Gerard gets himself up into a sitting position and starts ripping at the wrapping paper. Normally he'd take the time to savor the design, but he's intruiged by what Jonny Lee got him.

"I think you'll like it." Jonny Lee's nervous, a little less now than yesterday. Somehow the collar changes things, makes him feel a bit more secure about what he's doing with Gerard.

The first thing Gerard sees as he opens the box are the armbinders. He takes them out slowly, almost reverently, reads the note attached to it. "You want to see yourself in these?"

"Yes, sir."

There's only one thought on Gerard's mind. "Now soon enough?"  
Jonny Lee's face lights up. The words won't come out, so he just nods.

"Turn around then, boy. Let me put them on you." It's been ages since he's laced up a pair of these, but it doesn't look too difficult. And the straps should adjust easily.

Jonny Lee turns around, stretches his arms out behind him. He knows it's going to hurt, not necessarily in a good way, at least not at first.

The straps go on first and Gerard tightens them to a proper fit. Then Jonny Lee's hands get tucked in and Gerard starts lacing them up. "Tell me if it gets to be too much." They can also set it aside for another day.

"Yes, sir." It's not something Jonny Lee's ever done before, so he's not sure _when_ would be _too_ much.

Gerard finishing lacing and ties a loose knot at the top, then makes a bow. He pats Jonny Lee's shoulders when he's done. "Hurting yet?"

"A bit, sir, but it's a good hurt," Jonny Lee pauses, "like when you hit the wall in a marathon. You know there's something good past it."

Gerard's never run a real marathon in his life. "I'll take your word for it."

"S'alright. Really." Jonny Lee shifts his shoulders. "It's a new sensation, sir." He lifts his arms slightly. "But I kinda like it."

“Good boy." Gerard moves to put the box to the side before he realizes there's something else in there.

Jonny Lee kneels up, focuses for a moment on exactly how to move without having arms for balance. Weird sensation. "There's something just for you." He settles on just staying put, watching as Gerard opens the rest of the gift. "Well, I'm gonna enjoy it, too, so."

Gerard pulls out three plastic packages and does a double take. "Teak...?"

"You like?" he asks hesitantly.

"I love." Lost for breath, Gerard strokes the plastic before setting two of them down and ripping into the pants. "But these will definitely have to be saved." Already the scenarios are running through Gerard's head. A biker scene. Jonny Lee either as a disobedient member of his gang or someone seeking entrance.

"They should fit. I went against what's in the closet. Can be taken up," he says in a rush of words, "or let out, whatever you need."

Gerard shakes it out of the packaging and checks the size. "Looks fine."

"Would you ..." Jonny Lee doesn't finish the sentence. Not right to ask, he tells himself. Just accept that he likes them.

"Would I what?"

"Try 'em on for me. I've been wanting to see you in 'em since I bought 'em."

Reasonable enough. Gerard opens the rest of the outfit, puts the shirt on first, then the pants, leaves the jacket for last. He turns around slowly for Jonny Lee's benefit. "Like it?" Gerard sure as hell does. He's forgotten how nice leather feels molded against his skin.

"Yes, sir." Jonny Lee walks on his knees the short distant between them, lays his head on Gerard's thigh, lighting rubbing his cheek over the new leather, taking in the scent. "Very much, sir."

Oh, Christ. If Gerard could get hard again... "T-thank you, Teak."

"So, we've opened our pressies. And we're wearing 'em. Been fucked." Jonny Lee looks up Gerard's body, chin still pressed against the leather. "Got any other plans for me today, sir?"

Gerard grins. "You never know. It's not even lunchtime."  


  


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	53. jonnyleemiller: merry christmas, baby

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2003](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2003/)-[12](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2003/12/)-[25](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2003/12/25/) 23:12:00   
---|---  
  
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> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=9124&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=9124) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=9124) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=9124&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**merry christmas, baby**_  
[wrapped under the tree for [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)]

  
  


  


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